Yankeetorial: Christian Lopez has revealed the unappreciated goodness of Yankee fans everywhere

We've heard their endless catcalls, endured their foul spit-showers of hate. "Fatcats!" they call us. "Bullies!" "Traffickers in human flesh!"

"Yankee fans..."

It's part of our life. It represents our burden. To stand atop Everest, one must suffer the bad breath of sherpas. To conquer new worlds, (Brad Pitt, Britney Spears, Aristotle  -- Yankee fans), one must first dismiss the braying, naying, prayers of non-paying, dream-slaying naysayers. If you can't take the bleats, get out of Cleveland.

Today, once again, the world has glimpsed the boundless compassion and unmistakable charity of all Yankee fans, in the work of Christian Lopez (not to be confused with former Yankee prospect Christian Garcia, now throwing softballs at dunking clowns.)

Mr. Lopez caught Derek Jeter's 600th homerun - wait, is that right? - and instead of selling it on the open market for enough money to receive telemarketing calls from Fred Wilpon, he gave it to charity.

Yes, he gave it to Jeter, saying, and I quote: "On behalf of Yankee fans, the highest form of being known to humanity, I cannot accept this gift that has fallen from heaven; therefore, in the name of New York City, America and God, I hereby bestow upon our Captain this ball and magical token that shall be his forever, or until the day his grandchildren need cash."

Imagine if the ball were hit at Fenway. It would have gone on Craiglist, with the owner raping and killing potential women buyers. It would be purchased by a Saudi prince or the Koch brothers, subjected to waterboarding, and used to control weather.

The world wants to think of Yankee fans as smirking, pig-headed devils in a pinstriped human guise.

In fact, we are the most loving people on earth, after the Kardashians.

Thank you, Christian Lopez, for showing our goodness.

And don't forget to buy that authentic DK-NY-3K merchandise at the MLB store! Now, at popular prices!