Sorry they're limericks, but they're all he deserves

So the news comes that Mark McGwire
On the subject of juice was a liar.
Plus, it's a good bet
That water is wet
And it hurts to grab something on fire

"I'm not here to talk 'bout the past,"
Mark blurted to Congress so fast,
Whatever the pride
He had that day died
To give a defense so half-assed.

To get a job working for Tony,
Mark had to confess his baloney.
He was juiced to the ears
The homer-derby years,
A fame-drunk, preposterous phony.

To get in the Cooperstown Hall,
McGwire will wait for his call
Til Hell freezes over,
The sea swallows Dover,
And Sammy parleys like Bill Engvall.