Introducing the IT IS HIGH SEXIEST YANKEE ALIVE competition

For decades, Yankee fans missed the SEXIEST MAN ALIVE bandwagon. We weren't horny enough. We weren't cool enough. We weren't mature enough. Well, baby, something in Leggo My Eggo Land has ripened! Cut me a piece o it! Yes, Yankee fans are sexually reproductive beings, not computerized penile pumps. And we know what we like. And it's time to bring our Yankee fantasies to life! It's time to elect the first SEXIEST YANKEE ALIVE!

This is what democracy looks like.

We will start with the Stick Sixteen, four heats of prime masculine, Grade A, New York cut Yankiness. The winning stallion from each heat will advance to the Feral Four, where they will then face off for the title of SEXIEST YANKEE ALIVE.

We must decide the Stick Sixteen, the ultra-elite Yankees who can-have-any-woman-except-Drew Barrymore (who remains tainted from that pro-Boston Fever Pitch Jimmy Fallon flick). Remember, he needn't be a current Yankee. But he must be alive.

I have taken the liberty of drawing up a list of prospective Pinstripe Chippendales. Your gramma would swim an electrified moat for one night on the cold ground with these Ruthian Rub-and-Tuggers.

Feel free to add nominations. (And if they don't appear immediately, don't worry, I'll get them up. Somehow, blogger is demaning comment verifications. I'm trying to disable it, so we can get more hot financial offers from Middle Eastern businessmen.)

THE A LIST

Derek Jeter
Alex Rodriguez
Robbie Cano
Curtis Granderson
Bernie Williams
Nick Swisher
Jesus Montero
Francisco Cervelli
Whitey Ford
Joe Girardi
Reggie Jackson
Ron Guidry
Bucky Dent
David Justice
Eric Chavez
Mike Mussina

Well, scouts of Yankee beefcake... who else?