I Told You Pineda would not come north with the team

When I heard of the trade ( Jesus & Noesi for Pineda ) I freaked.

After a quick trip to Seattle to confer with ex-players, bimbos and a few regulars at the track, I learned that Seattle had pulled a fast one on Cashman.

These guys were all Mariner fans when the Yanks dropped a certain highly touted prospect on them a few years back for the aging, Ken Phellps. They told me that Seattle did exactly the same thing here.

They got Cashman heavy with martini's and king crab legs, and hooked him up with a lady for his enjoyment. Said lady, for those of you who read, now faces 52 charges just in the Cashman stalker case and is now making friends with the guards at Rikers.

So Cash dealt our best hitting prospect since, well, Jay Buhner and we get a useless shell of a half-season pitcher and, worse, have to sign a guy the Phillies no longer want to be our DH ( at far more money than they were paying Jesus). So, instead of bringing to bat the intimidating Jesus hitting .324 with 40 homers, the Yankees drag out Raul Ibanez who will hit .233 with 40 singles.

I told you at the time of the trade that Pineda would have arm surgery this summer. I told you he would not make it north with the Yankees. I reminded everyone that it made no sense for any major league team to trade a young, " potential number 1-2 starter " for a DH. It just doesn't happen.

Not only that, but Noesi ( a throw-in required by the Mariners ) will win 14 games for Seattle this year, while the 19 year old " prospect" we got in return leaves baseball to build a ministry in Oklahoma. In other words, you, I and we shall never again hear the name of the 19 year old that was part of the Yankee side of this trading error. Anyone who can name him without using any reference materials has a good shot at winning the next mega millions lottery.

So today Pineda undergoes his first MRI, as his arm strength is mysteriously down. Take heart, his body fat is mysteriously up, offsetting any problems with his arm. His here-to-for absent 3rd pitch is now serviceable enough to give him a 4-6 record at Erasmus Hall High School, in a good year. In other words, the Yanks can't win with this guy at AAA or AA.

The truth is, the Mariners took Cashman for far more than Louise Meanwell did, could or will. She only cost him his marriage, family and favored pew spot at Mary Magdelene Church of the Holy Redeemer.

The Mariners played him for a fool.

Now the Yankees can't win.

Now the rest of us have to live with another Jay Buhner trade for 15 years.

One Year Ago Today

NESN: 2011 Red Sox Will Challenge 1927 Yankees for Title of GREATEST TEAM IN MAJOR LEAGUE HISTORY

-FINI-

Yankeetorial: If it's Michael Tomato, Cash must go

Didn't we all want to be Brian Cashman?

The guy spans several Yankee generations, one of the last links to Old George. He built our farm system, personally sweet-talked CC Sabathia into coming East. Like Jeet and Mariano, his whole career has been Yankees, Yankees, Yankees. He is of-the-cloth. He is the Everyman who walked among the gods - and decided he had become one.

WTF happened to him? What made him into an adrenaline junkie, a risk-taker and an obsessive gambler? He climbs buildings, he slips off with nutcase stalkers, he crashes his wife and kids, and now, he may have gutted the Yankees for the next 15 years on a trade that - simply stated - he didn't have to make.

Last winter, if Cashman did nothing, we now would have six solid starters, plus Andy Pettitte returning, and we'd have Jesus Montero, one of baseball's next great young hitters ready to electrify New York. If Cashman did nothing. But he couldn't. He bellied up to the roulette table, placed everything on a pitcher the Mariners were willing to trade - right there, a flag should have raised - and today, Michael Pineda goes for an MRI on his shoulder.

The impact of today's MRI could haunt us for the next 20 years.

OK, get a grip... Pineda had one bad outing last night, and today's MRI might show nothing. It's too soon to panic in Needle Park. Last week, we practically had Joba on his death bed, and now he might be back in August. This could blow over. We could laugh at this... haha... 

Yeah, right. Well, hear this, Yankiverse:

If Michael Pineda goes south, it needs to fall hard on Cashman. He will have brought his downfall on himself. I'm starting to sense a self-destructive gene, a psychological desire to blow-up everything he's built -- and if so, he's not the guy we want running the New York Yankees. He's now on double-secret probation.

More Jack Cust video: Jersey Jack's historic first home run at Safeco

Matches Jeet's 3,000th for intensity.

One Year Ago Today

ESPN's 45 experts unanimously pick Sox in AL East; 33 pick them to win World Series

More Jack Cust video: The fan chant that will echo this summer along the NY State Thruway

State practicing, Batavia.

Japanese survivors of tsunami to visit Mets, offer support, conduct baseball clinic

OK, if that was an Onion headline, you would have laughed.

Five secrets that Carl Pavano's extortionist threatened to reveal

Police are investigating a friend of the former Yankee opening day ace on a charge of attempted extortion. The blackmailer threatened to reveal:

1. Carl's ERA while pitching for the Yankees.

2. How Carl really hurt his rib in that car accident with the supermodel, costing him a year of pitching for the Yankees.

3. Carl's dream of returning someday to pitch for the Yankees.

4. Carl's "Single White Female"-level infatuation with Kei Igawa.

5. Carl's whereabouts - to Alphonso.

Only God has enough money to buy the Yankees

After hearing the Dodgers went for $2 billion, Randy Levine probably decided to redo the kitchen in his third summer home's second boathouse. Gold fixtures. Hot and cold running wine. He can hire servants to act as lamps, like those dino-gadgets on The Flintstones. Yeesh, the Dodgers don't even come with the surrounding parking lots, still owned by Hubby McCourt, so he can watch the muggings.

If the Dodgers go for $2 B, the Yankees are worth - what - the states of Alaska and Kentucky? To put in a bid, God would first have to sell the planet Mars. To imagine the cash it would take, you must ponder a list of pure, 100-proof evil: Trump, Koch, Putin, House of Saud, bin Laden Group,  Ryan Seacrest...

OK, let's backtrack. Money, it's a gas. Some will win. Some will lose. Some are meant to sing the blues. Poor man wanna be rich. Rich man wanna be king. Ruby takes her love to town, and it's just a sprinkling of the Mayqueen. That's life. But how about this future rule of Yankee discourse:

NO MORE EFFING POORMOUTHING BY THE EFFING OWNERSHIP.

On Monday, you can't openly muse how much the team is worth - not even counting the YES Network - and on Tuesday, whine how the payroll needs a weed-whacking. The Yankiverse must never let them get away with this. When the Steinbrothers poormouth, they should be condemned for what they are:

Multi-billionaires who pretend to be mere millionaires, so we will feel sorry for them.

You know, I've heard Trump poormouth. The Koch boys do it all the time. Same with Putin and the Arabs. But I have never heard Ryan Seacrest poormouth.

One Year Ago Today

"Expectations are high for the 2011 Red Sox--and with good reason." Bloggers pick the Sox

"100-62." Sports Illustrated picks the Sox

"Keep an eye on RHP Josh Beckett." Newsday picks the Sox

Calendar time line of big events left for Yankees before Opening Day

Today: Big exhibition game against deadly AL East rivals Baltimore O's.

Tomorrow: Official tentative Joe Girardi in-pencil proclamation of starting rotation (subject to change)

Saturday: Battle against always-tough (and future deadly AL foe) Houston Astros, former team of Andy Pettitte

Sunday: Official exhibition opening of magnificent Florida taxpayer boondoggle Marlin Stadium

Monday: Second day of christening future Florida Marlin monstrocity, eventually to be called Tax Debt Field

Tuesday: All-or-nothing "Battle for Exhibition Bragging Rights" game one against famous Chapter 11 Mehs

Wednesday: Game two of Non-Subway mayor's exhibition trophy against Mehs and last shopping day for other team's castoffs.

Thursday: Final designation of Yankee official 25-man roster and "Night of a Thousand Quotes."

Friday: Season non-exhibition opener -- "Battle for Tampa" -- against arch rival former Devil Rays, now the Tampa Rays.

TOP 10 WORST NICKNAMES FOR COLLEGE WOMEN’S TEAMS

1.   Oregon State Beavers
2.   Nebraska Cornhuskers
3.   Albany Great Danes
4.   Connecticut Huskies
5.   Charleston Cougars
6.   Concordia-Morehead Cobbers
7.   Marist Red Foxes
8.   Rhode Island School of Design Nads
9.   Boston University Terriers
10.     Fairfield Stags

Now that Yankees no longer have Jesus, some suggested alternative dieties for the team

Brett Godner
Nick Krishna
Allah Rodriguez
Hiroki Jehovah
Freddy Gaia
Robinson Canodin
Phil Zeus
Derek Juno

The New York Yahwehs

Ha ha! Montero is complete bust in Seattle, showing Yankees won trade

Let's call this trade right now and move on. Yankees win, thuuuuugh Yankees win. The Jesus Montero era in Seattle is over. Guy couldn't hit his lint's weight. Nothing for 2012. Suzyn's in the clubhouse with the wrap-up.

Of course, we have to temper whatever befalls the baby Jesus with the latest report from Tampa, suggesting that Budha Pineda could be ticketed for the Empire State Traveling Wilkes Barres. Round 2 of the trade next year?

R.I.P.: Earl Scruggs finishes 3rd on all-time Earl list

1. Campbell
2. "the Pearl" Monroe
3. SCRUGGS
4. Grey tea
5. of Sandwich
6. "Fatha" Hines
7. Weaver
8. Warren
9. Morrall
10. (TIE) Averill, Torgesen, Tatum

10 Things You Didn't Know About the Newest Yankee, Jack Cust!

1. His last name rhymes with "bust," "lust," "mussed," and "rust," making Jack fodder for great poetry. It's also a homonym. ("Cussed.")

2. Jack was born in Flemington, New Jersey, birthplace of Danny Federici! (BRUUUUUUUUCE!)

3. Jack was a star player in high school!

4. Jack was once traded for future Yankee failed lefty Mike Meyers!

5. Playing for the Orioles in 2003, Jack was on the verge of scoring the tying run with two outs in the 12th, when he stumbled on third base, out-manuevered the Yankee defense in an incredible rundown, sprinted for home with nobody covering the plate, then fell a second time and was tagged out by Aaron Boone!



6. In 2004, Jack had one measily at bat in the majors. He struck out!

7. Jack is known for comedic plays in the outfield!



8. In 2007, Jack was named in the Mitchell Report as a user of performance enhancing drugs. He says they made a mistake!

9. Jack is 6'1" and weighs 245 pounds!

10, Jack is viewed as insurance in case Raul Ibanez doesn't hit!

One Year Ago Today

Schill: 'It's Boston's division to lose'

ESPN: 2011 Sox can win 100

Joba mentions the The Book of Joba

Speaking to reporters yesterday:

“It’s just another thing in the book of Joba that has continued to grow,” he said. “Add another chapter, and hopefully there is a few more chapters to come on the good side.”

Of course, this is what he meant.

... And one day, Joe appeared unto Cashman, the lord of management, and spake:
.
“O, Man of Cash, hear me!
.
“We hath no wings to fly upon, for our bridge to Mariano Rivera hath fallen long ago into sea of Randy Choate.
.
“In the pit of mid-game, no lead can is safe, no contest secure. Until we find a savior, our battle is lost.”
.
And Cashman replied:
.

“Joe, o, ye noble goat of scape, hear me!
.
“I know of a hummongus being whose girth and growl portend the End of Days. I hath seen the Leviathan, and it is called Joba..."

Hummina-hummina-hummina: The most frightening sentence of the spring thus far

"Outfielder Curtis Granderson was scratched from Tuesday’s lineup with soreness in his right elbow. The Yankees said they did not think it was serious, but Granderson was scheduled to have a magnetic resonance imaging test."

To maintain Yankee link, Scranton to rename itself, "Empire State, Pa."

Native Empire Stateian Joe Biden onboard.

The only remaining issue is adapting the lyrics

in that Harry Chapin song

about the 30,000 pounds of bananas

By the way, that's a Photoshop.

Lengths

The bathroomless ballgame

The pipeline that Ruth Built

Burger to rival $26 Ranger dog

 

Tebow to Plax: Stay and be saved

Fenway courts the 1 percent

Good news for the Pooh Bahs: You can now drink together, without fear of catching trailer cooties, during Redsock games.

Says the Randy Levine of Boston, Larry Luccino:

“We are creating the Royal Rooters Club to fulfill a promise we made to our season ticket holders, while also finding a home for some of the precious artifacts that will now be on display as well as enjoyed by our fans as part of an enhanced tour program.”

Precious artifacts? How about fried chicken bones from John Lackey? Tickets for Yaz's private jet on road trips? A ketsup applicator for Curt Schilling's famous "bloody" sock. (Note: No DNA tests have ever been performed.)

Juju Rule 11: The Lookaway

The book is coming April 17.

One Year Ago Today

Can this be the best offense on Red Sox history?

Boston Globe staffers unanimously pick Sox in AL

ProJo scribes pick Sox to win it all: Tim Britton Brian MacPherson

It might be up to Phil Hughes to salvage that once great trio of Yankee potential

Go back five years. You'll see a Yankiverse drunken with hope. We're talking about three young pitchers and saying that it won't happen again: This won't be another Generation K.

Remember Gen-K? Paul Wilson, Jayson Isringhausen and Bill Pulsipher? The boys of 1995? Nope, we said: Our pitchers will be different. We will have a great staff, with Phil Hughes, Ian Kennedy and Joba Chamberlain.

Well, let's not belabor this. With Joba's recent Joe Theisman-moment, it's now up to Phil to salvage what has become our Generation Zero. As it stands, only Kennedy made it through the door, and he's in Arizona. (Reminds you of Isringhausen's career, eh?)

OK, I know that you're screaming: But we dealt Kennedy for Curtis Granderson; the trade turned out! You're right. But my point is, we expected those pitchers to lead us through 2020. We got one out of three.

Bump forward three years, and I direct your attention to our so-called Killer B's: Andrew Brackman, Manny Banuelos and Dellin Betances. Brackman's toast, Betances might go to the bullpen, and Manny got busted for Empire State early in camp, for lack of command.

Just remember this: With pitchers, there are no Killer Bs, no Generation Ks, no amber waves of talent. Now and then, one salmon-jumps upstream, and you find a great pitcher. Our best hope this year might be David Phelps, or some guy toiling at miserable Trenton. It's fun to give names to groups of prospects. But right now, it's up to Phil Hughes to save the past.

Confidential to Joe DePastry

Those comments you posted last week? That didn't show up? I just found them in a spam folder I didn't know we had! Please don't let this regrettable incident discourage you from sharing your wisdom.

Crazy notion: Did the Yankiverse over-react to Joba's death?

Nobody wanted Joba hurt. But on the day of doom, I recall this timeline of reaction:

12:30 p.m.: Working, concentrating. Overhear delighted Redsock fan saying, "Too bad about Joba."

12:31 p.m.: Locate breaking news on computer.

12:35 p.m.: Walk street, screaming at God, looking for bridge.

1:45 p.m.: Conclude this is good news. Minor setback. It will keep Joba from pushing too hard, too early, wrecking elbow, which feared he would do. Now, he can't come back too fast. It's insurance. Besides, it takes a full year to come back, and a good 16 months to be fully effective.

1:47 p.m.: Return to work, newly energized.

1:48 p.m.: Overhear Redsock fan say, "Terrible news."

1:49 p.m.:  Check latest update. Hear Cashman "doom" scenario, suggests Joba out for year. Read comments on River Ave Blues. Joba will never walk. Joba could die. Amputation looming. Joba might be in wheelchair like dad. Joba will get hooked on Oxy. Pegleg Joba, they'll call him. Forget Joba. He is dead.

2:00 p.m.: Wonder streets, seeking death bus.

Today: Joba could be back in August. Everything overblown. Overblown? In the Yankiverse? IMPOSSIBLE!

Brackman shipped out from Cincy

Andrew Brackman, the former future great Yankee, didn't make the Reds' final cut this spring. Still in "the adjustment phase," as the Yankee braintrust used to put it.

But I still think at some point, maybe age 30, the gigantic one will figure out how to control his 7-foot tentacles, and become a decent, if not overpowering, pitcher. But not for us. Check out that ERA.

One Year Ago Today

THEY WON'T REST: Sox focused and ready to win in new ad campaign

TEK: 'I'm ready for whatever'

DICE-K: 'I'm happy'

Mad Men: The Yankee Episode

“Welcome to the Sterling-Waldman Agency. This is Donald Draper, our top creative mind. Don, meet my friend George Steinbrenner. He’s just in from Ohio, hoping to see ‘Brigadoon.’”

“Hello, George. We hear great things about your dad’s shipbuilding business.”

"Thanks, Don. And I love your work on the Yankees’ brand image.”

"We’re quite proud of that campaign. Hey, Joan, come here and show Mr. Steinbrenner the latest mock-ups for the Bombers’ account. George, this is Joan Holloway.”

“Wow. I must say, Miss Holloway, these Bombers of yours are spectacular!”

“Frankly, George, they need to be. It’s part of the Yankee mystique. Ask yourself:  What does a normal fan think of when he sees the Yankees? He sees Mickey Mantle. He sees Roger Maris. He sees power throughout the lineup. He sees the one team that always delivers, always dominates, always wins! And when the Yankees are in first, he says, ‘America is strong, I am safe from communism, and, boy, do I have an erection!’”

“Don, you’re right.”

"That fan may have nothing. No money. No job. He's overweight. His wife is cheating on him. But when the Yankees take the field, he’s a millionaire. He’s the boss."

“You’re right, Don. Say, who is that fellow that just staggered by? He looks a bit potted.”

“Oh, that’s Roger Sterling, a partner. He just had lunch with Billy Martin. His son, John, writes homerun jingles. George, we have plans. We envision Yankee candles, a Yankee TV network and a Yankee nuclear power plant, preferably right here in Manhattan. We see star players at every position, dating actresses and supermodels, with an occasional wife-swapping. We’re even thinking of a fake rivalry with Boston – you know, like Coke and Royal Crown Cola - where the Yankees win for 40 years in exchange for suffering the worst collapse in baseball history!”

"Don, there's nothing like that in Cleveland.”

"We envision a line of Yankee products. Like Yogi Beera -- ‘Déjà Brew all over again… You ain’t tispy ‘till you’re tipsy.’ And Whitey Ford Bleach, with the tagline: ‘No reds run on Whitey!’”

That’s brilliant.”

“We call it ‘Yankee ingenuity.’ But we need a central character. He needs to be bombastic, overbearing, practically a child himself. Right now, we have no one person who can link the players to the fans. 

“Don, I’m tired of Cleveland. I want to do more in life than build ships. I want to do something that matters. I can be your man.”

"George, I don’t know. Have you thought of the Mets? Right now, there are no openings. The Yankees are entering a golden era. Young stars like Horace Clarke and Roger Repoz will make everyone forget Mantle and Maris. Next month, when those Yankee bats tear into the Dodgers, I sure would hate to be Sandy Koufax."

Yankees mathematically eliminated for Grapefruit Pennant

Meanwhile, the Blue Jays look like the 1927 Yankees of the Grapefruit League. Nineteen and four? Incredible.

If the playoffs were held today - even with the expanded one-game Wild Card playoff - the Yankees would finish out of the running. And you better believe the writers would be questioning Joe Girardi's move to let that game against Boston end in a tie. It cost us everything.

The Cardiac Kid: Best pun competition for Cheney's heart transplant

Heart of Darkness
Deuce of Hearts
Fib-rillator
Heart of Glass
The venal cava

well...?

Seligtopia

Two years ago today, the architecture blog A/N ran some juicy pix of our $25MM Commissioner's expanded Park Avenue digs.

One Year Ago Today

Tito: Wake will make the 25-man roster

News from Scranton (now Empire State, Pa.) the lost Yankee city

Local kids learning survival skills through "Hunger Games"

City debating future fate of old police cars

Update on Bob Mellow

City might lose Yankees next year too

Letter to the Editor: "The downstaters' bane will be our blessing"

Buffalo News 

March 18

Dear editor, 

Baseball spring training is upon us. While this is always an exciting time of the year, this summer holds particular promise for WNY fans. Not only will the nation's top prospects and future stars converge on the Queen City for the Triple-A All-Star Game, but the Scranton/Wilkes-Barre Yankees will play home games in Rochester, Batavia, and at our own Coca-Cola Field.

Despite Buffalo's proximity to Toronto and its Blue Jays, few will doubt the city's substantial Yankees fan base. While its Scranton stadium is renovated this summer, the organization's displaced Triple-A affiliate will play thirty-seven home games in Rochester, seven in Batavia, and six at our Coca-Cola Field.

All summer, fans will be a short drive away from witnessing the power pitching tandem of the Yankees' Dellin Betances and Manny Banuelos -- two of the top pitching prospects in the game. Also, given the team's advanced age, fans can count on the inevitable injury/rehabilitation assignments of a few Bronx Bombers. The downstater's bane will be our blessing.

This is not the first time our city has played host to the Triple-A All-Star Game. Twenty-five years ago, Coca-Cola Field -- then Pilot Field -- was the site of the very first edition of the event. On that balmy July evening in 1988, a sold-out crowd saw Steve Finley and the American League narrowly defeat Sandy Alomar Jr.'s National League squad, 2-1.

The names on this year's Triple-A All-Star rosters will probably not jump off the page to most professional baseball observers. This, however, should not detract from the significance of the event. Since 1988, the Triple-A All-Star game has featured more than 70 future MLB All-Stars. Odds are that a few participants in this year's event will reach the majors and become household names.

Matt Kaiser

Amherst

One Year Ago Today

Gonzo getting his timing down, 'seeing the ball great'

Salty puts on a show for hometown crowd

Tito: Theo is 'really smart'

Carl Crawford's diary

Where was AJ Burnett? Kim Kardashian celebrates Yankee walk-off victory with symbolic pie-in-face flower bombing

KARDASHIAN NEWS NETWORK _ In a rare public appearance Thursday, Kim Kardashian's cleavage was brutally flower-bombed, apparently by a jubilant but drug-addled former New York Yankee, who in reliving a walk-off 2009 victory, mistook her busom for the face of centerfielder Melky Cabrera.

Kardashian's cleavage was visiting New York to speak on behalf of its humanitarian campaign for humanitarianism, when former Yankee pitcher AJ Burnett - half-blinded by a spring bunting incident - leaped onto the stage, confronted the two breasts and yelled, "Way to go, Melky!" He then tossed a bag of flower - he had no access to cream pie - into the famous cleavage.

Bodyguards hustled the cleavage into a bulletproof bra, where it could be secured, as well as lifted and separated. Burnett is now said to be at Rikers Island, collaborating with co-trustee Louise Meanwell on an unauthorized biography of Yankee GM Brian Cashman.

Exclusive: Yankees found to sell sartorial cause of Trayvon Martin's death

The Yankees are placing millions of their fans in half-danger, often at prices as low as $29.95.

This website has learned of Yankee burqa-like garments currently being sold on the open market, even though their head-cloaking design is linked to 50 percent of the shooting death of teenager Trayvon Martin, according to Fox News liberal spokesperson/investigative reporter Geraldo Rivera (not related to Mariano.)

We are referring to the "hoodie," similar to the notorious invisibility device used in the Harry Potter movies, whose name alone conjures imagery of "hoods" and "die." Rivera - speaking on Fox, the nation's electronic babysitter for the elderly - blamed the offensive and threatening sportswear for forcing Florida Neighborhood Watch Capt. George Zimmerman to shoot Martin, apparently believing he was a young President Obama.

In an appeal to America, Rivera (not related to Mariano) said:

I am urging the parents of black and Latino youngsters, particularly, to not let their young children go out wearing hoodies. I think the hoodie is as much responsible for Trayvon Martin’s death as George Zimmerman was.

Amen.

We at IT IS HIGH hereby call upon the Yankees, and their surrogates across America, to help unauthorized neighborhood non-police patrols fulfill their non-responsibilities, without victimization! Ban the Death Hoodie.

I am a robot

Those illegible words in the "comment" authentication section don't work. Do you type them with or without a space?

Are they to be stacked?

Are they case sensitive?

Why don't they work?

Is this because of Joba's accident?

Joba: The Poem

President Lincoln, skip that show!

Amelia Earhart, please don’t go!

Dillinger, don’t trust that vamp!

Joba, please… avoid that tramp.

.

JFK, don’t take that ride!

Mr. King, sir, stay inside!

Julius Caesar, ditch that crown!

Joba, jump… just don’t come down.

.

 Gorbachev, tear down this wall!

America, free beer for all!

Mariano, please don’t go!

Joba… say it isn’t so.

Joba Dislocates Ankle After Dislocating Brain

It is a good thing that Joba has a contract in 2012 for nearly $2 million. Because he will not earn another nickel from baseball.

The playful insect ( at right ) is a midge. Yes, the very same who relentlessly swarmed Joba by the thousands a few years back, in Cleveland. This was the lasting, and now likely final, highlight of Joba's career. Certainly as a Yankee.

Joba had a memorable "flash-in-the pan" debut in the majors, unmatched by few. He was unhitable as a relief pitcher.

His brain, unfortunately then decided he should be a starter. When that failed, he worked his way back to relief. When that didn't work, he had Tommy John surgery.

Apparently his post surgical brain then took him onto a trampoline as entertainment with or for his 5 year old son. It reminds me of Aaron Boone's off-season basketball adventure, several years back.

The result; Dad will now have to learn how to sell vinyl siding, while son can always giggle at Dad's midge invasion of a baseball career on U-tube.

I'm just eyeballing this, but it looks to me as though Joba and the midge have the same size brain.

So much for Joba

"This latest setback, which a somber Cashman termed 'massive,' jeopardizes any chance he'd have of contributing in 2012."

So where were we about about having too many pitchers for too few slots?

It is time to take nominations for March Yankee Lunchables Employee of the Month

Michael Pineda, project x

Manny Banuelos, 21 jump street

Freddy Garcia, the lorax

Andy Pettitte, the grey

Brian Cashman, the iron lady

any ideas?

Bigger than "Hunger Games?" Twenty days until "The Juju Rules" arrives in stores

April 17

One Year Ago Today

Red Sox take a day off

Bernie and the Allmans? Of course!

Screw that classical guitar crapola. Didn’t we always secretly equate Bernie with Southern rock? I had him with the Marshall Tucker boys -- and a touch of fukkinay Freebird. (True Note: His debut album included a cover of Kansas' "Dust in the Wind.") According to the Daily News, Bernie hopped up on stage with the Allmans the other night in NYC.

For you diehards, here's the set list.

Sweet Maris-a

In Memory of Elizabeth Rizzuto

Grandin’ Man

Swishing Post 

links

Fan excited about Andy coming back

Spring Training in the Northeast next year?

One Year Ago Today

Lackey: 'I feel like I'm ready'

Did Cash know Andy was coming back when he punted on AJ Burnett?

It's time to pose a question that to my Google-based knowledge the Yankiverse has not yet pondered: What did Brian Cashman know about Andy Pettitte, and when did he know it?

Did Andy's impending return prompt the trade of AJ Brunette? (right)

First, I've been pissing and moaning about that sickening deal since the moment it washed up on the Gammonite red tide. For starters, you never have too much pitching. And since when do the Yankees scrounge for nickel deposits? Also, I could foresee - still can - AJ getting traded and facing us next fall in a rage of venom, a la Kenny Rogers for Detroit. Thus, I railed against the deal. Not that anybody listened. I'm merely the Voice of Yankee Truth. Why would anybody care?

But now, I'm wondering if I was too harsh on the Branch Rickey of Stalkables. If Cash knew Andy Pettitte was coming back to the Yankees, dumping Burnett would make sense. We'd have eight pitchers for five slots - instead of seven - and AJ would likely miss the cut. Under that scenario, he would loom as a future clubhouse headcase and a magnet for fan abuse.

So for whatever it's worth, the Voice of Yankee Truth here is taking back some of the horrible things it may have said or implied regarding Cashman's deal. I'll give him benefit of the doubt. But let's put a Gammonite on that question: Was Andy a factor in AJ's banishment?

If Melancon fails for the Redsocks, at last we will be free of that miserable Lance Berkman trade

Yesterday, Mark Melancon got smacked around by the Twins, giving up three runs, leading Bobby Valentine to launch that signature management style of carping about his team. Of Melancon, the manager said,  “I thought he backed up bases pretty well. He had that down.’’

Nothing personal against Melancon, aside from him being a Redsock. But for the first time since 2010, maybe we can puke up the rancid egg yolk of that Lance Porkman trade deadline stinker. It would be nice. That deal still bugs me. Let us count the ways: 1) Berkman clanked for us, 2) Melancon pitched well in Houston, 3) Berkman moved to St. Louis - we got nothing for him - and won them a World Series, 4) Melancon goes to the Redsocks, possibly the cheap replacement for Papeblon, 5) To be determined.

In fact, it could have been worse. According to news accounts, Berkman tried to convince Andy Pettitte to come out of retirement with the Cards, instead of the Yankees. That would have been the ultimate dart.

In baseball, you see it again and again. A bad deal just goes on forever, like a Kenny G solo. With our luck, Melancon will become Boston's closer, and Berkman will make the Cards forget Albert. Will it ever end?

One Year Ago Today

Pedey: Jacoby 'looks good'

McGwire: Gonzo will 'get better and better'

ESPN: Lester vs. Halladay 'a study in virtuosity'

River Ave, facing caveman tribes, turns off comments on Meredith Marakovits

The Yankees yesterday announced that

Meredith Markovits will replace the departed Kim Jones.

Welcome to New York, Ms. Marakovits!

The Hunger Games, eliminated? Did Andy Pettitte crush the fight for the 25th roster spot?

This spring, the lone controversy across the Yankiverse - aside from whether Cashman's stalker was the best he could do - has been the quest to be Number 25. At times, it has pitted lefty pitchers (Clay Rapada! Cesar Cabral!) against veteran infielders (Bill Hall! Ramiro Pena!) and cagy outfielders (Chris Dickerson! Justin Maxwell!). Who would become The Final Yankee... as opposed to spending the season homeless, a member of the Empire State Traveling Wilkes Barres?

Now, it's basically a one-month prize. Andy Pettitte will return on or about May 1. He will knock somebody - Freddy Garcia, perhaps - into the bullpen, which will domino down the line, until somebody gets a mileage voucher to wherever on the New York State Thruway the former Scrantonians are currently holed-up.

But, you say, injuries will open slots for Man No. 25. One tweaked hammy, and the guy is back in the Bronx.

But in late June, Joba Chamberlain should return.

Number 25, we hardly knew ye.