Sauce from Hoss

From commentator Horace Clarke... or as we call him, "Hoss."

News item: Yankees offered Mets "multiple prospects" of their choosing for Jay Bruce.
We now give you the transcript of a partial broadcast picked up from "The Metsverse," a terrifying alternative universe that exists parallel to our own, one first described by Stephen King.

August 10, 1993. Gene "Stick" Michael returns to his office high atop Yankee Stadium II, his ears still blistering from the tirade George "Banned for Life" Steinbrenner just laid on him, regarding the team's shutout loss to Boston and Frank Viola up in Fenway that night.

Michael nibbles at the single stalk of celery that is his only sustenance for the day, while studying the board listing all the Yankees' farmhands. Then he notices the little pink slip of paper on his desk: a phone message, from Al Harazin, general manager of the Mets.

'Harazin, poor bastard, all those hopes, and his season's gone south again. What with the firecrackers, and the bleach gun, and hey, lady!" Michael muses, channeling his inner Jerry Lewis while quietly crunching away. "But hey, he's making a solid offer here."

He looks at the phone message again, making sure he's deciphered his secretary's handwriting correctly. But there is no mistaking it.

'Damn, he's willing to give us Eddie Murray, Bobby Bonilla, Bret Saberhagen, and Sid Fernandez! And all he wants in return is Andy Pettitte, from down in the Carolina League, that Posada kid we just converted to catcher, that skinny reliever from Panama who had the arm surgery, and that first round draft choice from a couple years back who has five homers and 56 errors at short...'

Michael picks up the desk phone, and starts to dial.

'Well, hell. How can you argue with the chance to get that kind of star power? Murray, Bobby Bo, Saberhagen, and El Sid? They've got 18 All-Star games between them! The tabs will say I'm a genius!

'Sure, I told George we were still rebuilding. But we're just two back of Toronto! Who knows when we'll get a chance like this again?'

Michael looks at the organization board, reassuring himself with all the names still up there.

'Besides, it's not like we're stripping the franchise bare. We still have Russ Davis, Sterling Hitchcock, Mark Hutton, Bobby Munoz, Carlos Rodriguez, Domingo Jean, Andy Fox...and Brien Taylor! We can't miss!'

He turns back to the phone as it starts to ring, concentrating on how he will drive a hard bargain with Harazin.

"Besides, if I really push him, I bet I can get him to give up Vince Coleman!' 

Over And Over......Round and Round...

Yanks trail early.

Yanks down 2, but still in the game.

Yanks down 4 early.

Need to cut into that lead.

Need a run.  Then 2, then 4.

Two men on and no one out.

Baseball manual says; " advance those runners into scoring position."

Manual says;  "bunt them over,"

Girardi says:  "nothing."

Result: Yankees do not move runners over.  No one hits homer or base-clearing double.

Later in game:  Yanks repeat scenario.

And then again.

Result:  4-0 loss.

Why watch?  Nothing happens.

Catching up with Dietrich Enns

One of the guys the Yankees traded for Jaime Garcia started for the Twins last night. Dietrich Enns went 2.1 innings - apparently, he was viewed as a bullpen lug nut in a spot start - and gave up 5 hits and one run. 

Garcia pitches tonight against Boston. 

The team of a thousand LOBs

Congrats to the '17 Yankee frustration machine, which last night regained the lead in the great Sisyphusian LEFT ON BASE rankings for all of baseball. The Yankees stranded 19 - yes, NINETEEN - runners, and if that sounds unbelievable, you must understand that it took a shutout to reach this rapturous benchmark. 

The Yankees lead MLB in humiliation, collapse and ignominy by averaging 7.34 runners left on base per game. (The 0.34 stands for leaving Ronald Torreyes.) And as much as I hate to say this, an elephant in the room would like us to know that Aaron Judge is tied for second in all of baseball with 165 runners left on base. (Will Myers is first, with 166.) If Judge's horrible second half continues - he's below .200 since the break - he'll soon be leading all of creation in failures.

Trust me: He will be the last Yankee ever to take part in the All-Star Home Run Derby.

But "All Remain Stranded" isn't a one-man team collapse. The heart of the Yankee lineup has LOB fever. Before taking time off to contemplate the rustling of the leaves, Matt Holliday personally stranded 155. Even Didi, beloved Didi, has 143 LOBs (which puts him slightly below Boston's Andrew Benintstremsky.) 

Listen: The '17 Yankees are rapidly defining themselves as the most disappointing team of this horror show decade. This could be a collapse of Philliesian proportions - Gene Mauch-style! Over the last 81 games - not a small sample size - we are 39-42. That's right - a sub-.500 team, below also-ran status, and yet - get this - we've traded four of our top 10 prospects for - well - oh, hell, don't get me started. 

I'm no longer worrying about the great sacrifice of tradition next weekend when the Yankees dress up in spring training regalia, like the Bingo Long Traveling All-Stars. What's the point in honoring pinstripes when your team is a slow-motion carnival attraction? 

And make no mistake: The inability to drive in runners stems from a lack of situational hitting. It's what kids are supposed to learn in Little League: With a man on third and less than two outs, you choke up and put the bat on the ball. You must put the ball into play. You absolutely cannot afford to strike out. And yet, somewhere between the Gulf Coast League and the Bronx, those lessons were never learned by this team of home run swingers. And I hold management - yeah, Joe, that's you - accountable.

From all I can gather, the Yankee veterans love Joe Girardi. He shows loyalty and always has their backs. Yet they consistently let him down by swinging for the fences when a ground ball is all we need. If this continues, Joe must go. It's that simple. I'm tired of watching and waiting for a change that isn't coming. A week ago, we foresaw this weekend Boston series as a pitched battle for the AL East. Not anymore. It's a last ditch effort for the Yankees to remain relevant. The Wild Card just doesn't cut it. And by this time next week, I've got a feeling relevant will be the last term we use to define this team. 

Relevance will be standing on third with no outs, and we know how that ends, don't we?

We now have a competiton

Dietrich Enns - a 26-year-old lefty whom the Yankees buried at Scranton, until trading him last week for Jaime Garcia - will start tonight for Minnesota. (The Twins also received 21-year-old Zach Littell, a Double A pitcher.) River Ave summed him up this way: "Enns is pretty much a throw-in."

Garcia last week started for the Yankees. The 31-year-old went 4 and 2/3rd innings and gave up 5 earned runs. Said River Ave: The Yankees desperately needed a new fifth starter... and now they have one."

Good luck to both, as we track their production.

Critical lineup test for Girardi

Okay, everybody: What are the odds that Garrett Cooper - after going 4 for 5 (and his only out was via a great play by Toronto's shortstop) and lifting his average to .364, where it was in Triple A - plays tonight? Or sees a pitch against Boston?

How is it that we're even asking this question?

Judge and Ellsbury, a tale of two trajectories?

Lately, it's been a nightly root canal, watching Aaron Judge. Every time he steps to the plate, his average has dropped another point. (This morning, he's .294. Next stop: The .280s of Pat Tabler [.281, career], Kevin Youkils [.281] and - gulp - Jacoby Ellsbury [.284.]) Stop me if you've heard this, but Judge chases more curves than Leonardo DiCaprio, and then watches third strikes split the plate like a Lou Groza extra point. A month ago, Yank fans booed when a pitcher walked Judge. Now, it's a minor victory.

It's not Judge's fault. We can't blame a guy for vastly overachieving in the first half. We knew a 30-HR half couldn't last. Even the Trouts and Harpers must adjust. We saw it last year with Gary Sanchez. We would have seen it with Greg Bird, but for the Heel That Would Not Heal. The instant Babe Ruth - be it Ron Kittle, Walt Dropo, or Kevin Maas - comes and goes like White House spokesmen. (There you go commentors; start arguing politics!) And today, the question across the Yankiverse is one we always knew was coming:

What will be the career base line for Aaron Judge?

If his slump continues, by late September, we're looking at a .250 hitter with 40+ home runs - not bad, dammit! - who nevertheless bats seventh and maybe platoons in the Wild Card game. If that happens, the MLB Home Run Derby curse will gain national notoriety. For now, we can only hope the coaches who refined Judge's mechanics last winter can do it again, on the fly, during a pennant race. We've been waiting for Judge to "get hot," as if it's automatic that he'd suddenly go on a tear. We keep waiting. I dunno anymore. For me, the sign of hope comes in the form of the other Aaron. 

I say this because Aaron Hicks - perhaps the more ascendant of the two - should return tomorrow night, and just in time. He was going to create an outfield logjam, until Clint Frazier conveniently "slightly" strained an oblique - (there is no such thing as a slight oblique strain, but that's what they're calling it.) Which brings us back to Mr. Career .284 - Jacoby Hellsbury, the man without a plan.

The nutjob fan in all of us simply wants Ellsbury to vanish, like a foe of Vladimir Putin. But that won't happen. Nor should it, frankly. If the Yankees were to release him, they'd still pay his $21 million salary for three more years. Why watch him have a comeback in Seattle or - gulp - the Mets or - double gulp - Boston? The fact is, Ellsbury probably has a decent half-season left in him. We cannot just give it away and be virtually helping to pay Joggy Cano's tab. 

For now, all we can do is use Ellsbury as a pinch runner and/or LH outfielder, then trade him next winter for someone with an equally onerous contract. I'd dream of a Verlander or Zimmerman - Jordan, not Ryan - somebody so vastly overpaid that the front office considers him an eyesore. We have a gaggle of outfielders. We could stick a Verlander in the bullpen without drawing heckles from Joel Sherman. Such a deal would probably require Foodstamps Hal to eat more of his precious inheritance - one less beach house - and it won't necessarily work out, beyond the instant gratification of seeing Ellsbury vanish. (There's a reason why teams trade washed up pitchers; the Yankees are constantly re-learning this.) But it's how we will eventually solve the Ellsbury/Voldemort situation. And in the meantime, here is a grim reality: 

If Aaron Judge continues to flail, he might be platooning with Ellsbury in the one-game Bud Selig Memorial Wild Card this fall. It's a long, long season... to be decided in a short, short game. Unless Judge figures it out, that's where we're headed.

HE HATE ME? MLB intends to force names on Yankee jerseys

This stinks. There is no other way to put it: THE REVOLUTION STARTS NOW! MEET ME IN THE STREETS! THIS HAS GOT TO STOP!

MLB just announced that Aug, 25-27 will be "GOUGERS PLAYERS WEEKEND," a joyous celebration of our fave athletes, in which the players' are granted their greatest wish: The chance to wear their names - or nicknames, or ad slogans, or God knows what - on the backs of their jerseys. What a joy. They can think up funny things, and MLB can then sell jersey knockoffs at ridiculous prices.

Yes, they're taking a chapter from the late and great XFL, the former pro-wrestling-run football league of 2001, whose greatest addition to the cultural fossil record is the jersey worn by Rod Smart, who wanted 'HE HATE ME" written on his back in Ebonics.  

Thing is, the Yankees have gone for more than a century without names on their jerseys. It's a - well, hmmm, what do they call it? - a TRADITION! DOES ANYONE UNDERSTAND TRADITION? It used to mean something. Babe Ruth never got his name on the jersey. He was just Number 3. Mickey Mantle never got his name on the jersey. He is remembered as Number 7. Now, Todd Frazier can have his name inscribed in thread or - better yet, how about if he finally endears himself in the Yankiverse by wearing "FUCK OFF MLB" on his back. I'd buy that jersey. I'd buy ten.

So let me get this straight. The Yankees still won't be allowed to grow beards, but they will have the opportunity to shit on a 114-year tradition. Of course, the good people in places like Tampa can enjoy the possibility of seeing "RUTH" and "GEHRIG" on the backs of their players. They have no sacred tryst with the past. Whatever sells a few jerseys - fine with them. 

I remember when Bud Selig wanted Spider-Man 2 logos on the bases for a weekend. He explained that, being a traditionalist, he opposed seeing them on home plate. Old George finest hour came when he announced the Yankees would no go along with the move, which soon collapsed. MLB must have lost money on the deal. But they kept their integrity alive - surely to be sold at a higher price.

Baseball should simply sell its soul - put it up for the highest bidder - and get it over with. 

WE MUST FIGHT THIS! GODDAMM! THIS MUST NOT GO DOWN!

The Double Play Option...

It is time to wake up, folks, and see reality for what it is.

This team ( absent that 8 run outburst against Cleveland....which happened because their right fielder misplayed Jacoby's fly ball), is back to depending upon the homer to solve all of its offensive problems and, as a consequence, not scoring more than 1 or 2 runs per game.

There is no baseball being played here.  More to the point, there is no managing going on.

The game, frankly was over the moment Josh Donaldson's ball left the park in the first inning.  Since we almost never score more than two runs anymore, we could not win the game with Toronto already up by two runs.  A tie could go on, theoretically, until infinity but no way were we going to score three or more runs.

And Joe is managing to be certain we don't.

When a team is down early, it is usually a smart move to take advantage of every opportunity,
and " chip away" at the opponent's lead.  A run here, a run there and , all of a sudden, you are back in the game.

But the minute the Yankees had back to back singles, with no one out, Joe refused to do
anything " baseball related."  A bunt, for example, moves both runners up a base, and puts two in scoring position.  Even without a hit, the guy on third would have a good chance to score.

With Todd Frazier due up, hitting a smart .200, and with a history of hitting into double plays instead of three run homers, Girardi lets him swing away.  As this unfolded I ( and, likely, many of you ) texted to Duque that, " he is going to hit into a double play."  And he did.

This happened more than once in the game ( different players, but similar result).  When Clint Frazier finally got a two out single, there were no runners on base because Girardi , again, failed to move a runner over.  Instead of singling with a guy on second and one out, Frazier singled to no avail, with no one on base and two outs.

Is anyone going to notice? Girardi is just showing up every day, collecting his paycheck, and going home early.  What ever happened to strategy?  Our players must just be rolling their eyes.  The Yankees have no brain power guiding them.  It is like the football coach, confronting 4th and 2 at a crucial part of a close game, and having no ideas.  No "Plan A" for that circumstance.

And, as the season wanes, we are getting zilch from the young guys;  Sanchez is a joke, Aaron is being " worked," and Clint Frazier is hitting .239 ( struck out three times ).  The Red Sox brought up a 20 year old to play third, and he is transforming their team.  But we will stick with 32 year old, .200 hitter, Todd Frazier because Cashman gave up talented prospects to get him, while the White Sox giggled.  Meanwhile, we have a young guy hitting .340 in AAA waiting for nothing.

We were just dominated by one of the worst teams in baseball.

We are one of the worst teams in baseball.  And we have pissed away 6 prospects plus Tyler Clippard to become so.  That is the reality.

Here we go again: Another National Lampoon Canadian vacation?

I just don't get it. How could we lose to J.A. Happ... again? I mean, are you kidding me? J.A. Happ... again?  

His fastball barely touches 92. The guy is 34, going on 40. Entering last night, he was 4-8 on the season. Lifetime against us, he's now 8-2. Eight and fucking two. J.A. fucking Happ. And we're the New York fucking hapless Yankees.

Two runs. Two measly runs. Nobody steps up in key moments. Tell me who inspires confidence coming to bat with runners on base. If I were an opposing manager, I would never walk Aaron Judge. Last night, the YES men were excited that he drew a walk. A good sign! Coney said (even though it belied the idea that Gary Sanchez is protecting him.) How long before all of MLB gets the memo, and the free passes disappear? Right now, Judge looks as ragged as he did last August. Twenty five straight games with strikeouts. The signs in right field should say, ALL SIT. 

Two runs... off J.A. Happ. Calgon Bath Beads, take me away! Tonight, Toronto throws a rawboned rookie against us; why do rawboned rookies always kill us? Tomorrow, it's Marco Estrada - the Latino version of Happ. Are we really going to lose another series to a cellar-dweller? Because the length and breath of this team's six-year malaise is once again starting to emerge. We're back to scoring two runs per game and regularly wilting before the decade's most memorable Yankee hallmark: Runners left in scoring position. 

We are nearing the precipice. We play Boston 10 times between Friday and Labor Day, and Chris Sale will pitch in three of them. In the meantime, we'll play four against the hateful Mets - who have nothing to do but wreck our season - two in nasty Detroit, and a home stand with Joggy's Mariners and the Indians, this time with Andrew Miller. The roughest test of 2017 is upon us, and right now, I can't name one Yankee I want coming to bat with the bases loaded. Can anyone?  

We are 2-5 since "winning" the trade deadline and securing the AL East, according to the experts. Let the record show that on July 31, before Cashman re-dealt the cards, we held first place. It seems like last year. Today, we're four games behind Boston and - holy crap! - barely a weekend series ahead of Showalter's Orioles, who last month were as dead as Glen Campbell - (R.I.P., sir! It's knowing I'm not shackled by forgotten words and bonds, and the ink stains that have dried upon some line, that keeps you on the back roads by the rivers of my memory, ever smiling, ever gentle on my mind...) Twilight of the gods, folks. Twilight of the gods... But really, J.A. Happ?

"Those who were close to Irabu, and there weren’t many of them, were remorseful about his death. They wondered what more they might have done to keep him from the end of that rope. No one, though, felt guiltier than Steve Thompson."

Late to the party on this. But in case you missed it last week's Sports Illustrated painted the tragedy of Hideki Irabu - and it's worth your time.

For whatever it's worth, I'll never make fun of the guy again. (Well... I shouldn't, anyway.) 

"[T]hrough Sunday, major league hitters have homered, walked or struck out — results referred to as the “three true outcomes” because they are the purest distillation of pitcher vs. hitter, independent of defense — in 33.4 percent of overall plate appearances, the highest rate in history and a full percentage point ahead of last year. To flip the equation around: Never in history has the sport seen so few balls put in play."

This should be required reading for every owner, GM, team flunky and fan.  

Behold, the ghosts of Yankee past... the Toronto Blue Jays. So... will they be the Yankee future, as well?

It's dangerous juju, mocking the team you're about to play. Somehow, they get wind of the snide comments you made in the shower, or while driving to the bottle redemption center, and they get mad. Their pitchers, who serve batting practice to everybody else, throw shutouts. (Seriously, Marco Estrada? J.A. Happ?) I've seen this happen, time after time. I've got to stop shooting off my mouth in front of the bathroom mirror. Nevertheless, I'll say it here:

The last place Blue Jays - seven below .500, 10 behind Boston - are the reanimated carcass of the 2013 Yanks. with Pronk, Vernon Wells and Lyle Overbay. Moreover, they represent the sum of all Yankee fan fears - the team that went for broke two years ago and came up empty, and which now pays tribute to a forgettable past like the acne scars on a jazzercize instructor. 

Look at this tortured lineup, a fly-attracting plate of last week's tofu meatloaf. 

C: Russell Martin... 12 HR, .226 - though he always kills us; it's personal.
1b: Justin Smoke... 31 HR, .299 - squandering a career year.
2b: Ryan Goins... 5 HR, .216 - or somebody. BTW, he's not young - 29.
ss: Troy Tulowitsky, (hurt)... 7 HR, .249 - Jeter at the end, falling, might cost him Cooperstown.
3b: Josh Donaldson... 13 HR, .243 - miserable year, must wish he was traded.
lf: Steve Pearce... 11 HR, .261 - the guy is 34.
cf: Kevin Pillar... 12 HR, .246 - great fielder, peaking at age 28.
rf: Jose Bautista... 17 HR, .214 - he's 36, (though he might kill us).
dh: Kendrys Morales... 21 HR, .251 - and they let Encaracion walk?

Remember 2013? (You might have willed yourself to forget it.) Hint: We signed Travis Hafner and Vernon Wells to replace the aging infrastructure, thinking we could forever contend. Well... this is that. Toronto - squandering a massive local resurgence in attendance and TV ratings - tried to replace Encarnacion with Pearce and Morales (Wells and Pronk), leading to... this.

And today, let's consider it a cautionary note of what can happen when a team goes all or nothing and gets... nothing. Two years ago, the assembled Gammonites marveled at Toronto's brilliant front office - getting Tulo and David Price for the stretch run. Ever since, they've been floundering, scraping the chalkboard as they fall - until now, when they've hit the floor. Make no mistake - they could sweep us, simply because they're so laden with misery cooties that we could get infected. But it won't change a thing for the Blue Jays: They are done for 2017. 

I'm not saying we're in the same boat, thanks to the deadline deals of last July. But the trouble with failing veterans is not necessarily the price you pay to land them. It's how they clog your pipes like a disposal diaper, and you can't replace them without a court order. Witness Jacoby Ellsbury, Chase Headley and the - in my opinion - insane decision to get Todd Frazier, a deal that is still stunning in its Chris Carter-circular totality. 

Listen: We are not the 2015 Blue Jays. But we are at our limit for oldsters. If Hal Steinbrenner says he won't accept any more big salaries, that's fine with me. A few more Tulos, and we could be on the mat next year, watching Oakland and Chicago rise, screaming the names of players we marched out the door. 

Wait... I just yelled all this into the bathroom sink, right? I'm not really posting it, am I? The juju, Mr. Kurtz, the juju...

Don Baylor, R.I.P.

One of the best things to happen to the Yankees in the mid-1980s - the 14-year barf - was Don Baylor. He came over from California, where he'd killed us for six years. He batted behind Dave Winfield (and in front of, ugh, Steve Kemp.) These were the Yankees of Mumphrey and Smalley, after Dale Murray had been obtained for Jay Buhner. There wasn't much to cheer. But Baylor always carried himself like a star.

I remember Bill White telling how when the Yankees were visiting Texas, Baylor's old stomping grounds, he'd made calls to old friends, and the clubhouse was stocked with barbecued ribs - the best Phil Rizzuto ever tasted. Those were the days. And that was a great teammate. 

He died today at age 68. Twilight of the gods, folks. Twilight of the gods...

Joe is right about Sanchez

Friday night, the new "Golden State Warriors of Baseball" played so wondrously crappy that Joe Girardi actually stopped being Joe Girardi. 

Let's think about that... because you can say a lot of things about Joe Girardi, but you can't say he ever stops being Joe Girardi. In fact, of all the Joe Girardis we've known, he is by far the most Joe Girardiish. Some would say Joe Torre, at the end, was more Joe Girardiish than Joe Girardi. I disagree. Joe Torre was just being Joe Torre, even if at times, he displayed future Joe Torre-Girardiish characteristics, such as turning Scott Proctor into a human dishrag. But I digress... 

Friday night, after the Olden State Warriors flubbed another game, Joe Girardi became Joe-Billy Girardimartin. And damn, it was overdue.

The new IIH avatar?

Before continuing, I recognize that to speak positively on this site about Joe Girardi - even as Joe-Billy Girardimartin - is tantamount to running naked across a driving range while carrying a "HIT ME FOR FREE BEER" sign. (I should replace my John Cusack "Say Anything" avatar with someone appropriate...) Many readers want Joe Girardi to be Stump Merrill - that is, gone.

(My official view: Worse people could be running the Yankees. For every Joe Girardi, there are three Gene Mauchs. Also, the rot stems from the top, where we have a nepotistic billionaire who cannot stick to a plan, aside from his preference for being back-slapped in the old boy owners' club, rather than ruffle Bud Selig's nylon hair. For better or worse, the true son of George Steinbrenner currently owns the Dodgers. They are the modern Evil Empire. We are the Evil Also-Rans.)

Nevertheless, Friday night, Joe Girardi publicly criticized Gary Sanchez - as much as Joe Girardi ever publicly criticizes a Yankee - for being Matt Nokes. That is, for being a DH masquerading as a catcher. (I would have added that Sanchez needs to stop lunging for pitches the way a certain ex-reality TV star once claimed to grab ladies' crotches; but I'm no Joe Girardi.) Time will tell if it works. It would be sad if it doesn't, because unless Sanchez improves his defense, he'll be on a rail car out of NYC before Christmas. The Yankees won't go with a Matt Nokes behind the plate. Neither Joe would ever accept such a thing.

So here's the deal: Even though we are officially challenging for a post-season berth, the Yankees remain in a shifting, experimental rebuilding mode. We are still sorting things out for the long haul, and the clearest example of this was our decision not to replace Greg Bird at first base. Clearly, the Yankees still see Bird as the long range option; thus, the namby-pamby way we addressed the black hole at first, by moving Chase Headley there and hoping for the best.

But the big questions of the future still remain: 

Is Bird our first baseman? (Because we have nobody else right now in the system.)

Is Sanchez our future "Core Four" Yankee catcher? (Because we have nobody else right now in the system.)

How good will the Aarons - Judge and Hicks - really be? (Because we have a pile of future outfield prospects in the system.)

Clint Frazier? Tyler Wade? Miguel Andujar? Will we see enough of them - or any of them, in the case of Andujar - to determine their their long term value? 

And, going forward, perhaps the most important question of all: 

Is Joe Girardi - being Joe fucking Girardi - the right guy to pilot what we hope will be the next great Yankee team? Make no mistake: Joe Girardi is a fine fellow, a great human being, a pleasure to be around, a joy to all. Is he a great manager? The next two months, folks... the next two months...

A question to which we all know the sad answer

Last night, Jordan Montgomery threw five innings, giving up one run and five hits.

Obviously, he'll soon lose his rotation spot to Jaime Garcia. The fact that Garcia on Friday lasted just 4.2 innings and gave up five earned runs - leading to a blowout lost - that doesn't matter. He'll stay in the rotation. He's a time-tested veteran.

As for Montgomery? He'll be sent to the bullpen - or maybe Scranton. Disappointed, he might have a few rough outings. The Yankees will say, "See? We did the right thing, dropping him." And we will ride Wally Whitehurst, Sidney Ponson, Chris Capuano, Brandon McCarthy, Jeff Francis, Garcia, et al, down the line.

A Few Ideas For Shortening Yankee Games

 It seemed to me that I started watching this game at about 4pm ( LA time ) and it was only the 8th inning about 4 hours later.

Truth be told, most of the clocks around me need rewinding or re-setting or new batteries, so I am not certain.  I can tell you, more accurately, how long the game took by marking the start and finish lines on my quart of Crown Royal.

By that measure, I have a headache and a half.  And I need to buy more booze.

In any case, a few ideas;

1.  You know how they give automatic walks, now, when an intentional pass is signaled?  No need for the charade of pitching four balls out of the strike zone.

For the Yankees, let's let the opponent signal an automatic strikeout.  Yesterday, the Yankees K'd 14 times out of 27 at bats.  Think of how much time and anguish could be saved if the manager just lifts his thumb for the strikeout.  All those foul tips don't happen.  The "takes" resulting in 1-3 " balls don't have to be watched.  The pitcher saves pitches.

2.  Cameras could focus on practice swings for Yankee batters in the on-deck circle, and end the charade of having all these at bats.

3.  Certain guys would draw the signal if there are runners on base.  Sanchez comes to mind.  How humiliating is it for him ( and us ) to watch him flail at strike threes in the dirt, a wide yard and a foot short of the plate.

4.  Passed balls and errors by the catcher would become automatic triples.  That way, no one has to chase a ball to the backstop and, subsequently, throw it into right field.  Sanchez, again, comes to mind.  My thought is; we relieve him of these embarrassing moments, and maybe he regains some confidence in his baseball skills.

5.  New rule;  the only runs that count for the Yankees are solo homers.  All this work to get guys on first and second, with no out, never amount to anything anyway.  We don't advance runners ( per Girardi stratagem ), and we don't drive them in.

6.  Automatic play;  whenever we have a double with fewer than two outs ( think Didi ), the opposing manager lifts his leg and the following happens;  our next hitter gets the automatic walk ( no
pitches ), so the following batter can hit into the inning ending double play

Huge amounts of time will be saved.  I won't consume nearly a fifth of Crown.  we'll all use our time to a better advantage.

If you agree, please send " likes" to the major duomo of MLB.

Redsocks find their soul mate

My guess: We have the Mooch.

We had Ari Fleischer 

Hope and despair both wear the Yankee cap

Hope: Last night in the late innings, Todd Frazier made a great play, charging a slow roller, throwing off balance and getting the runner by half-a-step. The game was tied. Do or die. He made it. Give him credit. That's why the Yankees wanted a veteran 3B.

Despair: Frazier hasn't hit all season, and he won't start now. We don't need a .204 third baseman who homers every other week. Miguel Andujar is hitting .331 at Scranton. You cannot convince me that he could hit worse than Frazier... even if he doesn't make that great play. We need offense, and Frazier is horrible. Practically every other organization in baseball by now would have promoted Andujar and be playing him every day. We're stuck with .205. This is why salary dump veterans suck.

Hope: Aroldis Chapman somehow escaped in the ninth, avoiding a disastrous, spirit crushing defeat. He adjusted. He got the save. He's still a closer.

Despair: Watching it was horrible. The guy might give me PTSD. If not for Gardy, Torreyes and a ball slicing foul at the last moment, there goes the series, the comeback, maybe the AL East. I cannot adequately describe how soul-devouring that loss would have been, had not Gardy snared that ball. It's starting to look as though Chapman's contract will eventually rival Ellsbury's. Why are we continually doing this? 

Hope: There are rumors that Matt Holliday will go on the disabled list.

Despair: What difference does it make? Joe will write him back into the lineup, when he returns. What will have changed? The guy has Pronked.

Hope: Dellin Betances looks solid, and the bullpen overall is stocked with power arms.

Despair: At the rate he's using those power arms, Girardi will soon blow out that advantage. (And did you see that Nick Goody has become an effective reliever for Cleveland? Ben Gamel isn't the only one who got away.)

Hope: If we win today, we escape Cleveland still alive, dignity intact. Boston comes to town next week. Our house. Still alive.

Despair: We remain a team that cannot string together three consecutive hits. We cannot score a runner from third with no outs. Our runs come from homers, and most of them are solo shots. No team wins the World Series by stringing together solo shots.

Hope: Aaron Judge has had a few hits lately. How wrong we were last year, thinking he couldn't adjust?

Despair: Gary Sanchez, flailing at pitches in the dirt. How drunk were we last year, thinking he was a future MVP? 

Yanks Have Easy Time Faking Trade Results

It had to have been the plan, all along.

Cashman can trade seven ( was it seven?) prospects for excess baggage of other teams, and claim victory.  Worse, the " Citizens United " press who cover the Yankees will do it for him?

Why so easy?

None of the Yankee prospects are on a major league roster.  Not yet.  We won't see any of them until the September call-ups, and that doesn't count for much either.  By the time five of our traded prospects are all stars, the entire Yankee roster will have been re-made, wars will have broken out in three countries, and Trump will be in an old folks home drawing in the sand.

In short;  we will have forgotten about them.

Meanwhile, we have performances to measure.  We can say;  Todd Frazier hit a solo homer last night; Sonny Gray only gave up two runs in 6 innings, and David roberson is no worse than Tyler Clippard.

But try comparing them to Mateo, Fowler, Enns, Kaprilien, and the others I can't name.  You can't.  No one can.

So the yankees won the trades because we have guys on the field.

Just to summarize the impact of the horde we accumulated:

1.  The trade deadline ended July 31. 2017 at 4pm.
2.  Trades became official at that time.
3.  August 1,2017, therefore, is the starting point from which results can be measured.
4.  Todd Frazier is hitting .205 and is 2-20 in his last hot streak.
5.  The Yankees have not won a single game.
6.  We are averaging 1 run per game on offense.
7.  We had three errors in one inning when Sonny Gray pitched.
8.  The Garcia guy throws about 80 mph and didn't last five innings before the game was out of hand.
9.  The impact on the young Yankee team has been devastating.
10.  The team is boring and unimaginative.
11.  Girardi has stopped managing, if he ever did.
12.  Cashman is signing his new contract, and putting his bonus check in the bank.


Have a nice day at the beach. Our season is over.  The youth movement was a fake.

The insanity of contending for the wild card

The Blue Jays are seven games below .500 - yet only 5.5 games behind the final wild card berth.

It's like an elementary school talent show where every contestant wins a prize. 

Here's a prediction: In our lifetimes, we will see the splitting of the wild card into two single game playoffs. Two "away" wild card teams will play on a neutral field for the chance to play the one-game wild card winner on its home field.

If that were now in effect, Oakland would still be in contention. Only the White Sox would be out of it. Why is baseball ignoring such a solid money-making opportunity? 

The Golden State Warriors of... 2014?

THERE! It just happened again. Did you feel it? That sense of predestination, oncoming dread... It's hard to explain, but something's fishy here. Every now and then, I get a massive flashback, a bolt of Yogi-vu all over again... as if I've been here before - experienced all of this in some previous incarnation. Suddenly, I know exactly what is going to happen next. And then, DEAR GOD, THEN IT HAPPENS, EXACTLY AS I FORESAW IT.

This defies logic. Everyone knows you cannot predict baseball. It's the fundamental tenet of the Sterlingtonian Universe. And yet, it keeps happening again and again! 

Last night, the terrifying revelation came unto me: 

What if we are not really alive, but simulations in some massive alien experiment?

It came in the middle innings. The Yankees loaded the bases. The great Gary Sanchez marched to the plate. It was a clearly a moment for hope, for anticipation, for a magnificent Yankee rally. And yet... I knew he was going to strike out on a pitch in the dirt. I knew it. It was as if I were being forced to relive some past horror, some demented Groundhog Day scenario, until something new happens. But what could that be?

Last week, at the trade deadline, I knew the Yankees would deal piles of young talent for players that other teams were desperate to unload - Todd Frazier, for Christsake! - and that - immediately - the independent, all-knowing Gammonites of the media would pronounce us as "winners" of the trade. I tell you, I've been here before. 

This morning, I dug through my archives, trying to find connections within the matrix. I found this disturbing picture of a "Yankee lineup," evidence of a previous incarnation that no one remembers. It's proof that we reliving some machine-created "reality" from the past. We are Travis Hafnering, all over again. I tell you, WE HAVE BEEN HERE BEFORE!  

People... Yankee fans... or whatever you are... I'M ONTO YOU! I know that none of this is real. I know that we are not free-thinking individuals, making decisions in a free universe. I know that you, me, or the Yankees themselves are digitized, avatar-faced algorithms created in some gigantic videogame sequence, and we are all being forced to watch the team collapse under its own hubris again and again and again - while the front office congratulates itself. Is this Hell? Am I being punished? Are we just bits of digital DNA, swirling inside the computer "mind" of some eternally sequenced Holodeck? (By the way, that would explain Trump, the Mooch, Hillary... all of American politics.) 

If so, listen... whoever the fuck you are, I AM CALLING YOU OUT!

That's right. I'm saying it, loud and clear: WE ARE NOT PLAYING YOUR LITTLE GAME ANY MORE. WE KNOW THIS A FABRICATION. WE KNOW THIS IS NOT REALLY HAPPENING. THERE IS NO HAL STEINBRENNER. THERE IS NO BRIAN CASHMAN. THE "TODD FRAZIER" MICRO-EXPERIMENT MUST BE CANCELED. NOW. YOU HAVE OVERSTEPPED THE LIMITS OF BELIEVABILITY. WE ARE NOT GOING TO PLAY THIS STINKING GAME ANY MORE.

Now, if you'll excuse me, haha, I'm going to drink some of this fake Draino that these fools put beneath the kitchen sink, thinking I would fall for it. I'll show them...  

How Much Did Castro Hurt US BY Pulling A Greg Bird?

Seriously folks, remember when Castro re-appeared briefly a few weeks ago?
I think he had completed one game of re-hab in the minors, two at the most.

So he returns and immediately looks like his legs are encased in a layer of muck from the lagoon.  His speed has become a slog.  He can barley beat out a single to left field.

The broadcasters simply wrote this off as , " getting his body back."  It would just be a matter of a few games.

Finally, he tried to turn on the old jets and pulled his hammy even worse.  And we haven't seen him since.  In the meantime, Torreyes and Wade take turns playing second base.  It has become the sink hole that Greg Bird left us with at first base, by playing through an injury.

News flash;  that doesn't not happen in baseball.  Aaron Hicks could not play through a pectoral tear;  Gary Sanchez could not play through a disconnected bicep; on it goes.  But no ones listens and no one learns.

Which brings me to Tyler Wade. A player getting lots of reps in Castro's extended absence.  His name is never mentioned when the Yankees' "Citizens United " press corps speaks of how well Brian Cashman protected the Yankee farm system and prospect base.  He is the one guy no one would have bitched about if he had been dealt, say, instead of Mateo or Kaprielian or Fowler.  Or any of the others we threw away for old man .205 Frazier, or any of the nameless old clowns now crowding the roster.

Editorial aside:   Do the Yankees not see, by the way, that "Ichabod" Frazier's ( my nickname ) batting average has declined since he arrived?  Is that because no one thought it possible to worsen? New Yankee nerves?  Why are the White Sox laughing their asses off?  Why do the Yankees think that having a little league world series hero from Toms River, New Jersey, trumps his performance on the field?

Back to lead story....  As soon as Castro draws a healthy breath, Tyler Wade should be jettisoned.

He should be ejected to AA or lower.  I have seen him as a strikeout/double play machine with poor fielding skills.  Is he playing out of position?  He is conducting a friendly rivalry with the ailing Holliday ( I see his body emaciating, and the Yankee doctors have missed something ) for the most destructive Yankee.

Once again, we kept a guy who hurts us more than Jesus Montero.  He should be gone tomorrow.  Bring up anyone, and the team will improve.  Addition by subtraction.

Wade is not ready for this level and we may be destroying his confidence forever.  When a prospect gets a long look and fails, it has to register.  Isn't anyone looking?

Hit that eject button and let's move on.

In the long run, maybe last week's trades will be the best thing that ever happened

Here's a horrible, painful, totally hurtful thought: Someday, maybe three years from now, we'll look back on the six-game winning streak of July 2017 - last week's mini-hallucination of hope - as the best thing that ever happened to the Yankees. 

Yep. No misprint. The best that ever happened.

By then, Dustin Fowler, James Kaprielian and Jorge Mateo could be fixtures in Oakland, and Blake Rutherford could be emerging for the White Sox. Unless we're sporting a new world series ring, last week's brief surge could go down as the Great False Read of 2017. That little streak would be remembered as Brian Cashman's justification for ditching the Yankee rebuilding plan and chasing the brass ring... which in turn spawned his contract year downfall.

If the Yankees collapse, could Cashman finally go?

Looking back, we might laugh at our own gullibility. We won six in a row against middling Seattle, the last place Reds and Tampa, which kicked the ball around like Manchester United. Suddenly, we found ourselves like Chauncy Gardiner in first place and - as a result - scrapped the long range rebuilding plan for an all-or-nothing run. It will be remembered as "the Todd Frazier period," when we briefly assumed the mantle of "Golden State Warriors of baseball." How mockingly will that phrase be used.

Oh, we'll say, what a jolly time it was! Six wins. It was as if the entire team took part in an IT IS HIGH drunk blog. Six wins! - sandwiched by lengthy, soul-sapping slumps. It began by losing two out of three to dismal Detroit, then we went to Cleveland, Toronto and Boston. And by mid August... ugh...

Listen: I'm saying this in the hope that, by putting it in writing, it cannot happen. But this is serious: We may soon call for a juju intervention. Last night, our June-July malaise officially began stretching into August. Today, like those campers in The Blair Witch Project, we're right back to where we were, before we started clomping around in the woods. We're scraping the chalk board as our fingernails slide,  and we're once again chasing a wild card berth - a wild card berth - in a field where all but two AL teams remain contenders.

In one week, we went from a future dynasty to the Pronk/Vernon Wells lineup that cannot score three runs in a game. Last night, down 2-0 after the first, seriously, who thought we had a chance?

I don't mean to throw in the towel. In Girardi's managerial career, the Yankees almost never quit. (Well, there were late season meltdowns in Boston, after which, you really couldn't blame them.) Often, they look dead as dildos, only to stand up and fight. Last night, with Corey Kluber pitching, we were destined to lose. Could Luis Severino be our Kluber, our Chris Sale? Because unless this ship turns around, we're playing for the one-game post-season, as we have for the last five years.  

Last week, Cashman laid everything on the line. It's now or never. Maybe that's a good thing, because this is his contract year. If last week's trades - for which he already taken victory laps - blow up in our faces, maybe the real long term hope for the Yankees is new management. A stunning collapse would hasten such a move. 

Don't get me wrong: I'm not rooting for us to lose. I'm just saying that when you trade the future for a one-shot run, you better not fail. Right now, since the trades were finalized, we're 0-3. And already, last week's wins look like a dream we may someday rue.

Hope springs eternal

(BOB HOPE ONSTAGE, REACTING TO TOM'S COMMENT)

Well, if it's in the Times, it must be true. (AUDIENCE CHUCKLES)

I want to thank the guys who remembered that Granderson was our reward for Ian Kennedy and Austin Jackson. If only we had a guy who hit 40 home runs and batted .220 now...oh, wait, didn't he used to play first? (LAUGHTER, SMATTERING OF APPLAUSE)

But seriously, ladies and gentlemen, how 'bout them Yankees? (MIXED AUDIENCE REACTION) 

These guys looked like they were going to the World Series a couple months ago, but thanks to the collapse of the offense and the shrewd moves by Brian Cashman, they're going somewhere else...it involves flushing, and I don't mean where the Mets play. (WILD LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)

But it's a good thing we got these new pitchers, Cy Young and Walter Johnson. (LAUGHTER)

Don't ya love it when they start touting how a guy was really good a couple years ago and has been on a hot streak lately? (SOUND OF TOILET FLUSHING) (AUDIENCE LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)

Next we're gonna be hearing about how Todd Frazier is showing signs of returning to his Little League form. (LAUGHTER) But, really, that's actually true. The only problem is, he has to play in Little League to do it. (APPLAUSE, WHISTLES)

But I wanna tell ya, it's a good thing we let Andrew Miller go and signed Chapman to a big contract. Too bad opposing teams heard that as "big contact." (LONG LAUGH, MORE APPLAUSE)

You know, ladies and gentlemen, I kid the New York Yankees, but I'm like you--I really want them to do well. All we have to do is get Crosby to buy them from the Steinbrenners, fire Cashman and Girardi and everybody in the front office, and let the kids develop into a powerhouse. But getting Crosby to buy them is a lot like getting Jack Benny to tip the bartender. (LAUGHTER) It IS possible. Theoretically. (LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE)

Anyway, you've been a great audience, and in a few minutes we'll have Miss Lola Falana out here. (APPLAUSE) So stay tuned while we hear a word from our new sponsor, the New York Knicks. (APPLAUSE, FADE)

Dear Sonny, welcome to the Yankees, you better throw a shutout

Dear Mr. Gray,

Congratulations! You've been selected as a full-fledged member of the 2017 Bronx Bombers (formerly "Baby Bombers"), the newly rechristened "'17 Golden State Warriors of Baseball Hall of Fame Superteam of Destiny (TM).

According to independent analyses, provided by the YES Network, the Yankees are projected to clinch the 2017 AL East. All you need to do is prepare for Game One of the playoffs - or, as a slight possibility, the one game Bud Selig Wild Card. That means not blowing out your elbow. (That's a joke, of course. There's no reason to think you would blow out your elbow. Just saying it, so it doesn't happen. Nobody thinks it will. Never mind this. Pretend I said nothing. No sense thinking about bad things. Not that I was thinking about it. Nobody is.) 

In the meantime, here's the takeaway: It would be very much appreciated if you toss a few shutouts. We don't need perfect games. A couple five-hitters would do fine. Or, throw eight scoreless innings and - wait, actually, on second thought - let's stick with complete games. There's been a little glitch in our late innings - nothing to worry about - but now and then our closers go through - well - adjustments. Just go nine. Let's leave it at that. Nine. (And don't blow out that elbow, eh, mate? Heh heh, just joking. Bobs yer uncle!)

Recapping here: Think shutout. For example, tonight you'll face Corey Kluber, who has an ERA of 2.90. I don't think you should assume the Yankees will score 2.9 runs. In fact, I think you should pitch under the assumption that the team will score 0.0 runs tonight. Yes, zero point zero. We're going through a bit of a thistle patch here - nothing to worry about, mind you. At least, I don't think so. Well, actually, there might be some concerns. The problem is - well, it's so minor that I hesitate to even bring it up - the problem is we have one hitter. His name is Didi Gregorius, and last night he flopped. So, summarizing: Shutout. Nine innings. Hit totals are up to you.  

Wait... I don't want to give you the wrong impression. Everything is great! Wonderful! Fantastic! We're in first, uh, second. Here's some great news: Aaron Judge says he's figured out what's wrong. He's been jusssssssst missing pitches - not by much. Micrometers. Soon, we'll be back to chanting "M-V-P" when he comes to bat. Lately, it's been crickets. Tonight, if you hear anyone chanting "M-V-P," it'll probably be sarcastic Cleveland fans. Tune it out.

You will want to say hello to Matt Holliday. Lift his spirits. For the last weeks, as holidays go, he has become Friday the 13th. Bit of a slump, you might say. In the month of July, Matt hit .130. with 4 RBIs. He has hit into 13 double plays, each one a root canal. With two outs and runners in scoring position - the do-or-die moment for a veteran - he's at .182. In the category called "Late and Close," he's batting .232. I could give more stats. I prefer not to.

As you know, most ballplayers have the career lifespan of a beloved pet. Some last 20 years, cuddly to the end. Some turn into bumper stickers. Either way, sooner or later, you're constantly cleaning up after them. They'll have a good day, you'll assure yourself they're fine again, the medication works and it'll be like old times. Then they crap the bed. Last night, Holliday got two hits - though not in the eighth, with the tying run on base. Tonight, we're hoping for the best. Nobody wants to bench a veteran, any more than we want to take Packy for that final ride to the veterinarian. 

Also, say hello to your fellow newcomer, Todd Frazier. There's an old saying, "Sometimes, when everyone says it's raining, it's raining." With regard to Todd, it's raining. He came to the Yankees batting .207. He's now batting .205. If we were expecting a "Welcome home, Todd" hitting streak - well, so much for that. Still, the YES folks are giving Todd credit for Chase Headley's recent resurgence - he's getting singles and doubles - as a result of moving to first base. For the life of me, I cannot understand this. Maybe you can figure it out? Looks to me as though, in the batting order, we replaced Chris Carter with Chris Carter. Oh, well, don't mind me. 

Recapping now: Shutouts. Nine innings will do. Welcome to the golden state of chaos.

Rain of terror

We are 1-2 since becoming the Golden State Warriors of baseball. 

Is it a slump or a market correction?

Last night, the official 2017 Moment of Shit - the one we've long dreaded - finally arrived: 

Aaron Judge's batting average dipped below .300. 

It came with a pop up. Lately, Judge has been hitting them in bunches. The YESsirs assure us it's a common slump - he'll pull out, he'll heat-up, not worried, he's taking pitches, he's getting good wood, he's squaring the bat, he's bearing down, he's acting presidential, yattayatta... But that beautiful, magnificent June - back when Judge was chasing the triple fucking crown! - has turned into dog-day, melted Popsicle August, and if you look closely, a few leaves show tinges of yellow. For three wondrous months, we flew above the clouds. We enjoyed a ringside seat to a Ruthian performance - 30 HRs and .340. The hell with Trout and Harper; we had the lodestone, the lock for Cooperstown, the best damn player in baseball.

He still could be. His numbers still look fearsome. But the pop-ups keep coming. They used to be doubles. Over his three year minor league career, Judge batted .278. If his final 2017 average ends up there, I'll take it. Because the truth is, we still don't know if we're watching a slump or a market correction. Did MLB pitchers find his Achilles heel? If so, can he re-adjust?

In that vein, Judge is following Gary Sanchez, who last year put up MVP numbers that simply could not be sustained. Sanchez now looks like a .250 hitter with 30-HR capabilities, and a few defensive quirks behind the plate. That's still all-star material. Again, I'll take it. But it's not Johnny Bench. 

One reason why teams usually take two or three years to rebuild is that young players must find their talent ceilings. They need time. Our emerging nucleus - Judge, Sanchez, Severino, Gregorius, Hicks - took several seasons to evolve. With the exception of Sanchez, who burst out like a lion, the others pretty much stank at first. Remember Didi's mental errors? Severino's horror show? Hicks was awful, and Judge struck out 40 percent of the time. That's not to mention the continuing failures of Greg Bird, Tyler Austin, Rob Refsnyder, Mason Williams, Slade Heathcott... To develop a young core, a franchise needs to be committed to youth over several seasons. 

Right now, we're seeing it with Clint Frazier and Tyler Wade. Frazier's average is plummeting by six or seven points per at bat. Last night, he left two game-changing runs on third. Wade is barely hitting his weight. Yet both need to play. Their futures are too bright to be pissed away in Scranton, a la Refsnyder, or traded for nothing, a la Ben Gamel. They need time. An August pennant race is a bad time to be grinding on them. 

Next year, presumably, we will unveil infielders Miguel Andujar (.330 at Scranton) and Glyber Torres (.309), and maybe OFs Jake Cave (.376) and Billy McKinney (.343), who have re-established themselves. (Obviously, way too many outfielders.) They'll all need half a season to get acclimated. Same with pitchers Justus Sheffield and Chance Adams. They'll need innings. If the Yankees were out of the 2017 race, this could have provided that adjustment period. 

Don't get me wrong: The 2017 Yankees are going for broke and - hell, yeah! - they should be in the mix. But the kids need to play. I guess I'm especially wondering if Todd Frazier - .207 - is going to play the rest of the way, while Andujar rots in coal country. Balancing a long term Yankee plan with the immediate pennant race remains the biggest challenge facing this franchise. I just hope we don't lose sight of it. Because you know what? Even with a pop-up, Judge DOES look presidential.

No need for razors?

Loose thought about the trade deadline:

It's been a while since we went through it without somebody having to shave. (Or did I miss one?)

What's done is done. Now, it's all about Sonny, Jaime and Todd (Oh my)

I'm typing from the ice bath. It'll take days, weeks to recover from the self-inflicted bruises. It happens every Aug. 1.

The trouble with trading prospects is that one tiny miscalculation - one eency-weency glitch - and you lose a generation. You watch Fred McGriff go out the door, and while everyone is celebrating the deal - (Tom Dodd and Dale Murray!) - poof: Twenty years later, he's entering the Hall of Fame, and you still wonder what the hell happened? 

I'm not saying that's what happened yesterday. We seemed to keep our future intact. At least, it looks so to the naked eye. I do like that we received $1.5 million in international cap spending - MLB's version of trading for a top draft pick. I do not like the fact that our Top 30 MLB prospects list now includes a 16-year-old Latino who has never played a game. That's a bad sign, no matter how you slice it. (Along with that renewed feeling of "why bother; he'll get traded anyway.")

Wanna judge yesterday's trades? Forget it. It's like making scotch: You need 15 years. That's why I barf when writers - who clearly know better - instantly slobber praise over a move. In our modern media, the Yankees basically cover themselves. We want to think of Jack Curry and Michael Kay as independent voices, but they are employees who answer to Brian Cashman just as much as Trudy, the receptionist. (By the way, that's why I cut John Sterling so much slack; he never hides his unabashed Yankee loyalty, which is akin to the love that a moose has for his flying squirrel.) When an institution or government no longer faces outside criticism, it eventually collapses under its own hubris. What what better way to describe the Yankees in this millennium. 

Ah, but why scream at the mountain? It doesn't listen. What's done is done. As Rummy once said, you go to war with the army you have. Today, we have six starting pitchers, with Jordan Montgomery - the most pleasant surprise of 2017 - likely to be sent to the bullpen or Scranton. (Also, so long Garrett Cooper! Let the record show that you outlasted the Mooch!) Forget the "Baby Bombers" marketing slogan. This is once again a team of former all stars. When Aaron Hicks returns, the outfield will overflow. If Greg Bird ever dares to show his face, what then? The September roster expansion is a month away. But Boston is 10 days away. A lot of water will soon flow under the Sonny Gray Memorial Bridge. 

Still, I'm having trouble with baseball's annual massive Aug. 1 restructuring, which is now the norm. The season is split into BEFORE and AFTER the trade deadline. You can see in the standings a big red line between contenders and teams that have punted on 2017. Good grief, Minnesota is barely 5 games out of the Wild Card, but they lost a few games and went home. If the Yankees had been swept by Tampa this week - as they were last year at this time - would we have been buyers yesterday?  

Games are way too long. Who can devote four hours to watching TV. Moreover, they have evolved into boring strikeout/walk/homer marathons. And here's the rub: It's the same with the season. Why follow the team from April 1 to August 1, when it will simply undergo a total transformation at the deadline? For me, the Yankees are not just stars but a cast of characters - Tyler Austins and Giovanni Gallegos - whose successes and failures give a sense of humanity. Why bother, if they're just going to replaced by a bunch of veteran stiffs?

Ah, but what's done is done. Why yell at the mountain? Yesterday, the writers celebrated how Yankee management, by obtaining Gray, "sent a message" that to the team "is all in on 2017!" Well, I don't buy that. The greatest GM in modern history, Pat Gillick, was famously called "Stand Pat" because he refused to trade prospects at deadlines. He built the Blue Jays (World Champs 1992 and 93), the Orioles (solid in late 1990s), the Mariners (single season win record 2000-2003) and the Phillies (2008 champs.) Gillick's teams understood that, by standing pat, he was showing faith in them. Why has rearranging all the furniture become the form of showing support? 

Oh, by the way, Gillick's the guy who snared Fred McGriff from us. We celebrated that day. Tom Dodd and Dale Murray! Just a thought.