Holy crap! Talk about Divine Providence.
Both our starting catchers, Jorge and Frankie, are hurt. Posada has a stiff neck from the weight of those ears. Cervelli has a thingy. That leaves us with, what -- is Ron Hassey still under contract? Don Slaught?Hell, no. We ain't a-headin down the road to Slaughter.
Brothers and sisters… we are at the Crossroads, with a choice to make. No, it’s not Gardner v. Thames. No, it’s not Ring v. Logan. It is HEAVEN OR HELL.
Who is our catcher:
P.J. Piliterre… aka (P. Pilate)
Or Jesus Montero… aka… Jesus of Venezuela
Hey, look, I got nuthin against Piliterre, who captained a team in the college World Series. But we aint playing the Philadelphia Philestines. This is opening night.
On Easter Sunday, Jesus could be resurrected from the black depths of Scranton, to drive the base-stealing, bat-scum money-changers from their Fenway Temple of the Redsock Nation!
Come on, Yankees! Haven’t you been reading the headlines? The Pope’s in trouble. He needs cover. Bringing up Jesus would be the biggest boost to faith since the scene in Da Vinci Code when Tom Hanks decides not to scthztup the French hottie.
Brian Cashman, there’s a chariot a-comin. Swinnnnnng low, sweet battahh, comin' forth to carry me hooooooooome.
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3 comments:
I've been having nightmares about losing the opener when Posada's third passed ball of the night allows the winning run to score.
The sign from above is clear.
Jesus will make his appearance in front of a national TV audience, so that all shall believe in him, and he will lead us to victory.
History will repeat itself this Easter, as Jesus -- who's been crucified in the press for his lack of catching ability -- will be shunned for the Opening Day lineup in favor of Roman... er, Romine.
My God, Joe, your prediction seems to have come true, as of the top of the 8th at least.
Now, which horse do you like in the third at Aqueduct?
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