Let us all call upon the Lard (as they say down South)

A man named "Bit" from a place called "Bronx" has written the following questions:

Uh..theological question here, JM: Is Dua Lipa a good or a bad angel? AND, what form of salvation does she offer? AND, if I may, where does Carl Pavano fit into the grand firmament arching over all of us in this YEAR OF OUR LORD, 2026? And, if being a Yankee fan is living in Groundhog Day now, where does the Groundhog bit into this picture? I know that's a lot. I'm happy to have just one of those questions answered. I need to sleep again at night.

These are intriguing questions, Bit, so it's a good thing I went to a Catholic elementary school through 8th grade.

Wikipedia informs me that Dua Lipa is neither a good angel nor a bad angel, but a pop artist who plays with duality, morality and contradiction in her music. I don't personally know, since I've never knowingly heard any of her songs. My assumption, however, is that she's no PJ Harvey, so I don't think she has any theological or salvationary standing whatsoever.

Carl Pavano, on the other hand, continues to exert his horrible influence on Yankeedom and our Rector, Brian Cashman (that's t-o-r, not t-u-m), has for years fought this curse without success. Only in recent times has St. Camelot Schlittler, with his blazing righteous fastball array, begun to dispel the darkness wrought by Pavano and his disabled posterior.

Finally, to your last question, we are indeed living in Groundhog Day. And just as the walrus was Paul, Boone is the groundhog, which is why we cannot stop reliving our ringless nightmare. Andie MacDowell is nowhere in sight.

May the blessings of Sisters Borromeo and Benidicta be showered upon your household.

Dominus proboscis to all.