Loser City, Update

So the big debate in NYC this weekend, is over whether this is the worst Giants team in the franchise's 100-year-old history.

I think the question revolves around whether you want offense or defense. 

The 1966 Jints were actually slightly worse than even the very worst that this team can be. The 2024 "Bums in Blue," as my father used to call them, can fall to "only" 2-15 (.118), while the 1966 team went 1-12-1 (.107).

That '66 team was wretched. I made the first of all of three trips in my life to see the Giants live that year, at the O.G. Yankee Stadium. The fans were wonderfully out of control, singing endless choruses of "Goodbye, Allie/ We hate to see you go" to beleaguered coach Allie Sherman (always the man who was NOT Vince Lombardi or Tom Landry).  As I recall, somebody was even doing a brisk business outside the Stadium, selling pennants with "Goodbye Allie" on them.

That was a bad team, all right, surrendering 501 points in only 14 games. That included 72 points against the Washington Redskins, to this day the highest number of points scored in an NFL, regular-season game.  

That Giants team could at least score, though—263 points in all, compared to just 183 this year. And this year's squad seems bent on setting all sort of other franchise records: fewest interceptions by any Giants team, ever, most consecutive losses; most incompetent kicking game, etc.

This to go along with (yet another) Jets collapse on the same, hallowed Meadowlands grounds ("The Curse of Jimmy Hoffa"?). The local football season was over by Halloween.

But that's not the worst news. The New York Rangers, in one of the constant, roller-coaster dips and plunges of that franchise, have gone from having the best record in the NHL last year to what looks like a total collapse. 

The Knicks, having seized the hearts of all New York for a few, wonderful months last spring...of course decided to change everything, and are now playing that electrifying, 11-8 ball. Of the Islanders and Nets, we should not even speak. Ever.

It looks as though all our local hopes will have to be focused on the plucky New Jersey Devils. Yep, that's what we've come down to here in the city where nepotism never sleeps: the hope that a team named after a hallucination of swamp gas will somehow bring home a championship.

Until, that is, next February, when baseball starts again. Even here, our local losers are basically fighting over a single superstar, something that seems likely to spell nothing but regression.

I dunno. Think we can hold a ticker tape parade for Columbia's football team snagging one-third of the Ivy  title?  That's as celebratory as it's likely to get around here in Loser City.

 

Top 10 potential Yankee/Juan Soto outcomes, ranked

1. Yanks sign Soto with money left to fill roster holes and win in 2025. New Yankee dynasty begins with Soto, Judge and the Martian in Hall of Fame outfield.

2. Soto signs with Dodgers with sleazy, deferred payments that prompt MLB to nullify deal. Chaos ensues. Yanks keep Soto, launching new dynasty.

3.  Yanks sign Soto with no money left to fill roster. Team goes with rookies, who become stars, dynasty, etc.

4. Padres or Nats - doesn't matter - sign Soto at ridiculous price. Yanks still rule the cupcake AL East. Wild card dynasty. 

5. Blue Jays sign Soto at ridiculous price, rule AL East for 10 years, while Yanks impress world with frugality. 

6. Mets sign Soto at ridiculous price, which Yanks could have matched, making them NYC's other team for next 10 years. 

7. Redsocks sign Soto at ridiculous price, which Yanks needed to match, leaving them also rans in AL East for next few years.

8. Soto signs with Dodgers with sleazy deferred payments, launching dynasty, triggering wave of horrible Cashman signings, which cause Yankee collapse in 2025.

9. Yanks sign Soto, Judge feels slighted, Cole leaves, no money left for roster, wave of bad Cashman deals, and then - on top of everything - Soto blows out his back and sucks.

10. Yanks lose Soto to Mets or Redsocks, triggering bad Cashman signings and bad Cashman deals, no money for roster, and for next 12 years, as our rivals celebrate, we watch and wonder what we were thinking? as Soto's price tag looks less outlandish. And the Dodgers keep cooking their books. 

It CAN happen here, and week after week, the NY Giants are proving it

Sorry, Vegas. Go home, Jacksonville. The Giants are the worst team in pro football. Period. They are a work of art. They are perfection. They are a piece of human history.

They are the worst franchise in professional sports, run by the worst owner in the history of capitalism, and - at least today, they rank No. 1 in the IT IS HIGH all-time Fiasco List for Human History. 

IT IS HIGH Top 10 Fiascos in Human History, Ranked

10. Spanish Armada, 1588 
9. Titanic, 1909
8. City of Troy welcoming committee for "Gift Horse," 13th Century, B.C.
7. Crusades, 1189-1221
6. New York Giants, 2021. 
5. Bernie Madoff, 2008
4. New Coke, 1985
3. New York Giants, 2019.
2. Discovery of "Greenland," 982.
1. New York Giants, 2024 (In progress.)

1a. New York Yankees, 2025 (If Soto is a Met.)

Happy Tanksgiving, everybody. Rest assured, the Giants will lose

Drink a gallon. Eat a boat. Find a couch. Close your eyes. Let the Jersey Giants work their magic.

Remember the creed of the Doom-Scrolling Fan:

Whatever happens, it won't matter. 

We'll still draft a bum. 

The Mets will still outbid us.

The Japanese star will still sign with the Dodgers. 

Saquan will win MVP, Aaron Rodgers won't leave, Brunson will get hurt, the Rangers will stumble, Rutgers will be Rutgers, and Hal Steinbrenner will live forever, hugging his checkbook, as the heavens rain down. 

It's time for the Macy's Parade, the TV-equivalent of chugging a quart of maple syrup.

Drink up. Have a great one. 

(Thanks, Carl)

Dear Mr. Steinbrenner: You face a life-defining challenge. You must rise to it and save the Yankees, save the country, save New York, and save your name in history. You must sign Juan Soto.

Dear Mr. Steinbrenner, 

Have you listened to the Internet lately? They're snickering. They're whispering. They're saying the Mets will sign Juan Soto, that Steve Cohen will brazenly poach the Yankee star and steal his once-future plaque in Monument Park. They're suggesting secondary moves the Yankees can make after Soto is gone, even as those options disappear. (Last night, the Dodgers signed Blake Snell; there is no reason to think they've finished. They are, after all, the Dodgers.)

Sir, you have one pathway to success: You must sign Soto. You must stand up to the bully. You must hold the line. You must match whatever Cohen offers, no matter how uncomfortable you feel. There is no fallback plan. You must win this battle.

If you match the Mets, all things being equal, Soto will stay. 

If you match it, he will stay.

Sir, in everyone's life, there comes one destiny-defining decision. 

Do they run into the burning building, or spend the rest of their lives thinking about those who didn't make it out? 

Do they stand up to the bully, or spend the rest of their lives cowering in fear?

Do they fight to the end, or spend the rest of their lives trying to rewrite the excuses behind their surrender?

Sir, this is your crossroads. This is your decision, your moment. You cannot escape it. This will define you. It will show the world, once and for all, if the Yankees are still the New York Yankees. Or are they just-another floundering, failing NY team, one whose stars can be stolen by a rival. 

There is no Anthony Santander solution. There is no Plan B. Either re-sign Soto or consign the Yankees into the status of just-another-team. From the moment that Soto dons another team's cap, you will have squandered the once-greatest fan base in American sports. That will be your legacy. You will never escape it. You will be the owner who lost the Yankees.

It's like the song you play after every game: 

It's up to you... New York, New York.

Sir, this is it...

Dream on.

 

I see that of late, many of you have decided to believe the hype, drink the Kool-Aid, [insert your cliché here] and swallow the Yankees’ party line on why we’re just as well off not re-signing Juan Soto. 

 

I think we’re all agreed that it doesn’t really matter because chances are that Hal is not going to pony up the money for Soto in any case. But just for the sake of that great Yankees archive in the sky, I got dis to say about dat:

—It’s a lot of money. Sure is. And believe me, folks, when the Yanks let Soto amble over to Queens, none of the prices are coming down by one thin dime. They are still going to charge us all a fortune for mediocre beer brands; they are still going to sweep five lobster tails onto the plates of those fortunate sons in the Legends Suite while they screw the rest of the fans and the taxpayers over at every opportunity.

And even if you don't go to a game, or watch one on any device, they're still going to hit us up for enormous public subsidies—particularly after the Rays get their new park, wherever. They'll have some excuse, like how the one we gave them in 2009 doesn't have this or that luxury amenity, like robot seat butlers, or a hurricane-proof dome. 

The Yankees, believe it or not, started agitating for another new stadium as early as 1983, just 7 YEARS after the YS II opened. By 1998, they were in full lather about it. That was just 22 years after the last one. At that rate, it will take them to 2031, about which time Juan Soto will be taking home his 4th or 5th NL MVP as a Met.

—He could get hurt. Sure could. And with today’s sports training and medicine—and the DH—Soto could easily play another 15 years. Many injuries are hard to predict. I never thought that Don Mattingly’s back would give out as early as it did—or that Aaron Judge would only seem to get more sturdy. 

 

Brian Cashman already signs up all sorts of guys with dubious injury histories (looking at you, Jazz Chisholm and Harrison Bader). In any case, I’m sure the Yankees will insure him with those patsies over at Lloyd’s of London, so it won’t really hurt the team's budget.

—He will decline. Of course he will. Who doesn’t? (With the exception of all the incredibly well-preserved, he-man bravos among us, of course.) But unlike, say, a Jacoby Ellsbury who was in good part a speed guy, and thus inevitably going to see his value decrease quickly, Soto is a slugger, wonderfully well-suited to our right field porch even if he’s using a walker by 35.

—He’s not that good an all-around player. Okay, he’s an erratic fielder and he doesn’t steal many bases. Neither did, say…Manny Ramirez. Think we wouldn’t have won a few more rings if we’d signed Manny in 2001 instead of letting Boston do so? Yeah, I thought so.

 

No one is saying that Soto is Willie Mays, or Babe Ruth, or The Mick. But right now, at just 26, when you take away the juicers and the members of the Colorado Rockies, he is 13^th on the all-time, major-league OPS list. 

 

Juan Soto is not just a generational talent. He’s an all-time talent.

—We’ll spend so much money on him, we won’t be able to get enough pitching. Sorry, but we already gave away four young pitchers for Soto—and it will be a giveaway, all right, if we let him walk after one year. Those four included Michael King, already a top pitcher for a major NL contender, San Diego, and Drew Thorpe, who the Padres used in the Dylan Cease deal.

If there’s one thing Hal & Pal are even less likely to do—and more likely to screw up—than acquiring major position players, it’s pitching. Having Soto is not going to change that one way or the other.

—If we don’t spend so much money on him, we can use it to fill up all the other holes on our team. Yeah, that might be true—if we fired Brian Cashman tomorrow.

 

You know, I know, the American people know, and Bob Dole knows that Cashie is no more capable of building a championship team on his own than anyone hired by our local football teams. He’s put in 27 years proving that. 

—There is a “Dream Team” just waiting to step up if Soto goes. I noticed that Cody Bellinger has recently been added to the Great Suppositional Team. Yeah, Cody should have been signed two years ago, when he was dirt cheap, and might have put us over the top in 2022. Blake Snell they could’ve had last year. 

 

I know, I know: Anthony Santander hit a bunch of home runs last year. He also doesn’t field or run all that well either, batted .235, and walked all of 58 times. And he’s 4 years older than Soto. Christian Walker is 33. And no, Cashie is not moving the man he wants to be the next Derek Jeter out of shortstop. Or taking Jazz Chisholm off third.

—Willie Mays and Henry Aaron were great players, and they only won a single ring each. This was pointed out by Doug K. And he’s right. 

 

In 23 years of major-league play apiece, Mays and Aaron only took two World Series titles between them, and those in the bloom of their youth. Mays only reached the postseason 5 times with the Giants and Mets; Aaron, 4 times with the Braves (if you count the 1959 playoff for the pennant).

 

That’s in good part because those teams were mostly run by incompetent boobs. (For competent boobs, see Bernadette Peters. Thank you, thank you! And please remember your waitresses! They’ll remember you.)

But as Crapshoot Cashman could tell you, those days are as dead as Baltimore chop and the sacrifice bunt. By today’s standards—whereby you only have to finish in the top 40 percent of the league to make the playoffs—Mays would have been in the postseason 19 times; Aaron, 9 times.

 

Soto’s odds of winning it all for us are much, much higher than back in the day when just two teams got to play for it all. But he won’t win a single title for us...if he’s in Flushing Meadows.

—Trent Grisham. Yep. That's the guy who will become our full-time centerfielder if Juan Soto goes elsewhere. Trent Grisham, who has not hit above .198 since 2021.

You think Brian Cashman's not serious about this? Think again. This is the man who made us play an entire season with Chris Stewart as our starting catcher. Who came within a hairsbreadth of make Bubba Crosby our starting centerfielder.

Gentlemen, I rest my case. If you think good things are going to happen in the wake of Soto going to Queens, well, I can only refer you to Aerosmith, 1973.

Take a Giant Step Back

Don’t mean to break form here but as long as there’s no real Yankee news and the Giants are going through an existential crisis... Just a brief NYG note.   

I read today that if the Giants continue to lose like they are they might very well get the #1 pick in the draft for the first time since 1965. 

---

With the first pick of the 1965 NFL Draft the New York Football Giants select…

Tucker Fredrickson. RB Auburn 

Ah, Tucker Fredrickson seen here doing what he did best. A guy who could always get three yards. Actually he could only get three yards even if he had an open field.

Why did the Giants fail to have a winning season for the next TWENTY years? Here's who they skipped in the first round…

#3 Dick Butkus

#4 Gayle Sayers (Just a bit better than Tucker.)

and all the way at #12 some guy named Namath.

Hindsight is easy but their entire draft was:

Round One  - Fredrickson

No second round pick.

Round Three -  Chuck Mercien RB from YALE!  That's two running backs in two picks and none of them Gayle Sayers.

Round Four - Henry Carr ANOTHER RUNNING BACK!!!!!! I'm Not kidding. WTF!!!!

Round Five - Frank Lambert an End

Round Six - No pick.

Round Seven - No pick.

So to sum up... Seven rounds. Four players. Three running backs. None of them Gayle Sayers. Got it. 

At this point I just want to apologize to Dave Gettleman. Compared to what I just read, the man was a genius.

Wrapping up…

In the 9^th they picked John Frick instead of Jerry Smith who became the all-time touchdown leader for tight ends for years and years.

They picked Ben Crenshaw in the 10th - Great golfer.

Ernie Koy in the 11th as a… wait for it… Running Back.  Apparently they didn't have one. He probably looked at all the potential Hall of Famers in the running back room and became their punter.  Cowboys take Jethro Pugh three picks later. 

Whoever was calling the shots for the Giants must have called for too many shots of Bacardi 101 and finally passed out allowing his assistant to draft, in round thirteen,  Spider Lockhart. One of my all-time faves.

An Above Average Haiku Tuesday ~ We Want Soto Back in the Bronx, Edition !

"NO SOTO NO PEACE"

As Juan Soto edges toward the door, perhaps it's time to recall the sad saga of Robinson (Joginson) Cano.

Big Yankee win, yesterday. Somewhere in LA, or Dominica, or cyberspace, Juan Soto - or an entourage pool boy - went onto the X social media to "follow" the Yankees and "unfollow" the Mets. 

Yep. Big win, there. A "follow" is always worth following, unless it's not true. You sorta feel like the guy with the cartoon frog and top hat, who sings "Hello, my baby, hello, my honey..." but only for you. It's as if you were an online Kardashian stalker, and you just saw Kim's breast explode, but did it really happen? How do you tell the world that the entire universe just winked? 

Yep, somebody, somewhere, with a user name and password, clicked on a SEND and - kaboom - big Yankee win, there, right. If it's real. Whatever. Let's not overthink a fine Yankee morning, okay? It's the day before the day before, and at least in social media, Mr. Met looks worried stuffed inside that turkey crevice.

This is madness, of course: mirrors reflecting mirrors, shit smelling shit, the world seemingly heading into WWIII, and Juan Soto teasing us, maybe from an exit ramp.

In fact, I believe Yank fans are bracing for the second coming of Robbie Cano's death march: For the second time in our long and measly lives, a bona fide Yankee superstar is about to be purged by a more aggressive owner with a fatter butt and checkbook. 

Eleven years ago, Robbie Cano - (a-doncha know) - signed with Seattle because the Yankees - the only team for which he'd ever played - wouldn't give him a 10-year deal. At the time, the money seemed monstrous: $24 million a year. How could a ballplayer ever be worth such an insane amount? (Of course, these days, Cano's deal wouldn't make the top 10 in MLB. Last year, he wouldn't have cracked the Yankees' top six.)  

In 2022, Cano ended his career with, of course, the Mets, who bought off his final dismal season. Lifetime, he finished with 335 HRs, a .301 BA, a few drug suspensions and one world series ring, courtesy of the 2009 Yankees - the franchise he spurned. 

In a few years, Joggie will be eligible to be voted into the Hall of Fame. By calling him "Joggie," I suppose you know how I'd vote. Not sure if he'll make it. He might get canceled from the PEDs. If he does get in, it will be interesting to see whether he wears a Yankee or Mariners cap. Or how he's greeted at Old Timers Day. 

Not sure if Yankee fans will forgive, though, as history marches on, maybe we should be more understanding. After all, Gerrit Cole briefly tested the waters of free agency this winter, before sensing a bad idea and pulling back. We certainly love Cole, but it would have been nice if, instead of declaring free agency - literally just hours after his pointing fiasco - he retook his vows with the Yankees. But I guess that doesn't happen, eh? Loyalty doesn't pay the electric bill, eh?

So, yesterday, some dodo in Soto's camp - or maybe Soto? - "followed" the Yankees. Big Yankee win. (If it happened.) And remember: Every Yankee win is a big Yankee win. Even a follow. Do you follow?

Has anyone noticed that, in Saquon Barkley and Xavier McKinney, the Giants could have let go both the NFL's Offensive and Defensive players of the year?

That's one hunk of malfeasance. 

 Just sayin'. 

In the matter of Juan Soto, Thanksgiving could be time to see the checkbooks

According to the Interweb, several MLB teams this week will present their opening bids for Juan Soto. 

At long last, this auction will have reached its knockout round. 

In recent weeks, owners such as Hal Steinbrenner cuddled-up to Soto and his fiscal overlord, Scott Boras, seeking to sell the two future Hall of Famers on loyalty and tradition... a/k/a bullshit.

But sometime this week, Mets owner Steve Cohen is expected to hand Boras a check that says, basically, "$50 million above all others," with maybe a $10 million handshake sweetener. From there, the auction will start and finish. 

Steinbrenner has consistently promoted the Yankees' sincerity, his way of poormouthing. In that respect, Cohen has already won. 

If/when the Mets sign Soto, it will be their hardest crosstown gut punch in this millennium, far beyond signing Luis Severino and Harrison Bader. It will mean the Mets enter 2025 with NYC's biggest attraction and best team - (they arguably finished 2024 that way) - with all of Gotham polarized over Soto. 

Cohen will have achieved his goal: Bagging the star whom every NY fan loves or hates. And Boras will have what he wanted: the biggest number on the check.

Honestly, neither Boras nor Soto have ever suggested they'd do otherwise. They were always going with the highest number, not the owner who made the nicest speech.

I suppose there is a chance that Hal rises to the occasion, equaling or outbidding Cohen. It's only money. Maybe Brian Cashman can cook up numbers that convince Hal to pay up. 

But I cannot see why anyone should expect this. 

Cohen has been moving in this direction since 2020, when he bought the Mets for $2.4 billion and never even flinched. Humanity will soon enter the era of trillionaires, which means a few players will be billionaires. There are no guardrails here, no connections to everyday people. Besides, next year, right around now, there will be another Soto. You wait and see. We will be having this same fake debate: Can the Yankees afford him? (When we all know the answer is yes.) 

If they fail on Soto, the Yankees will have other options. Theoretically, it would mean Cashman has $60 million to spend. That said, the Plan B's - Santander, Bregman, Alonzo - aren't headed for Cooperstown. And New York City won't suddenly stop whenever they come to bat. 

For months, we heard how the U.S. Presidential election would likely take weeks to be decided, for all the votes to be counted. And then it was over by midnight. Don't be surprised if the same happens here. Once the numbers are floated, it shouldn't take long.

On Cutlets Day, the Times poses an existential question

 

Today, the NY Giants formally end the brief-but-spectacularly horrible era of Daniel Jones, while the Jets visit the sad conclusion of Aaron Rodgers, The Catastrophe. 

Bad Broadway shows lasted longer. As a Giants fan who - long ago, as a peach-fuzzed, adorable cherub - thought they'd be the '61 Yankees of football, I believe it's particularly painful. Consider the last 12 years.

 So, today, the failing NY Times asks the ultimate question: 

Is this finally it? 

Is this the moment of transition, when things get so bad that they cannot, by the sheer math of the universe, worsen? 

Of course, the answer is no. Today's teams possess bottomless qualities that cannot be defined by their QBs, or even their coaches. They are the direct offshoots of the owners, the true villains in any losing season. 

The Giants are run by old money scions of country club Connecticut, who sought a big, white, lumbering, pocket QB, the type who leads children in the Cub Scout pledge. The Jets are owned by a third-generation political oil can, who preferred as QB a slow, old, self-indulgent blatherer of bullshit, better suited for hosting Jeopardy. Both fit the owners' dreams. 

Today, the Giants start Tommy Devito, the hometown fave, in a meaningless game against the Bucs. God knows what the Jets will do. This year was over before it began. Have NY teams finally hit rock bottom? Oh, if only it were so...

A Rebuttal

Apparently my esteemed colleague HorraceClark66 disagrees with my take on whether or not we should sign Soto at any cost and, to be fair, he makes some excellent points. The two most important being...

“… most Angels fans were at least glad to see those guys (Othani and Trout) in their prime. And with Soto, there is the chance of seeing greatness, every game, at Yankee Stadium.”

And something along the lines of… Brain Cashman cannot be trusted to build a table from Ikea much less a championship roster. 

Both points are undeniable.  Although some issue could be taken with his assertation that,

“Suddenly, all sorts of suggestions began to spring up from the laptops of our local Knights of the Press Box about how the Yanks didn't need Yamamoto at all! No, sir! They could use that money to build a much better staff!”

OK, we didn’t build a better staff, but we did make it to the World Series and, in the end, it was the usual suspects that did us in.  But, how could I not agree that Cashman didn’t do anything with the unspent money except give us Marcus Stroman? 

That said… Mr. Clark66, if that is indeed your real name, while you sit at your desk and crank out “books” that earn accolades from all across the baseball world for their accuracy, insight, and entertainment value, I have nothing better to do than actually watch the games and read the psychotic ramblings of the NY Post’s Yankee article’s comments section –

“Fire Boone! Honor the Founding Fathers true meaning of Thanksgiving by bringing back the Cleveland Indians and Washington Redskins! FJB!”

So who understands the game better, you or me?

I can see how you might feel that there is incredible value to having a player who is a delight to watch. Maybe he's even the next Willie Mays…  If Willie was a marginal fielder whose salary would cripple the team for the next 15 years. 

BTW how many World Series did “The Say Hey Kid” win? 

To quote from the as yet unreleased Volume Two of “The New York Game”…  “One”.  

(NOTE: I may be using this quote out of context because I have not seen an advanced copy but I’m pretty sure the word “one” is in there somewhere.)

"Hammering" Hank Aaron?  “One”  Ibid.

Yes, every Soto at-bat is a thing of beauty, a titanic struggle of wills, but how many times did the Titanic make it from Southampton to New York City? 

Uh...“None”   Ibid.

As I mentioned in my comment that spurred this, Soto is truly great, but baseball teams don't require great necessarily. It's not like he's a point guard or a 7-foot center who can clog the paint and score. He's also not Mahomes.

He's not even a #1 ace or a shutdown closer. He gets 4-5 ABs and has to catch the ball a couple of times a game. Valuable for sure, but worth 50+ million dollars a year?

Look, like I said, he’s great. His AYGHAB is 9.2. If they sign him I will watch every at bat but we all know how this story goes. Hal will force Brian to dumpster dive to fill out the rest of the roster. 

We’re all sick of it.

So if possible get those  3-year contracts ready because as I wrote the other day…

LF Santander >>>> Verdugo. Kind of what Verdugo was supposed to be, Plus it puts Jasson in center where he will not be good but will have Judge on the right and Santander in Left to reduce the amount of area he has to cover. They did this for him in the minors.

Walker >>>>>> Than the too old and crippled Rizzo (Who I like). Do you think Walker doesn't make that play in the 5th? More power. Better fielder. Three years max.

Willy Adames >> Volpe  Also good with Leaving Volpe at short, moving Chaz back to second, and playing Adams at third because the Yankees MUST have at least one player playing out of position.

Volpe >>>> Gleyber. He's probably a very good second baseman. Added bonus No Gleyber!

Tanner Scott Closes with Weaver as set up >>>>>> Weaver with ?? as set up.

Distribute the money!

Incidentally, in making the case for signing Soto you left out one huge factor in favor of doing it…

Keefe (keefetothecity.com) threatened to never watch the Yankees again if they fail to do it.

That is a major loss right there.

I suppose, even if he doesn’t watch, he can just repost old ones as the Yankees keep making the same stupid mistakes anyway.

Mr. Cashman has a bridge he would like you to buy.

Hey, it's a helluva bridge. In continuous operation for over 141 years. At its opening, the longest suspension bridge in the world. Celebrated in verse and song, admired by millions the world over. And it can be yours! Cheap! Just contact B. Cashman and Associates, c/o Yankee Stadium, for the deal of a lifetime.

Gee, what a coincidence: just as the bidding for Juan Soto heats up, sportswriters across New York begin to think of the incredible team your New York Yankees could put together with the same money that Soto wants. I wonder what inspired them? Hmm, let me think...

So when was the last time this happened? Let's think back, back, back—room starts to go wavy on the TV screen, characters begin to look much younger—to the last time something like this happened. Why, it was...all of last year!

The Yankees—if you can possibly recall anything that far back—were in a desperate struggle to come in second in the bidding for Yoshinobu Yamamoto (a bid they would tragically lose, finishing third at best). Suddenly, all sorts of suggestions began to spring up from the laptops of our local Knights of the Press Box about how the Yanks didn't need Yamamoto at all! No, sir! They could use that money to build a much better staff!

Why, they could sign Blake Snell! Or—this was my favorite—they could "supercharge" (or was it "supersize"?) the bullpen, by signing every available, first-rate, free-agent reliever out there. 

Instead, we got Marcus Stroman.

Wow, who does that remind you of?

But I'm being unfair. Let's step into our hot tub time machine and go back, back, to the last time Brian Cashman let a Yankee star go so he could rebuild the team with all the money he saved.

The time was the 2013-14 off-season. The departing star was Jogginson Cano. And the replacements that were going to bring the Yankees over the top were...Carlos Beltran; Jacoby Ellsbury, The Man of Iron; and the two other Brians, McCann and Roberts.

Uh, yah.

Now, all of a sudden, the Yankees can easily let Juan Soto walk, because we're going to pick up, oh, so many stars. Anthony Santander and Willy Adames and Christian Walker and Tanner Scott! Oh my, how many beamish boys!

All of them—except for Adames, who is 29—on the wrong side of 30. All of whose careers have been veritable yo-yos. All hitters who strikeout in bushels and don't walk all that much; who rarely hit over .250 and sometimes as low as .217. And Tanner Scott, who has now put in two straight, good years—after two wretched seasons right before that.

Yeah, can't wait. Joey Galloway redux. And the ducks would probably hit better.

Look, the time to decide on re-signing Juan Soto was BEFORE they dealt a first-rate starter and three prospects who helped the Padres grab Dylan Cease. Not now. And the biggest pile of mediocrities in the world isn't going to make it better.

Is it possible that Soto won't work out? That's he'll get hurt, or that the Yankees won't win a ring even with Soto and Judge, the way the Angels didn't with Ohtani and Trout?

Yep. Things could happen. Life is full of risks.

But I bet most Angels fans were at least glad to see those guys in their prime. And with Soto, there is the chance of seeing greatness, every game, at Yankee Stadium.

Or put it this way: who among us can remember Brian Cashman ever putting together a world championship team on his own? I mean, one on which the core was not built by his predecessors?

C'mon, let's see a show of hands. Yeah, I didn't think so. 

But maybe we can still get in on that bridge deal...

 

Repeat after me: Ten required pledges for Yank fans

1. If the Mets outbid us for Juan Soto, we riot.

2. If we don't sign a new first baseman, we riot.

3. If the Martian comes to spring training still unable to catch fly balls, we riot.

4. If Cashman trades the farm system for some 35-year-old, we riot.

5. If Hal says the Yankees can't afford Soto, we riot.

6. When Giancarlo goes on the DL in April, we riot.

7. When DJ LeMahieu starts on opening day, we riot.

8. When Boone ruins Luke Weaver, we riot.

9. When the Mets sweep us - again - we riot.

10. Hell with this. Let's just riot.

After Soto, the Yankee fallback moves are a far cry from hopefulness

Today's ATHLETIC ranks the Big Five teams most likely to sign Juan Soto, and - ya know what? SHOOT ME! I can't take it anymore. 

These stories are like the polls leading up to the recent election: They mean absolutely nothing, they're just Gammonite pundit goulash, a cheap way to generate clicks, and fuck me, WHY DID I CLICK, WHY, WHY, WHY?

You. YOU DID IT. I view my job as Yankee psycho fan blogger is to stay "informed" and read the prevailing crapola of the day. YOU MADE ME DO IT. 

And I did. I read the damn thing, and - of course - I'm depressed and disillusioned, even moreso than usual, because whatever happens with Soto - whether the Yankees empty the cupboard and get him, or they pull out their pockets and lose him - WHATEVER HAPPENS, we'll be screwed by his outlandish price tag, which will last 10 years and - at some point, now or later, will be a guaranteed boondoggle.  

We've been here before, many times: Ellsbury, Pavano, Clemens, A-Rod, Giambi, Giancarlo, Rodon - nothing boosts Yankee fan angst like a massive contract that is going sour. Last year, Soto was a great deal, a perfect investment. Next year, he will be a contractual millstone, no matter how great is he is. 

But if the Yankees let him go, they not only lose the AL East, but they'll lose New York City. No matter what happens, we're screwed.

But I wanna to get to the part of the ATHLETIC story that bothers me the most: It's this line: 

"If they don’t sign Soto, expect them to immediately pivot to some combination of Anthony Santander, Christian Walker, Willy Adames and Tanner Scott."

Dear God. 

Just for sake of reference: 

 Anthony Santander, 30, hit 44 HRs last year and batted .235. It was, by far, his career year. Also, one aspect of signing him: Santander would no longer be able to beat up on the Yankees, who he has tortured over over the years. He switch hits, so there's that.

Christian Walker, 33, hit 26 HRs and batted .251 for Arizona. He plays 1B and bats RH, overloading the Yankee lineup to that side. 

Willy Adames, 29, hit 32 HRs and batted .251 last year. Another career year. He plays SS, which would mean moving Anthony Volpe to 2B and overhaul the infield. Nobody really believed that crap about Caleb Durbin, right? The Yankees never give kids a chance, not like Durbin, anyway. Adames also bats RH.

Tanner Scott, 30, is a closer. Last year, he went 9-6 with a 1.57 ERA and 22 saves (out of 24 chances.) This, I can see. We need arms. He threw 72 innings, his second  highest total for a year. He's RH. 

None of these guys, or all of them, can replace Soto. And none will be cheap. Whatever happens... screwed.

So who is this year's Tulo?

Remember Brian Cashman's big media showdown with Derek Jeter, after the 2010 season?  The Yankees' future Hall-of-Famer, then 36, was looking to renew his contract with the team, and Cashman decided that this was a great opportunity to take the negotiations public, and show Derek who was boss.

As he gleefully reported to everyone with a laptop or a microphone, Cashman told Jeter that he would just as soon have Hanley Ramirez or Troy Tulowitzki at shortstop. Jeter told him, "I'm not going to sit here and listen to this shit," and stormed out.

It's a pity that The Captain didn't keep his temper. A better response would've been a scornful chuckle. Maybe a finger-pistol point at Cashie, and a wink, and a parting line of, "Well, you let me know when you have them."

The full inanity of Cashman's challenge was that neither Ramirez nor Tulo were free agents, or available. And as it turned out, The Great Brain egregiously overestimated their value.

Ramirez, then just short of 27, would be plagued with injuries over the remaining nine seasons of his career, missing almost 40 games a season, and bouncing from position to position, franchise to franchise, while never hitting over .286 in a full campaign again.

Tulo, just 26, had it even worse. After another outstanding season in 2011, he played only 7 more seasons—and over 100 games in just 3 of those. And he seems to have been a classic Colorado Rocky Mountain High player to begin with; his lifetime split was .309/.382/.536/.918 at home—just .269/.339/.453/.791 on the road.

Nonetheless, Cashman, who could never let a player get away (and stay away), brought him to the Bronx in 2019. Tulo, still only 34, went 2 for 11 in 5 games—and retired.  

Fourteen years later, Cashie STILL has not found a shortstop for the Yankees who could carry Jeets' jockstrap.

So I wonder who his "Tulo" was in the discussions with Soto. "Hey, if you're not careful, I could get Jurickson Profar in a New York minute." "Two words, Mr. Soto: Harrison. Bader."

Or has our Mr. Cashman maybe, finally, learned to shut up, and not repeat his every bon mot to the gentlemen of the press? We can only hope.

Aaron Judge deserves the MVP award, despite - um - the thing.

Today, the perfumed and pruned TV peacocks of MLB will hand out MVP trophies to Shohei Ohtani and Aaron Judge, the greatest players in the game during 2024. 

Surely, Ohtani will celebrate with his entourage, the world champion Dodgers, in a party that should last well into tomorrow morning, via the International Date Line. 

As for Judge, I hope he gets a night off, an evening of joy... respite? 

I hope he takes his family out for dinner, orders a nice plate of clams, or fava beans, or whatever he loves, and conversations stick to Capitals of the World, Actors and Their Roles, and Potent Potables. I hope he gets a private back room, where no fans can see him and, as a result, it never comes up, not once, no mention of it. 

I hope he gets laid. Yeah, Judge deserves a great night, a perfect sunset and a solid night's sleep. He earned this honor. It should be a time of joy, and nobody should mention the, uh... thing.

This should be a time for Judge to reflect upon all that happened in 2024, the many great games, the home runs and not dwell upon - um - you, know, whatever. Nobody needs to go there. 

Everybody, move along, there's nothing to see here. We've all had our moments at the lectern, we've all grabbed the  microphone, we've said our peace, as hurtful as we could be. I think it's time to leave the greatest Yankee player of this millennium - yes, greater than a certain former captain - to enjoy a well deserved award. That means stuffing a cork in it, okay? We don't have to mention it. 

Can you do that? Just once? Do we need to constantly relive, um, certain things? 

Congrats to the Captain. And better luck next year. 

Yankees say groveling supplicant session with Soto and Boras "went well."

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Hot news from the Yankee News Network: The Yankees are said to be pleased with themselves. As usual.

Word from the Death Barge brain trust is that their lengthy, coffee-and-donuts talk with Juan Soto and Scott Boras this week did not erupt into, say, fisticuffs or a stabbing. Nobody's fly was unzipped. Nobody puked on the floor. Both sides spoke respectfully and cheerfully - a good time had by all! The Yankees made their elevator pitch, their water-cooler performance, their Power Point presentation and their art show oral sex skit, seeking to woo Soto to another year in the Bronx, at a price tag of probably $65 million per season. 

Once Soto chooses his future home, the rest of baseball can begin strategizing for 2025. 

Insert sigh here.

Look... we can sit back and replay the old bits, carping about the obscene amounts of money paid to athletes. But I'm 72, and throughout all of my periods of semi-awareness, I cannot recall a time when old-coots were not complaining about the money made by today's stars. It's normalcy, the way of the world.

And never once did the amounts of money made by the owners receive equal billing.  

It's impossible to gauge how much Soto deserves to be paid, unless we know how much Hal Steinbrenner is regularly banking, and those figures generally don't get reported. When people talk about Steven Cohen's wealth, the amount seems almost theoretical - closer to infinity than absolute zero. And both are paupers, compared to Elon Musk. 

So why are we so obsessed with and - at times - angry over what the players make? Yeah, some are pampered assholes, groomed as future millionaires by age 16. But the same can be said of many of the owners. Is it because the players are often Blacks or Latinos, who grew up poor or middle class, while the owners are almost always old money WASPs? Or is that too easy an explanation? In my life, I've never figured it out.

So, we sit here... 

We're Estragon and Vladimir, waiting for Godot. We're Charlie Brown and Linus, waiting in the pumpkin patch. We're Hal and Cashman, wondering if our jokes clanked and if we should have worn a tie? We're waiting for a decision, a verdict on our worthiness and wealth.

Meanwhile, good news, everybody: The Yankees are pleased with themselves. 

An Above Average Haiku Tuesday ~ If this had been an actual Emergency ~ Edition !

 

Can a rookie of the year save an aging Yankee rotation?

Kudos to Luis Angel Gil (rhymes with wheel), AL Rookie of the Year - who went 15-7, with an ERA of 3.50. Fukkinay! 

It's no small feat. Consider the last 10 AL ROYs, a star-studded list of power lunchers and product influencers: Gunner Henderson, Julio Rodriguez, Randy Arozarena, Kyle Lewis, Yordan Alvarez, Shohei Ohtani, Aaron Judge, Michael Fulmer, Carlos Correa and Jose Abreu. Yikes. That's a future Fox Sports in-game panel. 

Trouble is, aside from Gil (rhymes with meal) only one of the above - Fulmer - happens to pitch. (Ohtani thinks about it.) And Fulmer has had noticeably less success than the others. In fact, he crapped out in year two, struggled for several seasons in Detroit and is now bullpen fodder for the Cubs. 

For rookie pitchers, the concern is always the volume of innings piled onto their shoulders, wings and ribs. Gil threw 150 this year, well above expectations. Can he repeat it? Guy's already had TJ surgery once. Let's just say... dunno.

Here are the ages our starters will be next year.

Gerrit Cole, 34
Marcus Stroman, 34
Carlos Rodon, 32
Luis Gil, 27
Nester Cortez, 30
Clarke Schmidt, 29
Cody Poteet, 30
Will Warren, 26
Clayton Beeter, 26

Nobody knows what to expect from Cole. I gotta believe The Pointer will be determined to make the world forget his recent Game 5 Inning 5 debacle, of which he played a starring role. Sadly, it stands as his spotlight October moment. It was interesting last month when he flirted with becoming a free agent, and then abruptly changed his mind - I think - because the Yankees had no interest in adding another year to his contract. He needs a comeback year. He needs a world series.

But it's hard to assess this staff. Truth be told, aside from Seattle, nobody, nowhere, has too much pitching. The Yankees also look meager in the bullpen, where we must buy into the notion that Luke Weaver is for real and can last a season as closer. He pitched wonderfully in our darkening final month, but how far can we expect that run to continue? 

This team sure could use a free agent, somebody who can throw 150 innings and win 15 games. But for now, that's another world. Everyone is thinking of Juan Soto. Let's just hope the reigning AL Rookie of the Year has a career more like the hitting stars rather than the few pitchers who are so honored. The Yankee staff looks precariously old. 

Your 2024 AL Rookie of the Year - New York Yankees Starting Pitcher - Luis Gil

C O N G R A T U L A T I O N S !

 

Dear Mr. Steinbrenner, your mission is simple: Keep Juan and carry on.

Dear Madam or Sir, 

Over the next few weeks, you will hear desperate, shrill, otherworldly screams - the wailing of banshees, demons and janitors from Hell. Sadly, some of those sounds will come from me.

Listen: We can make the 2025 Yankees more complicated than an egg-bacon-and-provolone-melt-on-a toasted-everything-bagel, jelly-on-the-side... questioning whether $60 million can be better spent next year on infield, or defense, or bullpen sewer backups. But our best strategy is, actually, quite simple. 

Sign Juan Soto. It's not about 2025. It's about the next 10 years. It's about a Hall of Fame career, and which hat will be worn into Cooperstown. It's about preserving a legacy of the Bronx Bombers. It's about your life's work.

Sign Juan Soto, and everything - eventually, somehow - will fall into place.

Sign Juan Soto, and over the next 10 years - at least the next five - the Yankees will field the greatest one-two punch in baseball. 

Sign Juan Soto, and the Yankees will be - well - the Yankees. They won't dislodge the Dodgers as baseball's premier franchise, but they will keep testosterone rights to NYC and regularly reach the postseason. Nobody will accuse you of being a cheap nepo baby. (Unless you crap out in future bidding wars.)

Sign Juan Soto, and the Yankees could see their greatest OF since 1961 - (Mantle, Maris, Berra) - with Soto, Judge and Jasson Dominguez or Spencer Jones, assuming (hopefully) that either proves worthy. 

Sign Juan Soto, and you will have met the responsibilities that you inherited 54 years ago, while suckling on your mother's teat. 

This isn't about 2025. It's about 2027, when Soto will be 28 and entering his prime. (Judge will be 35, entering his twilight.) Whatever you pay Soto that year, it will look paltry compared to the ransoms for other free agents. (Bobby Witt Jr. Anthony Volpe?) 

Sign Juan Soto, and you can sleep through January. (I'd prefer you keep spending; but we'll understand.) Buy a coffee shop. Drive the country in your Winnebago. Join a canasta league. Have you ever visited the Grand Canyon of Pennsylvania? I'm not making this up. Bring bear spray!

Sign Juan Soto, and we'll survive the loss of Gleyber and Verdugo - aka Gleydugo. But we will not be the team - and you will not be the owner - that had the reincarnation of Mantle & Maris... and pissed it away. 

Sign Juan Soto, or prepare to regret it for the rest of your life.

Keep Juan and carry on. 

Caleb Durbin leads Caleb Durbin-led Salt River Rafters to Arizona Fall League championship, featuring Caleb Durbin

Caleb Durbin went 0-4 but drew a walk, as the surprising Surprise Saguaros, won the Arizona Fall League championship game in Durbinesque fashion, by a score of 3-2. 

Durbin led off the game by setting the pace for a tight battle: He hit a foul pop that was caught by the catcher. Damn. In the third, he lined out to the left-fielder. In the fifth, he drew a walk. (There was a runner on second, so the greatest base-stealer in Arizona Fall League history could not steal. Damn.) In the seventh, he flew out "sharply" to the left-fielder. In the ninth, Durbin grounded out "softly" to the SS. No word on how close the play was at first. Damn.

Next up, the 5'6" utility Arizona base-stealing legend will prepare for mid-February, when pitchers and catchers arrive in Tampa, for the Caleb Durbin-led 2025 Yankees.

There is some yatta-yatta about the championship game, which involved other prospects, from other teams. Honestly, who cares? Caleb Durbin! Ca-Durb! C-Dur! The Durb! That's all we need to know. 

By flirting with Boston, Juan Soto plays with fire.

A snippet from yesterday's world wide web: 

"While the two sides did not discuss years or dollars, (Juan) Soto reportedly came away 'impressed' by Boston’s plans for the future."

Okay. Fine. Whatever. I have no truck with Juan Soto kicking tires, flushing toilets and ruffling the couch for crumbs of Cheetos. That's what you do. Nor is it disloyalty to hype all bidders, to rouse an auction to the highest levels of fiscal absurdity. Surely, that's what Soto was doing this week, when he spent three hours with Redsock happy-talkers. Surely, he was just gassing the fire, seeking to squeeze a few more dimes from the billionaires, as he conjures the fattest deal in baseball history.

That said, it's time we discuss what Soto's next contract cannot guarantee: His career legacy in New York.

Last season, from day one, Soto was cheered and toasted by fans of both the Mets and Yankees, who saw him as a generational star for their teams. With rare exceptions - usually, codgers who saw him as a showboat - Soto won renown from the Gammonites and talk radio blowhards who shape public opinion, and who can be incredibly cruel. He was never ripped. He was never booed. From April to October, Soto received complete adulation and - in turn - he gave Gotham a season to remember. 

But here's the rub: If spurned, unforgiving NYC fans will give Soto a decade of seasons that he'll never forget.

If Soto rides off to Boston, it would be viewed as an absolute betrayal, the type that causes jerseys to be torched in public, and which rouses catcalls from the earliest crevices of spring. I'm talking about a sea of flaming hot negativity. Not scattered boos, but walls of them.

Not only that, but if Soto runs to the Mets, he will instantly enflame half of the NYC fan base. He would, in effect, piss on a Yankee team that gave him nothing but love throughout 2024. He will instantly soar to No. 1 on the IT IS HIGH personal vendetta shit list. That means juju - bad juju - and we'll see if he ever repeats the numbers of last year. 

This is not a threat. It's a whine, a whinny, a bleat. On the dark side of every love affair, there is a broken heart that burns for retribution. In 2024, Soto became a great Yankee. If he returns to the Bronx, though I'm sure Met fans will feel a bit used, the sports world will know that he responded to the treatment he received last year. 

And if he runs off to, say, Boston, I hope his newfound wealth can buy him a set of noise-canceling headphones. And when he calls to make reservations at his favorite restaurant, I hope they slam down the phone. There is a dark side of the moon. Just sayin...