The year had just begun. Through the miracle of Photoshop,
Alphonso appeared on national teevee in a Snuggly,
or a Cuddly, or Crumbly, or whateverthefuk they're called.
We wore a Proudly.
Following our truth-telling campaign,
you, the general public, told America not to spend our taxpayer
Tea Party money on Ken Burns' pro-Redsock propaganda.
Alphonso, the official IT IS HIGH voice of reason,
raged against the Yankees refusal to resign Johnny Damon.
After we sign Randy Wynn, SuperFrankenstein courageously stood up
for the new Yankee's embattled wife.
Other sites barely noticed when the Yankees signed
September hero Greg Golson. We were on it like cocaine on a navel.
A stawker Redsock fan hacked Conan's account.
We couldn't make sense of it then, or now.
We begged, we pleaded, we shrieked like
self-mutilating monks... but did Cashman listen?
No. He planned to solve our hitting woes with Nick Johnson.
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