Faced with clubhouse booze-ban, Varitek retires

Funny what happens when you spray the basement. Apply some Raid to a dark corner, and the roaches all scramble for the exit.

Yesterday, Boston announced it will cap its tap to players during games, a temperance move that Terry Francona  - the latest ESPN Redsock mascot - calls a PR stunt, like having Jennifer Lopez show quarter-nip at the Oscars. Well, if it was a stunt, it worked: Captain Jason Varitek was out the door faster than anybody could say, "I'll have another."

There's a baseball zen saying to this: Clubhouse beer is brewed with bad hops.

Still, Boston apparently isn't ready to exorcize its real demon: Big C Clucky. Bobby V isn't going to ban fried chicken, an addiciton too powerful to be addressed. If they cut Clucky, Josh Beckett would fly the coop.

This year, no Boston player will wear a "C" on his jersey. But he'll have one waiting at the sixth inning buffet.