Saturday, July 3, 2021

HoraceClarke66: DEFUND THE YANKEES

 From the tortured laptop of HoraceClarke66...

Yes, it’s come to this.

Several of us have suggested this already. Others felt it was too extreme, too radical.

“Reform the Yankees,” we suggested instead. “Reinvent the Yankees. Reimagine the Yankees.”

Nope.

Your New York Yankees, into which we fans have poured untold billions of dollars—not to mention countless amounts of time, energy, and caring—have gone rogue, playing something resembling major-league baseball only on those rare occasions when they feel like it.

Our New York Yankees, whom all New Yorkers have been forced to subsidize with billions of dollars in tax breaks, two lousy but expensive new stadiums, the sacrifice of a beloved public park, and the construction of a minor-league park in Staten Island—which the Yankees have now capriciously abandoned—our New York Yankees have become a lawless authority unto themselves, resisting any public pressure to hire competent personnel and arrest their years-long decline.

It is time to DEFUND THE YANKEES.

We must resist the temptation to spend another dollar on Yankees tickets, rat-gnawed Stadium food products, Stadium swill brew, or Yankees memorabilia.  

(Unless, of course, you promised the kids, or somebody’s in from out of town.)

We must resist the temptation to purchase any new Yankees “streaming” services, to be watched on any other devices, including iphones or ipads, or to be conveyed by telegram, carrier pigeon, or smoke signal.

We must resist the temptation to buy or patronize any and all “Official products of the New York Yankees,” including the official cars, mattresses, pool-cleaning, and crime-scene splatter cleaning services so designated. 

We must buy nothing from W.B. Mason (which runs an identical series of ads on Red Sox channels anyway). We must not, under any circumstances, donate any kars to Kars-for-Kids.

I would advocate that we also cancel our YES channels, but we must keep some measure in reserve, in case our first efforts are not successful.  We must resist, in the end, listening to any of the many sources of Yankees propaganda, save for the mellifluous voice of The Master (and Suzy).

Brothers, sisters, and those of assorted, gender-plural pronouns:  I’m not saying this will be easy. But come take my hand, and stand by my side and I guarantee we will see a new, pinstriped day a-dawning by and by!

12 comments:

Leinstery said...

Rooting for the Mets this weekend, something I would never do, crossed my mind the other day. If they get swept and embarrassed by the fucking Mets, then maybe real changes with be made. However Hal came out and pour cold water over that when he lavished praise all over the man that has spent the better part of his life destroying the Yankees. I think I'll just pay more attention to the more exciting and likeable NY teams like the Knicks and Jets (please God kill me) even if they are out of season.

Mike said...

One hundred percent on board, Hoss. Have been since Sir Lonn Trost explained to secondary-market ticket buyers that he wasn't sure they understood the culture expected of those in PREMIUM seats...the seats their taxes were confiscated and directed toward, in the building funded substantially the same way. Never been within 30 miles of the Bronx but shit like that feels very personal.

Totally with you in this, HC66.

Mustang said...

Hear, hear, Hoss. Starve the beast.

HoraceClarke66 said...

Thanks for providing the graphics, guys. They are perfect.

Anonymous said...

Hoss, as I have stated before;

DIVEST, BOYCOTT and DEFUND.
It is the only way us minions can be heard
The Archangel

Anonymous said...

My son and I were in NY last week. Normally that means a trip to the ball park. Ottani! Beat the Mets! Not this year. Not a dime.

Doug K.

Ken of Brooklyn said...

ABSOLUTELY Hoss!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
And I'm with you ALL 1000000000000000%, zero revenue flow > divest, boycott & defund!

Fuck U Hal!

Carl J. Weitz said...

Do any Yankees concessionaires serve ratatouille?

Carl J. Weitz said...

Sorry....but had to borrow that one from Fawlty Tower's "Basil The Rat"

Rufus T. Firefly said...

Carl,

Don't forget to ask for extra feces.

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