Tuesday, April 15, 2025
An Above Average Haiku Tuesday ~ Kiss Your Money Goodbye - TAXDAY Edition !
'CAUSE - HE'S - THE - CASHMAN !
NEVER - WIN - IT - ALL - AGAIN !
YEAH - HE'S - THE - CASHMAN !
Live by the solo HR, die by the solo HR. But last night, it worked.
2. Four HRs, all solo. Saw that coming.
3. Great play by The Martian. (On right.) Not a chance did I see it.
4. Another win braced by appearance from Luke Weaver. Our ace. (Should he be starting?)
5. Jazz Chisholm with 6 HRs. On track to hit 36.
6. Ben Fucking Rice!
7. "Weave and Williams for the win. The W Boys going for the W!"
8. Judge hitting .367.
9. Goldschmidt hitting .367.
10. What is this about hitting .367?
Monday, April 14, 2025
In the early results, the AL has become the League of Extraordinary Tomato Cans
The American League doth sucketh.
After three weeks of interleague play, yiketh! Not only are the winningest teams from the NL, but last year's AL division champs are struggling to float above .500.
Last I looked, the Angels - tied for the best AL record - provoke as much hope as the market for Teslas. It's been years since the AL East loomed as MLB's power division. Toronto's talent wave came and went, and Baltimore's might follow suit. For now, the paltry Blue Jays lead, two games above whatever. It's rather sad, actually.
Over the next month weeks, the imbalance will shrink; that's because the Yankees (8-7) will play amongst themselves, in the league of extraordinary tomato cans.
As Yank fans, we are preconditioned by a 1,000 years of Zolio Almonte in-breeding to look at box scores from the front nine down, then draw conclusions. This year, you can check the BAs and dream happily. But our pitching is a nightmare, from tonight's starter - Carlos Carrasco - to our shaky closer, Devan Williams. With the fingers-crossed exception of Max Fried, all our starters are lucky to reach the 5th. From there, the bullpen is beans and shoe leather. We're riding with Boxcar Willie.
Will any AL team emerge? Of course. The Tigers are a surprise. KC will ride Bobby Witt Jr. (.305 with 1 HR.) The O's will rise or fall with Jackson Holliday (.213 with 1 HR.) Boston will ride on the shoulders of three rookies. The Yankees have two youngsters of impact: The Martian (.239 and 1 HR) and Hulkster Rice (.298 and 4.) There's always hope, I guess, as long as everybody else keeps sucking. But it's a dim light, and right now, the tunnel looks rather endless.
Sunday, April 13, 2025
Flouncy is as Flouncy does.
Apparently Gerrit Cole has walked off into DL limbo leaving his comrades on the Yankees' pitching staff with everything except his talent.We saw that today as Flouncy II demonstrated how NOT to come back from the most minuscule of bad breaks.
It's funny how a game can turn. For the first three innings today, the Yanks were playing what was truly beautiful baseball. The best situational hitting I've seen since forever by this team, plating three runs off a good pitcher. Smart base running, excellent fielding.
Flouncy II, a.k.a., Blow Me a Kiss, Honey, looked unbeatable, hitting his every spot. I honestly thought, if he keeps pitching like this, he is going to throw a no-hitter.
Then, you could almost feel the game turn. Paul Goldschmidt, our Ancient Mariner at first ("He stoppeth one of three") almost hit a ball out of our Bronx bandbox, robbed on an excellent leaping catch by Luis Matos.
Immediately, Rodon gives up a home run to J.H. Lee. Suddenly, instead of 4-0, it's 3-1.
Then came one of those horrible, awful moments in life that it's hard for any human being, no matter how stalwart, to come back from. Anthony Volpe failed to pick up a slow-rolling grounder.
Oh, the humanity!!
Flouncy II surrenders his second homer of the game. To the same, left-handed hitter who had hit all of 3, in his previous 215 major-league plate appearances.
Later came another error by our stationery first baseman. Jazz Chisholm finally broke his 0-22 skid with a solo chip shot into the right field seats, but too little, too late. Aided by the fact that Boone, the Genius, decided to follow Wells' first good day at the plate in two weeks by benching him—but letting him pinch-hit ineffectually late in the game.
Hurrah.
Any close game—any contest now that is not a welter of torpedoed home runs early on—exposes this Yankees team.
—Fact: Jazz Chisholm is not a good ballplayer, wherever you play him. He is a lifetime, .246 hitter with some pop and some speed, who never quite seems to get his game together. And then he gets injured (yet to come this year).
—Fact: Anthony Volpe is not a good ballplayer. A hit here, a homer there, never so much as a stolen base anymore, and an increasingly erratic glove. In his third year as a starter, he is simply not cutting it.
—Fact: Austin Wells is not a good ballplayer. I don't care how many burritos he eats.
—Fact: Giancarlo Stanton is reportedly hitting from the Yankees' "Trajekt machine," which "is no joke" according to one media report, and "is starting to move around more outside," according to Aaron Boone. Heeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheehee. Ah, Stanton! Always good for a needed laugh.
Meanwhile, meet the New Flouncy, so much worse than the Old Flouncy.
This might be a Yankees/Redsocks year. But that's not necessarily a happy ending.
Through the first two weeks of 2025, they hold third place in the AL East, two games underwater. Yesterday, after throwing five solid innings against Chicago, their starter Richard Fitts felt shoulder pain; he'll get an MRI. Their reigning block of cement, Rafael Devers, has 23 strikeouts - tied with Jazz Chisholm for the AL lead. And Trevor Story remains Trevor Story, which is basically the story of the Redsocks in the 2020s - when they have won a paltry two (2) postseason games.
In recent years, things were never so dire that Yank fans could not look to Boston and take spiritual comfort. Even this year's breakout - 25-year-old Wilyer Abreu - looks like a trade-off with our own Ben Rice. Their young SS, Ceddanne Rafaela, is hitting .217, and Brigadoon Refsnyder once again looms in their nightly plans.
That said, Alex Bregman has tightened the infield, and their 22-year-old 2B, Kristian Campbell, is hot. Moreover, their crown jewel, 21-year-old Roman Anthony - reputed to be the best prospect in baseball - has two HRs in 11 games at Triple A. He's hitting a mere .237, but his July arrival in CF remains in sight.
The betting line on Boston has been consistently boosted by predictions of a midseason youth infusion. Redsock fans are tossing around the names "Jim Rice" and "Freddy Lynn," as if it's 1975. We should all have doubts about such a recurrence, but here's a disturbing thought:
The Yankees have the month of April to put distance between us and Boston. Right now, that's not happening. It doesn't help that Stroman will likely miss several weeks. We can grumble about his performance, but Alan Winans is our new number 5, after Carlos Carrasco and your mom.
Last year, the Yankees went all-or-nothing. They reached the world series, then fell apart. This year, Boston is biding its time, but we should not in any way underestimate the threat. They are all-in on 2025. Just sayin...
Saturday, April 12, 2025
"We play today, we win today, dass-nah-it!"
I abandoned the game after three batters yesterday. Apparently I was not alone. The rest of the Yankees abandoned the game as well.
Here's the thing, winning teams believe they are going to win and losing teams know that eventually even with, say... a twenty three point lead (Cough. Knicks. Last night sucked all around.), they are going to blow it.
Currently, the Yankees take the field as a losing team. They know that, even if their pitchers get out the first nine men in order, a bad call or an error will cause their starter to lose it and lose the game.
By the way, the same pitchers who go mental when they don't get a call never seem to mind when they benefit from a bad call for the batter.
But I digress...
The pressure to score when your down five in a downpour and it's only the first inning.. When they see a no doubter knocked down by the wind a rain and hit the literal top of the wall and stay on the field... when they can never get a guy in with second and third and less than two outs... their lights go out. Every opposing pitcher becomes a candidate for a Cy Young.
You know a team is bad when a potential knee injury to its number three starter is considered a blessing.
With the exception of when Fried pitches the Yankee batters are battered before they step up to the plate.
To make it worse, even if they get a lead, a nice lead, they know the pen will cough it up. That eventually they will blow it.
Mariano Duncan Is Sad
Yankees doing their best to defuse the Torpedo Bats controversy, and other horror show thoughts
Today, that's the question, after the Yankees last night begot one of their most inept and painful performances in this millennium.
They were basted and cooked before their starter's 33-pitch, which recorded his first out. (Fun Fact: After the game, Marcus Stroman had x-rays on his knee.) They went on to score once in a game where their star player was the rain, which saved their bullpen from a nine-inning grind.
I could go on. I could yell. There's something soothing about kicking a corpse and knowing that, whomever it was, they don't feel a thing. We can rip this team and its mad scientist creator, the Steinbrennerian savant, Cooperstown Cashman. It does no good. We're like congressional Democrats. Nothing we say matters. They're going to do whatever they're going to do. On that note...
1. Technically, we're still in the April Over-Reaction Phase, which MGR Boone has urged us to disregard. He should go on YES - the Yankee TruthSocial - and say, "Be cool." Yes, it's merely April. But the cracks that have emerged on this roster are hard to ignore. This is not cleavage, people. It's a rapidly widening chasm. Our starting rotation is shot, we're not hitting a lick, and our closer is getting raked. Remember the controversy over torpedo bats? Was that this year? Right now, unless Aaron Judge belts three HRs per game - which seems to be what it takes - this team is about to hit serious turbulence, aka the American League.
2. Again, recognizing that Over-Reactions don't help, it's worth wondering if 2025 might be a complete wipeout - one of those years when everything goes bad and Boston eats our lunch. Come August 1, at the trade deadline, there might not be enough bloated contracts on enough underperforming teams to bring what the Yankees will need to contend - once again, by draining blood from their farm system.
Maybe, just maybe, it'll be time to trade the vets.
3. Folks keep gushing about how the return of Giancarlo Stanton could help this team, if and when he returns. Yes, we desperately need a RH slugger. But a rather sticky question remains: Can he run?
Last fall, he couldn't. It's one thing to limp through a seven-game series. But you can't go a season by hitting singles off the wall. Can Stanton sprint, or is he in perpetual YES-Mo? If he cannot run, why are we even having this conversation?
Last night brought one of the great modern Yankee horror shows.
This doesn't look like a team in a slump. It looks like a bad team.
Friday, April 11, 2025
The Mets are already ahead of us.
Why five? Well, they are supposed to represent each of New York City's boroughs.
As you can see below, assembled on the barren, rain-swept concrete of the lovely Piazza Metropolitana, the five are, from left to right:
Manhattan (what seems to be a skyscraper with sunglasses), Brooklyn (a pizza slice with a headband), Staten Island (a ferry boat with a hat), the Bronx (a cross-eyed giraffe), and Queens, a subway car with a pigeon on top.
Uh, okay.
Adding this bunch to the ones they already have—Mr. and Mrs. Met, and Grimace, a McDonald's-"inspired" branding creature, and the Metsies could almost field an entire team of mascots.
And why a subway car for Queens? And if so, why not one of the old "Redbird" subway cars, once so ubiquitous on the 7 Line? (And now heroically holding back the rising Atlantic waters as part of a manmade reef, out somewhere beyond the Narrows.)
This reminds me of nothing so much as when snotty Manhattanites gave Brooklyn the name for its fabled team by deriding residents of the borough as "trolley dodgers"—when there were trollies all over New York.
A subway car? Yeah, that's unique to Queens.
But I have to admit, the first mascot race was pretty funny, not to mention very timely. The Bronx giraffe, standing in for you-know-who, got way out ahead, then arrogantly tried to mock all the other mascots by running backwards—and toppled over. It lay there, unable to right itself, skinny giraffe legs kicking in the air.
I don't know what could better symbolize your New York Yankees.
The Mets as a team so far are hitting just .210, with a .642 OPS. Juan Soto, the generational talent they snatched away from the Stumbling Giraffes, is hitting only .279 thus far, with just 1 homer and 4 RBI. Francisco Lindor, their star shortstop and second only to Shohei "Tumbling Dice" Ohtani in the MVP race last year, is at just .244, with only 1 dinger and 5 ribbies.
And yet...the Queens team is already 8-4, in first place in the NL East, and a game better than our boys tired old men in pinstripes.
How do they do it? Well, pitching, for one thing. The Mets' team ERA is just 2.10, as opposed to 4.44 for our hurlers.
Most of all, though, the advantage they have is David Stearns, the genuine talent in the front office, as opposed to Brian "2,500 (2,000 of which belong to Gene Michael)" Cashman.
Stearns is the real deal, and once his lineup unlimbers, it's going to be terrific. Soto won't be anything without Aaron Judge behind him? Soto—who is already as ubiquitous on the basepaths as ever—will do just as well, maybe better, with Lindor ahead of him and a revived Pete Alonso, who already has 3 homers, 15 RBI, a .333 BA and 1.118 OPS, behind him.
Oh, yeah, remember him? Alonso, the Polar Bear? The guy the Yanks could have had for a song, in retaliation for the Soto heist, if nothing else?
Hey, in fairness, the guy had a lot of strikes against him. He had a bad year in 2024, and was turning 30. So Hal & Pal spurned him for Paul Goldschmidt, who...had a bad year in 2024, and is now 38. Made sense. Cashman sense.
And now, just two weeks into the season, Pal is diving into dumpsters all over the place, looking to fill up the holes he didn't fix in the offseason, and where the rain is already coming in. Third base, anybody? Starting pitching? (Not like anyone else needs that.)
Even worse, every one of the great, young acquisitions that Wish-and-a-Prayer Cashman was counting on seems to be flailing like, well, a cross-eyed giraffe that has fallen and can't get up.
Austin Wells, while treating us all to videos rating breakfast burritos in other towns, shows no sign of picking up from where he fell down last August, hitting .189 with 0 homers and only 2 RBI after the first 3 games of the season. Goldschmidt's BA is high, but he is displaying almost no power, with 1 HR and 3 ribbies.
Jazz is down to .180, while leading the AL in strikeouts. Volpe is flashing power, but is down to .234, and has been caught in both his base-stealing attempts. The Oswaldii are doing all right, but for whatever reason have not been able to fight their way into Boone's (read, Cashman's) Circle of Trust, which these days is better protected and hidden than the Fortress of Solitude.
The Martian is looking like yet another Yankees "prodigy" left so long on the vine that he has ripened and rotted, a young player who, despite many years in the farm system, seems to have shockingly few skills. Oh, and Bellinger's already hurt his back.
Of the pitching, we should not even speak. Except...
After Pete Alonso put the Mets into the division series with a massive home run off Devin Williams, of those two players, the guy we decided to pick up on a one-year contract was...the guy who surrendered the home run, not the one who hit it.
If free agency had existed in 1951, Brian Cashman would have signed up Ralph Branca.
Sure, the Mets have their holes, and they might not have enough starting pithing to go very far. Edwin Diaz remains a cipher, as he does most years. But with a GM who knows what he's doing and an owner all too eager to shell out his ill-gotten gains, the Mets are just getting started. Wait and see how good Luisangel Acuña is when they finally slot him into the starting lineup. Watch who Stearns has pitching for this team a year from now.
Don't let the Queens team's incorrigible silliness distract you. They are on the rise. As for the Yanks...who's the subway pigeon now?
Is "Mr. Railrider," T.J. Rumfield, a rising possibility at 1B?
I mean, the guy is just 24, he stands 6'5," he's got baseball blood lines and a MILB Gold Glove. Last year, at Triple A, the lefty first-baseman hit .292 with 15 HRs and 71 RBIs, yet the Death Barge not only ghosted him in September, but it left him exposed in the Rule 5 draft - and nobody poached him. On prospect lists, he doesn't exist. Like a Democratic congressman. I wonder if his image shows up in team photos?
Yet there he is, leading Scranton over the first two weeks (along with another ghostly entity, Jorbit Vivas, whose issues are more easily diagnosed: Guy cannot stay healthy.)
Now, I get the circumstances behind Rumfield's stagflation. The Cashman Charybdis Sunset Cruise is firmly committed to Paul Goldschmidt's comeback/farewell tour. Around late May, we'll know whether Goldy still has petrol in the tank, or if he is simply the latest incarnation in a long line of sluggers who end their journeys, John Mayberry/Matt Holliday-style, in tight-fitting pinstripes.
If Goldy flops - or, more likely, tweaks something - Rumfield won't get the call. Nope. The editor of The Atlantic is more likely to be on the phone thread. The Yankees would immediately pivot to Ben Rice, who - Fun Fact: is MLB's 7th rated hitter, according to the stat wonks. Nobody expects Rice to hit this way all season, but thanks to the White Lotus protein shakes, he looks scary coming off the bus. Rice doesn't need to be Vlad Jr. Twenty HRs and .275 would suffice.
But you know what would suffice even more? If Rice hit them... while catching.
Whatever. For now, TJ Rumfield can prepay his Scranton apartment through Aug. 1 - the MLB trade deadline, or as it's known to Yankee farm hands, "Independence Day."
The Yankees seem to go through a lot of these guys. They rise through the system, perform well in Triple A, then hit an invisible Yankee wall, comprised of bloated contracts. Some - Zolio Almonte, Jesus Montero, J.R. Murphy, et al - sink without a bubble. Some - Rex Hudler, Brigadoon Refsnyder, Jake Cave - carve out subsistence careers.
Cashman gets credit for combing the MLB scrap yards for seemingly washed-up talent. The Yankiverse is holding its breath, waiting for him to find a RH slugger, preferably who plays 3B. But he's been dumpster diving for weeks now. Nothing to show.
I think it's time to start wondering how to make the most out of players like TJ Rumfield - and not merely as low-level trade bait. If he keeps hitting, wouldn't it be nice to - instead of a 38-year-old - showcase a young, fulltime, good glove 1B?
Yes, I realize this won't happen. And we'll all end up on an assembly line, making sneakers. Just sayin...
Thursday, April 10, 2025
As Ben Rice ascends, the Yankees must find him a position
I raise this issue carefully, keenly aware that it might conflict with the First Two Iron Laws of Juju, which are:
Rule #1: Never talk about juju.
Rule #2: Remember that nothing good ever comes from speaking positively about your team.
That said, Rice is raking. According to The Athletic, our Hulked-up 26-year-old has the highest "Hard Hit Percentage" (whatever that is) in the majors. He's batting .306 with 3 HRs (in 47 plate appearances, small sample.) He has a solid history: Last year, between Somerset and Scranton, he hit .274 with 24 HRs. He showed a glimpse with the Death Barge, homering thrice in one mythic game. He has earned a look, at least equal to the inherited LF fog currently roamed by Jasson Dominguez.
But where does he go? Would the Yankees squander an intriguing young hitter - maybe even more so than The Martian - as a fulltime DH? In the minors, Rice played C and 1B. Neither slot has an opening. And soon, maybe in weeks, Giancarlo Stanton, the limping leviathan, will return as the everyday glump. There won't be a platoon for Rice. Unless somebody gets injured, he's a floater.
In a perfect world, Rice could develop as a catcher, raising his chances for a long and fruitful career. If he can catch, he can write his ticket. But for now, he's stuck in a spot with no long term growth or short term future.
If he keeps hitting - yesterday, his 2-run HR basically doomed Detroit - the Yankees must find a spot for him.
But here's where it sorta gets sad:
That spot will probably be in another city.
The Yankees, as currently constructed, are an airplane with three wings and one propeller. They tilt farther to the left than Susan Sarandon. In fact, Susan could probably throw a solid five against this lineup. The other day, they couldn't figure out Andrew Heaney, a night that surely challenged Cooperstown Cashman's stomach. The Yankees are increasingly desperate for a RH lug nut, preferably a 3B. Unless Trump puts a tariff on Yankee trades - dare we hope? - Rice might hit his way to another team.
I'm often accused of being a prospect hugger. It's true. I drink the Kool-Aid. But other franchises - including those who have won rings since our last (2009) - routinely make room for their young players. That's how they build for the future.
The Yankees use them as trade chips, objects to be hyped and then peddled for second-hand shoes. Yes, they often fail. (Slade Heathcott, wherever you are, I hope life worked out for you.) But I'd still rather watch one Ben Rice than 10 Paul Goldschmidts. And that's not a knock on Goldy. It's just that his story has already played out.
It's the narratives - the story lines - that keep us coming back, year after year. (This just in: actress Sydney Sweeney has been named Grand Marshall of the annual Boxing Hall of Fame Weekend Parade, July 8, in downtown Canastota, outside of Syracuse. Plan your selfies now.) Ben Rice's career, and his life, can go in any direction. He could be a star. He could be a dud. It would be nice if we get to follow it. But for now, he's stuck, and the more he hits, the more likely his future will rise in another uniform. How sad.
Wednesday, April 9, 2025
NY old and new: Mets streaking, Giants rising, Dodgers slumbering, Yanks sliding
To ponder the modern NY game, we must consider four components: The Yankees, Dodgers, Giants and Mets. For decades, pitiful Boston - through sheer bile and hatefulness - sought to join the crossfire. Sorry, but I cannot be bothered. The Redsocks should fire up a rivalry with - I dunno - Salt Lake City or Dayton - some place with the measles. Or just be happy with Ben Affleck and Louisa May Alcott.
Today's NY game concerns four vestigial franchises who wanna be what the Yankees once were: The gold standard of America's traditional pastime.
Two weeks into the 2025 season, let's consider the New York Four, in their quest for old-time Yankeehood. Forget trying to be the new black. Who is the new midnight blue?
1. Obviously, it's the Dodgers (9-4) - the overwhelming combination of money and acumen, with a Japanese pipeline that matches the 1960s underground railroad that ran from Kansas City. LA won their first seven games, then - frankly - just got bored. That was generous. It creates the pretense of a pennant race. Also, Blake Snell - last winter's free agent steal - has a bum shoulder, a reminder that nature and juju can still upend a season. But until Trump starts putting tariffs on Japanese pitchers, the Dodgers are the new Bombers. Not even close.
2. The Mets (8-3) - a crosstown version of what the Yankees should be - have won six in a row. Juan Soto - Mr. $765 Million - is hitting .308. He spends most of each game on base, waiting for Franciso Lindor to awaken. They too have pitching injuries - (who decided to sign Frankie "the Yankee" Montas?) And it's worth wondering how long before Clay Holmes reaches his innings count. But, honestly, look at their lineup. Unless somebody gets shipped to an El Salvador prison, they are a better team than the Yankees, and everybody knows it.
3. The Giants (8-3) are off to their best start since the era of Barry Bonds. Trouble is, they don't have Barry - or his modern counterpart, the great Aaron Judge. It cannot be forgotten that SF once offered Judge more money than the Yankees, but he considered loyalty and tradition above the mighty coin. We host the Giants this weekend - the last phase of our NL-leaning schedule. Coming next, it's the Royals, Rays, Guardians, Jays and O's. The American League awaits.
4. The Yankees (6-5) - frankly - have sucked since the opening series, when they pummeled Milwaukee (also 6-5.) Carlos Carrasco is pitching like - surprise! - a 38-year-old. Marcus Stroman and Carlos Rodon remain shaky, and there is nobody in sight at Scranton, where the main cog is old Charlie Liebrandt's kid, Brandon, who himself is now 32. As for our bottom of the order hitters? Nobody's screaming about the torpedo bat anymore.
And Toronto leads the AL East. April is crazy, eh? And what if we catch the measles?
Tuesday, April 8, 2025
Buffalo Style
Something didn't sit right with Cody
That blue cheese dip last night was grotty
Puking Buffalo-style
Nukes him a while
So he won't face Skubal in the coldy.
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An Above Average Haiku Tuesday ~ We're Gunna Need a Bigger Straw, Edition !
BOONE IS A CONCEPT
BY WHICH WE MEASURE - OUR PAIN
THE DREAM IS OVER
After 10 games, one hard Yankee conclusion emerges, and it comes at the blade of Matthew McConaughey's hunting knife.
As you certainly know, in his doctrine of "Eternal Return," Freidrich Nietzsche - (hitting back at the fool, Schopenhaur) - theorized that we all repeat our lives in an endless loop across eternity, reliving our experiences forever. Some embrace the concept. Some flee in terror.
Most famously, this concept was illustrated in an episode of True Detective, by a drunken Matthew McConaughey, with a hunting knife and can of beer. He showed that time can speed up or slow down, or do anything it fucking wants. Time can go batshit crazy - which, I believe, explains 2025, thus far.
Seriously: Is Donald Trump's Presidency really only two months in? Dear God, regardless of your politics, we're cramming lifetimes into weeks, months into minutes, decades into days. Just look at the Yankees.
Didn't Aaron Judge start the season ice cold, then snap out? Can you remember back when Austin Wells led off? Or the torpedo bat controversy! Wasn't it last year that Carlos Carrasco became a rotation lug nut?
Weren't the Yankees running away with the AL East? (Their lead is now a half-game over Boston and Toronto.) Won't Giancarlo Stanton soon return? Has everything that's happened really been crammed into less than two weeks?
And if time is decelerating, as it seems, can we survive the next six months? Or four years?
Right now, it's impossible to gauge this Yankee team. No matter how he looks, it's too soon to pronounce Ben Rice as an offensive replacement for Juan Soto. It's way too soon to pencil in Anthony Volpe with 30 HRs, or celebrate the rebirth of Trent Grisham.
This is what we know - sorta - and it's not much:
1. Against good pitching, the Yankee bats go POOF. Today, they'll face baseball's best starter, Tarik Skubal. We're staggering. Two straight losses. And Gleyber's Tigers surely hate us. This icy series in Detroit won't decide anything, but it might give us a glimpse on how or whether this team can take a punch.
2. Apparently, Carlos Rodon's most redeeming quality will be his ability to pitch through crapola outings. Yesterday, he gave up five runs, but kept going. He was still out there in the sixth, stretching his tired arm, three innings after getting toasted. This, of course, is not what we wanted from Rodon. But it's what we got. Maybe we should make peace with it, and not judge him for what he's getting paid. At least he's out there.
3. The micro sample of 2025 cannot mask one sad development: The anemic bottom third of the Yankee batting order. The drop off is glaring, and until Stanton returns, or somebody emerges, this is not a pennant winning team. Every other inning is time to make a sandwich.
And I, for one, have seen enough.
If time is a flat circle, I cannot take reliving this team through eternity.
Monday, April 7, 2025
This is where we get exposed.
I guess one little team like ours doesn't amount to a hill of beans as the world financial markets tumble around us.
But just to say: here is where the Yanks get exposed.
Three games in the cold, in a pitcher's park, against three big, young hurlers.
The Tigers are starting one Casey Mize (1-0 this year, with 5 2/3 scoreless innings; barely pitched since 2021, so he will be a mystery to us), the Great Skubal (Good Lord), and Jack Flaherty, the guy who pretty much shut us down in one World Series start last year, but not so much the other.
Which gives us a chance, as we are starting Fried against Flaherty.
But for the other two starts...Los Dos Carlos. Uh-oh.
Be afraid. Be very afraid.
The rest of the AL might not seem like much now, but they understand what Brian Cashman does not: you rebuild a team around pitching.
Oh, and expect at least two dingers from The Gleyber.
Yanks to miss out on Vlad Jr? Oh, no!
Forgive me, as I seek to restore my shattered hopes. It's no use. I'm devastated. I cannot write a compound sentence. It's over. That hula-dancer door prize, which has vexed us for the last six years... of all the gin mills in all the towns, in all the world, he had to walk into theirs.
PLAY IT! Play it again, Cash. PLAY IT!
The Pride of Canada won't be decamping to Gotham.
We won't sign Vladimir "I'll never be a Yankee, because I hate them, no, wait, I would consider being a Yankee if they pay me five hundred million dollars, because Toronto is too cheap and, no, wait, the Blue Jays have offered me five million dollars, so I'm signing with them, as I always planned, because I'm so loyal to the fans" Guerrero Jr.
Also known as Vladimir "Putin."
As in, "Putin on the Bullshit."
Yes, Vlad Jr. is staying in Toronto, having signed a $500 million, 14-year extension, which will make him a Blue Jay until around 2029, when he and his .195 batting average are dealt to the Yankees for some Single A chum. By then, Giancarlo Stanton will be paid off and long forgotten, and Cooperstown Cashman will pop his buttons with pride, having roped the leviathan into pinstripes. The big wheel will turn, and we will round up the usual suspects...
For the near future, Vladimir is off the table - behind only Juan Soto in the category of Inevitable Horror Show Contracts. For now, Ben Rice is our DH, and Trent Grisham our CF, until Cody Bellinger's back heals. Aaron Judge will be protected by Jazz Chisholm and the Torpedo Man, Anthony Volpe. He'll remain the solitary sure thing in our lineup, as long as he's healthy.
Fingers crossed. Insert sigh. We'll always have Paris Scranton.
It's hard to process yesterday's loss. That said...
1. We knew Andrew Healey would shut us down. Former Yankees always seem to enact revenge. (Though Nasty Nestor didn't. A true Yankee?)
2. We knew our bats would suddenly go quiet. Whenever we celebrate a hot streak, it's over.
3. The Yankees rallied in the ninth to tie the game. Nice. Clutch hits by Oswald Peraza and Grisham. (Too late for Oswald?)
4. In the end, the rally just added a few more innings to the bullpen budget.
5. The extra innings, man on 2B rule, does not help us. The Yankees do not advance runners. They'll either drive in a run with a hit, or smack a HR. The manufacturing base is gone.
And Vladimir won't be Yankee. Here's lookin' at you, Junior.
Sunday, April 6, 2025
The Yankees are bludgeoning opponents. How far can this go?
Feel free to examine it, to savor it - even rejoice over it - but management does not allow touching or fondling. Perpetrators will be escorted from the website and required to read 10 Mike Lupica columns, as penance.
As you see, four of the top 12 RBI leaders wear the Midnight Blue. That's not counting Paul Goldschmidt (.345), Ben Rice (.328) and Cody Bellinger (MIA?) Over their last three games, The Yankees have scored 28 runs, spackling over any rotational, bullpen and defensive lapses that would deter their path to glory.
So - keeping your hands to yourself - it's been a generally pleasurable 10 days, if you ignore two wretched home losses to Arizona - which I will happily do, if the team keeps scoring nine per game. This afternoon, with Andrew Healey pitching for Pittsburgh, another nine=spot is not impossible. (Note to juju gods: I'm joking. We all know that ex-Yanks like Healey always shut us down. Hey, how about doing something different, something creative, and maybe let us beat one? Is that too much?)
Okay, let me state what we all know: This red hot batting order won't last. With the exception of Aaron Judge and maybe Jazz Chisholm, (and maybe, maybe maybe, dare we dream? Anthony Volpe?), a market correction looms. It won't be pretty, and journeymen like Healey are just the types to deliver it.
Not whining. Not trying to be negative. But the Yankees need a decent game from a starter. Yesterday, Marcus Stroman gave up four earned runs in four innings. That won't work. The bullpen can't keep throwing four-plus innings per game. We're 10 days into 2025, and the Yankees have already blown through one contract - Adam Ottavino - in their quest for the final 12 outs. They've used Luke Weaver for a four-out save. The YES "bullpen budget," posted each game, looks like a hospital ward.
So, enjoy the show. But no groping.
Saturday, April 5, 2025
It's easy to assign Aaron Judge's place in Yankee history. Put him at the top.
We can analyze this team until the middle of next week's cows come home, but here's all you need to know:
When Aaron Judge hits, everybody hits.
Judge may not have the rings of past Yankee captains. But in game production, he's the best captain in the history of the modern team.
That's right. I said it. The best captain in modern history.
Sorry, Thurman. Sorry, Donnie. Sorry, Jeet.
Here's the list in our lifetimes.
Great players. Great Yankees. He's the best of them.
Change my mind...
Friday, April 4, 2025
June in April? The annual Yankee bullpen meltdown seems to have come early
Usually, that horrifying moment of Yankee self-immolation doesn't occur until, say, June. Generally, around now, the Yankiverse is still gushing over its lockdown bullpen, which the manager has yet to overcook.
In recent years, Clay Holmes dazzled through the months of April and May, braced by the likes of Ian Hamilton and/or Jonathan Loaisiga. Before Holmes, Aroldis Chapman wowed the radar guns of spring, until transforming into a grotesque, tattooed sweat machine, channeling Demi Moore in the current body horror flick, The Substance.
It's rather early for two grand slams in three outings, as the Yankee bullpen has achieved. It's sorta early for Boone to ask for a four-out save from his setup man. But last night, after the pen had turned a blowout into a potential soul-crushing defeat, I suppose he saw no other options. The red pill or the blue pill? Both had consequences.
It's just a little early, though, doncha think?
Considering that a five-inning start is now considered a Cy Young pillar of Yankee success, I wonder if we shouldn't start worrying about the health of Luke Weaver, as Boone uses him up like a bar of Irish Spring.
Certainly, everything depends on Evan Williams, the anointed closer, who should return this weekend from his wife's childbirth. (Congrats!) On Opening Day, Williams came in to face his former Milwaukee teammates, nearly blowing a laugher. (By the way, congrats to Nasty Nestor, who threw six shutout innings last night for the Brew Crew!)
Right now, assuming Williams returns, the Yankee bullpen looks like this:
Williams
Weaver
Everybody else
Who's in Scranton?
Your mom
Does that hobo have a pulse?
Of course, there is hope. Over four innings, Yoendrys Gomez has yet to give up a run. There's Fernando Cruz! Brent Headrick! But Mark Leiter Jr. has already been immortalized with a "Leiter Fluid" back page, Tim Hill's ERA is 7.71, and Ryan Yarlbrough didn't record an out last night; his ERA is 21.60.
Boone will give them second and third changes. Then he'll start churning. The Circle of Trust will form, and then it will shrink to a dot. Usually, that happens in July. The meltdown seems to have come early this year. Should we be worried?
Thursday, April 3, 2025
Statement on Yankeetruth Social
From our own Carl J. Weitz...
The team may have lost the game yesterday, but there's a bright side! Most people didn't realize it, but the Yankees proclaimed "FAN LIBERATION DAY." All non-Yankees fans will be charged an additional 25% on tickets and concessions. THIS WILL QUICKLY LOWER THE PRICES WE PAY and enable Hal to spend heavily from this moment on for free agents. No more losing. We're going to be rich. MAKE THE YANKEES GREAT AGAIN!!!
Occam's Mailbox.
Hey, I kid, I kid. Time to take a razor to that mailbox!
A certain Mr. Hammer from Planet Earth wonders if the Yankees are deliberately holding back the progress of Jasson Dominguez (of Planet Mars) to delay having to pay him—maybe even deliberately blowing out his throwing arm.
He wonders if the Yanks' signing of (bad) free agents over developing the kids is part of the same plot.
I feel ya, Hammer—but no need to go full conspiracy theory on us.
At last month's NYC SABR meeting—yes, I am everywhere—Anthony McCarron (helluva nice guy, incidentally), told us that "Hal is not cheap," pointing to the Yanks' $300 million payroll.
No question: $300 million is a lot of money. But if you're so willing to spend that in the cause of winning it all...why would you possibly keep Brian Cashman in charge of it?
As you may have heard, Cashman, at 28 years and counting, is now the longest serving GM of any North American sports team who did not also own said team...with the exception of Red Auerbach, who ran the Boston Celtics for 56 years.
Auerbach—and Red, knock it off with the cigars, already—won a total of 16 NBA championships (9 while doubling as coach).
Cashman championships on teams that did not include the Core of Four? 0. That's zero, zilch, nada.
So...why would you keep this guy on if you wanted your $300 million spent wisely? Only to AVOID winning the World Series.
No need to hatch plots to injure guys. Just leave the obedient fool in place to keep the team sort of contending, without ever winning it all. The result? Ever-increasing profit margins.
That's all ye can know, and all ye need to know on this earth (Hey, steal from the best!).
Incidentally, Duque? You're wrong: Hal's management is proof that there IS a God. He's just way too merciful to lesser cities.
Well, gotta step. Eternity doesn't last forever, you know—even though it probably seemed so at that Yankees game last night.
And like I always say: Numquam ponenda eat pluralitas sine necessitate.
See ya round the ballpark.
It's Overreaction Week: Five "Meh" games, five "Meh" takeaways...
Five games in, any reaction is a kneejerk, and the wisest critique of the 2025 Yankees is to STFU and flush the toilet.
We can bemoan the bottom of the batting order, as the zeroes march to and from the plate. But tonight could bring a deluge, and we'll just look more like the overreactive fools that we are.
Here's a cheap prediction: One month from now, we will be embarrassed by whatever the fuck we said this week. Fortunately, we don't know what's coming. Otherwise, we'd grab the loaded Luger.
But but BUT... in the spirit of Warner Wolf, here are five fast takeaways.
1. In the super Dodgers - now 8-0 - MLB might finally be glimpsing the Babadook.
Entering last winter, they had the best team in baseball, which they then supplemented with the best player from Japan and the best free agent pitcher, with the highest payroll. They will steamroll the NL West - (San Diego's 7-0 is a blip) - then win the NLCS, and then the world series. And next winter, they'll do it again.
For decades now, the Yankees' vast upper level mediocrity has saved MLB from the super team that buys pennants. (When I look at Hal, I always have the same thought: There is no God.) Rather than spend on yesterday, the Dodgers build for tomorrow. The baseball world is witnessing what money and acumen can do. The Yankees did it in the 1990s, nearly 30 years ago. They didn't learn.
2. By June, talk this talk about torpedo bats will draw chuckles and - if there is a God - embarrassment from the chatterers. To make a bat actually matter, you must hit the baseball. Therein lies the problem.
Last night, the Yankees struck out 16 times. That's not a typo. They average 10 per game (ahead of six teams, including Boston, with 11.) Every spring, they bring in a new batting guru, with a new scheme and new philosophy - a new bullshit reason for us to think things will change. Then we watch everything coagulate into a chasm of strikeouts, walks and home runs.
Last night, as they marched to home plate - and then back to the dugout - one conclusion rose above all others: I can't watch nine innings of these games. It's just... boring.
3. Cody Bellinger can play CF. Last night, he handled blasts that I shudder to imagine how The Martian would have played. He turned his back to the ball, ran to the track, spun around and made it look easy. He saved Carlos Rodon from what could have been a two-inning battering.
Thus far, in the late innings, the Yankees have been replacing The Martian in LF, due to his still-questionable fielding. They move Trent Grisham into CF, and Bellinger takes left. But make no mistake: Bellinger can hold his own.
4. It's hard to note all the changes in the 2025 Yankees - Soto, Bellinger, Dominguez, et al - when this team so resembles last year's disappointing finale. Yeah, they won the AL pennant, but this lineup seems to have picked up right where Game 5 left off.
It is becoming part of Yankee lore to strikeout three or four times a game. Everybody does it. I wonder: Can Judge lead us from this fog?
5. Okay, gotta mention Babe Volpe. He's had a week. By golly, if he can hit, say, 30 HRs - that is, keep going to RF - this could be a breakout season. Everybody else, thus far, looks the same. Volpe looks different.
Then again, it's Overreaction Week.
Wednesday, April 2, 2025
So much for the torpedo bats. And so much for expectations. The first out-of-body loss of 2025 brings a harsh Yankee reality check
The great Yankee bubble of 2025 has popped. It didn't last long: three (3) games to be precise, against a measles outbreak from Milwaukee, before our bullpen blew like a tire on the Thruway.
If you're scoring the category of GAMES WE SHOULDA FUCKINANY WON, the total now stands at one (1). In the Don Zimmer Thesaurus of terse explanations, we fuckinay shoulda won.
So, buck up and get used to it? Maybe. But the jolt will linger. For three games, we nosed the red button and received a food pellet. Last night, we nosed it and got 500 volts. The YES announcers reran Scott Brosius' world series HR, and Paul O'Neill relived his stadium tribute, but grainy videos cannot restore the last era when the Yankees ruled - an experience we probably won't see again in our lifetimes.
It happened against Arizona, which - it must never forgotten - celebrated its 2001 world series victory by mockingly playing "New York, New York" over the P.A. system, only days after the World Trade Center fell. I never need motivation to beat Arizona. I just remember them singing sarcastically with Frank.
But but BUT... this is not about 2001. It's about last night, when the Death Barge blew a completely winnable game - an outing we assumed would be ours, until it wasn't.
Grand slams will do that. Something about a Yankee Grand Slam Loss - it leaves a lifetime mark. Before last night, we were still mulling Freddie Freeman's blast in the 10th inning of game one, the homer that - in retrospect - sealed LA's championship march. But the list of Yankee soul-crushing HRs - from Mazeroski to Altuve, from Damon to Devers - rolls from our memories like bloody sequences from David Cronenberg films. Once seen, never forgotten.
You could call last night a bullpen loss, and - technically - you wouldn't be wrong. But that would mean ignoring our first four batters - Goldy, Bellinger, Judge and Jazz - who went 0-15 with nine strikeouts. So much for outlawing the torpedo bat. (If you're luxuriating in Boston's current woes, here's a Calgon Bath Oil Bead: Rafael Devers is 15 for 19 in strikeouts, he hates DH, and the Redsocks are 1-4. Ha ha.)
Generally, an out-of-body loss in April gets pitched out with the AARP junk mail. It's too soon to suffer a mortal wound. It's one game - one that WE FUCKINAY SHOULDA WON. Get used to it. There will be about 60 more.
Tuesday, April 1, 2025
An Above Average Haiku Tuesday ~ April Fools - (Late) Edition !
Fish Don't Fart Metal
Torpedo Our Hopes and Dreams
Its Sink or Swim, Chum!
Torpedo!
Torpedo! From the Latin Tor, meaning a book publishing company specializing in Science Fiction paperbacks, and pedo, meaning uh, let’s not go there.
Torpedo!
No longer the answer to a trivia question about McHale's Navy, torpedos are back.
Hey, quick question... If the Yankees sink the Dodgers pitching staff in this year's World Series by means of their torpedo bats will any body make that connection? And will they lose their job?
But I digress...
Quick side story here…
During the 1980’s I had a friend who had a friend whose father was a jobber. He had several warehouses down in Santa Ana. I got invited to go look at them for some reason that is still not clear to me and in one of them, in sacks stacked floor to ceiling were actual Wham-O superballs. Real ones with the atomic sign on them and everything.
There were so many of
them that the floor of the warehouse was covered in loose ones that fell out of
ripped sacks, and you could glide across the room like on ball bearings.
They guy said I could take some and, being polite, I took ten. I should have stuffed my pockets. I still have two. I gave away
three and five more suffered from the fate of all superballs… the dreaded
second bounce into oblivion. Gone!
He told me that the ones in the warehouse were bought from the government. Apparently the Air Force was looking into using giant bowling ball size superballs as a weapon.
The idea
was to drop a superball into a building and let the bouncing action destroy the
room without an explosion or fire. It would also limit the damage to the room
in which it was dropped.
Couldn’t tell you how the bowling ball sized superball got
into the room but hey that’s what tax dollars are for. The plan obviously failed as any of us could
have told them. You drop it on Moscow. It bounces once. Hits Prague. And then
right into the Adriatic Sea. Gone!
But I digress…
Look, the Torpedo Bat is just an equipment upgrade. Like bigger infielder gloves or running shoes.
Did anybody complain when runners switched to running shoes?
I mean aside from Buster Brown whose ill-fated attempt at the Bruce Jenner
Buster Brown Running Shoe was a large part of why Buster Brown went out of
business.
If they stuck around they could have tried again with a line
of high heels.
But I digress…
As long as the bat is made of wood and meets the height,
weight, and length MLB specifications it’s fine. Besides, there’s a downside to moving the sweet spot,
in closer to the hands. The wood available for the outside pitch is reduced, affecting
the velocity when going to the opposite field on an outside pitch.
And therein lies the solution for the pitcher. Don’t come
inside. Work the outer half of the plate as much as possible to reduce the efficacy
of the torpedo bat.
In other news…
Rafael Devers is still hitless and has struck out 15 times 19 at bats. People are blaming it on weight gain. Maybe he’s been ordering too many of the wrong kind of torpedos.
(Don't watch this. It's stupid!)
Or, it could be because he’s trying to suck his way off the Red Sox because they gave 3B to a guy who can actually play the position.What does this mean for the Yankees? Well, we still haven’t overpaid for a third baseman yet and we’ve gotten third basemen from Boston before, albeit with mixed results. Boggs and Youklis. I hope this doesn’t come to pass although, I’ve heard pinstripes are slimming.
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