Way, Shape, and Form.

Surely, by now, everyone has seen the snippet from HAL Steinbrenner's rare interview yesterday, when he emerged from his custom-made, luxury br'er patch long enough to tell us that his inability to re-sign the heart and soul of his ballteam "in no way, shape, or form can be a distraction."

This is the most brilliant inversion of the passive tense since my nightly gin gimlet, when I sternly admonish myself:

"In no way, shape, or form are you going to drop this bottle of Plymouth's until you pour the gin into the martini glass!"

For Judge's non-signing to NOT be a distraction, all that is required is for HAL himself to sign the big, lovable lug.

The way this season is going, Judge is getting more expensive by the day. And each of those days moves us closer to the time when HAL is going to have to try to outbid a first-class Wall Street finagler for the services of his top ballplayer.

All this may not distract HAL from his usual preoccupations of clipping coupons, refiguring the luxury tax, and diving into huge piles of coins while exclaiming, "Gold, glorious gold!"

But of course it WILL distract everyone else, starting with fans and reporters, who have the temerity to ask questions and demand answers.

Just write the damned check already, HAL, baby, so that in no way, shape, or form do we have to be distracted by your privileged ass again this season.