Another lousy day in Paradise, as the giant humongous of seaweed drifts ever closer

One of these days, that big floating Gargantua of seaweed - larger than New Jersey and twice as garlicky - will reach the gold-gated beachfronts of Florida, signifying the end of spring training, as we know it.

It will march ashore on the tide of a major Yankee trade - or at least a mini-deal assigned massive relevance by the YES echo chambers. Forgive my Chicken Little impersonation, but I believe an earthquake is imminent. By this time next week, the Yankees will have made decisions that shall affect not just the '23 season, but their long term health and welfare. 

The issues at hand:

1. The Florial Arrangement. Estevan Florial, that is. He'll either claim the fifth OF spot or disappear like the Babadookian ghosts of Bubba, Yangervis and Zolio. Right now, the Yankees are playing him every day. This spring, he's third the number of At-Bats. He's not exactly killing it: .182. Does he stay or does he go? And if the latter, what will they get in return? Probably some 18-year-old dirt leaguer who will be filed into the farm system like the Arc at the end of that first Indiana Jones movie. 

2. The Volpe Conundrum. SS Anthony Volpe has 37 ABs this spring, most on the Yankees - while his competition, Oswald Peraza (25 ABs) watches, along with a breathless coven of Gammonites. Yesterday, the NY Post reported on how Volpe's long, pesky lead off first-base rattled a Blue Jays pitcher into surrendering a double to Aaron Judge. Every sentence secretly screamed "JETER-JETER-JETER." Volpe has captured the fantasies of the Yankiverse. But is that a good thing? He's 21. And, realistically, how does he fit into this team? If they start him at SS, it demands a trade: IKF, Gleyber, Oswald, Oswaldo, Donaldson the Untradeable, (who is batting .200)... somebody. And if they send him to Scranton, the sighs of resignation will be louder than even Donaldson's boos. 

3. The Left Field Cryptid. Yesterday, Willie Calhoun caught a long fly and made a sharp throw, signs that his legendary glove of granite might have softened, and that perhaps he is a viable LF. Calhoun also doubled; he's hitting .367 in 30 ABs, fourth highest on the team. (The team leaders in ABs, in order: Volpe, Oswaldo Cabrera, Florial, Calhoun and Hicks the Untradeable.) Also yesterday, Rafael Ortega - playing CF - went 0-3. If Calhoun or Ortega makes the team, it likely means trading somebody.  I can't imagine what they'd get for Hicks, but it would fit in my shirt pocket.

4. The Spot Starter Mystery. As always, it's up for grabs. Like every team, the Yankees need pitching, pitching, pitching, and excuse me if Matt Krook doesn't look like the next Ramiro Mendoza,  the gold standard for emergency starters. After Gerrit Cole, here are the ERAs of our current rotation - (and we warn viewers that the following report contains incidences of violence): Nasty Nestor (13.50), Domingo G (8.71), Setback Sevy (10.64) and Clarke Schmidt (4.63.) It's too soon to run for the hills. But outings like this would kill the bullpen by May 15.

So, the continent of brooding seaweed drifts ever closer. Some scientists claim it was always there, that the planet is simply adjusting. We didn't notice it until last week. Soon, it will arrive. The landscape is about to change, just in time for Opening Day.