In April, Coachilla summons all the world's supermodels to a giant meth lab in the desert. In April, Druids gather to shake sticks, heartland villages wash away, Jack Nicholson celebrates birthdays, and the IRS hoists people - generally, poor people - by their ankles and shakes them.
The month begins with April Fool's Day, a salute to boldface lies, and ends with May Day, the international cry of distress. You cannot trust anything you see - especially stats. For example, today's HR leaders are Aaron Judge and Shohei Ohtani Tyler Soderstrom and Cal Raleigh, and next week, the NY sports world will learn the answer to its most pressing existential question:
How will the Giants and Jets manage to fuck up another draft?
Last night in Tampa, our spring headquarters, the mysterious Oswaldo Cabrera continued to lay claim to - at least for now - the month of April. He homered and singled, and he has basically done everything we could ask to hold the 3B position, an audition that will soon end.
Three events are coming for Oswaldo, and all are cruel.
The first is the month of May, when Oswaldo's career average plummets 50 points below April, (and not much better in June - see chart.)
Either way, the Yankees seem to have given up on Oswaldo batting from the right side, which raises his third obstacle...
DJ LeMahieu.
Deej has been out since March with a calf strain, which came while healing from a wrist strain - armbone connected to da legbone - and, frankly, I'll believe he's back when he's in the daily lineup, and not one moment sooner.
But - probably - in about three weeks, LeMahieu will be holding down 3B against lefties. The question is whether Oswaldo can hit enough to justify a platoon, or will DJ take 3B fulltime (a potential re-enactment of Josh Donaldson, Chase Headley, Kevin Youkilis - nostalgia 3B tours.)
The Yankees prize Oswaldo's ability to play everywhere, which is sorta like appreciating Kim Kardashian for her tiny feet. He is an excellent utility man. But is that it? Either Oswaldo keeps hitting, or he could - at 26 - be an end-of-the-roster lug nut, with a career ceiling made of concrete.
Nobody wants DJ to get hurt. Again. But it's time to light the candles for Oswaldo. Right now, he is earning a full shot. But May 1 is coming. Mayday.
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11 comments:
With DJ and Stanton out, younger players have had the opportunity to show their stuff. Rice and Oswaldo have stepped up. It's great to see.
But whenever the lumbering oldsters feel up to it, the Yankees will crush the seasons those young guys are putting together. Because, you know, you have to play the money.
And another season will be fucked up and made that much more boring. The Yankee Way.
Yes JM, but we need to get those “name” players out there to entice the rubes. Plus, they’re getting paid a combined 47M this year. Money doesn’t grow on trees you know…(if it did, YS would be an orchard)
Great piece, O Peerless Leader! Also, loved the headline on the Aaron Rodgers cover. Hee-hee! Somewhere right now, John Updike is smiling.
And yes, I keep hearing commentators worrying about what the Yankees will do with Rice once Stanton comes back. Right. The guy who can't swing and can't run. Why do I feel this is an Ellsbury comeback?
Speaking of young players, why was Warren pulled in the 2nd fucking inning? Is this how you build confidence and perseverance in a young pitcher? I know, he threw a lot of pitches that inning. I guess that’s more important
Warren had nothing and he was getting worse. Actually, and this is hard to say, but Boone was correct (AACKKK. Help I can't breathe. AGGHTTGG.) Usually he lets the game become unwinnable before he wakes up and makes a change.
Hoss - Are you saying Stanton is an Ellsbury Dough Boy?
Elbowsy Dough Boy
DJ can't read. At least he can't read the writing on the wall. He's been finished for a couple of years now, but doesn't know it. Sad.
Stanton obviously injured his elbows by beating the crap out of baseballs in the postseason. If he comes back at some point, I'd be fine with him repeating that performance. But he seems a lot older than his years at this point. Also sad.
April the dancer is also crazy. Or so I hear.
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