Yankees Excited About Latin Sweet-16 Teen Brigade

Baseball America is blurbing the superhot Latino boys that we spent nearly $4 million to sign on the famous July 2, a/k/a "Major League Baseball Latin Pedophila Day."

That's when MLB teams sign their 16-year-old muchachos from across the border.

We sign them directly out of the eugenics lab concentration camps/training facilities where they've been raised.

Of course, the boys have waited years for that 16 Candles Coming Out party, called the pro contract. They've been working as amateurs since 12.

Oh... did we mention that the scouts often skim money from the bonuses given to the little tykes' families?

Our six-figure signings: SS Gian Carlos Arias, Dominican Republic, 16; OF Ramon Flores, Venezuela, 16; 3B Jackson Valera, Venezuela, 16; OF Yeicok Calderon, Dominican Republic, 16; SS Anderson Felix, Dominican Republic, 16; CF Ericson Leonora, Venezuela, 16.

Remember those names.

No, on second thought, forget the names.

Remember the ages. Sixteen. Sixteen. Sixteen. Sixteen. Sixteen. FUKING SIXTEEN!

In the United States, we don't let pro teams sign 16 year olds.

Does anybody care that baseball does this in Latin America?

DOES NOBODY SEE WRONG IN THIS? WTF? WHY ISN'T THIS AN ISSUE? SIXTEEN YEAR OLD BOYS!