Cashman illuminates plight of homeless children, trying to distract attention from Yankees lack of fifth solid starter

Brian Cashman is up to his old tricks. Last night, he occupied Time Square in a charity event to raise awareness about homeless kids, when he should have been working to shore up the frightening portal to hell in the back end of the Yankee rotation.

Thank God that, while Cash was saving the world, the Redsocks didn't sign Yu Darvish and CJ Wilson. Here's a fake shot of Cash supposedly sleeping on his cardboard box - the new flatscreen probably came in it - dreaming of the 60 virgins he'll defrock in paradise - (wait, might have the wrong faith there) - because he's now an official do-gooder, at least in the warped brainstems of the electrified puss piles who publish tabloids.

Listen: Never turn your back on the scheming Redsocks, even to do humanitarian stuff. They're worse than the Martians. And nobody trusts Martians.

Remember, folks, you heard it here first:

Boston will soon slip down the chimney and steal Jose Reyes, they'll sign him and start their frat parties, and we better have a plan in place to land some pitching.