I Alone Can Fix It (Part Two)

 Make This Trade Edition

This AM El Duque brought up the legitimate fear that Cashman, perpetually in search of his white whale, could trade away The Martian and Spenser.

Interestingly enough “The Martian and Spenser” was an ill-conceived and short lived episodic on ABC starring Ray Walston and Robert Urich. 

The premise was simple Spenser, based on the exceptional Robert Parker novels about a Boston based detective, was coerced into caring for his geriatric uncle (Ray Walston) who wore an old set of rabbit ear antennas on his head and believed he was a Martian. In a twist of fate the antenna’s, when properly adjusted helped “Uncle Martin” both bring in the Uncle Floyd Show on UHF and reveal the location of that weeks murderer.

But I digress. I really want to talk about sofas. 

NO!

I want to talk about an interesting trade idea I've seen mentioned. 

Fernando Tatis Jr.

The Padres are over budget and trying to get costs down ahead of a potential sale of the ball club.

In the 2025 season, Tatís Jr. hit .268 with 25 home runs and 71 RBIs. He won a Platinum Glove last year. Strong arm in outfield . Was an All-Star the last two years.   

He is signed. Only twenty-seven and is four years into a 14-year, $340 million contract. Twenty-five million a year. Cheap! 

Only three million a year more than they just gave Grisham, and probably five to ten million dollars less per year than they will have to pay Bellinger (5) and Tucker (10) for better defense and similar to superior offensive production. 

Plus, like Tucker, he's young so the Yankees would be getting peak Tatis Jr.

I really like this and would gladly give up the Martian + plus other assets to get this done. Tatis already is what we hope Jasson eventually becomes and, to be honest, might never achieve, especially on the defensive end.

There is one caveat. 

Everything I’m reading says the Padres want to include a second large contract / salary dump to make this happen.  The name most often mentioned is Manny Machado.

Manny Machado

On the surface getting Machado after his peak and over paying for the declining years is so Cashman. The Yankees love to bring in expensive, once great, corner infielders.  

Machado is already 33 and has nine, count em, NINE years to go on his 350 Million dollar contract. He gets 21 million dollars this year. A steal!!!! And then 40 million dollars a year the rest of the way. Yikes! 

Last year he hit 27 HRS and batted .275. He’s still a good third baseman. He’s also kind of a dick.

The Padres desperately need to get out from under this contract.

Figure he’s more or less worth the money for the next three years and then drops off a cliff. 

If we had a different kind of owner the short term potential for a championship using this batting order would be worth it.

Jazz 2B

Judge RF

Tatis LF

Machado 3B

Rice 1B

Stanton DH

Wells C

A NEW SHORTSTOP!!!!! ANY NEW SHORTSTOP!!!!

Grisham CF

That's a really good lineup!  

Possible Solution:

While taking on the Machado contract helps lower the prospect cost it’s just too much money for the number of years left. 

Perhaps the Yankees could do what they did with Stanton and have the Padres chip in ten million a year starting in year five to lower the overall cost.

It’s not a great solution but at least the Yankees wouldn’t have to massively overpay for yet another ageing DH, and Stanton is gone in two years or less, and they might get a ring for their trouble. Of course Judge is probably the future DH for those years... (Sigh) 

Or...

I guess we could give up the farm for Tatis Jr. He’d be a great addition to the team and preferable to Bellinger or Tucker.  Brian could take the savings and put it towards Tatsuya Imai. 

That would work. 

The Yankees should see if The Martian and Spenser plus Schmidt and Warren and taking Tatis' contract off the Padres hands could get it done. 

Dear Mr. Cashman: Is your trading finger getting twitchy?

Last time Brian "Cooperstown" Cashman found himself with an all-world super prospect amid an extinction-level event on the pitching staff, he made the boldest deal of his career. 

I'm thinking the winter of 2011, when Cashman traded (the late) Jesus Montero to Seattle for Michael Pineda, a swap that boiled the Yankiverse like an atmospheric asteroid. It was a trade of great future stars. Montero - (as soon as he learned to catch) - would surely become a great slugger, and Pineda, was a Cy Young-in-waiting. 

Then, they both went kaput. 

Montero showed up in Mariners' camp 30 pounds overweight. He eventually earned the nickname "Ice Cream Sandwich," on his way to a four-year career of a measly 28 home runs.

Pineda promptly hurt his elbow and missed the next two years, including the 2013 season of Overbay & Pronk. He was never the same. In four seasons with the Yankees, he went 31-31 with an ERA of 4.16. 

To this day, Cashman still seeks his "Great White Whale" - the ace who propels the Yankees to a world championship.  

Which brings us to now - this winter - when Cashman might just top the Montero trade. 

The Yankees' two best positional prospects - outfielders Jasson Dominguez and Spencer Jones - will likely compete for one opening in LF. Meanwhile, Cashman faces a decimated pitching rotation: Gerrit Cole, Carlos Rodon and Clarke Schmidt will all miss - at least - the month of April. And the bullpen looks anemic.

Let's not revisit The Martian and Jones. We've watched them for years. And last year, neither were all that bad. The reason Dominguez disappeared in September was the breakout season for Trent Grisham. It left him no space, though he showed enough speed to steal 30 bases. Meanwhile, Jones, the 6'6" monster, hit 35 HRs last year and stole 29 bases. He strikes out too often, but those numbers signify production. 

And Cashman will probably trade one of them. 

It will be the most dangerous deal since he dispatched Jesus for Big Mike. 

So... how lucky do we feel?

I Alone Can Fix It… (Part One)

Secret Asian Man Edition

Every year around this time I sit at my desk…

(Actually I sit on an old school La-Z-Boy Rocker Recliner that my son picked up at a garage sale and gave to me as a Father’s Day present)

and stare at a bunch of articles about the Yankee off-season that I printed out and placed on a trio of presentation boards, and, using push pins, red string, and an intuitive almost supernatural understanding of the universe, worthy of at least five seasons of an ABC crime procedural, start to solve the Yankees myriad issues.

Because, let’s face it, the way this franchise is run is a crime scene.  

But, before I dive in, I want to say something about the La-Z-Boy Rocker Recliner, the old school ones with the handle, not this push button bullshit or the ones for people of my age but of more decrepit condition, that lift the sitter out of the chair by tilting it over so far that it’s either stand or die.

When I was taking one of two semesters off from college I worked selling La-Z-Boys.  

Even though it was a part time job, I also worked as a TA in a Bronx HS, I was their number one salesman. Not because I was particularly good at furniture sales, I wasn’t, the second a swatch book came out my eyes would glaze over, and don’t get me started on end tables. No really don’t get me started because to this day I prefer a snack tray, they are easier to move.

The reason I was so good was I understood the concept of the chair and its importance to the working man.  

I would explain that only La-Z-Boy had the independent foot rest with 36 different settings so you could have your feet up and exactly where you want them to be WITHOUT having to recline. I’d also show them that because it’s separate you could lean back and rock without having to have your feet up. Combine the two and you always find your most comfortable position.

These were major points in La-Z-Boy’s favor and usually clinched the deal. 

But what made me Number One despite my lack of hours was my ability to upsell.

I would take the husband aside after distracting the wife with a swatch book and dreams of end tables, and say…

“Look, I know you plan to buy this one (The lesser model – I forget its name) but look at it this way, every night for the next ten to fifteen years, and it has a lifetime warranty on the mechanism by the way, you are going to sit in this chair.

This is going to be where you relax after a long day of work. Where you watch TV, have a drink, read the paper… Where you live!

Get the Joe Willie. I know it’s more than you wanted to spend I get that but, fifteen years of sitting in a good chair vs. fifteen years sitting on the best chair La-Zy Boy makes…  Here, sit in the Namath chair again and then tell me where you want to sit after you finally get home after a long day at work. “

CaChing!

May I add, I never felt like I was conning them. It was a great fucking chair. I bought one myself. (At cost!) Shlepped it up to school when I went back, (Another great feature - it came apart into two pieces so it could fit in my car) and had the best place to sit on campus.

But I digress..

So, every year I sit in my La-Z-Boy and take a shot at what next year’s roster could/should be.

The outfield situation aside, the big question right now in Yankeeland is what Japanese player should we make sure we sign?

We really need to sign one.

The Dodgers are kicking our asses and not just on the field.

The inroads into the Japanese market the franchise made with Tanaka, Kuroda, and my favorite Yankee of the last twenty years, Hideki Matsui, are long, long, gone.

Fortunately the available players dovetail perfectly into our areas of greatest needs, starting pitcher and corner infielder.

Murakami – 1B and 3B

I thought this guy was perfect until I read on this blog and elsewhere, that he’s not a particularly good fielder and apparently can’t hit a fastball above 93 MPH.  When I first read this I was drinking milk and did a spit take worthy of Danny Thomas. So, uh, no!

Kazuma Okamoto 1B and 3B

Missed a lot of games with a left elbow injury. Not a great fielder. Right handed hitter. Already 30. The Yankees can’t afford to have a left side of the infield with two guys who can’t play the position.

Solution;  Sung Mun Song  1B 2B 3B

OK he’s Korean and plays in the KGB or whatever their league is called but he hit’s for power and average and is both a good and a versatile fielder. Plus we have McMahon as a defensive 3B under contract. Song might even be hand for (forgive me) a song coming in at below market as Korean players don’t have the cache or the “certainty” of Japanese players.   He has not been posted yet but the rumor is that he will be soon.  This is the guy.

But what of the Japanese market?

Tatsuya Imai – Pitcher

Here’s the thing.  The Yankees can’t afford to have, “Kei Igawa Syndrome’. Yes they lost out on Yamamoto and Sasaki and the last time they signed a Japanese pitcher on the rebound was a colossal failure  but they have to take the chance.

They need another starter. Cole, Schmidt, and Rodon won’t be available to start the season and who knows if they will be any good when they return. As we learned from their failure to win the division, games in April count just as much as games in September. 

Cashman always talks about a crapshoot.

Roll the dice.

The three most terrifying words in the Yankiverse are once again being uttered: "Cashman is talking."

Last night, Brian Cashman did his annual sleepout for Covenant House, a shelter for NYC homeless youth - (a worthy cause, donate here) - which always lures Gammonites like peanut butter on a mousetrap. The event regularly assures terrifies Yank fans, with Cashman suggesting that all is collaping hunky dory, and everything is going straight to Hell according to plan. For example...

* The decision to give Trent Grishman a $22 million one-year qualifying offer, which Grish quickly snatched-up and devoured - was actually Cashman's hope, sorta like how Trump secretly wanted to wallpaper Congress with Epstein's babysitter list. Says Cashman, the Yankees have eliminated their void in CF, and now can turn to signing Cody Bellinger and/or Kyle Tucker. 

Yeah, right. What a crock. We all know Owner Hal's financial plans will be severely compromised by Grisham's decision, and that another expensive outfielder looks extremely unlikely. But at least for one night, in the good graces of charity, let's pretend we're on the right track. Cashman says he is "talking" to agents. Woopie...

* The Yankees supposedly have an outside shot at trading for Tarik Skubal, whom the Tigers might trade this winter, rather than eventually deal with Scott Boras and a billion dollar contract. The most likely suitors - according to Jim Bowden of The Athletic - include the Dodgers, Mets, Mariners, Redsocks and - gulp - Yankees. 

Bowden suggests Cashman could offer a package of Spencer Jones, Will Warren, Carlos Lagrange and Bryce Cunningham, two minor league arms who do not rhyme with "Hitler." I wonder about that. Seems to me that Detroit would want far more than Will Warren and a basket of fries, and those competing teams all have far more trade chips.  

Also, there is the long term question. Skubal is a West Coast boy - born in California, schooled in Arizona, college in Seattle - and if the Yankees did somehow outbid everyone in a trade package, they would then face another Juan Soto season - that is, a star in his walk year, where every game is processed through the prism of his impending free agency. Honestly, I hope we avoid another Soto. Yankee fans gave that asshole their unbridled love, and he pissed on it for a luxury box. Never again.  

One other aspect of Bowden's speculative story rouses this old fern. He suggests that Jones is more highly coveted than we may be thinking. The crowd in this dive bar, which includes me, has a tendency to obsess over strikeouts, which are Jones' weakness. Bowden calls him "an enticing blend of power and speed," as evidenced by 35 HRs and 29 SBs last year. He's also described as a better-than-average defensive corner OF.  

So, here's one last skinny on Cashman. What if Jones goes somewhere and becomes a superstar? What if Cashman trades away - gulp - the next Aaron Judge? That would become his legacy, and it would overwhelm a hundred nights of sleeping on the sidewalk. Yeah, it's a longshot. But I don't think Cashman dares pull the trigger. And, honestly, I hope he doesn't.

Every winter, the Yankees shell out for at least one star player. This year, was it Trent Grisham?

Two days later, the algorithms of the Yankiverse are still trying to wrap their greasy tentacles around Tuesday's revelation: 

Trent Grisham has accepted the one-year, $22 million qualifying offer.

WTF? Who saw that coming? Grisham was following a breakout season. He should be chasing a five-year deal, with a luxury box and turndown service. Instead, he signs for one piddily season? One? Who figured? And what now?

Suddenly, Grisham's one-year deal feels like an overpay. (Certainly, Grisham saw it that way.) Now, instead of bidding bigly for Kyle Tucker and/or Cody Bellinger, the Yankees are left with an outfield logjam that includes The Martian and Spencer Jones - unless Brian Cashman trades them. Either way, the Yanks are left wondering if Grisham's 34 HR season was a fluke or a breakout.

I have an idea: Let's get drunk. Nobody likes a Negative Nelly. Let's get bigly blasted and assume that Owner Hal still plans to shell out for at least one major free agent. If Tucker and Bellinger are out, that means... well... fill my glass.

Some possibilities...

Alex Bregman. He'd nail down 3B, piss off Boston, free Ryan McMahon (great glove and 189 strikeouts) for a trade, and - in strategic moments, for old time's sake - bang a garbage can lid. He's 32. Three-year deal, and we're done clutching pearls over 3B.

Eugenio Suarez. Another 3B. Hit 49 HRs last year. Bats RH. He's 34, maybe a tad too old. But 49 HRs. 

Michael King. Prodigal son. Last year, his innings dropped to 73, and his ERA rose to 3.44. He'll be 31. He knows and understands NY. A number two starter.

Bo Bichette. Coming off career season. Take that, Toronto. Can he play SS, freeing Yanks to trade miserable Anthony Volpe? Or 3B, moving McMahon (great glove and .219 BA.)  

Tatsuya Imai. Pitcher from Japan. Age 27. It's long overdue for the Yankees. Remindful of Masahiro Tanaka. Cashman should be all-in on this guy, but let's face it: If the Dodgers, Mets or Phillies want him - (and they surely do) - Hal will finish runner-up in the bidding.

Scrap heapers and salary dumps. Bingo. How many Ryan Yarboroughs does it take to screw in a fan base? 

Aside from Imai, nobody checks all the boxes. Neither did Grisham (who, it should be noted - according to the bylaws of the Geneva Convention - cannot be traded until June.) 

Damn. The Yankees could hit 2026 as a near carbon copy of 2025. Or Cashman could launch a complete teardown. Right now, I wonder if he even knows?

Leading off, in centerfield, number 12, Trent Grisham... Meet the new Yanks. Same as the old Yanks.

Well, so much for that wild and crazy Yankee winter spending spree.  

Remember the days of big money, unlimited hope? Back when the Yankees bought pennants, when they always placed the shiniest star under our Christmas tree, when they always signed the best free agent, when anything shy of a world championship was a piddling failure?

Yep, 15 years ago, give or take. A lost generation, a forgotten legacy.

These days, reaching the ALCS is viewed a buttons-popping success. Apparently, the Yankees don't plan on breaking up that great and glorious 2025 team.

Thus, yesterday, we greeted the first major event of 2026 (the season, not the year.) The Yankees will return Trent Grisham in CF, and though they claim otherwise - (they always claim to be "in the running" for big free agents) - they will now almost surely finish as runners-up in the fishing derbies for Kyle Tucker and/or Cody Bellinger. With Grish returning, the outfield is full, and major decisions must soon be made on Jason Dominguez and Spencer Jones. 

The '26 Yankees could be dead ringers for last year's team. What now?

1. Okay. Let me limb off the ledge. It's not the worst that could happen. Nobody died. The Yankees believe Grisham's 2025 season was not a one-off, but a career breakout, elevating him into the top tier of outfielders. Last season, Grish hit nearly 50 points higher, clubbed twice as many HRs, than ever before. He's pushing 30, not too old. The fear - Aaron Hicks syndrome - is unrealistic. We have him for one year, just one - not eight. But still, the guy has spent most of the last four seasons unable to hit .200. A slow start, a tweaked gonad, a plate of bad clams - that could set him into an off-year regression. You have to worry.

2. With Grisham planted in CF, the Yankees probably must choose between Jasson Dominguez and Spencer Jones. Keep one, trade the other. They will desperately need pitching. They might chase Michael King, or that new Japanese hurler, but they'll probably try to bundle prospects in a trade - (after squeezing their farm system last August.) Cashman's epic quests to land his great white whale - an ace pitcher - have historically been awful. Also, in this new reality, anybody the Yankees target could simply go elsewhere - across the continent, to the Dodgers, or across the city, to the Mets. Both have more money and are willing to spend it (and that's before Hal just appropriated $22 million to a career .218 hitter.) 

3. To sell tickets, they have to do something. If the Yankees go with the same lineup as last year - (minus Bellinger, a huge loss) - well, that's going to be a tough sell. With every ticket, they should add a subscription to CompuServe. If they rerun the same lineup as last season, I'm already yawning. 

4. But but BUT... the idea of a complete Cashman "Death to Smoochy" teardown should terrify us all. Every now and then, in a particularly cold and barren winter, Cashman turns into Lady MacBeth, with one murderous deal leading to another. I can't help but think that Cashman didn't expect Grisham to accept that one year qualifying offer. He figured Grish would head for the door, and the Yankees would come away with a draft pick and Bellinger in CF. Now, dominoes are about to fall. This should frighten us more than a lunch invitation from Mister Bone Saw. Things happen, they say. I wonder what's next? 

Grish takes the money and stays

Trent Grisham has accepted the Yankees' $22 million qualifying offer.

A miscalculation by the brain trust? 

Off Season Fun With Rebuses

 1)

2)

3)

With signing of Yarbrough, Cashman sends note claiming to still be alive

Breaking News: Yesterday, the Death Barge signed rotational lug nut Ryan Yarbrough - (4.36 ERA over 64 IP) - signaling to Yank fans everywhere that:

1. Cooperstown Cashman is still alive - ALIVE! out there, somewhere - sifting through the scrap yards for spare widgets.

2. Food Stamps Hal Steinbrenner still loves a thrift shop bargain. That underwear looks a bit gnarly but - hey, 99 cents! - who cares? 

3. It's always pitching, pitching, pitching.

4. Maybe - just maybe - those rumored deals for Paul Skenes and Tarik Skubal won't happen.

5. When you get the choice to sit it out or dance... I hope you'll dance.

So, Yarbrough? Hard to process. First time I've said the name in three months. Nothing against him. Last year, on June 1, he almost looked like The Answer: Six innings, one run, against the Dodgers. Then something tweaked. Not the same in September. So... he's back? As Billie Joe would say, Wake me up when September ends...

At some point, soon, Cash will need to spend. Today, we'll learn a lot about how he plans to do it. If Trent Grisham chooses to stay, the ensuing OF logjam will prompt the trade of The Martian and/or Spencer Jones. If Grisham leaves, well, we're stuck with The Martian and/or Spencer Jones. Chose your underwear.  

The Yarb could be a decent 6th starter. That's not nothing. You never have too much pitching. We don't know who'll show up in Tampa with elbow pain, but somebody always does. Last year's final four were built by big money (Dodgers), young arms (Mariners), overachievers (Brewers) and unadulterated Yankee hatred (Jays.) The Redsocks and Orioles, if they do nothing this winter, could still be vastly improved. 

Soon, the Yankees must do something huge. 

Today, all we know is that Cashman is alive, and that Hal is counting the beans. Tomorrow? Promise me that you'll give faith a fighting chance. And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance... o, fuck it, go to the bar and do a shot. 

Welcome to 2025's last day of infinite Yankee expectations

Tomorrow, as the free world knows, Trent Grisham will decide on the Yankees' $22 million qualifying offer, setting into motion one of two competing alt-realities for our looming winter of discontent. There are two scenarios: 

1. With Grisham in CF, hoovering not only long flies but much of Food Stamp Hal's 2026 mad money. The resulting OF logjam would probably eliminate the Yankees from bidding wars for Cody Bellinger and/or Kyle Tucker, leaving next year's outfield to look much like the one we just scrapped from our October hiking boots.

2. With Grisham gone to KC, Texas or Utica - 6-7, eh? - to be replaced in CF by Bellinger, Spencer Jones, a defensive stopgap - or even Jazz Chisholm, who played there in Miami. Tucker could wind up in LF, sending the Martian into trade exile. A complete overhaul. 

What's coming? Dunno. But don't despair. Not today, anyway. 

Instead, let's savor our last few hours of unlimited hope. 

Today, the Death Barge is said to be chasing Tucker, Edwin Diaz, Michael King, Pete Alonzo, Alex Bregman, your mom, and even Tatsuya Imai - this year's Yamamoto - a 27-year-old, RH starter and three-time all-star in Japan. They could sign a SS. They could sign a 3B. They could sign Harrison Bader. My God, today, the Yankees can sign anybody. 

People, this is our last day of unlimited promise in 2025. 

Tomorrow, Grisham will set into motion concrete blocks of reality that shall turn the team into a nautical tribute ballad by Gordon Lightfoot. Tomorrow, we will return to the regular losing template: The Yankees will sign one free agent - they always get one - and finish second in the bids for the rest, the tier that would truly make a difference. They'll stay competitive. They'll snag a few salary dumps - a new Fernando Cruz or maybe another Yerry de los Santos. 

We'll comb the bargain basements. The big names - Tucker, Alonso, Diaz, Imai - will get snapped up by the Dodgers, Phillies or Mets, the elites in MLB's new world order. 

But today - ahh, today - all bets are off. 

Tomorrow, it can turn cold. 

Today, for the last time in 2025, the Yankees can do anything!

Only three shopping days until The Trent Dent

Tuesday,  November 18 - a day that will live in infancy - Trent Grisham must decide whether to accept or reject the Yankees $22 million qualifying offer, setting a template for the 2026 lineup.

There is really nothing else to say. 

Rumors suggest Grisham will ditch the offer and head to free agency, in search of a three year deal. If so, the Yankees would have an extra $22 million in movie money, plus a 4th round draft pick. 

The difference in alt-Yankee future lineups is staggering. 

If he stays...

cf Grisham
rf Judge
1b Rice
2b Chisholm
dh Stanton
lf Dominguez/Jones/somebody? 
3b McMahon/Cabrera 
c Wells/Rice/somebody? 
ss Cabalero/Volpe/somebody?

If he bolts...

2b Chisholm (or cf?)
rf Judge
lf Tucker/Bellinger?
dh Stanton
1b Rice (or c)
cf Jones/Dominguez/Somebody?
3b McMahon/Cabrera? 
c Wells/Rice? 
ss Cabalero/Volpe/a 2b/Somebody?

Until Grisham decides, there is no sense trying to ponder the Yankee paths to success in 2026. In three days, Brian Cashman will learn which alt-Yankiverse he'll inhabit. 

Three days... 

"Have you no sense of decency, sir, at long last? Have you left no sense of decency?"

 

Okay, so maybe Hal & Pal are not—quite—the moral equivalent of Tailgunner Joe McCarthy (Never to be confused with Marse Joe McCarthy). Or the current inhabitant of the Shambolic White House.

But really.  How many damned MVPs does Aaron Judge have to win before our very own Nepo & Nemo put a decent team around the man?

Col. Ruppert, as cold-blooded an accented-German-American as ever was, this side of Trump's grandfather, not only brought The Babe to town, but surrounded him with Murderers' Row and the greatest baseball stadium ever built—all on his own dime! 

Ed Barrow and George Weiss, a pair of gimlet-eyed, racist sharks...nonetheless built the world's greatest farm system, ever, to keep funneling the supporting talent to those other, three-time MVPs, Joe DiMaggio and Yogi Berra and Mickey Mantle.

Even Hal's daddy, not always the best judge of talent in the world, dug deep to give us Reggie Jackson, among others.

 

Whatta we got?

We got squaaaaat! As they sang in the greatest baseball musical ever made. Or something like that.

(By the way, technically, doesn't Katherine Hepburn have an asterisk next to those 4 Oscars?  Didn't she tie, back in 1968 or so, with...Barbra Streisand???)

Well, they were dropping a lot of acid in the sixties.

Hal has no such excuse.  

Get Judge a damned team. NOW.

You unsmiling, jumpy-eyed, kinky-booted, silver-spoon-mouthed putz.

Only four wild days until Trent Grisham Decision Day across the Yankiverse

Gather your riot helmets, everybody. The next four days will bring a crazed marathon of felony-grade Yankeetainment. 

First, today, at noon... the infamous Cortica Jug Game - pitting mini-goliaths SUNY Cortland and Ithaca College against each other in the fiercest, most deranged and - by far - drunkest rivalry in college sports. 

Who can forget the Cortica Riot of 2013, when fans massed near a small mountain of kegs, barking, puking, flipping cars and diving off roofs - (that's an actual shot) - eventually requiring police from across the area to quell the insurrection. Thirty were arrested. The school bigwigs were shocked - SHOCKED - and the rivalry was nearly ended. But here we are.  

Why care about a small college rivalry in an area that is steadily moving Metward? (Both Binghamton and Syracuse, former Yankee minor league outposts, are now Met towns.) Well, next year, they'll play the game at Yankee Stadium. Two years back, the did it and sold 40,000 tickets, second-highest in history for a Division III outing. The year earlier, they played at Metlife Stadium, selling 45,000.) Thinking sellout...

Sunday, it's the regular Welcome New Giants Coach game and debacle, featuring recently promoted Mike Kafka, as he dons the Brian Daboll Headset of Doom. The Giants are 2-8, third in the NFL Tankathon for draft picks. Can they keep it up? And should we care? 

As everyone knows, if the Giants draft an eight-foot tall QB, he will turn out to be two dwarfs piggyback. Still, this game does bring out the pageantry. What will the flyover banner say?  

Then... Epstein Monday! Emails, notes, cards, handwritten birthday poetry - it's bubbling up, one grimy morsel at a time. Bill Clinton? Boom. Alan Dershowitz? Boom. Your mom? Boom. Who's next? This isn't going away. 

Here on Epstein Island - this is a tale of our castaways, we're here for a long long time - Mr. Howell was always diddling Mary Ann. We've been at this for six years. By the time we're done, Ghislaine will have a podcast, maybe with Matt Gaetz. Hunker down. The worst is yet to come.  

Then... Tuesday... Trent Grisham Decision Day! The 29-year-old CF will tell the Yankees whether he's accepting their $22 million qualifying offer, and thus, whether he will return in 2026. 

If he says YES - that is, the Vatican chimney belches white smoke - there goes our shot at signing Kyle Tucker and/or Cody Bellinger. The course of our entire Yankee winter will be fundamentally altered. 

Four days from now, we'll know everything. 

Get ready to riot. 

Congrats to Aaron Judge, the rightful MVP. Now, will the Yankees step up and give him the support he deserves?

Congrats to The Captain - our Captain - Aaron Judge, who TOTALLY deserves to be 2025 AL Most Valuable Player, in the same way that Francis McDormand needed to win the 2017 Best Actress award for Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri, even though Meryl Streep was the secret crowd fave for portraying Katherine Graham in The Post. 

I know, I know... You're wringing your hands because, while McDormand delivered in the role of a guilt-distressed mom, so did Cal Raleigh for the Mariners. Damn, the guy hit 60 HRs and drove in 125, as a catcher.  Those are Jane Fonda numbers, maybe even Julia Roberts. And McDormand goes down as one of the greats - tied for second all-time, with three Best Actress Oscars, after Katherine Hepburn with four. (Nobody beats the Hepper. Not even Sally "You love me" Field.)

But let's be clear here: 

Judge is Nicholson, Hanks, De Niro...

Judge is Meryl Fucking Streep. (Two Oscars and 17 nominations.)

Any look at the numbers puts Judge in his own movie, maybe opposite Debra Winger. Seattle fans can extol Raleigh's values as catcher/team leader - won't deny them, definitely a Hillary Swank toughness vibe - but any Yank fan knows that, without Judge, that sorry lineup would have been the Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants, or maybe even Show Girls, barely winning more games than it lost, and it probably would have have missed the postseason. 

Wait. There's that word: Postseason.

Yeah. That's it, the word of 2025: To Yank fans, it beats "6-7" and "Gen Z Stare." And it sits in the abyss, at the underside of every award. 

It's hard to give a shit about anybody's trophy case after the Yankee clown car once again ditched itself in early October. Judge now has three MVP trophies. He's up there with McDormand, a great actress, for sure. He's a lock for Cooperstown. Someday, he'll have a burger kiosk in Monument Park. He'll host a podcast, joke with A-Rod in pregame shows, maybe get elected to Congress (running against Texiera?) He'll be a generational icon of New York City, a game show host, if not a talking head for Good Morning America, and he'll wind up among the greatest Yankees, the greatest HR hitters in history, the greatest stars of his time.

But will he have a ring? 

Starting to wonder.

The Yankees have now squandered three MVP seasons from Judge, and a Cy Young year from Gerrit Cole. At least, this time, Judge put together a worthy October - he hit .500, 13-for-26 prying that monkey off his back. Cole, on the other hand, must still exorcize the shame of not covering first on a routine grounder. You'd hate to see that in the permanent ledger.

All hail Aaron Judge! He deserves every plaque, every trophy, every Best Actor accolade. But he's starting to pinch. Without a ring, he's just an empty billboard outside Ebbing. He needs a supporting cast.

After a decade of disappointment, the Yankees fire their top international scout

Yesterday, after Pirates ace Paul Skenes won the NL Cy Young Award, rumors popped that he secretly yearns to play for - gulp - the New York effing Yankees.  

And, of course, he will. Someday. 

Don't they all? 

Around 2040 (assuming that 3I/ATLAS comet now heading our way isn't an alien probe), when Skenes is 37, bald, crag-toothed and gout-toed, he surely will wind up in the Yankee rotation next to Tarik Skubal, Yoshinobu Yamamoto and the cast of Yellowstone. 

But now? Nope. Notta gonna happen. For shits and giggles, let's imagine the package Brian Cashman would have to cobble together to land his ultimate Great White Whale - the reigning NL Cy Young. Here goes... 

1. Cam Schlittler. (The Pirates would demand him, full stop.) 

2. The Martian, Jasson Dominguez. (After all the hype, gone.)  

3. Spencer Jones, the tall CF (and maybe, the next Joey Gallo.) 

4. George Lombard Jr., the SS. (Our best position prospect.)  

5. Ben Rice. (At least one young and cheap, game-ready regular.)

6. A top below-radar prospect. (Pitcher Elmer Rodriguez-Cruz?)

7. Gobs of cash. (They are, after all, the Pirates.)  

A painful package, right? Well, here's the kicker: It would be beaten, easily and instantly, by the Dodgers, Mets, Redsocks, Phils, Jays, Tigers and half the contenders in baseball. The reason? They have explosive and successful international scouting systems, while the Yankees farm has percolated dregs for 20 years.

Which brings me to yesterday's firing. 

First, a disclaimer. I dunno shit about scouting. Neither do you. We sit on our pink brocade toilet seats in places currently under a foot of snow, and we study ERAs and Ks, and none of us could tell a Schlitter from a Benito Schlossolini. 

Nevertheless, you don't need to be a cow to know the milk is sour.

Yesterday, the Yankees canned their chief international scout, Danny Rowland, after 23 years. Rowland, 62, had overseen an ever-flushing urinal of a farm system, with a breathtaking array of failures. The list goes from Alexander Vargas ($2.5 million bonus), Brando Mayea ($4.3 million), Roderick Arias ($4 million), Mani Cedeno ($2.5 million), Hans Montero ($1.7 million) and the infamous class of 2014, when the Yankees strategically shot their wad ($12 million, far more than any other franchise) on seven teens, the most successful turning out to be Dermis Garcia, who eventually would hit .207 over 40 games with the 2022 Oakland A's.

I don't know if Rowland was a good scout in a bad system, or vice versa. His contract ran out, and the Yankees made a change. So be it. In this world, nobody aged 62 can ever know that crazy thing called "job security." (Wait, I take it back: There's Cashman and Boone, and everybody else.)

What I do know is that if Paul Skenes goes anywhere this winter, it will probably be to Los Angeles or Boston - some team destined to crush us in October. Who knows? Maybe we'll get lucky. Maybe that ATLAS thingy will end civilization, in which case, we needn't worry about the rotation. For now, though, the Yankees are still the farm system of Dermis Garcia. 

Isn't that the galaxy we now inhabit? 

The 2025 Tabloids Back Cover Race

Is this finally the Knicks year?  

This morning El Duque asked what is the single most important question in NY sports. 

Not, "Will the Giants fire Joe Schoen? 

Not, "Why didn't they fire Shane Bowen too?" Seriously, how did they not fire Shane Bowen? 

Not, "Why can't the Rangers win at home?"

Or even, "Why didn't the Giants fire Shane Bowen?" 

OK I know I said that already, but how does a Defensive Coordinator whose defense has three epic collapses, historical collapses, in three weeks, keep his job?  

But I digress... 

He asks "Can they (the Knicks) catch the Yankees?" and win The 2025 Tabloids Back Cover Race. 

This could be the Knicks year.

While winning their first NBA Championship since most of us were in short pants would be good, there’s a lot of road between here and there. So, for the time being, let’s focus on an equally remarkable yet achievable goal.

Winning The 2025 Tabloids Back Cover Race I’m guessing for the first time ever. 

(Well, since this blog started tracking it. It's quite possible that the Knicks won between 1969-73 when the Yankees sucked and the Knicks owned the town or maybe the Mets took it but I don't have an intern to task with finding it out, so we'll never know.)

Currently the Knicks trail the Yankees 172.5 to 158.5  

Fourteen covers back with seven weeks and ninety-eight covers available.

You would think it would be a cakewalk but it’s actually going to be very close.

Here’s the breakdown…

Monday back covers are pretty much guaranteed to be football. This takes 14 covers off the table.

84 Remaining.

The Giants have named their head coach for now but as today’s NY Post shows, there are going to still be the random “Bill Belichick? No. Lane Kiffin? No.  Fill in the Blank? No. Basically the print equivalent of click bait. 

Figure at least four of the these per paper. So eight more covers. Let's give the Jets a couple of these too. You never know.

Down to 74.

Unless a NY Ranger, New York Islander dies, or is arrested for stabbing a Door Dash guy or is found cheating, either in a gambling scandal or for managing to nail Jordan Hudson during halftime of a North Carolina football game while Bill is otherwise occupied… no back covers for them. Same with The Nets. 

OK, maybe two per paper. Let’s give the NY Post another one given their love of the salacious.

69. 

Toss in a Saint Johns Big East Tourney and a couple of Met Free Agent signings, some unforeseen big name scandal, or other general sports headline worthy event and we’re down to 61.

The Knicks need to make up 14 back covers with 61 remaining.

Can they pull it off?

The Knicks should always get the back cover after a game and there are 20 games between now and the end of the year. (Actually 21 but the game on Dec 31^st will be in the first paper of the new year.)

There’s 40 right there.

Putting the Knicks up 26 with only 21 covers remaining.

More than enough to win it going away, except…

The Yankees aren’t going to go down without a fight. 

They need to come up with twenty-six (26) back pages, between now and the end of the year to retain the title. So they are going to have to time the announcements of their biggest deals to come on days after the Knicks play a game and knock them off the back pages.

If they can do this just four times they will only need twenty-two to retain the title.

Bellinger on the verge of either signing with them or elsewhere gets them two. (2)

Bellinger signs with them or doesn’t.  (4)

Losing out on a major Free Agent target gets them two. (6)

Winter meetings shenanigans gets them two. (8)

A big trade get’s them two. (10)

The inevitable free agent pitcher signing get’s them two. (12)

Former Yankee found with underage girl in the Dominican Republic or its equivalent, two. (14)

Current Yankee deported by ICE, two. The New York Post approves!  (16)

Michael Kay divorces wife marries Meredith Marakovits. Complete with honeymoon pics from Bali. I know that's not going to happen but try unseeing that! 

Anyway, there will be some other Yankee related thing.  Two. (18)

Still short. They need four more back pages.

Of course if Hal cared about winning this thing he would fire Boone or Brian and take it going away but we all know how he feels about going the extra mile to win. So, no.

Sadly, the Yankees might need Joe Torre to pass away to retain the title. A final gift to the franchise. Two back covers on the news. Two more on the funeral for the win. 

If Joe hangs on, it looks like the Knicks! Oh and, fire Shane Bowen. C'mon this is just nuts. 

The GM meetings won't be the same without the Casherino

Breaking News Drivel: The annual GM swap meet in Vegas is underway, and for the first time in his 27 years at the helm, Yankee super-wiz Brian Cashman will be missing in action. 

That means no big Yankee signings, no colossal Yankee deals, and no epic, until-dawn hoisting of boilermakers in the Hoodle Dasher  lounge, as the world wonders: Where's Pitbull? 

Dunno. Climbing Everest, because it's there? Hiking the Appalachian Trail, grokking nature (with the Pilates instructor?) Or maybe he's just burnt out - tired of the grind, the crapola, the lost Octobers. Could you blame him?     

What could Cashman's absence mean? Some possibilities...

1. Absolutely nothing. Nada, zip, no sir. The GM meetings are not the Winter Meetings. They're probably an excuse to drink, chase hotties and urinate in public. Cash has been Yank GM since 1998. He's 58, and the Yankees are no longer the apex predator in every bidding war. In fact, they're in the second tier of ownership wealth. It's gotta be depressing for a guy who began his GM career with annual parades down the Canyon of Heroes. Could anybody blame Cashman if he's simply doesn't give an airborne shit anymore?  

2. A little, but not much. Supposedly, two years ago, the GM meetings spawned the Juan Soto trade with San Diego. Still, the heavy lifting came later. By not being there, Cashman could conceivably miss out on some 3 a.m. dick measuring contest that eventually unlocks the Pirates' grip on Paul Skenes. But I doubt it.  

3. You can say you went. Right now, the Yankees can't do much of anything. They're waiting for Trent Grisham to decide if he'll accept their $22 million qualifying offer and stay a Yankee, or take his chances on free agency. Everything the Yankees will do this winter hinges on Grisham's decision, which is still a week away. Why go without a plan? 

4. Gossip. The Yankees are sending a contingent. Who knows? Maybe without the boss, the underlings can stay later at the bar, and snap some incriminating photographs, to be used in later negotiations? 

Let's face it: Aside from signing somebody off the scrap heap, everything that happens must be signed off by Cashman - and then by Food Stamps Hal - and if it means busting the budget, probably the rest of the Steinbrenner family. Remember those t-shirts in the 1970's? MY FAMILY WENT TO VEGAS AND ALL I GOT WAS THIS LOUSY T-SHIRT? Sums it up.  

Here's a shocker: In the bidding for Kyle Tucker, the Athletic picks the Yankees to finish second

Surprise! The Athletic picks the Yankees to finish 2nd
in the bidding for Kyle Tucker .

In a world where even the Jets and Giants show a clearer sense of the future - at least, in the need for change - the Yankees are preparing to once again almost sign the top free agent in the 2026 market. 

In their ongoing pageant of pointlessness, the nation's crusty Gammonites are predicting the Dodgers or Mets to land OF Kyle Tucker, with the purse-clutching Yankees finishing as First Runner-Up, and Hal Steinbrenner once again donning the crown of Miss Congeniality.

Look outside. See the snow? It's fucking winter. Soon, MLB will crown its newest obscenity of overpayments, by pouring mountains of money over some middling slugger - in this case, Tucker, a lifetime .273 batter who has never hit more than 30 HRs in a season. Last year, he finished with 22 HRs and .266. (Ben Rice last year: 26 HRs and .255.) But he's 29 and viewed as the prettiest girl in a herpes-infested pageant. 

As for Owner Hal? He is Miss Tampa, a bit to heavy on the hips. He's the heir to a baseball family - like the Yawkeys, the Griffiths, the O'Malleys - of the past. Old money.  Ancient money. And a principal tenet of the elders, the cheap owners, was that they always, always, always - almost - get their players.

As hard-bitten Yank fans, we need to start realizing our place in the baseball cosmos. The Yankees have the greatest legacy in American sports - but most of it is 60 to 80 years old, and if it doesn't predate us, it extends back to our childhoods. 

Moreover, the Yankees do not have a relatively rich owner.

With his net worth calculated at $1.8 billion, Owner Hal ranks 18th on the list of MLB owners' wealth. Leading the pack is Stevie Cohen, owner of the Mets, at $21.3 billion. If you're simply looking at money, Hal has less than the owners of the Tigers, Twins, Redsocks, A's, Rangers, Cardinals, Braves, Phillies, Giants, Astros, White Sox, Cubs and of course, the Dodgers. 

That's why the Yankees bank so much of the profits, rather than funneling it back to the team: Hal's trying to keep up with the Cohens!

Most owners represent a new oligarchy: They're hedge fund buttholes, techie bedwetters and mystery financiers, whose sources of money are as elusive as the Epstein diaries.  

Millennials today see the Yankees as an annual wild card contender, the team that once had Jeter. 

So, winter is here. For now, we simply wait to see if Trent Grisham accepts the Yankees $22 million one-year qualifying offer. If so, prepare to be told that the deal will have drained the coffers. The mighty Yankees - 18th on the owners list - will not win a bidding war against Cohen, the Dodgers, the Phillies or even the Cubs. But they sure can come in second.

Dear MLB Super Billionaires: If 2027 is a guaranteed labor shutdown, why wait?

Dear Assholes,

The winter of 2027 is fast approaching, and in this super-polarized world of politics, religion and culture, everyone seems to strangely agree on one sure thing.

Major Legue Baseball is about to get hit by the asteriod.

Next year, around now, the owners will padlock their taxpayer-funded facilities, shut down the game, and go out night-clubbing. 

Now, I've nothing against Hal Steinbrenner and Stevie Cohen donning sequined disco flairs and shaking their booties into stupors of Donna Summers and Gloria Gaynor. We'd all be happier if every MLB owner - and certain players - ditched baseball for nonstop KC and the Sunshine Band raves for the rest of their days. I am strangely sustained by the image of Randy Levine in a skintight, John Travolta sharkskin, girating to a mirror ball reflection from Rudy Giuliani's high-beam front teeth, leading our way to The Abyss. And that's no jive talkin.' 

Everyone agrees: Next November, an asteriod the size of Wrigley Field is going to hit Commissioner Rob Manfred square in his cabbage roll, shutting down the National Pastime for an entire season, if not longer. 

We probably won't see baseball in 2027. Maybe 2028, too. (U.S. politics is giving us a clear view of what's going to happen.) The owners will dig in. The players will dig in. Both have more money than you or I will make in our lifetimes. And it's not enough. They want more. 

When the union contract ends, so will baseball. 

On that note, I ask one question:

Why wait?

Seriously. If next winter is going to foster a lockout, why go about business as usual? If NASA tomorrow announced that an astroid the size of Trump's ego was going to hit Earth, would we not stock up on Labatts and drink up the time we have left? If the asteroid is coming, why delay the next installment of K Pop Demon Hunters? Bring it now! 

I have several items on my personal bucket list:

1. See Springsteen once more. (Note: This must be in a smaller venu, not a domed stadium.)

2. Watch the NY Giants win a Super Bowl. (Note: I've given up.)

3. Watch the Yankees win a world series. (Note: I've sorta given up.)

4. Piss on a certain politicians' grave. (Note: I will get shot, attempting this.)

Listenup, assholes... 

If you're going to shut down baseball, do it now. 

Spare us another Dodgers' championship, built from cooking the books. 

If you're really going to kill the game - if you're really that stupid - go ahead. Do it now. I dare you.  

Happy Tip of the Iceberg Day!

Is Keneshaw Mountain Landis available for the Commissioner's job? We're going to need him.

 

The 2026 Yankee lineup, if Trent Grisham elects to stay

 The Yankees have extended him a $22 million qualifying offer. If he takes it, here's where we could be on Opening Day.

cf Trent Grisham
rf Aaron Judge
1b Ben Rice
dh Giancarlo Stanton
2b Jazz Chisholm
lf Jasson Dominguez
c Austin Wells
ss Jose Cabalero
3b Ryan McMahon

Are you as excited as I am!?

In the bidding war for Munetaka Murakami, the Yankees will do what they do best: Finish runner-up.

A new potential Dodger has appeared on the vaporous horizon.

Team Sushi will probably add to its stable of young Japanese stars, shelling out a meager $160 million - table scraps compared to the Soto/Musk/Trump/Putin Scale of Obscene Wealth.

Munetaka Murakami - (Fun fact: His nickname "Murakami-sama" (feats of the Gods) was Japan's word of the year in 2022) - is a 25-year-old LH slugging corner infielder, said to be shaky at 3B and to strike out too often, who will probably land at 1B, which makes him a lousy a fit for the Dodgers, but they'll sign him anyway (unless Stevie Cohen jetisons Pete Alonso and joins the bidding. Let's hope.) 

In another time, in another Yankiverse, the mighty Bronx Bombers would point to the RF porch and let nothing interfere with their pursuit of Murakami. Remember how it was? Didn't matter if the guy didn't fit. A lefty slugger, fresh on the market - he was ours. Sign first, figure out later. The Yankees ruled baseball through summer and winter, and the brightest stars wanted to play in New York. Tommy John, who played everywhere, once said that every great player needed to experience a season as a NY Yankee. 

Yep, those were the days. They're gone. Not coming back. 

Case in point: Is not Kyle Schwarber the absolute reincarnation of Jason Giambi, a giant DH who plays in the field? Giambi took number 25 on the Yankees because the numbers added up to seven - for Mickey Mantle, his dad's favorite player. Schwarber is a free agent, and throughout the impending auction, you won't hear a girlish peep from the Yankees. He'll probably re-sign with Philadelphia, unless the Dodgers get him, along with Murakami, because - why not? Or maybe Stevie Cohen will sign them both. 

Either way, the Yankees will be what they've been throughout this millennium: a recurring afterthought. Every October, they become the Party Animals, the team that plays second tier to the Savannah Bananas. 

But this is supposed to be about Murakami, a man nicknamed for Godlike events. He'd make a fine additition to a lineup with a guy named for a planet. In the old days, it wouldn't even matter if Murakami turned out to be a dud. Old George would get his rocks off just criticising the guy. But now, we all know Murakami will not be a Yankee. The reasons: 

1. We have Ben Rice at 1B. 

2. We have Ryan McMahon at 3B.

3. We don't need another 150 strikeouts per season.

As ABOVE AVERAGE points out below, Hal just won't spend the money. Case closed. He still remembers his dad signing Reggie for $3.5 million (over five years), and he wonders why he should spend more? Hal is 55. He's healthy. Still has his hair. He's not firing anybody. He's not throwing things. He's in Tampa. He surely owns a yacht. He's 10 years away from moving to The Villages, where maybe he'll catch the clap and get sick. He's not stressing out. He's not going anywhere. 

And neither is his team.