A scientific inquiry into the WinWarble

Leitch & Delessio -- the Lennon & McCartney of jockpop -- have turned their journalistic electron microscopes upon Rudimentary WinWarble Analysis.

They give us a nice bump but, sadly, are incorporating the outdated 35-point scale of Sterling WinWarble analysis, a protocol universally discredited last November at the International WinWarble Conference in Zurich.

Insert sigh. What can you say? Everybody recognizes the need for a more detailed analysis, at least a 50-point scale, in the Spinal Tapesque measurement of sound, but -- hey -- Old School is Old School, and everybody knows that these sportswriters, with their plaid pants, Glenn Beck haircuts and fanny packs -- and those are the females -- take shortcuts the way Paula Abdul takes Zolof.

Insert headshake. Grading Sterling on a 35-point scale? That's ridiculous. THE MASTER NEEDS AT LEAST A 50-POINT SCALE! At times, we shake our painted sticks at the media and ask, what is it thinking? A 35 point scale? WHAT IF HE GRADES 36?

Coming soon, this weekend, maybe tomorrow, the long-awaited STERLING INDEX for the season's second half. If the big-brain computer projections in Zurich were correct, The Master's post-All Star-break WinWarb average could land in the neighborhood of 660s, preparing him to shoot for the magical 700s -- WinGasm territory -- in the playoffs.

Nobody has ever scored back to back, belly to belly, WinGasms.

The Yankee Radio Network, driven by Jeep, might not be ready.

Thuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuh end is near?