A P.R. solution for "former Yankee" Roger Clemens

Everybody hates Roger. So what to do?

He could weep on Oprah. He could visit the troops. Again. He could walk through the streets of Mumbai, washing the blistered feet of elderly peasants. No good.

He merely needs to place his hand on the Bible, stare into a camera, and tell the world, “I used steroids, as all the other Redsocks did.”

Bang. Game over. No more booing. No more catcalls.

You see, his problem is not that he’s guilty of using steroids. So are 103 others – one in four – who played MLB in 2003. (That's probably a low number, considering the masking agents and the guys who simply hadn't done it recently, before the tests.)

His problem is that he is “former Yankee Roger Clemens.”

Ahh, let us celebrate the selected rewrites of history!

"Former Whittier College football center" Richard Nixon.

“Former Summer of Love guru" Charles Manson.

"Former engineer" Osama bin Ladin.

You get the picture. Nobody ever says "former Redsock" Roger Clemens. And the whole Redsock Nation wants him to be poster child for steroids -- they want him drummed out of Cooperstown and deleted from the files like George W. Bush's military record.

It's not that he's a steroid abuser. He's a former Yankee. And everybody hates the Yankees.

So here's all he has to do. Start wearing Redsock caps. Go on Charlie Rose and talk about those good old days, shooting up with the Stanley Steamer and Nomar Nomass.

Watch the critics go silent.