Monday, September 19, 2011

Eleven games left, what should we do to maximize the Redsock terror

We have a lead of FIVE in the loss column over Boston (SEVEN over Tampa). Boston has TWO games in the loss column over Tampa.

Here's our surgical plan of pure, unadulterated eeeee-vil:

Today: Minnesota... WE MUST WIN TODAY (Dammit, everything hinges upon this conquest!)
Baltimore must split doubleheader with Boston, reducing the Redsocks' lead to one over Tampa. (This shall be difficult, because the Orioles lay down like lambs against their Boston masters.)
Tampa has the day off to contemplate our brilliance.

Next series (Operation BIB - Bring In Brackman):
We must lose 3/4 at home against Tampa. (This shall require some, let's call it  "tinkering," mwhahahahahahah.)
Boston will win its remaining two games against pathetic Baltimore (They always beat those toothless dogs.)
Thus, Tampa will be TIED with Boston in loss column.
We will lead the division by three.

Following series:
We must win 2/3 against Boston. (THIS IS CRITICAL)
Tampa must take 2/3 against Toronto.
We will be three up over Tampa, which will lead Boston by one.

Final series:
We must win 1/3 against Tampa. (We clinch division with that victory)
Boston will sweep Baltimore. (Thanks again, Buck Showalter, for nothing.)
That leaves Boston playing Tampa in a one-game playoff... in Tampa, because Tampa won the regular season series.

Tampa will win the playoff game, because that's what they do.

Thus, we win the division, Boston collapses, Tampa advances - after draining its pitchers. In the off-season, the Redsocks clean house, old Steinbrenner style, and go into an eight-year tailspin. Mwahahahahahaha.


Benny Bernaki said...

El Duque
The president would like to see you concerning fixing the US economy.

basura said...

Those 3 or 4 Tampa fans will loove that playoff game.



Joe De Pastry said...

Great idea, but re-check your math at step two.

Anonymous said...

Check your math also for the final step. If the Yanks take one of four from Rays this week, and two from Sox this week-end, they'll have reached their magic number of 5. Last three games against Rays won't matter to Yanks. Mwahahahahahaha.

el duque said...

Damn you all and your math.

I'm trying to win us a World Championship, and you're taking out your calculators?

Anonymous said...

Question: if this all happens, will we finally be able to tell KetchupSocks fans to STFU about our 2004 collapse? Is this equal? Oh wait. They'll just whine about injuries. Like we didn't have any to overcome either.