One of those pros is 0-24 and the other, neck and neck with that.
In today's NY Murdoch, Phil Mushnick lashes out at The Master for centering our White House love-in.
Seriously, somebody tracked down Ed Whitson.
And who, you ask, is Ed Whitson?
So says the Wall Street Journal, according to a scientific survey.
Why?
1. Franchise never fully recovered from its public support of Hitler.
2. Cleveland fans spoiled, having won in 1948.
3. Large Pakinstani contingent misinterpretted survey question.
4. Let's remember, it's the Wall Street Journal, owned by Rupert Murdoch.
5. Protest over induction of ABBA into Rock Hall of Fame.
6. Mean-spirited Toledo voters stacked ballot.
7. Opposing fans still hate Tris Speaker.
8. World tired of waiting for Grady Sizemore to bolt.
9. Team received bad publicity from gang-rape scandals with young nuns.
10. Cleveland fans voted for home team; they wanted to finally win something.
Both had to go to Arizona after blowing the big one.
Think of those angry Republican Party fans. They were World Champs for eight years, then they bring in McCain, who immediately surrenders the White House, plus a 20-seat grand slam in Congress, to somebody whose name rhymes with Osama. Well, don't expect the bleacher creatures to welcome you home.
Not only that, but he lost 10 mph on his fastball, and he's been getting hit hard for the last eight months. He can't get lefties out. Does he have a chance?
This one has me tea-bagged. What is John singing?
How dare they offend the Redsock Nation.
Whatever happened to freedom of the press?
Wake up, Yankiverse! Next they'll be claiming Andy doesn't belong in the Hall.
(If they do that... war.)
While Boone Logan was donating his little gift to the Orioles, and we lost what seems to be our 4th game out of the last 7 by a 5-4 score, the Red Socks Slime edged Toronto 2-1.
The World Champion Yankees last night toured Camden Yards, visiting struggling members of the Baltimore Orioles, thanking them for their service and urging them never to give up hope for recovery.
"I don't know when I ever felt better about being a Yankee," relief pitcher David Robertson said later, after sharing meatballs to several Orioles who had been down on their luck and who hadn't eaten in weeks. "To see the thankful looks in their eyes when I tossed them those lollypops, well, I'll keep that memory for the rest of my life."
In my pre-season wrap-up and predictions, for those of you who read and are willing to give proper attribution to wisdom and insight, I offered the following, " Boone Logan will be awful."
This will be the last column I write about the Arizona Diamondbacks in the foreseeable future. For me, they do not exist. They will continue to not exist in my mind as long as the horribly named “Support Our Law Enforcement and Safe Neighborhoods Act” remains law in Arizona. This law has brought echoes of apartheid to the state.
There is no need to be nice to Javy, despite the recent rants of Ketchup Schilling.
The Hitters We Let Go:
http://www.whitehouse.gov/live/president-obama-welcomes-world-series-champion-new-york-yankees
We all know that he wasn't with the team last year. The team that won a World Championship.
The World Champion Yankees, despite their fears, should be considered a source of wisdom:
Yep, it's April.
We have to find another starter. Javy Dick-Head is just plain lousy in the American League.
Roger Clemens lived a charmed 40 years, then probably figured a defrocked former trainer would be the lone hotstop for personal grudge-revenge.
Now, the Rocket is learning about the real world...
A steamy sex tape featuring singer songwriter Mindy McCready has been placed on temporary hold while adult studio Vivid Entertainment takes legal steps to prove it has the right to distribute it.
Vivid founder/co-chairman Steven Hirsch said he remains confident the studio has all appropriate legal clearances to distribute the video, "Mindy McCready, Baseball Mistress," in which she talks candidly about the sexual performances of Yankees and Red Sox pitching great Roger Clemens and other celebrities she's been involved with over the years. The video had been scheduled to go on sale April 19th.
I once believed Clemens to be a shoe-in for the Hall, despite the steroid allegations. Now, I'm not so sure.
I don't know if the Yankees lost again, yesterday. I have to assume they did. Only because it is raining, I'm hung over, and the Jets and Mets are soaring in everything they touch...not to mention the disease known as the Red Sox.
1. Two losses in a row; should A-Rod have stepped on home plate in Oakland?
2. Have Hideki and Abreu forged their scorn into hatred?
3. Joba, O, Joba, doth thy bridge forever creak?
4. Why did they sign Kendry Morales, while we signed Juan Miranda?
5. Did A-Rod curse us by stepping on the rubber in Oakland?
6. "Chants of "Let's go Yankees" were met by boos." In the words of Rodney King, why can't people just get along?
7. Will we ever see a 150-win season?
8. Should A-Rod try to undo his plate-step curse in Oakland?
9. Last year, after celebrity deaths, the Yankees went on winning streaks. Do we need to have beloved celebrities die again?
10. Will we ever win another game?
SUZYN: If you have to go to your bullpen in third inning of the first game of the series, it's going to be a long weekend.
JOHN: And if you're Ray Milland, it's going to be a Lost Weekend.
For two years, the beloved mascot known as "Pops" has roamed the stands of Syracuse's Your-Name-Here Stadium, bringing smiles to children of all ages.
Last night, mean Jon Weber nearly put an end to it.
Reason No. 1: Loss No. one.
Reason No. 2: Loss No. two.
Reason No. 3: Loss No. three.
Reason No. 4: Yesterday.
Four horrible defeats.
Yes, we're in first. Yes, we have a decent record..
But we lost yesterday. Understand? We lost. We haven't won a game in a long time.
Twenty four hours.
Maybe it's just me. I never feel secure until we're 30 games over .500.
Dear Mr. Braden,
Shut the fuck up.
Sincerely,
B3
I knew this game was over in the first inning.
Do you believe in miracles? YESSS!
Attended Syracuse/Scranton game last night with SuperFrankenstein. Sat near Yankee bullpen and repeatedly stressed the need to avoid leadoff walks.
Lost another no-hitter late in the game.
At least this time he didn't hurt himself...
While we are all cheering the flopping around of certain Red Sox players in the early days of this season, they won a game yesterday they should have lost.
I think we all owe a debt of ingratitude to El Duque for using me in his recent, award winning "Yankeeography." It is the first time I have come close to wearing a tie since November, 2009.
A hoity-toity book reviewer comes clean about his hatred for the Yankees... and America.
Not long ago I began reading David Benioff’s “City of Thieves.” The novel had come highly recommended to me by several friends, and as I had already seen Spike Lee’s excellent film “25th Hour,” which is based on Benioff’s first novel, I was really looking forward to reading the book.
But almost immediately the whole exercise was ruined. The narrator, the young boy’s grandson, reveals on Page 2 that after the war, his grandfather came to America and became a “devout” New York Yankees fan. I found this revelation crushing. The idea that someone who had escaped the siege of Leningrad would then voluntarily join the evil empire in the Bronx struck me as repellent. So I set the book aside and donated it to my library. Maybe some Yankees fan would enjoy it. I sure as hell wouldn’t.
Yes, they hate us.
They think it's easy being Yankee fans.
They. Just. Don't. Know.
Yankee fans still simmering over the failure to resign Johnny Damon can rest easier today.
DKNY has become the first permanent fashion sponsor to enterYankee Stadium. It's the "Jackie Robinson of clothing lines" for the new park (a/k/a "the house that vermouth built.")
From now on, Yankee fans, if you're like me, you'll bring an extra $300 to every game. Between innings, you'll want to accessorize!
What's this all about?
FACT: A lot of people on Twitter are stupid. Many of these people follow celebrities and try to send them messages. But which celebrity's fans are most stupid? It's time to find out.
Who made it?
Hello. I'm Tom Scott. I live at tomscott.com, and you can email me or follow me on Twitter. The crowd photo is from Anirud Khoul and is CC-licensed.
What do you mean by 'stupid'?
Stupid Fight can't go out and administer an intelligence test to each person that's sending messages to a celebrity. So instead, it estimates based on several stupid indicators. Are they using twenty exclamation marks in a row? Do they endlessly use the abbreviation 'OMG'? Do they seem incapable of working out where their Shift key is? These indicators have a strong correlation with the message, and its sender, being stupid.
How valid are Stupid Fight's results?
Like the Body Mass Index, it's an excellent indicator but may not work for certain people. It is, for example, blind to irony. It may have issues with non-English languages. Its accuracy given one individual Twitter message, or one individual user, is quite low. On average, however, it's not a bad test at all.
Who do you count as a 'fan'?
The last 100 people to send an @reply to the target celebrity.
The bases were loaded with two outs, and the count was full on Toby Weiss Wednesday, after she foul-tipped a swallow of fine-tasting, nutritional Yankee Stadium food.
She had stepped into the bucket, the game was on the line, and God was marching from the dugout, preparing to yank her from the game and then send Weiss permanently to Scranton-Wilkes Barre, saddled with the biggest loss of her career -- her life!
Then, out of the Yankee bleachers strode pinch-hitter John Stone, who took a few practice swings, stepped to the plate and smacked a hard line drive of windpipe-blocking expectorant, scoring the runners and saving the game!
Hollywood abuzz! Jeet tells old coach Minka may be on ice. Arod seen with semen-haired lady.
New York _ With a short-handed bullpen Friday, the Yankees turned to God - a/k/a Yahweh, Allah, Sky Pilot, etc - and the Being didn't disappoint, twirling three shutout innings to preserve New York's victory over the forever-to-be-tainted-by-George-Bush Texas Rangers.
Anonymous comments and the New York Yankees stand at polar-opposite positions in American life in the 21st century. When an athlete puts on the Yankee pinstripes there is an ethic, a history, a standard of excellence. When a commenter hides under alias there is a lowering of standards, a hiding under a false name that gives protection for the commenter to engage in slander, shallowness and cheap-shot name calling that the writer would never do in "real life,” using a real name.
His name: Brent Budowsky. He writes for The Hill in Washington.
Is he challenging Jay-Z for YANKEE FAN OF THE MONTH?
My grandchildren can’t afford your shortstop.
First, clear the bases; then RELOAD them.
In Iraq, I was a hero. Now, I am a Marlin fan?
No federal funds for rally killers.
Throw out reprobate base runners NOW!
Welcome to the American League: Now hit in English.
Carl Crawford, give back the bases you stole!
Thank you, Fox News, for reporting box scores.
DH: Designated HITLER?
The Constitution doesn’t mention an Infield Fly Rule.
KILL THE BALL!
No, you can’t step on my home plate.
Your switch hitters are not my switch hitters!
Lame-stream Media: Stop calling the Mets contenders.
A-CORN = A-ROD: Where does the money go?
Where is Mariano’s birth certificate?
Liberal umps are destroying our strike zone.
Next time, we’ll bring arms.
I’m pro-Jeter, pro-Yankee, and I’m carrying a ticket. Want to start something?
It’s the pitching, stupid.
Seal the dugouts.
The Mets are what Abner Doubleday tried to prevent.
Canadian health care didn’t cure the Blue Jays.
Stop the Grounders
I’m only 8, and I’m already 6 games out?
Washington Nats-zis Belong in Last Place
Who’s behind the Teleprompter, Yogi Berra?
I Voted for Change, Not for Trading Roy Halladay
Don’t Bunt Away My Childrens’ Future
Don’t Buckner Me Bro
The baselines are base lies!
Hoo’s on First? No, Mao’s on First!
LA manager Mike Scioscia = Hollywood Socialism.
Drill, Pedro, Drill!
When did we stop manufacturing runs?
Third base was the hot corner before global warming.
9-11 is not an acceptable record.
Washington Nationals: Now want to nationalize health care?
Pelosi/Pujols = Limit their power.
Build the fences taller!
The National Anthem is my chin music.
If you think health care is expensive now, wait until Carl Pavano retires.
America, you are throwing to the wrong bag.
Three up, three down, is not a balanced budget.
Outfielders, that crunching sound is the warning track.
Kiss me goodbye!
We cannot hit our way out of debt.
If you’re not outraged, you’re not keeping score!
Next time, read the lineup sheet before you sign it
What part about BOO don’t you understand?
Something is wrong.
Last night, Alex Rodriguez's name was spelled wrong when he came to bat in the first inning. The giant videoboard in center read "Alex Rodgriguez."
BREAKING - BREAKING - BREAKING-
Amid last fall's impending breakup with Yankee slugger Alex Rodriguez, Oscar-winning actress Kate Hudson supplemented her bosom with two surgical A-bombs... for A-Rod.
A salute to Yankee great Roger Maris, posted yesterday on Bardball:
The Last Time I Saw Maris
by Joe Pacheco
The last time I saw Maris
His hair was thin and gray,
He'd only hit just one home run
Since last Memorial Day.The last time I saw Maris
His record still at risk,
In Babe Ruth’s town they’d brought him down
With bogus asterisk.He smiled through all the muted cheers
That he had heard for years,
The chorus of ingratitude
Still ringing in his ears.The last time I saw Maris
Was on Old-Timers Day,
Before the steroid sluggers
Came to batter his fame away.
Ladies and gentlemen, this is what a true Yankee fan does.
In fact, I wish we had a Bloody Sock lounge, so we could take Mr. Curt "Nobody has ever called me a Yankee fan" Schilling to court, and finish the job.
Surrendering doubles,
Hurling 'neath a frown,
Dwelling o'er his troubles,
Javy's feeling down.
Cries from the bleachers,
"Take him out! The clown!"
Mad, hurful creatures...
Javy's feeling down.
Balls soaring higher,
Far across the town,
Javy's serving sliders,
Never coming down.
Javy Vazquez is not a bad pitcher; quite frankly I think he's middle of the road. And today he pitched pretty much like a middle of the road pitcher would.
And he got booed for it.
Now everybody from River Ave Blues (a quality Yankees site) to the NY Post's Mike Vaccaro (A Met fan, so he doesn't count) is blasting everybody in attendance at today's game for booing Vazquez after a so-so performance. They'll throw out their obscure stats, point out how while we started on our high school ballclub,they were racking up championships on the math team, and at the end of the day call us fair-weather fans unfit to root for the Yankees.
But Yankees fans value one thing more than anything else: a winning tradition. Just look at the rings that were handed out on Tuesday. If anything Javy Vazquez has tarnished our winning tradition. But Javy doesn't get that,
It's a little disappointing. It's the first game back. I don't think they're forgetting from '04 a little bit. But hopefully I'll get some Ws in this stadium, like I said before, and they forget that. I feel like it's unfair because that was so long ago. But I'm trying, like I said plenty of times, I'm trying to concentrate on this year.But you see, Javy Vazquez picked a pivotal game 7 with a World Series berth and an 86 year stranglehold on our arch rivals on the line. Yankee fans consider the 2004 ALCS to be our very own Watergate, and Javy played the role of Haldeman.
-Javy Vazquez
Nick Johnson, who seemed like a nice man, has revealed a side that we hoped to avoid.
His sashaying up-to-bat song bite: Party in the USA.
Judge the lyrics for yourself and ask: IS THIS A YANKEE?:
I hopped off the plane at LAX
with a dream and my cardigan
welcome to the land of fame excess, (woah)
am I gonna fit in?
(Question: What the hell is Nick Johnson doing in a cardigan?)
Jumped in the cab,
Here I am for the first time
Look to the right and I see the Hollywood sign
This is all so crazy
(How crazy is Nick Johnson?)
Everybody seems so famous
My tummys turnin and I'm feelin kinda home sick
Too much pressure and I'm nervous,
That's when the taxi man turned on the radio
(Anyone who has seen Nick Johnson's tummy does not want to imagine it turning.)
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