Borat: "Jacoby is excited!"

According to his agent, Scott Boras, “Right now [Ellsbury’s] pretty excited. Talked to him yesterday. He feels he’s going to be a major part of what they’re doing,” Boras said. “I think there’s going to be a competition in New York. They have a lot of diamonds in their jewelry store, no question about it. It’s going to be a very healthy environment and Jacoby has done a lot of big things in a lot of big situations in a lot of big cities, so competition does not in any way do anything but exhilarate him.”

Well of course he's excited. He's got a no-trade clause and unless the Yanks REALLY wanna make it worth his while, he'll have great seats to watch the Bombers play this year.

Who wouldn't be excited?

Jacoby Ellsbury is Lightin' it Up!

Fans, take the 'Coby Quiz!


1. Which is 'Coby's weight, and which is his batting average?
a) 182
b) 185



(IF YOU SAID (a), YOU'RE RIGHT. THE FUTURE HALL OF FAMER IS BATTING .182.)


2. Guess which is the wily 'Coby's on-base percentage, and which is his weight?
a) 182
b) 185



(IF YOU SAID (a), BINGO! 'COBY HAS YET TO WALK, SO HIS BA IS HIS ON-BASE AVERAGE. THAT MIGHT WHY THEY PINCH HIT FOR HIM LAST NIGHT!)


3. Guess which is 'Coby's slugging percentage, and which is his weight?
a) 182
b) 185



(IF YOU SAID (a), YOWSER, YER ON FIRE. 'COBY'S SLUGGING PERCENTAGE IS EQUAL TO HIS BA. HARD TO BELIEVE, WHEN YOU REALIZE THAT HE CLUBBED TWO HRS LAST YEAR AT PAWTUCKET.)



5. How many stolen bases does the speedy 'Coby have?
a) 1
b) 2
c) 3
d) 4
e) 5
f) 6 or more
g) None of the above



(IF YOU SAID, (g), YOU DIDN'T FALL FOR OUR TRICK. MR. SPEED IS WAITING FOR THE RIGHT MOMENT TO SWIPE HIS FIRST!)


Finally... for you red-blooded Redsock fans... rrrrrrrow!.... the 'Coby Beef shot.

In case you went to bed early: Jacoby Ellsbury Wins Oscar!

PRESENTER CAMERON DIAZ: And the nominees for Best Pawtucket Player to hit fewer than 5 home runs and and bat less than .300 last year are...


JEFF BAILEY...


JUNIOR SPIVEY...


ALEX OCHOA...


ROYCE CLAYTON


and JACOBY ELLSBURY (wild applause)


PRESENTER HELEN MIRREN: And the winner is.... JACOBY ELLSBURY!