Wednesday, July 31, 2013
Exposed: The secret ESPN plan to bring down Yankee legend John Sterling and take control of the Hertz 24/7 Broadcast Booth
Posted by el duque at 8:12 AM
1. ESPN, the international sports broadcast leviathan, is known to despise the New York Yankees baseball team with a hatred that burns hotter than a million suns. This view is indicated by its hiring of - among others - a certain ex-player referred to by our own blogger, Mustang, as Mr. "Financialwhiz McBloodsock."
2. ESPN is legally and financially bound to Major League Baseball through massive broadcast rights contracts and raucous social events which include cocktails and funny business.
3. In recent years, ESPN has coveted the radio rights to broadcast Yankee baseball games, so that it could assign announcers such as - or akin to - the aforementioned Mr. "Fattie" McBloodsock.
4. In recent years, ESPN's path to the Yankee radio broadcast booth has been blocked by the popularity of Mr. John Sterling, along with his gallant first lieutenant, Suzyn, who is known for her clubhouse reports.
5. Mr. Sterling, as the preeminent Yankee voice of his generation, maximizes his incredible popularity through the use of signature Yankee home run calls.
6. The most famous of Mr. Sterling's home run calls belongs to Mr. Alex Rodriguez, the player known as A-Rod, who launches "A-Bombs."
7. MLB - which is in cahoots with ESPN - seeks to suspend Mr. Rodriguez and deny Mr. Sterling his most valuable announcing asset, the A-Bomb. Not only will MLB/ESPN eliminate Rodriguez' bat from the Yankees, it would effectively render the team - and Mr. Sterling - homeless for the duration of 2013.
8. Without home runs and home run calls, the Yankees and Mr. Sterling will disappear from public view, replaced by interest in the upcoming New York City mayoral races that feature Anthony Weiner and Eliot Spitzer.
9. In recent weeks, a steady drumbeat of news stories about Mr. Rodriguez' impending suspension have been leaked by MLB to ESPN reporters, thus allowing commentators such as Mr. McBloodsock ample opportunity to condemn the Yankees and - by inference - their current radio voice.
THEREFORE.... ESPN, through the guidance of MLB, is orchestrating the demise of not only the Yankees but Mr. Sterlng, so it can take control of the radio booth and install a puppet announcing regime, one that could even include the presence of Mr. "Three-Chin" McBloodsock... whose voice would forever drone upon Yankee sensibilities and drive the radio fan base into extinction.
Ladies and gentlemen: I cannot make this clearer:
This is an attempted coup.
ESPN is on the verge of implementing its long term plan to install "Publicmoney McBloodsock" - with perhaps Kleenexwrists Garciappariah - into our last outpost of Yankee truth, the radio booth.
Next year's home run call for Derek Jeter could be, "A homer by Jeet? I don't give a sheet!"
Gather your weapons, Yankiverse, and ride to the sound of gunfire! The Hebrew Home at Riverdale is under attack! (It's beautiful, like a college campus... but not for much longer!) The next A-Bomb will be upon us. God have mercy.