Tuesday, June 1, 2021

Pride of the Yankees? This looks like a looming Tampa massacre

Dear Tampa, 

Okay, for God sake, you've proved your point. You've won. You've embarrassed the Yankees. You've humiliated us, on our home field no less. Congratulations. We're slapping the canvas, okay? Call off your dogs. It's over! "UNCLE!" Do hear me? "UNNNNNN-KULLLLLLLLL!"

Jeeezus Krice. If this were a fight, they'd stop it. The ref would intervene and make sure that one side - the Yankees, that is - doesn't sustain permanent brain damage. 

We have now reached that annual Yankee doomsday bunker, where as soon as the opponent scores two runs against us, we collectively feel all hope drain from the dugout, the stadium and even the Your Name Here Broadcast Booth, where John & Suzyn provide game-long eulogies.  

Today, the good news is that - by losing yesterday - the Yankees leapfrogged Houston in the 2021 Tankathon standings, otherwise known as the race for the bottom.

We would now draft 18th, and it looks as though we'll soon overtake - (or undertake?) - Milwaukee.

Some may think we're jumping ship too soon, that it's only June 1 - (as we said of May 1, not long ago) - and, for sure: If the Death Barge roars back to win the next three against Tampa, the worst fears can be poo-pooed. But right now, we're looking at a potential wipeout by not only the Rays but by Boston, and if that happens, the 2021 season will seriously fly off the ledge. 

Unless he starts hitting, Giancarlo Stanton is about to face the fiercest booing in his career. This is a purely toxic scenario, and it's the last thing the Yankees need. At some point - soon - Stanton must deliver or leave New York. The Yankees will need to hold their nose, buy him out, and trade him to a west coast team, where it's possible that he will be resurrected and make us look even worse. But there is a point where trotting him out to be embarrassed and booed does no good for anyone, and though that time is not yet here, you can see it off in the distance. 

Likewise, the two disappointments - Clint Frazier and Miguel Andujar - will also need new homes. I know, Miggy homered yesterday, raising blah-blah-blah from the YES crew that blah-blah-blah... his turnaround is here. If only. For months, we have championed the notion that each player needs 150 at-bats to prove himself. Well, Frazier is now at 132, and still mired below .200. Andujar - only 66 at bats - still has no position. I don't know what the Yankees would get in a trade - they're at the low end of their value - but there comes a time when it's just cruel to continue. And by this time next week, we would be there.

Listen: The biggest gap between the Rays and Yankees is not Tampa's youth, its pitching or even its batting average with runners on base. It's the spirit in their clubhouse. The Rays are an ascending team, a winning team, a team still surging - as opposed to what the Yankees have assembled: a boring, lifeless  lineup of players who peaked several years ago and know they will never return to form.

Seriously, look at the lineup. Who in that order has his peak year ahead of him? (Last winter, I would have said Frazier. Now, not so sure.) Will LeMahieu ever again hit  .360? Will Luke win another HR crown? Will Gleyber hit 38 HRs? Will Gardy return to 2019 form? Even Judge cannot recapture his 2018. And Gary Sanchez... aw, forget it. 

Tampa is full of players still anticipating their peaks. We are limping to the end, and it's only June 1.  

Call off your dogs, Tampa. We've seen enough. Lookout below, everybody, the Yankees are headed for the Tankathon. 


Celerino Sanchez said...

I read an article about the players that the Yankees have traded over the last for years. You have Sheffield, Kaprielian, Whitlock, Trevor Stephan, Eric Swanson, Yajure & Feyereisen all pitching in the MLB with moderate to good results. Blake Rutherford is hitting .300 in AAA, Jose Devers is playing in Miami. The only guys on the current Yankee roster obtained for these players are Jameson "The Stallion" Taillon & Iron Mike Stanton. No WS wins or appearances as a result of trading these players. But we still have Ricky Nelson, Alan King and Luis Cessa to roll out there. And of course Gardy and his .193 batting average.

Anonymous said...

Ricky Nelson? Isn't he Ozzie and Harriet's kid?

But fret not because:

It's June!
Fly those homers to the moon!
We'll be in first place soon!
Fuck no! We've still got Boone!

- The Camel of Zarathustra

Ken of Brooklyn said...

We may need to invoke an International JuJu Intervention for ourselves, for our sanity, for the sake of the loooOOOoooong term for our Yankees. What would that look like, how do I know, that's way above my pay grade, but something like the wholesale house cleaning of the organization would be nice for starters. I know, I know, I know, but what the hell, it's not like any of the other recent JuJu/ Reverse UjUj Interventions have worked, LOL!!!!!!!!

PS- I meant to write this last week, PLEASE never leave us El Duque, you and all the merry pranksters here at IIHIIFIIC are literally the only reason I'm not jumping ship this year,,,,, Bless you all my friends!

Anonymous said...

As long as the dark-haired version of Howdy-Dowdy is the manager with "Buffalo Bob" Cashman as his sidekick, this team will never win. PERIOD
The Archangel

Anonymous said...

Keep Miggy! He really is coming around. We're just burned out on Frazier and the two of them are lumped together in our minds but they have not had the same career.

A listless "loser" clubhouse is on Boone. He needs to go first then find players who fit the new manager's style.

FIND A SHORTSTOP! and move Gleyber back to 2nd where he belongs! He's ok/good at second. Relieve him of the burden of playing a position he knows he's not that good at.

Lose ALL the guys past their expiration date: Gardy and Odor.

If you can't trade Stanton - and his no trade cluse will be less of a problem when the cavalcade of boos gets going - STOP BATTING HIM SECOND OR THIRD OR FOURTH or fifth, sixth or seventh for that matter. G-d Boone is a moron.

These are all doable suggestions. ANYONE will be better that Gardy and Odor. There are defensive SS out there somewhere. Firing Boone is easy. Hell, I'll do it if they give me the go ahead. Dropping Stanton is easy too. Someone hand me a line up card.

#8 Stanton.


Doug K.

TheWinWarblist said...

The Boss would not have stood for this. He would've pitched a royal fit on the back pages and fired somebody. Probably more than one somebody. Panic trades would happen. Players released. Mass pandemonium.

I miss when ownership cared if we won or lost.

They are are miserable fuckers.

JM said...

I agree, Doug. Keep Miggy. He's very definitely getting better and closer to his original form.

Boone is Cashman's tool, so it's hard to see him going with the Brain still in charge. But the idea of bringing back Showalter is interesting. Yeah, he left Cone in too long when the Yanks melted down in '95, but he's smart. He's tough. He knows how to build a contender. He understands baseball in an almost Ted Williams kind of way. I didn't want him gone back then and I'd be happy to have him back now. This team needs somebody like him. And, as many of the IIHers will agree, 65 is not that old anymore.

But he won't be a puppet to the GM or the stat boys, so the thought of seeing him or anyone like him is seemingly out of the question. Which is too bad.

And I've actually seen him smile during one of his postgame dissections on YES. That was new. Cashman's reputation was made when he inherited the team that Buck and Bob and the Stick built when George was banned from the game. We're in desperate need of someone who knows how to do that.

Celerino Sanchez said...

I laughed when I saw that Boone was pissed. He must have went up to Stanton and said "Mr Stanton would you mind batting 5th today, please"?

Anonymous said...


I'd be good with Buck. He's a baseball guy not a PR guy. He'd bring back the spark.

Doug K.

Rufus T. Firefly said...

I vote for Buck to take Brain's job. Have him hire the next manager. It would sure be someone with spark.

Is Ozzie Guillen still available? He'd probably be terrible, but the post game news conferences would be the opposite of Boner.

HoraceClarke66 said...


Mark it on your multi-year, galactic calendars. That's when Coops and Stanton will be gone, not before.

Ma Boone may well be thrown under the bus sometimes next year, if the team continues to crumble. But Stanton's buyout year is not until 2028, and until that time, no one is going to take him off our hands. The Brain will preserve his own post by ditching Boonie, and embarking with much fanfare on a "rebuilding" program that, of course, we will in all fairness have to give him time to see how it plays out.

HAL will build Soccer City, his real dream.

Anonymous said...


I don't know but, that said, you were right about it being 1965. So I'll give you the benefit of the doubt.

Doug K.

HoraceClarke66 said...

And...WAS 2020 really such an anomaly?

It's demoralizing to see how closely so many Yankees are repeating that performance this season.

Or doing worse.

Here, for instance, is Stanton:

2020: 23 games, 94 PA, 4 HR, 11 RBI, .250/.387/.500/.887
2021: 36 games, 158 PA, 9 HR, 24 RBI, .259/.329/.490/.819

Or The Gleyber:

2020: 42 games, 160 PA, 3 HR, 16 RBI, .243/.356/.368/.724, 9 errors.
2021: 45 games, 187 PA, 2 HR, 19 RBI, .259/.342/.331/.674, 9 errors.

Yeah, this is trending real well.

el duque said...

I was depressed this morning, when I set out to write.

Now, having read all these comments, I am THOROUGHLY depressed.

Mustang said...

Duque, what are friends for?

JM said...

Well put, Mustang.

And Rufus, you have a good point. If Buck was GM, he'd be in position to build a solid team, even if Hal put financial handcuffs on him. And he would hire a baseball manager instead of a media manager. You know, one who can fill out a lineup card without making an ass of himself.

ranger_lp said...

I'm gonna put this out there...

Let's say the Yanks get swept by Tampa. Then they get swept by the Red Sox.

I don't think Boone survives this. Really...I think he has to go...I think even Brian and Hal will see Boone, whose ONLY job is to motivate his team, is not doing his job.

Feelings about this?

Pgpick said...

Well, you can’t fire all the players, so look for coaches to be the scapegoat.

Meanwhile, we are left to wonder why, since these guys have been playing this game since they were 6, are they making such bonehead mistakes……Some, like Frazer, have had their heads fucked with until they almost have to move on. Others, like Sanchez, are apparently to arrogant and/or dumb to figure it out.

Anonymous said...

@Pgpick Re. Sanchez, did you hear the post game interview after the 6-2 loss to the Tigers? Sanchez said something like "I was trying to be aggressive ...." Why would you want to be aggressively running the bases when you're down 6-2 in the 8th inning? Will someone please tell Gary Sanchez that he is NOT Rickey Henderson on the basepaths? Sanchez has lived under this delusion his entire career with the Yankees so far. He thinks that he can run like the wind. This guy should be running base to base. Perhaps the real travesty is that no Yankee coach has corrected this delusion. WTF?

The Hammer of God

HoraceClarke66 said...

Nah, they'll say how can Boone be expected to deal with all these terrible injuries. Then when it all goes the same way next year, they'll can him.

Then Coops will announce that he's rebuilding, and all his pets in the press will ask how he can be expected to turn this team around inside of five years.

2027. Has a 7 in it, and adds up to 11. Call it our 7-11 year.

Yankee Daddy Roger said...

You all ignored me about the sacrificing of the baby goats. Tried some ridiculous revers juju. Where did that get you, thumbing your nose, thinking your juju tricks could make the REAL Yankees appear? The JUJU gods are not stupid. Think about it--reverse juju is not reverse juju.Reverse juju is ujuj. If you want to cast a spell, learn how to spell. UJUJ! UJUU!

Yankee Daddy Roger said...

And yes, I realize that "reverse" is spelled with an "e". Don't damn me because I don't write pretty

TheWinWarblist said...

YDR, we will damn you for a myriad of reasons, spelling errors being on a lower tier of vilification. Now can you make the Stadium on August 18th??

Yankee Daddy Roger said...

I will be there with a baby goat

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