When a great Yankee calls and offers his services, the new Yankees hang up the phone

Johnny Damon - a man who once stole two bases on one pitch, and who once refused a trade to the Boston Redsocks during a pennant race, because he was loyal to the New York Yankees - has offered to bail out the team for the first 30 games of the season, or until Curtis Granderson is healed.

We all have views about what the Yankees should do to fill that void. The only opinions that matter are held by Brian Cashman and Joe Girardi.

But there is a reason for that:

The Boss is dead.

Old George epitomized the last great voice of the Yankee fan to have a seat at the table in team decisions. Now, when a Johnny Damon calls, he leaves a VoiceMail.

Good thing? Bad thing? I dunno. But it's worth noting: This is not the baseball club that, for better or worse, deals from the heart.  This is a bloodless corporation with a chart on the wall, a number on the chart, and a business plan to hit that number. Sadly, the number is not 28- as in World Series championships. The number has a dollar sign in front of it.

Two bases on one pitch. Put a dollar figure on that, can you?

Now Is the Time - Show Brian Cashman Who the Yankees Should Add as Outfielder/DH By Voting for the IIH Yankee Outfielders and DH of the Decade

Frustrated?

Anxious?

Verbose?


At risk for carpal tunnel syndrome?

Ease your troubled mind and body about the pending Yankees 2010 outfielding crisis by casting your vote for the IIH Yankee Outfielders and DH of the Decade (2000 thru 2009).

An outpouring of support could be just the thing Brian Cashman needs to convince him to sign that special someone for another season, assuming that someone is not already engaged in another career or under contract to another team.

The top three vote-getters in the outfield category will be named Yankee Outfielders of the Decade, so be sure to vote for three or more candidates.

Ready? Go!

BREAKING: Utica Club Now Available In Chapel Hill

Just a brief, heady break from all the carping about Johnny Damon on this page.

Our official beer is now available in Chapel Hill, North Carolina!



That is all.



Back to the carping.

Let's have a bake sale to benefit Damon, Nady

Apparently, Johnny Damon and Xavier Nady are encountering some serious cash flow problems because of an SEC investigation.

"I can't pay bills right now," Damon said at the Yankees' spring training facility in Tampa. "That started on Tuesday. I had to pay a trainer for working out during the offseason. I told him, 'Just hold on for a little bit and hopefully all this stuff gets resolved.'"

We suck

Not even a debatable point.

In Tampa, Yank Gammonites breaking big scoops from 2007

Want to know what's going on at Girardi Gitmo North? Freeze your head and program the microwave for THAW in February 2010.

Around that time, the writers will be telling us what really happened today.

For now, we're finally learning about the lazy, larded, dour and depressed shamblers that showed up last year, ready take a knee through April and May.

Bobby "Sweet as Candy" Abreu is vowing to delete 2007 from memory (and arbitration hearing records), saying he phoned himself in last spring, sweating through his bags like a White Castle cheeseburger and two orders of Biggie Fries. Not to worry, though. Bobby learned his lesson. He's given up Shamrock Shakes, taken up crunches. This year, he won't hit the wall, (figuratively and -- as we also know -- literally.)

Then there's Johnny Damon -- running mate with Rudy G and stablemate to Sports Girlustrated's butt-slapping-good Stallion. He's ready to play... unlike last year, when the former savior brought love-handles and thoughts of retirement to work.

Let's not forget Jason Giambi, who has reported “reportedly” in great shape. Guess the key word there. If you said "reportedly," you win. Giambi will reportedly play first base. In Guatamala, the New England Patriots are reportedly 19-0.

Finally, the Gray Lady, having published its 10-year-old thumbsucker on John McCain's lost lust for a lady lobbiest, reports that young Joba Chamberlain is more fun than a barrel of Mussinas, bringing 99-mile-an-hour mirth “to enliven what for years had been one of baseball’s most dour clubhouses.”

Huh? Dour? Wait a minute. Wasn't Joe Torre warm and fuzzy? Didn't Donnie Baseball regularly pass out the onion gum and fool Zim with the black-eye binoculars? Dour?

Now they tell us? We could have signed Carrot Top.

Yeesh. This is like reading 2003 coverage of the war. We go in looking for WMD. A year later, we learn it was all about HGH.