BUY MY BOOK: BARD OF THE DEAL: THE POETRY OF DONALD TRUMP
Sunday, September 30, 2007
1. Spanish Armada, flubbed battle v. English.... 1588
2. Napoleon at Waterloo, blew big lead... 1815
3. Goliath v. David, big man should've gone inside.... date uncertain
4. Mayans, lost incredible upset to Cortez... 1521
5. NEW YORK METS, collapse... 2007
6. Peter Best, drummed way out of Beatles... 1959
7. Jewish Multitudes, chose Barabbas over JC... 33 AD
8. George W. Bush, flew over New Orleans to see floaters... 2005
9. Larry Craig, guilty plea on bathroom stall humjob... 2007
10. Mama Cass, didn't chew sandwich... 1974
Saturday, September 29, 2007
1 . Spot celebrities
2. Say hello to 2004 Presidential election voters, still standing in line
3. Throw lit match into Cuyahoga River.
4. Talk trash about Pittsburgh.
5. See live presentation of "Cats."
6. Oogle all the pretty girls.
7. Treat yourself to famous Ohio cuisine.
8. Visit the Cuyahoga County seat.
Friday, September 28, 2007
Why is the horrible tragedy in Burma ripe for horrible American comedy?
1. Hollywood's portrayal of the situation was a movie titled, "Bulletproof Monk."
2. "Burma Shave."
3. The government shut down all media. That means guys are twisting knobs and yelling, "Come in, Rangoon!"
Get up and CHEER for New York's Amazin' other team.
Thursday, September 27, 2007
Wednesday, September 26, 2007
Worried about overtaxing the franchise's crown jewel, the Yank braintrust has set tight restrictions on use of pitcher Brian Bruney.
1. After throwing more than five (5) pitches in an outing, Bruney must rest for at least one (1) year.
2. After throwing more than two (2) innings... oh, hell, there's no chance of that.
3. After using rest room, Bruney must wash hands before handling food.
4. When chasing women with teammates, Bruney must take the hog.
5. Traveling between cities, Bruney must ride outside plane.
Tuesday, September 25, 2007
Who is the MVP?
Check our won-loss records when these guys played
Joba Chamberlain....14-2.. .888
Mariano Rivera.... 53-12.. .815
Chien Ming Wang.... 20-9.. .689
Andy Phillips.... 37-24.. .606
Shelly Duncan.... 18-12.. .600
Melky Cabrera.... 85-60.. .586
Alex Rodriguez.... 89-65.. .579
Derek Jeter..... 88-64.. .578
Robinson Cano.... 89-66.. .574
Craig Biggio's career ends this week. Presumably, so does the best sports blog ever, maybe even the best one possible: Plunk Biggio.
Dedicated to Craig Biggio and his (probably unintentional) Quest to break the all time major league career record for getting hit by pitches.The record would be nice, but author pbr's hopes are starting to look as bruised as Biggio's bicep. The assailable Astro has been stalled at 285, two behind Hughie Jennings' record, since July 7th.
That the possibility excites pbr at all is funny.* Funnier still is his super-obsessive study of Biggio's career as a target. This is how he gets:
Biggio has been hit by a pitch by someone born in nearly every calendar year between 1953 and 1984 - missing only 1954, 1959, and 1961. The oldest pitchers currently in the league are Roger Clemens and Jamie Moyer, and they were both born in '62. There hasn't been a pitcher in the league born before '62 since John Franco retired after the '05 season. Yovani Gallardo missed his chance last night to become the only pitcher born in 1986 ever to plunk Biggio, but Biggio could still get hit by Jose Ascanio of the Braves, who was born in 1985.And on he goes, as he has done in post after post since April, 2005.
Craig Biggio has also been hit by pitchers wearing 53 different uniform numbers, but there are 5 pitchers on the rosters of the teams left on the Astros schedule who wear numbers not on that list. Biggio has already been plunked by pitchers wearing numbers 14 to 19, 21 to 23, 25 to 62, 66, 67, 69, 71, 75 and 99. Carlos Villenueva wears #12 for the Brewers but he won't pitch against the Astros (barring a really long game in which he'd be forced into a relief appears). The Brewers also have Seth McClung though, wearing #73. The Cardinals have a #63 in Andy Cavazos, and the Reds have #81 Eddie Guardado and #64 Tom Shearn.
Also, Biggio has only been plunked by pitchers born in 37 of the 50 US States...
*Although he denies it in this standing footer:
Moral disclaimer: The author of this blog does not support or endorse intentionally throwing at Craig Biggio.
Monday, September 24, 2007
Or its most painful...
We can avenge those who so smilingly befouled us, if...
First round: We beat California.
Second round: We beat Boston.
Third round. We beat Arizona.
THIS WRETCHED DECADE CAN BE SAVED!
First round: We lose to California.
Second round: We watch Boston and Mets advance.
Third round: We kill ourselves...
THE DECADE CAN BE OVER.
Sunday, September 23, 2007
New York Magazine reported on Sunday that the Yankees third baseman could end up with the Chicago Cubs next season with a blockbuster contract that includes an ownership stake in the team.Report: A-Rod Could Become Player/Owner With Cubs
Update: It would be against MLB rules, apparently, unless they defer A-Rod's stake until after he retires. Plus, A-Rod says it isn't true, and so does his agent, Scott Boras. And if you can't believe every word out of an agent's mouth, then what good is anything?
Saturday, September 22, 2007
Friday, September 21, 2007
The stool-sampler brigade rates 17-year-old catcher Jesus Montero the No. 2 prospect in the Gulf Coast League... this despite missing three weeks with a bum ankle, throwing out only quadroplegic baserunners and looking like an unbuttered Thanksgiving dumpling.
Don't know the No. 1 prospect. But Baseball America will get some calls if he's named Allah.
Thursday, September 20, 2007
NEW YORK (AP) Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad asked permission to lay a wreath at the World Trade Center site when he comes to New York City next week, but the request was denied, a police official said Wednesday.
Instead, officials are suggesting an alternative memorial site.
Wednesday, September 19, 2007
Tuesday, September 18, 2007
Monday, September 17, 2007
Sunday, September 16, 2007
Wild Cards have won three of last five World Champions.
Why? The Wild Card has a great advantage: It must play its best ball going into the playoffs.
We have a thin lead over Detroit. Let's hope they keep winning... to the final game.
Why? Because we can't roll over Baltimore, Tampa Bay and Toronto, the hell with us.
Let Boston, LA and Cleveland luxuriate. The Wild Card will be hungry and hard.
For the Yankees to be that way, the Tigers must keep winning.
Go Curtis Granderson!
How about a "clean" double-play breakup slide today for Dustin Pedroia?
And how does Josh Beckett obviously hit Giambi and not get thrown out of the game, as Roger Clemens and Joba Chamberlain were?
And why do Sean Henn, Ron Villone, et al -- pitchers who would bless us with a two-game suspension -- not put a dink into Big Pappy, when he's wailing on us with an 8-run lead?
Saturday, September 15, 2007
Friday, September 14, 2007
Thursday, September 13, 2007
NEW YORK (AP) — Michael Kay plans to leave Thursday for an ambitious reporting trip to Boston — the YES anchor's first trip to the war zone since early June — in anticipation of a crucial development on progress of the Yankees effort.
Kay will anchor the games from Boston Friday, Saturday and Sunday.
YES would not reveal many specifics of his plans in advance because of competitive and safety concerns. The trip, in the works for six weeks, anticipates the late-season Yankees surge that is expected in the last two weeks of September.
"You can't help but get a very detached perspective when you're not there and you're not witnessing things firsthand," Kay told The Associated Press on Tuesday. "I'm curious about very basic questions regarding living conditions, about how much fear there is in the street, about how the players really are doing."
Kay and his traveling partner, WFAN correspondent Sweeny Murti, were fitted with 30-pound body armor vests in Brian Cashman's office on Tuesday. Both needed to send theirs back to add extra protection to the sides.
"Obviously, safety is a concern," said Kay, 46, who had suggested last year that being the last of his bloodline might make him think twice about such trips. "I'm not being cavalier about it. I think I feel comfortable with the measures that are being taken."
Now the latest from the Master: Mel just got indicted for having sexual relations with girls aged 12 and 14!
["Hall taped "Mr. Zero" to the top of Williams's locker to signify that he meant nothing to the team. One day Hall nearly brought Williams to tears by saying, "Zero, shut up," every time Williams tried to
speak. The more Williams tried, the louder Hall interrupted with repetitive chants of "Zero." "]
WHAT WOULD STUMP SAY TO THAT?
Nobody out-thinks Mike Mussina. And for any Yankee fan out there who secretly hoped Toronto will beat us 33-2 last night, thereby ending Moose's chance to implode in Game III of the playoffs, well, forgetaboutit.