Volpe is 25, going on 32. He's been with us since 2023. It seems like forever. Last year, he supposedly played half the season with a bum shoulder. But this year, all healed, his game only continued to unravel. A lot of people expected him to disappear at the trade deadline. But here he is, perhaps ready for another go?
Yesterday's Scranton game ended before George Lombard Jr., in NYC, tweaked his knee batting against Boston. Lombard walked it off, singled, played two more innings and then left, whisked to a hospital for voodoo scans. Immediately, the Yankees revved up their Baghdad Bob machine, saying the injury looks minor and listing Lombard as "day-to-day." After all, 21-year-olds heal fast, right?
Since joining the team Aug. 4, after Volpe was banished, Lombard has lived several of his own lifetimes. He's been compared to Hall of Fame shortstops. He's been mocked for committing six errors in six games, a record among Yankee shortstops that had not been achieved since 1915. Roger Peckinpaugh, remember him?
Lombard and Volpe have shared a wondrous and terrifying experience. Both were hoisted on a pedestal as the future of the Yankees - and then hung out to dry. In both cases, their stories are incomplete. Today, their fates will merge on the results of a medical scan.
Dunno what to make of this splintered seesaw of good and terrible luck. In a Ben Affleck movie, Volpe would return, he'd befriend Lombard, they'd make peace with their dads, they'd compete for Zendaya, and they'd lead the ragtag, loveable Yankees to a world series. Unfortunately, Affleck hates us, and were this a movie, it would be directed by Rob Zombie or the guy who did that Melania flick.
Today, the Yankees play Boston for the last time in this regular season. Jose Caballero will probably play SS. Nobody calls him the future of the Yankees. But Cabby will have to do. (BTW: Playing SS last night in Scranton was everybody's fave, Oswaldo Cabrera, and he went 1-5, lowering his season average to .286. There's a movie in there, and we know Oswaldo can act from his CarShield commercials.)
Today decides the four-game home series and our season record against Boston. If the Yankees win, they will not only lead the Redsocks by four games, but they'll hold the tie-breaker, a phantom 5th game. (Fun Fact: That's what killed them last year against Toronto.) They would almost surely secure the first AL wild card, with its limited home field advantage. Also, they can go to the West Coast this week for six games to be played after our bedtimes. No anxiety. Just sleep.
We shall have respite. But until then, we wonder: Who's narrative will play out at SS? The wheel keeps grinding.
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Roger Peckinpaugh. I've heard and seen his cousin, Roger Rabbit. Mayhap his other cousin too, Roger Peckinmaugh.
I got to think that something was already wrong with Lombard's right knee before that check swing. Who hurts his back knee on a check swing? Maybe the vaunted Yankee weight training coach had him doing too many barbell squats. Too many something. The check swing was just the straw that broke the camel's back.
Kind of like when Juan Gonzalez herniated a disc in his lower back tying the laces on his cleats. That's how he thinks it happened. But the truth is that he must've had a time bomb in his back. That disc must've been ready to give out at any time. And bending over to tie his laces, that was the straw that broke his camel's back. (No pun intended.)
This latest injury - this is fucking "Phantom of the Opera" type stuff. Every time they bring a guy up, and he's supposed to be good, the guy gets injured. So who's the Phantom here? That's the mystery. Is it Aaron Boone? Is it Brian Cashman? Is it HAL? Gotta be one of those three. Sneaking around, planting booby traps, causing mayhem. Which one of the three has a motive to derail the Yankees?
The best of the bunch was Roger Ramjet. But he got banned for doping. Still, watching him cover the outfield was a thing of beauty
The Bastards won the second half of the double dip yesterday, but man, they wuz lucky that it was a double dip. Because the only reasons they won the second game was that Boston did the bullpen game, Boston was tired from the first game, and Boston played like shit in the second game. It was a fucking clown show. Red Sox swings looked long, slow, and sluggish. There wuz dying quails and parachutes droppin' in all over the place. There wuz worm burners, bleeders, and dribblers all over the infield. Yankees with 13 hits, but only five of those were legit, right?
Bronx Bastards finally won a goddamned game on FOX network national tv. Thought it was never going to happen. Hey, John Smoltz wasn't there. Maybe that was it. John Smoltz is an excellent commentator, but I think he's bad luck for us. They always lose when Smoltz is in the tv booth. Anyways, they had A.J. Pierzynski in there. AJP obviously isn't that familiar with the Yankees. At one point, the Yankees had runners on first and second. Grisham was the guy on first. And AJ says the Yankees have "speed on the bases". Speed? Sure, if you think an old lady with a broken leg is fast.
How are the Bastards going to lose today? Ah ha! It's Will Warren on the mound. Gotta think that's a loss, right? Warren has really good stuff, but he goes into streaks where he pitches like shit. You'll know real early with Warren. I can see him shutting down some teams, but not the Red Sox. And today is a real important game: they're tied for the season series at 6-6. So if the Yankees lose today, which is pretty much a given, then the Red Sox own the tie-breaker if the two teams are tied at the end of the season.
With afterburners like that, he'd give the Blue Angels a run for their money.
When I see these weird, quirky injuries on a team that cares only about launch angles, exit velocities and spin rates, my first suspects are the training/fitness staff.
But since these trends precede current staff tenure, my investigations turn to the development team. But since development has been subordinated to the analytics department, the chain of decision-making leads me there.
Where I found nobody but the Yankee Googleplexstarthinker and the Mighty Brain. Not the Brain knows how to work the damn thing, but he loves twisting dials and flipping switches. And when the steam seeps out of the seams, and makes sputtering sounds, he shouts 'Eureka!
Short answer, the Yankees are run by AI and AI doesn't understand that bodies break when pushed beyond their physical limits. But ballplayers are just 'pieces' to the Mighty Brain - who just has an ego where the rest of us store our minds - and Daddy Hal's money means the Brain never had to learn anything.
Meanwhile, out on the seventh green, Hal has a glimmer of a thought. He turns to his caddy and says, "I hear Manchester United's for sale. Tell Randy to make some calls."
AI broke the Yankees and management didn't even notice.
Yep - AI
Pretty brilliant analysis, Dr. T, and Hammer. But no matter how many players break—no matter how much of their money is, essentially, wasted—the Yanks don't care. It's more important to keep just running the machine.
Back to the matter at hand - as the great sage Snoop Dogg would say - I despair for the fate of Yankee prospects. Scranton is the graveyard of talent. Forever cursed by PR hype that compared them to Hall of Famers before they ever played an inning of professional ball. Miseducated by the worst development program ever conceived by an AI bot
Burned in the furnace of Yankee Stadium - having not been taught what they need, but with heads filled with Yankee PR crack. Further miseducated by coaches, repeating what the AI bot told them to say. Mollycoddled by Boone and thrown back to AAA, where they will be wasted until released.
It makes me wish they get traded to a professional baseball team, who know how to develop talent. That's what I see with Volpe and Cabrera. Can these players succeed? I think so. But only if they get traded to the Brewers, the Marlins or the Dodgers.
If Volpe's arm can handle the throws and stay focused in the hot seat, it might be easier for him. Cabrera has more versatility. But by now, he's probably just praying for a trade.
The third talent - not mentioned here - is Jasson. He was already running around the field like a panicked chicken desperate to save his career before he got sent down for further miseducation. Completely and tragically mind-fucked by the Yankees, sucker punched again by the Yankees, when his replacement - Helios - turned out to be a hitless hitter, with a no talent for fielding, that the Yankees traded 2 talented prospects to get.
3 talented prospects professionally mind-fucked, miseducated and ruined like no one but the Yankees can do. The 2026 version of Joba Rules.
Heliot, sorry. Not enough coffee this morning.
Too bad the ASS-stros didn't get Heliot. Then he'd have been Heliot the ASS-stronaut. Yeah, it's pronounced "Elio", (I think), but "Heliot the Astronaut" looks cool on paper.
What is Heliot's walk up song? He should do Judas Priest's "The Hellion", which is the mini-instrumental preceding their hit song "Electric Eye" on their "Screaming for Vengeance" album. Very cool riff.
Jasson Dominguez should not have been sent down. He's a major leaguer. Not sure how good he'll be. That's the question. But he is a major leaguer.
From the finale to Gilbert & Sullivan's "H.M.S. Pinafore":
For he is a Big Leag-guer
For he is a Bi-ii-ii-ii----ii-ii-ii-ii---ii-ii-ii-ii---iiiig Leag---guerrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Interesting fact: Honda used Judas Priest's "Hellion" riff on its commercials for the Honda Odyssey minivan. That was probably a good ten years ago or more. I felt like it was comically misplaced for that type of family car - a huge minivan - but I have no idea whether it helped sell the car or not.
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