Writer's mouth contributes to orgasm

At mlb.com--Bud Selig's website--columnist Richard Justice pays tribute to:

• A "thoroughly honest" man of "essential decency" and "sensitivity on racial fairness issues."
• "One of the great storytellers on earth," blessed with "perfect comedic timing."
• A "large presence" who "does not meet many strangers. He likes people."
• A "friend" of "presidents, governors, ticket-takers, peanut vendors" "general managers, umpires, trainers, team doctors and players,"  who "spoke their language, had their trust."
• A  "sounding board" who "has counseled players regarding their marriages, children, girlfriends, alcohol consumption -- you name it."
• An "extraordinary success," "as competitive as any person you'll ever meet," whose "vision and ability to forge a consensus" makes him...
• "The greatest Commissioner of them all."

Last month, Justice examined Selig's new playoff expansion. After much reflection, he found it to be of "sheer brilliance."

Our second donation to the National Portrait Gallery at the Smithsonian Institution: Our commissioner, Bud Selig

Our commissioner, Allan Huber "Bud" Selig.

(Click portrait to enlarge)

(Note to the Smithsonian guys: Just let us know when we can set up delivery!)

A helpful tip for those attending games at the professional baseball stadium in the Bronx!!!

Since Major League Baseball Properties has taken away our ability to do Win Warbles or other such humor, we have to figure out what else to do with our time. Well, I feel we can help our loyal readers -- and, since they are baseball fans, help out our good friends at Major League Baseball Properties as well -- by giving out some helpful tips for those attending the ballpark.

Here's tip No. 1:

You want to get great souvenirs from the stadium that is home to the professional baseball team in the Bronx? Well, who wouldn't want a great baseball cap!

But the caps for sale inside the stadium, and at the vendors right outside the ballpark in those blue kiosks, are just so expensive. They start at about $29, I believe, for an adjustable cap; if you want a fitted cap, it'll be at least $42.

Who can afford that, with the price of a ticket nowadays? Thankfully, YOU DON'T HAVE TO PAY THAT!!! If you walk just a few blocks from the park when fans are milling around before or after a game (the bus lots are usually a good bet), you'll find enterprising young entrepreneurs selling team-logo caps for just $5! Fine quality caps make great gifts for the whole family! Just think, you can buy six caps for the price of one at the stadium!! Imagine the smiles on the faces of your kids when they get a great cap with the logo of their favorite Bronx-based professional baseball team! And think of your smile when you realize how much money you saved!

And remember ... this tip comes to you because of the free time given to us by Major League Baseball Properties!!! I'm sure they'll be thrilled, because this will help make fans happy!! And when fans are happy, the people at MLBP are happy, too!!

Right?