I'm not talking about 3I/Atlas, the "comet" that is obviously an alien probe to phone home about whether intelligent life exists on Earth.
I'm not talking about the KC Chiefs, who dominated pro football and pop music culture through the first half of the 2020s, and who now look old and tired.
I'm not talking about the looming recession, or Trump's gilded Walmart ballroom, or even the Golden Globes' snub of Sydney Sweeney's big punching bags in her boxing movie.
Nope, what's coming is Big Stevie Cohen, large as a Macy's parade balloon, and his infinite checkbook. It has so intimidated Hal Steinbrenner that the Yankees already sound like also-rans in the upcoming bidding war for Tatsuya Imai.
Yes, Tatsuya Imai - the lone top Japanese free agent in this decade to NOT want to join the Dodgers. Every dime in Hal's hope chest should go into signing Imai - fortifying the pitching staff and standing up to Big Stevie.
But here's the rub: It might not be enough.
The Yankees painted themselves into a corner - actually, a centerfield - when they offered Trent Grisham $22 million to stay a year. Of course, he was gonna take it. As a result, to sign Cody Bellinger or Kyle Tucker will force a massive domino-drop of secondary trades, most likely involving Jasson Dominguez and/or Spencer Jones, and they still might not save the pitching staff.
The Yankees need Imai more than Trump needs compression socks. But the problem is Cohen, the modern day Boss. Last year, he kicked poor Hal's ass in the bidding war for Juan Soto, (even if it left the Mets in tatters during the regular season.) This week, he can do it again in a straight up auction for Imai.
It's coming - that moment in the movie when Hal either stands up to the bully or accepts the Yankees' fate in the second half of the decade.
It might happen today: Somebody signs Tucker, which leaves everyone chasing Bellinger, which causes his value to spike, which leaves the Yankees out in the cold, which makes Imai the biggest fish in the pond, which means... well... God knows what? Big Stevie's knockout punch?
We don't know what's coming.
What we know is that it might be really bad.
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25 comments:
Say goodbye to the Martian and/or Spencer. And Bellinger. And Weaver.
Cashman sucks, Hal is a greedy asshole, and Boone is an idiot who has nothing to do in the offseason.
Looks like it's gonna be a rough year.
No JM, I won't have it! There's a rappel down an office building Cashman does every winter.
Ooops, wrong do-nothing asshole. My bad.
Wait Wait Wait, JM.
My sources have confirmed that I.B. (Idiot Boone) has spent the majority of his “off” off season teaching himself how to paint with his own spit. He calls the technique “Spittie” and his first painting is called:
‘It’s All Right In Front of Me’
IB plans on hanging the oversized canvas (once it has been given enough time to dry) on the wall in his Yankees office.
I have been offered a first look and have been given permission to photograph it and share it here on IIHIIFIIC once he gets it up and mounted.
It is like, uh, you know - really exciting !
“I haven’t felt this sick since I saw that Ronald Reagan film festival!”
But Hal does not WANT this guy, nor does he WANT to win. Hal wants only money, which is why his honorific is "Hal the Cheap." And you know what? You'll never understand him. Nor does he care about THAT, either.
Oh, what were they screening, BTR?
For what it’s worth there’s something prescient about E.D.’s The Shining image today …..
I beg to differ: We know EXACTLY what’s going to happen.
Hal is going spend the winter clutching his pears on his yacht and fretting over the sad state of baseball. And do nothing.
Japan is the Dodgers farm club...
Diaz goes to the Dodgers. Mets ownership issues=Yanks ownership issues...
Looks like nothing's gonna happen this winter. Which is okay by me, if they were to play the kids. But that's just the problem. They won't play the kids. Nor will they trade them.
They will sign some loser, maybe 29 years old, a former 1st round draft pick, and a failed prospect, currently a 4th or 5th outfielder type, to play LF full time for 2026. Dominguez & Jones will spend 2026 in the minors. And you wonder why this club never develops position players?
They do have some young pitching that will might come up in 2026. LaGrange and the guy they got from the Red Sox, forget his name, is it Elmer Rodriguez? Those two kids have serious talent. MIght as well just hang on to them and try to develop them. I would definitely hang on to LaGrange no matter what. He throws over a 100 mph and has the stuff to be a #1 starter in the majors.
They have brought up some young pitchers in recent years: Luis Gil, Will Warren, Cam Schlittler. For whatever reason, perhaps out of pure necessity, they do try to develop pitching, unlike what they do with their position players.
Actually, I did miss a couple of position players when I did my Cashman skewering the other day: Ben Rice and Brett Gardner. Although Gardner was never much more than a mediocre or serviceable player and Ben Rice might still fall on his face in 2026. So with Judge and Cano, that's four guys in the last quarter century that they developed. Not exactly jumping for joy at the volume.
Donkey balls flapping in the wind
Coming from Genius Cashman: "We have loads of talent on our roster." Sure you do, Cashman. A lineup with under .220 batting averages at 3rd, shortstop, catcher. A .235 hitter in CF. Too many left handed bats in your own admission. If yoy are trying to show lack of need to other GM's, they know Genius. You just cannot get rid of your arrogance. Finally, how did the Yankees fair against The Blue Jays how make contact, Genius?????
Is it too late to become a Dodger fan? Asking for a friend.
Doug, don't become a Dodgers fan. They're evil. And I think Diaz is a very chancy proposition as a closer. He's had major, meltdown seasons in the past...
...That said, it makes the 26/Flushing comet threat all the worse. Cohen now has money to burn, which means Esmewithandsqualor is gone. But we all knew Hal was never going to pony up big money for a pitcher, didn't we?
...But who WILL the Metsies go after? Stearns was on SNY last night practically saying outright that he was not interested in Tucker or Bellinger, because he didn't want to block the developing outfielders that Queens team is very high on.
A ploy? I dunno. He sounded pretty convincing...
...If the Yanks DON'T sign Belli—and they're being awfully damned quiet about it—I think they will HAVE to have Spencer and The Martian fight it out for LF. And that...would not be the worst thing in the world. In fact, it might be better than what they'd do otherwise.
But as you guys note, there's no telling the depths that Cashie might stoop to, such as some awful free agent for left...
...As for Hal, Bitty, he's not hard to understand.
Picture the most loathsome relative you can possibly imagine—someone who has made your life a living hell, whenever he can—leaving you an incredibly lucrative business whose popularity you cannot understand. Pickleball, mayhap.
All the day long, people have to tell you why you just have to pump more money into your pickleball dynasty—even though it seems to keep paying out quite nicely, no matter what you do.
You try putting a pandering idiot in charge of it. Still pays off great. HE tries putting an amiable idiot in charge of the players themselves. STILL pays off great.
What would you do? Would you develop some great interest in and love of pickleball?
Or would you begrudgingly appear every now and then to make some appeasing statement or rank excuse to the gibbering morons who gave you that enormous, free pickleball stadium in the first place?
Sadly, I think we know what the answer is...
...As for the approaching alien spaceship that is obviously just disguised as a comet, here's what we do:
When they make contact, we insist that the most brilliant people on our planet—the Three Wise Men—are Hal, Cashie, and Boone. The aliens suck them up to their ship for study, keeping them in suspended animation for, oh, say a hundred or two of our earth years.
When they are finally convinced that they are absolute morons, they drop them back down to earth, in splendid health, and zip away, convinced that earth will pose no possible threat to the galaxy.
There, I fixed it for you.
Genius idea, hoss
Airplane, one of the finest indie art-films of all time.
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