Well HAVE NO FEAR! Brian Cashman is here, to tell YOU the SECRETS of being.........A MASTER OFFICE POLITICIAN!!!!!!
Brian Cashman has been the top executive of the New York Yankees for 25 SEASONS. And yet, he has never won ANYTHING ON HIS OWN!!!!
WHAT'S HIS SECRET???? Want to know HOW HE DOES IT????
The ANSWER is SIMPLE!
COMMUNICATIONS!
Take, for instance, Cooperstown Cashman's answers to reporters JUST LAST NIGHT, about a trade that still seems UTTERLY INEXPLICABLE.
Read CAREFULLY—and NOTICE, above ALL, how MANY times he says the WORD...
...MANAGER!
“St. Louis needs started pitching and Harrison Bader is one of the elite centerfield defenders in the game. And so he provides a lot of lanes for us — for our manager — when he’s healthy, and we certainly we did a deep dive into his medicals. And there’s a lot of optimism and belief that sometime September-wise, we’ll be able to unpack that present and deploy him as a choice for a manager."
Did you see what Brian did there???? Did you notice how many times he referred to his team's MANAGER?
WATCH CLOSELY:
“(Hader) is a (standout) defender, a (very fast) runner that can impact our team in many ways at the discretion of our manager, whether it’s coming off the bench to steal a bag or as a starting option in the outfield. He’s a really talented kid who happens to be from Bronxville, N.Y. , so he’s a local guy."
Yes, there's THAT WORD again: MANAGER!
PLUS, we're told that Tots Bader is a LOCAL GUY, just like former Yankees greats Babe Ruth, Joe DiMaggio, and Mickey Mantle, so how can he NOT trade for him?????
See if you can see the TRICK OF COMMUNICATIONS in this NEXT passage:
“It’s certainly hard to get your hands on someone of that caliber, and it takes something to get something, and unfortunately it cost us one of our homegrown players in Jordan Montgomery that we’ve relied on a lot."
Almost NOTHING in that last paragraph is TRUE!!!
Longtime Master Office Politician Brian Cashman can tell you, NEVER SPEAK THE TRUTH, UNLESS YOU ABSOLUTELY HAVE TO!
(And NOT then, either!!!!!)
Of course it's NOT hard to get your hands on A LIGHT-HITTING, INJURED OUTFIELDER. And NOBODY has ever RELIED A LOT on Jordan Montgomery!!!!!
But don't stop there!!! Keep POUNDING THE LIES HOME!
Take this NEXT passage:
“I’m sorry to see Montgomery go. He’s obviously a really good pitcher. He’s a really good person and he’s one of our own (as a Yankees draft pick), so it makes it that much more difficult. But it’s a tough world that I live in and a tough world that this business operates in.”
OF COURSE this is bushwa! Montgomery is NOT A REALLY GOOD PITCHER. And Brian Cashman DOES NOT live or OPERATE in A TOUGH WORLD!!!!
Rather...it's the world of FRONT OFFICE BASEBALL MANAGEMENT! Where there are NEVER ANY CONSEQUENCES for year-after-year, DECADE-AFTER-DECADE of COMPLETELY PREDICTABLE FAILURE!
Don't YOU want to LIVE in this AMAZING, WELL-COMPENSATED WORLD? Where CRAZY WOMEN AT PARTIES throw themselves even at SHORT, BALD, INCOMPETENT EXECUTIVES????
WELL WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR???? This is your BIG chance!!!! ALL you have to do IS, learn how to COMMUNICATE like a MASTER OFFICE POLITICIAN (and blame everything on those ABOVE or BELOW you!)
Send today for this FREE reasonably priced brochure!
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26 comments:
Lovin' it Hoss! Wow, hilarious, wet, sopping, and dripping with sarcasm. It's certainly worth a bunch of re-reads. And wherever did you find all those old bodybuilder ads? Awesome!
"Our manager", referred to by Brain-less, notably by title only and not by name. Sure seems like he's setting up Ba-Boone for execution this winter.
And I'd just read a NY Post article about why Montgomery was traded. It's on the nypost.com website under Yankees. Here is a hilarious quote from Cashman:
“I didn’t acquire Montas so I could move Monty,” Cashman said after the deadline had passed. “Me and my staff entered the trade acquisition market of exports and imports trying to figure out the overall ecosystem of that roster and what fits best with a plan for October and how could we best be flying high at the best of our abilities when it counts the most in October and what gives us the most amount of quality choices? That’s what went into every single decision we made."
Keywords: trade acquisition market; exports and imports; overall ecosystem; flying high at the best of our abilities when it counts the most in October
Yeah, that is a real quote, at least according to the N.Y. Post. Haven't stopped laughing yet.
https://www.baseball-reference.com/players/m/montgjo01.shtml
grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
Cashman has taken STUPID to an all time low,,,,,, this team, as flawed as it was, is now TOTALLY FUCKED!
Cashman is a fucking idiot ecosystem.
I have inside information. Cashman keeps the press and management away with Yubiwaza. Yes, you read correctly. Yubiwaza....the one-finger self-defense technique that enables a person to completely disable their attacker(s) more than twice their size quickly and easily. He discovered this martial arts routine in the back of Superman comic books in the 1970's.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=946T0ocIu1w
BTR999999999999999 -> your thoughts on Yubiwaza?
Yubiwaza was next to the X-ray Specs, Palisades Amusement Park and Grit weekly newspaper ads.
@ AA...Never again let any bully kick sand in your face while on the beach. As the girl in the ad says to the Yubiwaza master " Sigh, my hero!".
Cole's taking notes. His post game today is a thing of beauty. "We" had a bad day, apparently. "We" made some questionable pitch selections. "Our" approach early was probably mistaken. Poor Higgy.
Too bad they couldn't find a sucker to take Cole and his 33 million dollar salary for the next 8 years. He is no Ace. On the Mets, he'd be a # 3 at best. Since they cracked down on the sticky stuff, he's been a diminished player. The only big game I can remember him winning was against the Astros in the middle of last year. Another salary albatross.
Maybe Cole should apply Yubiwaza to the ball for each and every pitch
Okay, what Bealtle song bas Harrison Lennon McCartney ss the writers?
Ace.
Thanks, Hammond—and I think that quote you found was much funnier.
"ECOSYSTEM"? The ecosystem of a baseball roster?
To quote Dickens: "I'll retire to Bedlam."
And yeah, "our game plan."
Cole gave up a home run to a .126 hitter on a change-up.
"Always be merciless with small men."—Charles de Gaulle.
@ JM... To my knowledge, no songs by that trio although there were 3 songs where all 4 were listed as songwriters and 1 where Lennon/McCartney/Starkey were credited.
Not "While My Guitar Gently Weeps"? Or "Nothing's Gonna Change My World"?
You are really bringing me back in time with those comic book ads. I do vaguely recall them through the mists of time. X-ray specs and junk like that were sold by an outfit named Honor House which was located next to the park where I played baseball as a kid in Lynbrook Long Island. It was just a tiny warehouse, but you could walk in and buy the crap if you were so inclined (and had a pocketful of small change or a crumpled dollar bill or two). It was my first introduction to the knowledge that things in this world are rarely what they seem to be. This theorem was further blasted into my head by the great guru of my childhood journey, the one and only Jean Shepherd.
JM, you’ve got me stumped. Is it s trick question? Something they recorded as the Quarrymen or the Silver Beatles?
No song. No ace. No callbacks. No trade-backs. No nothing. Except for a broken team and a guy in a boot. So there's that.
I said it before and I will say it again, The Yankees will not win a World Series with Genius Cashman at the helm.
Jean was the best. I used to listen to him with the transistor radio under the pillow and an era plug. Although he was a miserable bastard in real life. His kids disowned him. Or maybe it was the other way around as he denied having any kids.
Thanks, 999! And don't forget...SEA MONKEYS! (Soon to be appearing in the Yankees' "ecosystem.")
JM: "Cashman is a fucking idiot ecosystem." LOL!
"FROM INTERN TO EMPEROR" - AVAILABLE NOW AT YOUR LOCAL BOOKSTORE. Just look in the "Mental Health" section.
And yes on the old ads.
I used to LUST after the "life sized Polaris submarine" with the cutaway picture of two your lads manning the sub. I could never scrape together the money to buy it, so I settled on an old wooden milk crate filled with old plumbing junk and used my imagination. I turned out okay, right?
But I'm not an intern...
And before I fade off into the morning, let me leave you with this descriptive quote from "The Life of Brian"
"The film tells the story of Brian (Graham Chapman), a reluctant would-be messiah who rises to prominence as a result of a series of absurd and truly hilarious circumstances providing ample opportunity for the entire ensemble to shine in multiple roles as they mock everyone and everything from ex lepers, Pontius Pilate and the art of haggling to crazy prophets, Roman centurions and crucifixion."
The key idea there is that he rises to prominence as a result of absurd circumstances.
I hope a merry time is had by all today as we contemplate the swirling, clogged toilet bowl that is the second half of our season.
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