Mission accomplished! Yanks within reach of magical $189 million payroll

As our heroes battle Baltimore for the elusive AL East Bronze medal, it's a fine time to ponder the one true campaign to which our gallant ownership was committed in 2013: Reduction of next year's payroll.  (Note: Some would say Team Steinbrenner-Swindell-Lopez was also committed to holding "ceremonies like no other team in baseball can hold," as we often heard Sunday. And it was nice to honor Mo. But did anybody else think it was crass to introduce Mo early on and then make him sit in front of the cameras for twenty minutes, while Kay and Sterling read the usual Old-Timers Day run-outs? And the video tribute - canned statements by teammates? Why does a live gathering of 55,000  need a 10-minute video? What better way to destroy spontaneity. I'm sorry, but SNL's induction of Justin Timberlake into the Five-Timer Club was more interesting, and I love Mo and have no use for Mr. N-Sync. That video was like a Super Bowl half-time show: You went to make a sandwich.)

Anyway... AP lists the 2013 Retrieval Empire payroll at $229 million, highest in baseball.  That's counting the exotic bath salts for Vernon Wells, plus the melted bottle-caps Cashman found near his parachute jumps.  We spent $12 million more than any other team in baseball, and may still come in fourth in a five-team division. 

But here's the news, and it should delight Yankee fans everywhere! The Steinbrenner-Swindell-Lopez trust fund compound can install new toaster ovens in every guest room! We could easily coast into the sainted $189 mark next season. Here's how.

For starters, we just ditched Andy ($12 million) and Mariano ($10 million; yes, he was so inexpensive.) We're already down to $209 M.

I doubt we'll sign 40-year-old Hiroki Kuroda, who they say wants to finish his career in Japan. If so, that's another $15 million. Holy crap, we're down to $194 M.

We get Vernon Wells for free next year! Woo-woo. A free year of Vernon Wells. That's $24 million off the books - plus a free year of Vernon Wells, which is sort of like a free year's subscription to the International Birding Gazette. He can platoon with Ichiro! That's like a duet between Vanilla Ice and Lance Bass. We're down to $170 M. We made it - and we haven't even begun to shed baggage.

Youk ($12 million) is gone. Grandy Man ($15 million) can be gone. Phil Hughes is DEFINITELY gone. That's $7 million. Travis Hafner ($2 million), Joba ($1.8 million) and Brennan Boesch (remember him?) is $1.5 million. Wow, we're down to $131 million.

And then there is A-Rod. Who knows what incredible savings will come from Bud Selig's kangaroo court. I'm betting we ditch Alex for half a year, which would cut another $14.5 million. That puts at $117 million: more than enough to keep Robbie Cano (if we add $5 million to his $15 million salary, that should do it) and also buy a couple Pavanos, a Sidney Ponson and three Alberto Gonzalezes.

Yes, Yankiverse, we will reach that magical number! Of course, the 2014 Yankee staff will be led by Michael Pineda, and our closer could be Dellin Betances. Let's hope Tex doesn't tweak his wrist again - (did anybody ever see Jose Bautista, with his bad wrist, this season?) - or we'll be coaxing Andy Phillips out of retirement. We could again be coveting the Bronze on the Yankee Radio Network, driven by Cheap.  But hey, nobody puts on a video presentation like the Yankees. And one of these days, the Captain will be up there on the scoreboard. Something to look forward to, eh? And Vernon Wells for free!