ACORN signs C.C. Sabathia to Six-Year Yankee Contract

NEW YORK _ ACORN, the non-profit coalition of neighborhood groups that has replaced the economy, al Qaeda and former Abbie Hoffmann-wannabees as the greatest threat to America, announced today that it recently registered C.C. Sabathia to vote for the next six years as a New York Yankee.

Under terms of the 6-year deal, Sabathia will receive $100 per day, with the rest of his $120 million contract going to ACORN.

Last month, the Yankees launched a working agreement with ACORN, hoping to sign free agents in the fine print of contracts that appeared to be registering them to vote.

"We've already signed 130,000 free agents," said Yankee President Randy Levine. "I figure that, out of that group, somebody's gotta be able to play first base."

Levine said he was personally intrigued by an "M. Mickey Mouse," who just might be the future centerfielder.