The Hot Stove is upon us. RUN!

The Winter Meetings - baseball's version of a Juggalos gathering - are a week away.

The Mets just signed their first ex-Yank of the postseason.

Cooperstown Cashman is making calls, chasing his newest White Whale.

If you've got any serious drugs - I mean, felony grade, maybe a three-month sleep gel? - now is the time to uncork. According to the Internet, Cashman may be on the verge of his first winter crime against humanity. 

Actually, he started last month by offering Trent Grisham a $22 million contract, and Grish took the hook. That leaves the Yankee outfield in a logjam, with Cashman charged with setting the dynamite. 

Last night, the Mets reacted. They signed last year's biggest Yankee disappointment, Devin Williams, a man whose only achievement was to end the Steinbrenner Beard Ban. They'll have him for three years. I speak for the Yankiverse in saying, "He's all yours!"

Unfortunately, the Yankee bullpen right now looks like that Jersey Giants' place-kicker who last night channeled Anthony Volpe in the world series - whiffing entirely on a field goal attempt. (It's a future NFL classic, almost on par with The Fumble, although - honestly - nothing can beat The Fumble. On the Manning Cast last night, they were practically playing it on a loop. It's for the ages. Google it.) We're so thin that Jake Bird looks like an option, and his Yankee career ERA stands at - lemme get the calculator, hmm -27.00. That's a fine piece a' bombing.

Today, the rumor mills are grinding about a possible Yankee trade with Miami - the people who gave us Giancarlo and Jazz - for Sandy Alcantara, three years passed Cy Young and just one beyond Tommy John. He's 30, finished nicely last season, and the Marlins are ready to deal. He will draw a bidding war of prospects, and it looks as though we will soon learn how coveted Spencer Jones truly is, outside of the Yankee hype bubble. Jones - who resembles a young Joey Gallo - would apparently be the centerpiece of any Yankee deal, though Mephistopheles always lurks in the players named later.     

The Yankee fantasy goes this way: We get Alcantara for Jones and some magic beans version of Jeter Downs. Then we sign Kyle Tucker and keep The Martian as 4th OF. That looks good. Maybe too good. It looks like just the kind of offer that the Dodgers, Mets, Phillies and Boston can beat, as they all have deeper farms. You can't purge your system every August and expect an endless conga line of youth.

Soon, maybe even before the Winter Meetings, Cashman might make his move. It's a crazy feeling right now. The first Nor-Easter is hitting the coast. We're heading into a slow economy. We're actually pondering war crimes. They days are still getting shorter. And the Yankees are just getting started.