OK, Sergie Mitre (Joaquin Phoenix) isn't the answer for our pitching rotation, and there's nobody else out there worth a jar of Vasilene who can clear waivers.
Our team -- a ragtag collection of loveable losers, alchies and bizarre characters (Mos Def, Andy Richter, Dakota Fanning) -- is turning gloomy.
Even the manager (Ray Romano) is finding it hard to tell his cute 9-year-old daughter (Angelina Jolie, through digital enhancement) there is hope.
And one day, the GM (the fat guy who plays Hurley on "Lost") makes an announcement.
"Boys, meet your new fifth starter."
In strides Carl Pavano (Hugh Jackman.)
The sportswriters (Jack Black, Cate Blanchett portraying a man) go crazy. The fans vow a boycott. The players rebell. But he wins them over, one by one.
And he brings a championship trophy to the beloved owner (Harrison Ford.)
In the movies, it works. Well?
Got any better ideas?
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
If this were a movie, we'd trade for Pavano, and he would lead us to a ring
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6 comments:
"In strides Carl Pavano"
... so, it's a horror movie?
If this were a movie Mussina would un-retire and lead us to a ring.
And Pavano would get raped by a goat as the credits roll.
Why do you have to rip on Hugh Jackman like that? What did he ever do to you?
I can think of a better ending for Mr. Pavano.
If this were a movie, Rocket would hunt down and kill those responsible for framing him, his name would be cleared, and he'd lead us to a ring.
What, no role for Samuel L. Jackson?
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