Who's Afraid of AJ Burnett: "Serious talks" between Yankees and Pirates over AJ Burnett

Yankees: You're nothing. I am the winner of the AL East, and you have nothing.
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Pirates: Oh? So you get testy, eh, Yankees! Well, anybody who wakes up in the morning with a face like AJ Burnett ends up getting testy, it's expected. Don't be so upset.
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Yankees: I'm not upset.

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Pirates: You're testy, Yankees. You’re going bald, and you’re testy.

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Yankees: Testy? Look at you. I hope that was an empty bottle, Pirates! Because you can't afford to waste good liquor, not on YOUR salary cap! You and your cheap shoes, you make me puke.

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Pirates: That wasn't a very nice thing to say, especially for a team that’s going bald. You know, Yankees, there's only been one man in your whole life who ever made you happy.

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Yankees: You're damn right. The Babe! And he didn’t play for you.

Pirates: Oh, I’m so impressed. I'm beside myself with jealousy. Mind if I throw up?

Yankees: Yeah, go ahead, Pirates. The bathroom’s over there. Go throw up.  
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Pirates: You’re a monster. You talk big, but you’re nothing inside. Nothing.
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Yankees: I wear the pants in the league because somebody's got to, but I am not a monster.

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Pirates: Hey, everybody. Look at the big man, Yankees! He’s got money because Yankees’ daddy - not Yankees - Yankees’ daddy died! He was a very old man with warts, who was very rich. So big, bad, balding Yankees, he’s got money.
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Yankees: Jesus, you’re gonna get it.
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Pirates: Yankees went and traded Jesus. Got nothing in return. Got NOTHING for Jesus.
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Yankees: DAMMIT! THAT’S IT! I'm not gonna try to deal with you any more! There was a second back there, Pirates, there was a second, JUST A SECOND when I could have gotten through to you, when maybe we could have cut through all this, this CRAP, and made a deal. But it's past, and I'm not gonna try.

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Pirates: Try, Yankees, try. Come on, big boy. I’m not afraid of you. Let's make a deal. I'll beat you at your own game.
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Yankees: Is that a threat, Pirates, huh? A threat from the cheap likes of you?
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Pirates: Yeah, it's a threat, Yankees.
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Yankees: Ohhh, you're gonna get it, YOU'RE GONNA GET IT!
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Pirates: Be careful, Yankees. Deal me AJ, go ahead, for minor leagues, to save Daddy's money. Do it. I'll rip you to pieces.

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Yankees: You're not man enough, Pirates! You haven't the guts. YOU CAN’T EVEN AFFORD TO PAY AJ. You're too cheap.
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Pirates: AJ, for minor leaguers. Come on, Yankees. Do it for your Daddy's money.  
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Yankees: DAMMIT, you’ve been drinking liquor for the last eight hours! Go ahead. Take AJ. YOU DESERVE EACH OTHER!
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Pirates: Deal?  
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Yankees: Deal. Just keep it from Joel Sherman.