I have five minor requests...
1. May it last all night. For such an epic rivalry as Houston-Tampa, nine innings will simply not be enough. Twelve would be nice. Nineteen, perfect. At the end - around 9 a.m. Friday E.D.T. - the Rays' Charlie Morton should be dueling Justin Verlander, each having thrown 75 pitches in relief. Both catchers should go the distance. Wait, did I ask for only nineteen innings? I meant twenty-four.
2. May grizzled gonads barketh. It goes without saying that I wish injuries on no player. But if you think about it, a tweaked gonad is a sign of being alive! Your groin is telling you, "I am here, I am stretched, and I shall not be silenced!" What better way to enjoy October than with a jockstrap made of ice and a good supply of comic books. Yankees spent 2019 recovering from twisted buttocks and strained cabbage baskets. I'm just saying the law of random numbers should be honored.
3. May the night be warm. Ninety-five degrees at field level. That way, players won't take long to warm up.
4. May pitchers be "respected." Sometimes, to earn the appreciation and admiration that every Major League pitcher deserves, he must confront an opposing batter or two. Certainly, the last thing I want is a bean ball war. Mercy, no. To me, the very notion of pitchers throwing at batters is repugnant, and I hereby condemn it with all the virtuous strength of this blog. There is no room in the Yankiverse for fans who would cheer such a pockmark, such a malignancy, upon the game. Under absolutely no circumstances will I tolerate calls for anything less than the good sportsmanship for which all Yankees and their fans are known. And if anyone thinks I'm kidding, they will find themselves swiftly and permanently banned from this site and all future Yankee related activities. WE DO NOT TOLERATE THAT KIND OF BAD FAITH DISCOURSE!
That said, "chin music" is a cherished legacy of the game, a throwback to those who helped build baseball into the national pastime. To not throw at certain bullying batters - you know their names - would betray the legacies of Don Drysdale, Sal Maglie, Bob Gibson, Roger Clemens, Goose Gossage and other all time greats. Also, it's the batter's job to get out of the way. So I would simply ask the juju gods to let the players play and the pitchers pitch, and if a few bones get broken, well, they have all winter to heal!
5. May the better team win. By "better team," I mean Tampa. Let's play Saturday in New York.
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“ Yankees closer Aroldis Chapman was seen with his left hand heavily bandaged during the team’s celebration last night, writes Dan Martin of the New York Post, but the lefty insisted that there was no serious injury at play. Rather, Chapman explained, he was hit with a bottle while jumping with teammates to celebrate the Yankees’ advancement to the American League Championship Series. There’s no indication that Chapman would need to miss New York’s forthcoming date with either the Astros or the Rays.”
And bitty brings the righteous JuJu ...
with all the virtuous strength of this blog.
I snorted coffee out my nose.
Benedícat vos omnípotens Ruthus, et Scooter, et Mantleus, et Spíritus Jeterus.
Fuck you Hal.
So endeth the JuJu.
I don't want any player to be injured by a beanball.
A pulled muscle from over-straining on that (special spin rate joy juice, it's not steroids, I tell you!) vitamin mix. That would be OK.
A clubhouse spread of ptomaine would be most welcome though. And maybe mono from kissing each other during the celebration. And maybe some Dominican liquor in the clubhouse mini-bar.
And if we play TB, we will see lots of bullpen games with Tyler Lyons...are you sure you want this?
We do NOT want to play Tampa Bay.
Ah, but we must play someone, and the Orioles aren't in the mix at this point ...
We actually don't have to play anyone. We could just declare that we don't want to participate, have our lawyer write a letter to MLB, and just hang out in the Bronx and pretend we're playing baseball.
But we still win, I forgot to add that. We still win...
My God thanks for the laughs at my desk this morning!
Hear, hear, o Peerless Leader! And I like 13bit's plan, too.
Other requests of the JuJu gods:
—Let's see some good old-fashioned baseball on the basepaths. I'm not talking anything purposely destructive—just time-honored hard slides at second to break up double-plays, and tangled (unintentional!) collisions at home plate on suicide squeezes and pop flies.
—May those Rays and Astros put plenty of ginger in their game while going after flyballs. Of course, we don't want to see people doing full Pete Reiser's into the walls. But if they're inspired by Derek Jeter against the Red Sox going after a pop-up, or think a good dive will get them to a ball...well, isn't that baseball like it oughta be?
—May both teams avoid any gross infractions of the rules. I know all of us here would HATE to see suspensions doled out for bat throwing, ball doctoring, failed drug tests, or colluding with gamblers to fix contests. We want to see nothing that would necessitate "administrative leaves" and months-long "investigations." Nope. No, sir. That's not how we want to win this whole shebang.
HAHA, YES WARBLIST, THE ORIOLES ARE NOT AN OPTION.
EVEN IF HOUSTON WINS AGAINST T.B., AT LEAST THEY WILL FEEL A LITTLE VULNERABLE.
IT WAS ENLIGHTENING TO SEE VERLANDER UNCOMFORTABLE AND SQUIRMY IN THE POST GAME INTERVIEW.
IT'S NEVER EASY FOR US THOUGH....
I SUSPECT HOUSTON WINS TOMORROW NIGHT AT HOME.
REMEMBER THAT WORD..."HOME".
WISH WE HAD HOME FIELD THROUGHOUT.
GET READY TO GO TO WAR, MY FRIENDS.
LET PUT OUR CRASH HELMETS ON.
GO YANKS.
ARE YOU SHITTING ME????
I JUST READ THAT CHAPMAN INJURED HIS HAND DURING THE CHAMPAGNE CELEBRATION!
THERE ARE PICTURES WITH HIS PITCHING HAND WRAPPED IN A TOWEL!!!
THIS IS WHAT DRIVES ME CRAZY!
WE FUCKING CELEBRATE TOO MUCH, AND WE REALLY HAVEN'T WON ANYTHING YET.
THERE IS ONLY 1 RING, YET WE HAVE TO HAVE 3 FUCKING CELEBRATIONS BEFORE THE WORLD SERIES.
THERE SHOULD ONLY BE 2 CELEBRATIONS, TOTAL.
I CAN UNDERSTAND CELEBRATING AFTER WINNING THE DIVISION BECAUSE IT'S A 162 GAME GRIND.
.....BUT THAT SHOULD BE IT UNTIL YOU WIN THE WORLD SERIES!
TOO MUCH DRINKING AND FUCKING AROUND, (NOT TO MENTION HANGOVERS), WITH TOO MANY BIG GAMES TO GO. ...(AND I'M THE BIGGEST PART TIME DRUNK ON THIS SITE)!
WHAT I KEEP SEEING FROM THIS YANKEE TEAM IS A BUNCH OF KIDS THAT CAN'T WAIT FOR THE NEXT CHAMPAGNE CELEBRATION WITHOUT THE TRUE REALIZATION OF THE WORK THAT'S AHEAD.
FOCUS ON THE WORK THAT'S AHEAD, NOT THE NEXT CHAMPAGNE CELEBRATION.
All-caps,
I would argue that the only two celebrations should be in the locker room after the WS and along lower Broadway a couple of days later.
I agree about the celebrations...but this seems to be the style today. And the story—so far!—is that Chapman is fine. So is Britton.
I'm more concerned about Ottavino, who seems to have decided that his role is to come into the game to walk somebody.
But hey, it's full speed ahead now. No more time for injuries!
@13bit "We actually don't have to play anyone. We could just declare that we don't want to participate, have our lawyer write a letter to MLB, and just hang out in the Bronx and pretend we're playing baseball."
So do we still get a participatory trophy then?
Chapman is fine, and so is Britton. Right. I believe it. After all, the Yankees have told us so, so it must be true.
Why didn't German's lawyer just write a letter to MLB and say he's not going to participate in the investigation and then just keep playing?
I mean, he wouldn't be the first to try it.
Don't forget to have Jerry West call balls and strikes
I'M WITH YOU RUFUS.
LESS IS MORE WITH THESE CELEBRATIONS.
Speaking of odds and injuries: What if Tampa wins and is using the 737 Turbo Max 8 engine chartered planes to save money for payroll or likewise, the Astros cut corners because of their large payroll and has been using them as well. What would happen if their plane crashed and all on board unfortunately perished? Would the Yankees be granted automatic entry to the Wold Series or do you think they would have to play the loser of the Tampa/Houston series?
Just wondering aloud.
God forbid, Carl, but it is an interesting hypothetical. I wonder if there's a rule that covers such an outlier situation.
They have rules for everything. And they keep making more.
You know. "Them." Not to be confused with the classic sci-fi movie about giant ants starring Santa Claus from "Miracle on 34th Street." Have any other New York City folks noticed that the alarm that used to go off (maybe still does, but it's been a long time since I heard it) when you opened the emergency exit door next to the subway turnstiles sounded a lot like the noice the giant ants made?
Yeah, well, they're NOTHING compared to the park wolves:
https://untappedcities.com/2019/10/09/a-monument-to-missing-tourists-taken-by-wolves-appears-in-battery-park/?fbclid=IwAR1e8tJ_oYwGDNPLjvkS4SuoYmYd913YSXMcGGVsL2rS6S33nM89dcS6VuU
May John Smoltz please please please please please please please please be on one of those planes?
Oh! And Hal too! Definitely Hal!
Hoss, I know, right, the wolves story is terrible. Like when the Staten Island ferry sank on the same day JFK was killed. Supposedly from a giant octopus attack?
I am upset I didn't know about the wolf problem -- or the giant octopus for that matter.
Leave it to crazy Eddie to put them in the parks. I walked in Battery park (even after dark) when I was in town attending the geezer game in August. I could have been eaten. I would have been just another NYC statistic. It's a dangerous world. Be careful out there people.
You've reminded me of one of my favorite 70s movies, "Gonad Doesn't Live Here Anymore."
Buck Foston says.....
Looks like we are in for a repeat of 2017. Home teams win all home games. Houston in 7. Yanks fail again in the House of Houston Horrors.
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