The juju gods have sent the Yankees a rain of doorknobs, and soon we shall have a measure of this team

A week ago, Tyler Wade and Clint Frazier packed their duffel bags, kissed their loved ones goodbye, and deployed to the gun-nut hills of Northern Pennsylvania, likely to never be seen again. Wade's nostrils were shooting smoke colons: In spring training, he'd hit .308 with a homer and four SBs, one below the team lead (by Estevan Florial, currently injured.) The normally precocious Frazier held his tongue; in Tampa, he went 7 for 49. Out of respect, I won't print the average; let's just say, were it a stream, it'd be droplets.

As every Yankee fan knows, one week in New York is a lifetime in Moosic. So today, the murky fate of the 2019 Yankees seemingly hinges on whether Wade and/or Frazier - poster boys of the farm for three years - can deliver in the majors, at least until the cavalry returns. We need a month, maybe three. There is no more "seasoning." The cards have been called. 

Of course, everything depends on whether this rain of Yankee injuries is done. Last night, Aaron Judge heroically snared a sinking liner that had "fractured wrist" written all over it. Let's hope he doesn't show up tonight in a wheelchair. But the great Yankee teams had to face down gonad-tweaking epidemics, and one good thing about these bad things: They came early rather than late, when nothing can be done beyond trading for Lance Lynn.

Rather than condemn the juju gods as an attempted deep state coup, financed by George Soros and big-spending Boston, let's analyze the situation in our usual, insightful, empirical, purely scientific (and yet artistic) manner: 

The worst-case scenario.

Giancarlo Stanton (strained bicep): They say he'll miss 10 days. But nobody believes them. On injuries, the Yankees' truth-telling record falls a notch below Alex Jones, and Stanton's demons in Miami were too many visits to the DL. Of course, the real concern is that he returns too soon. This spring's happy YES narrative had Stanton - the renowned student of the game - poised for a huge year, now that he'd seen AL pitching. It stood to reason that, at 29, he has at least one monster season left, and that it will come soon. A nagging injury threatens his 2019. Let's figure he's out three weeks, until it's warm at night in NYC.

Aaron Hicks (bad back): He was supposed to miss a weekend. He's now had more epidurals than my wife did over three childbirths, and - unlike her - he hasn't yet resumed "baseball activities." Again, we're talking about a guy who has yet to see a year without DL time. Worst case scenario: We have no CF until mid-May or June, and even then, his batting average drops 20 points (which would put him at .228.) This is scary. Get used to Mike Tauchman. And it's nice how YES flashes his average last year at Triple A (.323), and not at Colorado (.094).

Miguel Andujar (torn labium): Dear Juju Gods, what did we do to piss you off? This is a soul-crusher. The team will wait on surgery because - hey, why not? Once he goes under the knife, he's working on spring training 2020. Cashman will look for a scrapheap 3B, and wherever he is, Chase Headley is running wind sprints around his swimming pool. If Miggy is gone for the year, Plan B is LeMahieu or Torres at 3B, with Tulo more critical than ever as a stopgap until Didi returns. Wow. One week into the season, and we're betting on a 35-year-old SS coming off two heel surgeries - until June, maybe July. Bright side? We no longer have to worry about Andujar's footwork.

But there is this: We'll soon have a bead on this team. The 1961 Yankees needed Hector Lopez, Johnny Blanchard and a kid named Tresh. The 1998 Yankees relied on Tim Raines, Luis Sojo and a guy named Girardi. If this team is destined for anything more than the AL East bronze medal, we will need bodies off the bench. Wade and Frazier have been saved from the haunted mines of Tunkhannock and Luzerne. It's up to them now. We need three months.