Last day to vote for who rooms with George...

Of course, George could be in a triple.

If so, we're betting the third person is Kevin Brown.

Crushed by Tampa Bay at Home

Ugh.

Here's a money-making scheme. Buy the hat signed by Joba Chamberlain and Philip Hughes, being sold RIGHT NOW on eBay for $81.00.

Erase Hughes name, then sell it for a profit.

PRAISE HIM

JESUS MONTERO'S SECOND PLAYOFF HOME RUN LEADS THE GULF COAST YANKEES TO THE GULF COAST LEAGUE WORLD SERIES.

Jeez goes 2/5 with a HR and a 2B, gets 2 RBI´s and a run scored!

Not only that, but he caught! And you know what he told those Dodgers?

THOU SHALT NOT STEAL...

And they didn't.

Scranton Wins the Pennant!

Scranton wins the division!

Scranton wins the division!

Thuuuuuuuuuuuuuh Scrantonians win the division!

The playoffs are near.

We shall soon sip from the International League's Governor's Cup!

Yankeetorial: What Is Francona Wearing Under that Jersey?

Major League Baseball seems a bit anxious to learn...

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It sent an investigator into the Red Sock dugout yesterday, demanding to see what sort of undergarments the Boston supermodel/manager wears... hidden from public view.

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Apparently, the MLB probe touched a nerve in Terri, who twirled and pouted to reporters later in his pillowy, mirrored dressing room, "I've never seen anything like that before in my life! This is incredible!"
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My dear! Mercy! What's a guy to do!
*

How about dropping the top, Mr. League of Your Own.

*

WHAT ARE YOU HIDING UNDER THAT PRISSY BLOUSE?

WHY IS TERRI FRANCONA SO TWITCHY ABOUT HIS UNDIES?

*

MIGHT THEY NOT BE RED ENOUGH?

Jeez, Flock, Fall to Dodgers

Goddammitall! A crappy day in Yankeeland, if ever there was one!

*

Just learned that our Gulf Coast Yankees lost 5-0 to the Gulf Coast Dodgers in Game II of the Gulf Coast World Series.

*

Jesus Montero -- the 17-year-old catcher/DH whom the Yankees signed last year for $1.2 million, making him the highest-paid Latino free agent in the entire class of 2006 -- went 1/4 with a pair of Ks.

*

The series is tied at 1-1.

Jesus, Followers, Need One More Miracle

Future Yankee savior/DH Jesus Montero has led his Single A disciples to yet another win in the Gulf Coast League championship series.

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The 17-year-old Latin sensation went 2/4 with a walk (on water?) to bring the Gulf Coast Yankees within one game of winning THE WORLD SERIES OF THE GULF COAST ROOKIE LEAGUE.

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In the playoffs, "Jeez the Cheese" is batting .429, healing pitchers between innings and undermining the opposition by changing its Gatorade into wine.

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Keep the faith, Yankee fans. Jesus is coming!

Yankeexculsive: Larry Craig's Rest Room Etiquette

By Sen. Larry Craig

Special to IT IS HIGH

Hey, Yankee fans, if you’re like me, the first thing you wanna do after a long flight is hit the "Grand Old Potty" (as Denny Hastert used to say) and do your business. Sadly, it’s not as simple as it sounds. That’s why I’m posting my favorite tips on technique.

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1. After attaining the proper squat, I always tap out a lucky, how-de-do rhythm on the stall. I use my hands and go,

Bam-BOOM! Boom-ba-BOOM! THUMP-THUMP BING!

It's sort of like me saying in my secret jungle code...

"I'M HERE! SO'Z MY REAR! DEAL WITH IT!"

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2. Next, I spread my legs wide as a canyon, putting a foot right into that next stall. To get traction, I push my shoe right up against my neighbor's. He knows I'm a proud jungle warrior, a grunting drummer-man, telling his bowels, "Get to work, you bastards." He knows I'm doing my business, and it's gonna stink to high hell in here. He better flush and go NOW!
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3. Then I feel to see what’s on the other side of that wall. Once, a buddy of mine reached under the partition and found a ten dollar bill, taped to the side. Imagine that! Ever since, I always check to see if there’s money. Or a telephone number! Like they say at the lottery: Hey, you never know!

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4. Sometimes, my neighbor reaches out and shakes my hand. At least, I think it's my hand. Hey, you DO never know! Anyway, I'm all for making pals! That's politics. You never know you'll meet in the sky crapper. You might just win the vote that wins the next election for the GOP!

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Hey, if there’s something wrong with meeting folks on the C-mode, dammit, I plead guilty.

To Honor Today's Starter

Unforgettable Rocket moment on view at Bugs & Cranks.

Bush Opposes Immediate Mussina Withdrawal

Washington _ Drawing historical comparisons to Vietnam and Jose Contreras, President George W. Bush Tuesday said the Yankees must not pull out of Mike Mussina and should continue starting him through 2008.
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"To withdraw will embolden our enemies and increase the chances of inflicting terrible losses, not only on the road, but right here at home," Bush said.
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In his last three starts, Mussina -- 8-10 on the year -- has given up 25 hits and 20 runs (19 earned) over 9 2/3 innings, a 17.69 ERA.
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Bush noted that Mussina's last start against Detroit lasted three innings, nearly twice the distance of his previous performance.
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"That is the kind of progress that does not show up in the daily boxscore," Bush said. "Well, technically, it does show up in the boxscore, but reporters dwell on the negative, especially in New York."

Jesus Hammers Fourth

Future Yankee savior/DH Jesus Montero lifted His Gulf Coast Yankees into the finals of the Gulf Coast Kiddie Millionaire League Tuesday, beating the Gulf Coast Twins.
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Jesus, the youngest (17) and biggest (6'4, 225) Gulf Coast Yankee prospect homered (his 4th) in three at bats, adding a clutch walk. He's batted .280 on the season.
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Along with Jesus, the championship-bound Gulf Coasters sport some of the game's greatest potential names.
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Melky "Lil Melky" Mesa.
Geraldo "GRod" Rodriguez.
Prilys "Schlafly" Cuello.
"The First" Noel Castillo.
"Sausage" Link Saunders.
And the "A to Z" Almonte boys, "Abe" and "Zollo."
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Hats off to this championship team!

Parental Advisory: Red Sox Fan Quoted

Top 8th, two out, two on. Yankees 5, Red Sox 3. Joba Chamberlain gets JD Drew, strike three swinging. Seconds later on the Sox fan board Sons Of Sam Horn:

JD Drew is the biggest cunt on God's green earth. I'd rather watch Hitler fuck my wife on our rabbi's desk than ever see him in a Sox uniform again.

Yankee Slang for Senator Craig's Lewd Act

Senator Larry Craig of Idaho has pleaded guilty to lewd conduct in an airport restroom. A plainclothes cop claims Craig was seeking to initiate a romantic tryst by suggestively groping with his feet and hands beneath the stall.

In Yankee terms, he would be accused of...

"Seeking a bridge to Mariano."

"Being Bruney and nibbling at the corners."

"Trying to straighten out Moose."

"Getting more playing time for Melky."

"Taking some pressure off of Mister Torre."

Why We Fight

I know. You're out of hope, I'm out of hope. You've had it with the Yankees, I've had it with the Yankees.

But there's more at stake here than just a ballgame, or three games, or even a division. And if you think we can just roll over and sleep until spring, put our duties off until they start to look easy again, then you're forgetting a few things:

Red Sox complicity in U.S. torture flights

They feed their own fans prison food

They're worse racists than Joe Torre

Mientkiewicz

Their groundskeepers

Sheff

Varitek kept his mask on

Schilling put ketchup on his sock and told us it was blood

We're tired. We're discouraged. We can't pitch. We can't hit.

But we can't give up.

We don't have the luxury.

A break in the Yanks' big night to give a shout for Senator Larry

JEEPERS! Just heard about GOP Sen. Larry Craig of Idaho getting pinched in an airport restroom for lewd behavior.

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Hang in there, Sky Chief! Could happen to anybody.

*

Ball fans understand that, hey! when nature calls, a pup's just gotta be a pup.

*

Anybody can win at home. But as the Yanks are learning, scoring on the road is not easy.

*

Next time, though, remember to tell the tower before touching down.

This Just In....

YANKEE TRIPLE A SHORTSTOP PROSPECT ALBERTO GONZALEZ ANNOUNCES RESIGNATION....

Was batting .300 over last 10 games... Got a big double Sunday against Buffalo...

Had 12 stolen bases for year... Was hitting only .249.

Update, 11:37 a.m. E.S.T. -- We're doublechecking. Resignation speech did not mention team or Yankees.

Update II: 9:45 p.m. E.S.T. -- Box score says Alberto is 3/4 for Scranton, with a double. Must be the pressure is off, and now he can hit!

Observation from Alphonso

Huge game tonight.

Another L and we can about turn out the lights.

Luckily, we have a well rested Moose, ready for the challenge.

Help on the way!

Kei Igawa tossed a masterpiece yesterday for the Scrantonians of the International League, giving up only 3 runs in 6.2 innings (two on homers, but, hey, the ball was carrying.) He should be up with the big club soon!

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In the Tampa Beer & Cheese Rehab League, Doug Mientkiewicz was 1 for 3 with a double, meaning yet another big bomb in our arsenal of firstbasemen (Philips, Giambi, Betemit, Posada, et al) will soon be here!
*

Finally, the Yanks are closely monitoring the development of switch-hitting rightfielder Nouri al-Maliki in the Iraq Sandlot League. Yesterday, he threw out three Sunnis. Don't be surprised if we don't soon see him in New York!

Yankees Looking to 2008

Another giveaway to Detroit.

Maybe Phil Hughes will do it next year.

Maybe Joba Chamberlain will start next year.

Maybe Ian Kennedy will arrive next year.

Maybe Jesus will ascend next year.

Big. Season. Next. Year.

When Wang Pitches, the New York Post Gets Kinky

Real headlines this morning, suggesting lewd Yankee behavior, from The Wall Street Journal's sister publication...

DAMON REDISCOVERS HIS JOY

YANKEES PULL A FAST WANG

JOE'S BITTER AFTERTASTE

p.s. Big. Game. Today.

BIG GAME TONIGHT

Basically, this is just to get our minds off The Henn.

Big. Game. Tonight.

Henn Party

Four hour rain delay. Eleven innings of ball. And once again it all comes down to The Henn.

BIG GAME TONIGHT

Basically, this is just to get our minds off Lindsay and Rudy.

Big. Game. Tonight.

Ladies and Gentlemen, Siegfried & Roy

Off-Day Yankeefesto: Why Lindsay Lohan Matters

1. At least for now, she's pretty.
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2. She was a childhood movie star, so her utter deterioration validates our own lack of fame and success.
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3. We’ll have her around for 50 years. By then, we will know more about her than about our siblings.
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4. She takes our minds off Iraq, global warming, the economy and the Presidential election; condemning her kind is one of the few unifying topics left in America.
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5. Evil corporations squandered millions to promote her.
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6. At the heart of everything, she is only doing what most kids her age do.
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7. She hasn't yet married and been fertilized; thus, she will soon infect and destroy some equally disgusting rock star.
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8. She takes the tabloid pressure off A-Rod.

Yankeetorial: USA Today Does Voodoo Math

USA Today today, (not yesterday, but today!) annoints the Boston Red Socks as "King of the Road" in America, claiming they now draw the most fans per game in opposing ballparks.

According to the America's most colorful fishwrap...

This year the Sox are surging again and averaging 39,136 in road attendance. That's about 1,300 more than the Yankees draw in road games, and nearly 2,000 more than the Sox drew in road games in 2005, when they were the defending World Series champs.

Unfortunately, the numbers manage to ignore one little item:

The 19,000-seat disparity between Yankee Stadium and Fenway Park.

In other words... When we play at Fenway seven times a season, each game is a sellout -- at about 37,000. IT LOWERS THE YANKEES' ROAD AVERAGE.

When the Red Socks play in New York, they draw 56,000 per game. That bumps up their average considerably.

Take out the Yankee-Red Sox series, and do the math. The Yankees are ahead. At best, it's a wash for Boston.

OK, SO HERE'S THE DEAL, USA TODAY:

If you want to write an enterprise feature along the lines of, "O boy! Lookit, everybody, WOW, how neat those Red Socks are!" fine. Go ahead. It's a free country. Add a pie chart and show some of those wacky, wonderful face-painted Red Sock fans.

But don't make the numbers jump through hoops, OK? That's the job of the federal government.

THIS IS AN OUTRAGE. A SCANDAL. PEOPLE SHOULD LOSE THEIR JOBS OVER THIS. NOW.

CORRECTION! NOW! RETRACTION! NOW!

I Know You Don't Care About My Fantasy Team, But...

Angels Choose to Play With Their Food

Rather than devour it all in one serving...
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Save some for October?

Pondering the Unponderable

From Daily News' beat-apologist Anthony McCarron ...
*

"If Mussina doesn't fix himself in the next six weeks, the Yankees might face a sticky question, should they reach the postseason: Does Mussina, a veteran they are paying a lot of money, who has a 3.40 ERA in 22 postseason games (21 starts), get a start in the playoffs?"
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Whew.
*

Mercy.
*

That's a tough one.
*

Sleepless nights for The Chess Master.

Mr. Almost

When hearing of "Stanford University," most people think of Ted Danson, Condoleezza Rice or $10 bags of really fine weed.

*

Yankee fans think of their great hurler, Mike Mussina... "Mister Almost!"

*

He once almost pitched a perfect game.

*

He twice almost won 20 games in a season.

*

Three times, he almost won a World Series ring.

*

Once, he almost won the Cy Young Award.
*

Someday, he will almost make the Hall of Fame.

*

Hats off to "Moose!"
*

Always, Yankee fans are almost glad we have him!

Bomber Blasts Power Ninth

By the end of last night's Yankee ninth, the Los Angeles Angels Of Anaheim didn't know what hit them.

Molina walked.

The Melkman reached on an error.

Betemit launched a Betemissile. Three runs in.

A-Rod set off an A-bomb. Fourth run in.

Godzilla stroked a sweet single to center.

And by the time the smoke cleared, Anaheim's lead had been cut down to 9 runs.

That's called getting inside the opposition's heads. Letting them know that, against this ballclub, no double-digit lead is safe.

Open Letter to the Angels

Listenup,

Mr. Torre is tired of losing to you bastards.
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Mr. Sterling is tired of losing to you bastards.
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We are all sick and tired of losing to you bastards.
*
But if, in the end, we're going to just fall apart in October...
*
Then honor one request...
*
END THIS GODDAMM HELL CHARADE... NOW.
*
NOT IN OCTOBER... NOW!
*
TONIGHT, WITH MUSSINA.
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MAUL US... END IT... DESTROY OUR SEASON... OR GO TO HELL.

To Answer Your Question, Alphonso, Sean Henn Is Still With The Team

But Joba got his day off. So that's good.

Previously: Questions From Alphonso

Another Dinger for Jesus Montero

Rejoice!

The future Yankee slugger-savior hit home run number 3 today in the Single A Gulf Coast League for Teen Millionaires.

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He is the youngest current player in the Yankees organization.

*

He is the largest player on the Gulf Coast Yankees.

*

His ETA: 2012.

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Change your ways. Jesus is coming.

The 10th Yankee

Report: Rudy spent more time at Yankee games than at the 9/11 cleanup.

What gave it away?

These inspirational lines from Guiliani's 2002 autobiography, "Leadership."

"As I looked into the anguished faces, each one pondering the razor-thin difference between life and death, I whispered a simple prayer: 'Dear God, give Knobby strength to throw the next one all the way to Tino, at least on one hop.'"

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"Though the smoke remained intense, and the weary men heaved from utter exhaustion, I never thought Jay Witasik would surrender eight runs, allowing the Big Unit to terrorize us again in Game Seven."

*

"Gazing upon the destruction rendered unto us, I felt the anger crest up directly from the vortex of my soul: 'We shall never forget this!' I screamed. 'TRADE RANDY CHOATE!'"

Questions from Alphonso

1. Will Torre finally use Edwar appropriately ( looks like he might ).

2. I hope Joba replaces MO in 2 years. Or is he better as a Clemens -like starter?

3. I'm surprised Shelley is still here. Good for him. How cool was his 2 out 9th inning, 3 run HR?

4. Do you believe how well Giambi has been hitting?

5. Bench is really strong now.

6. Is Sean Henn still with the team? Can he surprise as well?

7. Tobata is done for year....they are removing his wrist.

8. Dellin Betances?

9. Did Steve Artz ever pitch again for river Dogs?

10. We failed to sign the ambidextrous pitcher from Creighton U.

11. Is number one pick having TJ surgery or not?

Mayday!

Red Socks lead now at 4 games, the smallest on record since May 1st.

"Let off the panic button a little bit, you know what I mean?"

- Dustin Pedroia -

"Sometimes there's a catch between clinching the division with three weeks left."

- Mike Lowell -

“It just as easily could have gone the other way.”

- Don Zimmer -

John Sterling Twirls New Signature Masterbyte

"WHATTA JOB BY JOBA!"

Kyle Farnsworth's Greatest Yankee Moment

Gary Sheffield came to town looking for trouble.

He found it, in the form of "Kyle with a K."

He's not looking for trouble anymore.

A legend hath risen...

Inge's Life Flashes Before Inge's Eyes

Brandon Inge wishing to God he'd stayed on third. Like being hit by a bus.


A Rocket Bus.

It is high, it is far, it is... Gagne!

Associated Press: July 31, 2007

"Eric Gagne's comeback has landed him a new role on a new team: helping the Red Sox close out the Yankees. Gagne, pitching like his old self following two elbow operations and back surgery, was acquired by Boston for the stretch run on Tuesday from the Texas Rangers...
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"Once one of baseball's premier closers, Gagne waived the no-trade clause in his contract to join a Boston bullpen that already had two All-Star relievers: closer Jonathan Papelbon and setup man Hideki Okajima.
But the Red Sox, who entered Tuesday leading the AL East by eight games over New York, didn't want to take any chances of blowing their big lead and acquired Gagne to bolster the back end of their bullpen after consecutive implosions last weekend by Papelbon and Manny Delcarmen.
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"Gagne will serve as Papelbon's primary setup man and will close on days Papelbon needs rest.
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"We actually love our bullpen," Boston manager Terry Francona said of his relievers, who have the lowest ERA (2.74) in the majors. "I think it just got a lot better. Papelbon, Okajima and Gagne -- these are guys that you don't match up. You just let them pitch really good baseball."

Future Controversial Comments By Gary Sheffield

"Cats are stupid. I don’t need no cat to tell me how to live. And if the don’t want to come inside, I’m not gonna hold the damn door open for him. Some people do that. They hold the door open and wait for the damn cat. Gary Sheffield doesn’t."
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"I drive for me, not for the car. If I want to get somewhere, I get in the car, and I go there. I don’t give a damn about what the car wants. No car is gonna run my life, because that’s who I am."
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"I get hungry, and that’s when I eat. Gary Sheffield don’t just sit down at a table and eat because some waitress in a tight dress is standing over him, asking what he wants. You tell Gary Sheffield it’s dinner time, and, whoa, little lady! you done started something you just might not wanna finish!"
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"When I go to the toilet, it’s because I gotta go bad. Joe Torre didn’t tell me to go. If Joe Torre says go, some guys just go. They been told to go to the bathroom all their lives, so they go. Me? I say, the only person who tells Gary Sheffield it’s time to go to the bathroom is Gary Sheffield’s little pee-balloon man. And when that guy starts yelping, owwweee, you better believe I listen big."
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"I don’t wash up for no woman. And I don't spray myself. If she don’t like the way Gary Sheffield smells, I put a clothespin on her nose, and I leave it there, because she’s smelling Gary Sheffield, and it don’t get no better than that. I smell myself sometimes. It's better than Joe Torre."

Can He Hear the Boos in Heaven?

Maybe up there, it sounds like the fans are shouting, "Moooose."

The Night We Met Scooter

Throughout 1993, the play-by-play team never mentioned "O Holy Cow: The Selected Verse of Phil Rizzuto." Now and then, Tom Seaver suggested that Phil sounded "poetic," but Rizzuto didn't bite.
*
In September, with the Yanks out of the race, WPIX invited us to do a half-inning live with the Scooter. We'd pitch the book to every fan in captivity.
*
The editors were ecstatic, aside from one concern: Peyer said he was going to ask what Phil thought about the Catholic Church pedophilia scandal.
*
We met Phil before the game. He shook our hands. He thanked us. He said he didn’t understand the book, because in his opinion, poetry should rhyme. Peyer encouraged him to rhyme, when possible. Phil nodded.
*
We sat behind home plate with the players’ wives. It started to sprinkle, so we ordered beers. Our editor encouraged us to "go slow." The rain intensified. We did, too. When the game was called, our editor was the most disappointed and relieved guy in New York.
*
They never rescheduled us. Peyer never asked about the scandal. That’s show biz. That's life.

The only silver lining...

If Phil hadn't already left, yesterday would have killed him.

Josh Towers, You'd Better Be Listening

We'll be back in your park next month. One more stupid move and we just might settle things the Long Island Way.

Pinstripes Dominate Poetry League

Today, Phil Rizzuto is the #1 poet on Amazon. You can read samples of his work here, here and here, and buy the book here. All royalties go to charities Scooter chose.

Update: Co-author Hart Seely's history of the Scooter poetry book.

One of those Games... A found lost poem

In memory of You-Know-Who...... a poem built of quotes from Joe Torre, following last night's 159-0 loss to Baltimore

AFTERMATH

This is one of those games
You just want to throw away
And forget about.

It was a strange game for us.
Glad it's over with.
You can't explain that stuff.

Just one of those games.

Sources: New York Post, Daily News, Hartford Courant, newjersey.com

Say it ain't so

Phil Rizzuto, gone too soon.

Karl out, Cal in; Yogi, Lady ARod in Sight

WASHINGTON -- Conservatives across the nation are reeling today over President Bush's refusal to pardon Red State icon Roger Clemens from an unjust MLB suspension.

At a tearful home plate ceremony in the White House Rose Garden, Karl Rove announced his retirement from the game, so he can spend more time with his fighting dogs. Rove, who will join the faculty of the Lee Atwater Institute for Repentance, pitched the GOP to the World Series in 2000 and 2004, but failed to win a game over the last three years. Scouts say he simply lost his ability to hit lefties.

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He will be replaced by famed baseball Iron Man Cal Ripken, who told reporters he expects to show up at 7:55 a.m. every day for the next 18 months and, with a twinkle in his eye, ask if there is anything anybody wants him to do, and then do it.

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Other changes are expected:

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Michael "Superdome" Chertoff: To firm up public confidence, the White House will replace the Department of Homeland Security director with ex-Red Sox star Bill Buckner.

*

Tony Snow: Replacing him will be Rumsfeldian Yankee great and Yoo-Hoo Choco-Drink pitchman Yogi Berra, who will astound reporters with lines such as, "Nobody wants a war, that's why we need one!"

*

Laura Bush: The President will seek to tap Cynthia Rodriguez, wife of MVP-slugger ARod, who willl rally the citizenry with daily T-shirt slogans such as, "F--k off, Keith Olbermann," and "Go Home, Terrorist Retards!"

No Clemensy? Waiting for the Call

The family and friends of Roger Clemens will wait beside their phones until 7:04 p.m. today. hoping against hope that President George W. Bush will do the right thing...... Free Roger Clemens from an unjust American League court, which has sentenced the future Hall of Fame pitcher to a five-game suspension, merely for defending a teammate in a recent on-field skirmish.

Unless the President acts immediately, Clemens will miss his scheduled start and, effectively have served his cruel, unusual and unjust punishment.

According to White House sources, Bush has asked U.S. Army General David Petraeus to issue a recommendation by September 15, a move that basically sentences Clemens and leaves the matter to be decided by a future President.

It will be too late.

Other candidates are speaking up:

Mitt Romney revealed that during his time as Governor of Massachusetts he carefully withheld support for New York, but never fully committed himself to the Red Sox. Romney now is speaking openly about his membership in with the Church of the Latter Day Yankees, though he insists that it should not interfere with the Pennant Race.

Rudy Guiliani, an ardent Yankee fan, has said he would not only free Clemens but punish the Toronto Blue Jay who jumped in the way of Roger's fastball. He has not ruled out the use of enhanced interrogation techniques to learn who ordered the player to get hit.

Hillary Clinton, also a diehard Yankee fan since the days of Home Run Baker and Wee Willie Keeler, says she originally agreed with the President but now is opposed to his position, whatever it turns out to be.

MR. PRESIDENT.... YOU HAVE THE PRIDE AND THE POWER.

MAKE THE CALL.

Things You Can't Yell At Rocket Tonight Unless Bush Pardons Him

Hey, it’s the retiree!

Roger, tell us again about your exercise routine! We could listen for hours!

When Roger Clemens talks about Roger Clemens, why does Roger Clemens refer to Roger Clemens in the third person?

Why couldn't you have been suspended when the White Sox were in town?

Forget road trips! Stay home and teach little leaguers to pitch to the head!

I hear you autographed your kids! Can I buy one?

Where are your most prized treasures: Kerry, Koby, Krispy and Kreme?

Does your wife know about you and Andy Pettite?

You can’t retire. Not with Mike Piazza still running free.

If you don’t win, demand a trade.

Remember, the strike zone runs from the hairline to the temples!

Throw the bat! Throw the bat! Throw the bat!

Day Three: Mr. Bush, Put Down the Corn and Pick up Your Pen

Commute the sentence of Roger Clemens before it is too late.

What do we want, COMMUTATION.

When do we want it, NOW.

Oh My God! Edwar Added Me As A MySpace Friend!!

I'll let you use this link to the page of the greatest Yankee ever, my friend Edwar Ramirez! But don't you try to come between us, because you'd just be wasting your time!

Yankeetorial: Mr. President, Commute Roger's Sentence NOW!

Dear Mr. Bush,

There hath descendeth upon this land a terrible injustice, a cancer which threatens not only the pennant race but the future of every living, breathing American soul.

*

Roger Clemens, a fellow Texan, has been unfairly sentenced to a 5-game suspension for defending his teammate, a former Texan, in a skirmish between a U.S.-based team and a foreign entity from Canada -- a country that, we should remind you, chose not to commit troops to the war on terror, basically because they were sitting around, drinking Canadian beer and carping about the Yankees.

*

You, sir, commuted the sentence of another cultural warrior, Irving "Scooter" Libby, on the grounds that he was just standing up for his team. If he told a lie, he did it so the ballclub could win a big game. You understood that. You ran out of the dugout, kicked dirt on the ump, and you made the call.

*

You, sir, came through in the clutch, with runners in scoring position, after cooly waiting long in the count to lay down a perfect bunt, the ultimate political quality at-bat!

*

BUT NOW, SIR, YOU MUST DO THE SAME FOR ROCKET.

*
He was standing up for his teammates. He was defending a U.S. club for foreigners. He was telling all who would do America harm, "I will hit back!"

*

And he was just trying to win a ballgame.

*

Commute his sentence. Screw the fine. Nobody cares about fines.

*

AS COMMANDER-IN-CHIEF OF THE WORLD'S GREATEST BALLCLUB, YOU MUST NOT LET THIS INJUSTICE STAND!

*

Or we will wonder whose side you are really on...