Thursday, April 5, 2018

This is the opportunity Jacoby Ellsbury may never again see

Somehow, while healing from a muscle thingy, Jacoby Ellsbury tweaked a hip.

That's not a joke, though, you almost want to laugh. How did it happen? My guess is that The Chief, while playing mixed canasta with Jennifer Steinbrenner and the ghost of Stump Merrill in a Tampa rec room, jumped up too quickly after yelling "Three Deuces!" And now he's gone until - when - June? With Ellsbury, missed time flows in increments of months.

Last week, juicy whispers across the ether of the Yankiverse suggested Ells would return soon to replace the ailing Aaron Hicks, who might just be a younger version of Jacko. (Or maybe that distinction belongs to Greg Bird.) Now, his return is a punch line. He's ready to replace Nick Johnson as the all-time anti-Cal Ripken Jr., the least healthy Yankee since Babe Ruth discovered absinthe.

In the last two days, the Yankees have plucked two Scranton-worthy outfielders from the MLB recycling bin. (Of the two, Trayce Thompson might be interesting; he was decent two years ago, before injuring his back; if fully recovered... wait a minute... did I just write that? "If fully recovered..." WHY AM I BOTHERING? WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME?) The signings are signs that neither Ellsbury nor Clint Frazier (concussion, scary) nor Billy McKinney (shoulder) are healing quickly. They come barely a month after the Yankees jettisoned Jabari Blash and Jake Cave, seemingly because they had too many outfielders for their own good. 

Of course, they won't toss Ellsbury overboard, unless they want to go down with his $21 million per year anvil of a contract, which has the Yankees looking forward to 2020 even more than Melania.

So, while we wait for Hicks, we wait for Ellsbury, for Red Thunder, for McKinney, for somebody. As long as the team keeps hitting, or as long as Aaron Judge doesn't run into Giancarlo in left-center - (an apocalyptic likelihood that increases whenever they are out there) - the Yankees can wait. It's a bad idea to make grand pronouncements in April. Still, for Ellsbury, this hip thingy couldn't have happened at a worse time. The Yankees really need him, and he's not there. 

14 comments:

Anonymous said...

THE JAKE CAVE THROWAWAY BORDERS ON INSANITY, LOOKING AT THINGS NOW.

WHO HAS HIM NOW, MR. DUQUE?

I LOST TRACK.

Anonymous said...


We need a name for Bird, Elsbury, and Hicks. I'm thinking Mt. Crutchmore

Doug K.

13bit said...

Nothing really rhymes with "Jacoby." I was going to compose some bad doggerel, but it's not happening.

As for nicknames, I don't want to get into Carl Pavano territory. For whatever reason, my mind is coming up blank.

Maybe we just need to pray, even the atheists among us. Maybe something needs to be sacrificed to the JuJu gods.

If Jacoby were Wally Pipp, who would be Lou G? How many roads must a man walk down? Yes, ALL CAPS, the Cave move was a boner or, as I saw on some political tweet yesterday and what is now my favorite word portmanteau, an "ass-banana." Whenever the Yankees say we have too many of any one position, it's time to stock up on even more. But that's just all water under the flooded old Jacoby Ellsbury Memorial Overpass.

Retired Stratman said...

Excellent, Doug K! Mt. Crutchmore with busts of Pavano, Bird, Ellsbury, and Hicks. All we need is someone with photoshop expertise...

Anonymous said...

I stand on the shoulders of giants. Could not have gotten there without the twitter faux John Sterling's Mount Crushmore.

Doug K.

Joe Formerlyof Brooklyn said...


Put Toe in the OF. At least when he runs into Judge or G.S., one of them won't be hurt.

Retired Stratman said...

Of course Pavano’s face would be a buttocks, ala “Bob Kiester (he’s an ass!)” of SNL fame.

13bit said...

Pavano's face as the buttocks is a glorious image. I'm going to cherish that on my bus ride uptown soon.

ranger_lp said...

Ellsbury wont have to worry about Trayce..he was waived...

https://nypost.com/2018/04/05/yankees-lose-klay-thompsons-brother-two-days-later/

Can't make this s*it up.

Anonymous said...

Some of these comments are positively ASS-inine. LB (No J)

Retired Stratman said...

And his breath stinks!

13bit said...

I won't post the other 91, but the old Internet Anagram Server comes up with 92 anagrams for "Carl Pavano" and one of them is "Canal Vapor."

Unknown said...

The Sightseers

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