An Above Average Haiku Tuesday ~ This is NOT your Father's Post-Season Edition!

 

Charlie Hustle is dead, the Mets are alive, and the Yankees are in suspended animation

I can't remember when I stopped insta-hating Pete Rose, and started to think, Aww, jeez, just put the slobbering old coot into Cooperstown already...

Now - well - it's too late to give Rose one last cheer, one final finale, out of respect for what he once was. Yeah, the guy bet on games, and yeah, he was a certifiable asshole. But if Cooperstown ever invokes a morality clause, half the plaques will need to disappear like Civil War statues in Mississippi. On a personal level, was Pete Rose more odious than Ty Cobb? Ted Williams? So many others? And today, with the game lashed to betting like Ahab to the whale, how can we pretend innocence? 

Nah, this sucks. Rose did it again. He up and died. Nobody will ever again be nicknamed "Charlie Hustle." The one and only. 

So... the playoffs? Okay, time to ponder the unponderable...

1. Hopefully, the TV ratings will beat the WNBA. No guarantees, though, considering the floods and tonight's VP debate, which coincides with Braves/Padres. Fortunately, for MLB, Caitlin Clark is out. If Indiana were still in it, who knows...?

2. Clearly, we must root against Houston, with all our fiber, every game, every pitch, every moment, every umpire call. In a perfect world, we'd want the Astros in round two, so we could take off our belts and whip them into a screaming, pants-pissing delirium, our version of the woodshed. O, how we would torture them! Cigars and ice! We'd be Laurence Olivier in Marathon Man: Is it safe, Mr. Altuve? Is it safe? 

Not. Gonna. Happen. Let's face it: For the last decade, they've owned us. Let's hope Detroit surprises them, kicks them in the balls, especially if it means Skubal pitching in Game 3.

3. We must walk a juju tightrope: We want the weakest, coldest, crappiest team to win. Frankly, we want nobody to win. We want games to run past midnight, in driving rainstorms, that end with shortstops pitching and rows of ambulances outside the x-ray center. I have nothing against Bobby Witt Jr., but it would be nice if he pulls something. Same with Gunnar, Adley, all the O's. I want teams to look terrible -and win. In other words, this is ultra-surgical, reverse micro-juju. Don't just wear your lucky shirt. If you can't step up, if you're not sure what you're doing, well, the WNBA will be waiting for you.  

4. I understand why Boonie is clinging to the chance of Anthony Rizzo's return. He's a great guy. Still, what's the point? The fact is, Rizzo hasn't returned in two years. 

I looked it up: His last HR came June 13. He had a few hits last week, but if you send him out there with two broken fingers, he'll go 0-for-20, and what's the point? It's gotta be Oswaldo, who outhit Rizzo all season, who never embarrasses himself in the field, and who hit .288 over the last month. I like Rizzo. Everybody does. But it'd be crazy to expect him to do with two broken fingers what he couldn't do when healthy. 

5. So... it's Detroit and KC, right? And always root against the Mets, right? Okay, everybody, let the gonads tweak!