Monday, September 19, 2011
Posted by el duque at 6:34 AM
Here's our surgical plan of pure, unadulterated eeeee-vil:
Today: Minnesota... WE MUST WIN TODAY (Dammit, everything hinges upon this conquest!)
Baltimore must split doubleheader with Boston, reducing the Redsocks' lead to one over Tampa. (This shall be difficult, because the Orioles lay down like lambs against their Boston masters.)
Tampa has the day off to contemplate our brilliance.
Next series (Operation BIB - Bring In Brackman):
We must lose 3/4 at home against Tampa. (This shall require some, let's call it "tinkering," mwhahahahahahah.)
Boston will win its remaining two games against pathetic Baltimore (They always beat those toothless dogs.)
Thus, Tampa will be TIED with Boston in loss column.
We will lead the division by three.
We must win 2/3 against Boston. (THIS IS CRITICAL)
Tampa must take 2/3 against Toronto.
We will be three up over Tampa, which will lead Boston by one.
We must win 1/3 against Tampa. (We clinch division with that victory)
Boston will sweep Baltimore. (Thanks again, Buck Showalter, for nothing.)
That leaves Boston playing Tampa in a one-game playoff... in Tampa, because Tampa won the regular season series.
Tampa will win the playoff game, because that's what they do.
Thus, we win the division, Boston collapses, Tampa advances - after draining its pitchers. In the off-season, the Redsocks clean house, old Steinbrenner style, and go into an eight-year tailspin. Mwahahahahahaha.