LA or Toronto? Hollywood or Greater Buffalo?
You'd think it'd be easy. Didn't rabid Rudy Giuliani, supporting Boston in the curse-lifting 2004 world series, claim you're supposed to root your division? That sure clanked.
Fact is, rooting for the 51'st Staters would be a slam dunk, except for the Boston-like hatred of Blue Jay fans, who chanted "F-- the Yankees" when they weren't even playing us. They hate us for the hell of it. Maybe it makes them feel better, as beer-swilling simpletons.
So, who do we support? Baseball's biggest spender? Or its 2nd most hateful (after Boston, of course.) Let's go to the videotape.
WHY ROOT FOR THE DODGERS:
1. If they win, Food Stamps Hal should feel more pressure to open his fanny pack. LA will have proven that - yes, you can buy championships. I'm tired of Hal poormouthing. The Steinbrenners have the money. They simply choose not to spend it. With the Dodgers as reigning champs, maybe Haligator Arms will feel more compelled to do something. Maybe it will give him a rash. (This is what I've been lowered to: Hoping the owner gets measles.)
2. Mookie Betts. Despite his Boston heritage, I sorta like the guy. Future Hall of Famer. Great teammate. Plus, his image on a Jumbotron drives Redsock fans into a frenzy. Hey, juju gods: Wanna blow gaskets in Boston? Have Mookie win a game by hitting a grounder through Vladimir's wickets. Buckner Redux. Wouldn't that be wonderful?
3. Baseball needs to address the fairness of one team annually luring the major stars from Japan. Right now, the Dodgers have an open pipeline to the spice islands, spawned by the deferred luxury tax payments somehow baked into Shohei Ohtani's contract. Trump's DOJ should indict Ohtani. Mortgage fraud? Classified docs? Let's go.
4. Vlad Jr. The guy hates us with the heat of a billion suns. We can return the favor.
WHY ROOT FOR THE JAYS.
1. Hey, it's Canada, fer kricesake. Nicest neighbors on the planet. How did we get on their shit list? If the Jays win it all, maybe it will spur Americans - and You Know Who - to ditch this ridiculous frost in relations. Dear God, we gotta face these people in hockey. Why rile them up?
2. IKF. Every time I see Isiah Kiner-Falefa, I'm reminded of 2022, when we had him, and what a jollygood fellow he is. Then I ponder where we'd be if he were our SS this year. (He hit .262 over about 431 ABs, stole 15 bases.) An upgrade over Anthony of Joeygalloville.
3. Okay, as long as it's not Boston, maybe you should back your division. Besides, we can sign Bo Bichette and, next year, chant "F--- the Jays."
4. Don Mattingly. Wait. Cancel everything I've said. This is the reason. This is the only reason. Donnie needs a ring.
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14 comments:
Also, since we are accustomed to losing and suffering, we are uniquely suited to dealing with what promises to be the crushing loss that Toronto will endure.
Toronto has concocted several lies about the Yanees, so I'm cutting off all World Series chat and will boycott the event.
I could care less who wins.
I don't care who wins, but I would like to see one team or the other do something really embarassing (is that two r's or two s's?). You know, like we did last year in that infamous fifth inning. If it involves Vladdy the Fatty or OhOhOhOhtani, so much the better.
Both
AMEN, JM
#4...exactly right
I think if IKF had played this year for the Yankees, he would have hit about .160 with errors and injuries all over the place. Leaving was the best thing he could have done.
A tough choice. Usually there is a strong reason for rooting against a team not my own. Hating on ANY team from Texas in ANY sport. Lately it's been any team from Florida as well. Oh, and Boston for a more traditional reason.
Dodgers Pro
I lived in LA for 13 years. Liked it very much.
Really liked Koufax when I was a kid. Keep his card in my office.
Really disliked them in the Steve Garvey years.
Thought the Kirk Gibson Home Run was one of the greatest sports moments of all time.
Lots of friends who are Dodger fans.
Dodgers Con
They humiliated the Yankees last year but if I'm being honest, the Yankees humiliated themselves.
Othani should have been banned for life from baseball for gambling. Just another example of a world where rules just don't apply to certain people.
You know what that's enough. The Othani thing really pisses me off.
Fuck the Dodgers.
Duque's right. I'll root for Donnie Baseball. also for the rule of law.
Spot on. Here's hoping fat vlad and betting babe otani combine for a. 000 on base average and otani gives up12 runs in 4 innings of work.
Interesting Fact: I spent a month in Melbourne in the 80's and went to see the "footie" Australian Rules Football. A great sport BTW. So while at the game I asked my host who I should root for and he started to laugh and said, "You don't want to do that mate." Apparently , in Australia, to root means to have sex with. It's also used as substitute for the word fuck in polite company.
Root! Root! Root!
For the Yankees
Now here's your gift bag
Please leave . . .
Ewwww...that brought up bad images.
Of course, one happy thought is that **** World (rhymes with NAGA) can't "root" for either team. L.A.? Out of the question. It's a lawless hellhole that needs invading by the 1st Cav. Canada? Banish the thought, those weasel, backstabbing free traders! Looks like baseball is over for the death cult this year. Makes me want to watch...
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