I did this, so you needn't. I don't recommend such activities. It's like a day trip to Utica: Things you cannot un-see, mysteries you cannot solve.
I found Braden Shewmake.
Yes, Braden Shewmake. He's a 28-year-old infielder who toiled last year in Scranton, hitting .244 with 4 HRs. With Anthony Volpe on the mend, Shewmake is arguably one tweaked gonad from being Opening Day SS.
I don't mean to pick on The Shew. He's a former first-rounder - (the Yankees love them) - who has played 31 MLB games, with 1 HR and a .118 BA. He bats LH. He's from Texas. His jersey number is "89." In 2022, he ranked fifth on the Braves' prospect list. Downhill, ever since.
With a due respect, when I see a fellow like Shewmake on our 40-man, it makes me ponder the gravitas of the Yankee system. Right now, our depth chart looks as thick as a coat of Windex. (Again, I don't wish to malign the guy; he stole 15 bases last year; speedster?)
Apparently, the Yankees will protect Shewmake in next week's Rule 5 draft. It's part of Cooperstown Cashman's intricate game of 3D chess. We should breathe easier, knowing the Yankees cannot lose Shew. Right? Show of hands? Uh-huh...
Lately, all we hear from the Brain Trust is how Food Stamps Hal doesn't want to spend $300 million on the payroll, and the Yankees are already tailgating that number. Last month, when Trent Grisham accepted their $22 million, one-year qualifying offer, Cashman quickly assured us that all was going to plan. He resembled a waiter who just dropped a platter of clams, and shouts, "I meant to do that!"
The Yankees appear to be stepping back from bidding wars on Kyle Tucker and/or Cody Bellinger. Meanwhile, they're talking about trading The Martian and/or Spencer Jones.
If they're seeking to reduce expectations, they're doing a great job.
So, sleep easier, folks! Outside, it's a white-out. But next week, in the Rule 5, we're on course to keep Shewmake.
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23 comments:
Hal is a cheap, mean-spirited, tight-lipped, unhappy billionaire. He won't spend enough to win. What he DOES spend is spent by a moron who doesn't know baseball, but who thinks he's a genius. That's why we can't have nice things.
And I intent to keep honing the above sentiment until it's just a few words, then an acronym that only I understand, at which point I'll just walk around with a demented grin, mumbling, "I told you so" over and over. Hal will have been the thing that drove me over the edge into madness. My only saving grace is that I barely give a shit anymore. And that is sad.
Butt Hal does have one thing going for him. His face is like a single mass of soft, billowing jowls that appear to have the texture of uncut corduroy.
And, after image mining hundreds of photos of the man (all for our collective greater good) I have concluded that these billowy jowls have their own unique system of sweat glands.
So, during periods of high stress (such as a hot-stove period we are going through now) the man’s head must smell like a vagrant leper’s non-Arrid-fied armpit.
Ewwwwwww I tell you.
Ewwwwww
Michael Kay and reality...
https://x.com/FourSavages/status/1996794552028742065
Disgrace. We can see how this is shaping up to be a lost year before Steinington leads the lockout charge.
Speaking the truth here
I refuse to see anything on X or to click on it. What’s the gist of it?
Same old shit, different Yankee Day.
Kay is correct. There's no room to do anything if we have to stay under 300 mil.
Judge, Stanton, Cole, Rodan, Fried, and Grisham. Big money, nothing left. McMahon gets 15? Yikes.
We're fucked. Hal sits on his bucks.
Buck-tucks
I saw on the intertubes that sitting on money reduces painful hemmorhoids.
True, JM, but don't sit on a $ 5 bill. Abe has a full, wiry beard and a long nose. That'll hurt your hemorrhoids and your rectum.
Grant will irritate the area as well.
Is Hal’s dog’s name Prolapse ?
That was his childhood dog. The current one is named Smegma.
Thank you for the excellent advice.
I think I'm in the minority of Yankee fans who think that Cashman's qualifying offer to Grisham was not a "mistake" and that Cashman fully intended to keep Grisham any way he could. Why do ya'll think that Cashman only extended the qualifying offer to get draft picks back when Grisham signed with some other team? The signs were all there that Yankee management would re-sign Grisham no matter what.
First of all, Grisham is their kind of player. A guy who hits solo homers, low batting average, costs a lot less than Bellinger or Tucker. All they're thinking about is that they only had to spend 22 mill for Grisham.
Bellinger or Tucker requires a pretty huge multi-year deal. That ain't happening.
So, to me, it's pretty obvious that this was what they wanted from the get-go.
Now, I hear that they've also soured on Jasson Dominguez and Spencer Jones and can't wait to unload both of them. That, too, is perfectly understandable.
They're going to sign some dumpster reject to man LF next year. Is Austin Slater still unsigned? Look for Slater or someone like him to get a one year deal and be the starting left fielder. At least until he hits .015 for half a season with a 0 for 135 streak, whereupon they'll come up with another move at the All Star break or trade deadline.
I dread the Yankees hot stove season. Another winter of hysterically bad, PR-driven-decision-making, based on one-dimensional strategy, fueled by toxic arrorgance and trust fund stupidity. The only outcome possible is disaster.
Is he unhappy? Or is he just an absentee landlord, who grumbles about the property manager, but couldn't give a damn, because he can still leverage his Yankee assets to buy other sports teams, crypto and politicians?
HAL and Pal will fix everything.
I'm fully committed to the Yankees approach.
World series here we come!
Nurse, am I due for my regular dose of soma? I hear it makes you detumescent like HAL & Pal.
Rufus-somebody spiked your Friday night martini
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