No, none of the above. I say it is the new Dynamic Duo - Willie Calhoun and Jake "That's Chinatown" Bauers, the anonymous Killroys of the 2023 Yankiverse.
In this demented plane of consciousness, there is no doubt that 2023 will bring a Yankee team of destiny. The question is whether that destiny will end up with plaques in Monument Park or permanency on the IT IS HIGH all-time shitlist, along with a few other Yankee clubs remembered for their inconsequence and incontinence.
Listen: Nobody comes here to taste the nectar of unbridled Yankee optimism. Around here, if a guy hits .500, his bat is half empty. But, in fact, we are notoriously old fools, always eyeing a path to victory too outlandish for a Frank Capra movie. In the depths of our fantasies - where we run barefoot through fields of blossoming nipples - we believe not in God, or Goliath, not even Aaron Judge - but in some supernatural Yankee being that will lift us into the postseason, even if it's just a wild card, where we then get hot and run the table. It may sound preposterous, but here's the thing:
If it happens, if somehow the '23 Yankees reach a happy destiny, we will look back wistfully on this May 5 series against mighty Tampa, when our team of unlikely heroes were led by Willie Calhoun - our DH, batting fifth - and "That's Chinatown Jake" Bauers, our improbable, stone-gloved RF.
Calhoun & Bauers!
The Tiny Town Towers!
Willie & Jake!
The Titans of Rake!
Jake and Willie!
Hot, never chilly!
Bauers-Calhoun!
The saviors of Boone!
Over the last three years, both have hit 8 HRs, not counting the three they have contributed recently. Willie is a lifetime .240 hitter, Jake a .212. They are passing through on the wind. Can they lift us over the Devil Rays one more time? Can they someday be remembered as the twosome who kept dreams alive in May, when everything else had turned to exhaust fumes from Brian Cashman's hashpipe of hope?
Tuesday, Aaron Judge should return. Will that mean the end of Bauers? (Yank fans are beyond restless over Aaron Hicks, roundly booing him in the Trop.) In June, Giancarlo will come back, likely sending Willie to Scranton.
Today, we should get a glimpse of how they will be remembered.
Bauers and Calhoun!
The stopgaps through June!
Willie and Jake!
The destiny we make!
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54 comments:
So you are saying it's come down to...
Bauers and Calhoun?
We need a saloon.
Bauers and Calhoun?
The new Brigadoons.
Bauers and Calhoun?
Someone wake me up soon.
Lookee here, that ain’t reality
A girl once asked me what "tongue in cheek" means. Duque, your latest piece is the very definition of it! Loved it!
Thank God I was wrong about the Tampons sweeping the season series. So the Yanks won one. How many are they going to win this year against the Tampons? Let's count the beans. One. Maybe two. MMMMaybe three?
I get the queasy feeling that Cole will be lit up like a Christmas tree today. We were wondering how the hell Cole was pitching so great this year and when he'd come back down to earth. Well, this could be it. You know how the Tampons kill Cole. Although they no longer have Cole chkiller Ji Man Choi to work his terror on the Yankee ace. No need to cry for the Tampons. They have at least five or six other guys who terrorize Yankee pitching.
Today's starting lineup for YOUR New York Yankees!
Anthony Volpe (R) SS
Gleyber Torres (R) 2B
Anthony Rizzo (L) DH
DJ LeMahieu (R) 1B
Harrison Bader (R) CF
Isiah Kiner-Falefa (R) RF
Oswaldo Cabrera (S) 3B
Jose Trevino (R) C
Aaron Hicks (S) LF
Hicks should be good for 2 times killing a rally...guess the over/under then is 1.5 rallies...
Hammer o Gosh - As you recall, we’ve been trepidatiously forecasting a Cole’trastophe every start past his first outing.
Based on his increased mental steadiness and focus on the mound, I suggested that he was on new meds.
So today I can go either way - a masterful performance or a historic meltdown.
I enjoy seeing castoffs and career stumblebums carry an otherwise boring team. It's good for the soul.
Not as good as Boone and Cashman getting fired, but I like it.
I can't believe I have to pay attention to what the Orioles are doing.
Maybe The Yankees can defeat the Rays today. It will be grueling and the Yankees won't catch The Rays. They will probably get one of the Wild Card spots, get bounced early and tell us how they made the playoffs again.
IKF starting his first career game RF.
seems like every game Boone does something stupid, something to put the team in a position to lose.
Championship Caliber Manager, dontcha know.
Gleyber the Unconscious with a big infield boot, followed by another routine fly out. But...it doesn't hurt us. A sign?
A Tater! By Bader!
Hoss - Did you see Cole say Oh My G-d! after the booted ball?
M-Bader sure loves being a Yankee doesn’t he!
I’m going to see what I can do about getting him that pinstripe mouth guard.
Bade Ruth!
Doesn’t matter if the Yanks win or lose this game, Yanks are making the Rays look like an ordinary team…
HICKS FINALLY!!!
I didn’t have Hicks with a base hit on my bingo card…
Oh, Christ, that means another three months of Hicks.
Goddamn it. And Flaherty is right there with the "maybe that's what he needed to break out" bullshit.
Still plenty of time to blow it here.
Gotta admit, this speed game is fun to watch
Cole looks like he could blow it, Steve.
Cole blew that lead…
And there it is.
Home Run Cole.
How do you blow a six run lead? Cole knows.
Boone is, Joe. Sadly.
This is more like it
Well this is just swell. Everything is going to be just dandy.
Hicks walks. Cashman is thinking contract extension.
maybe Cashman will uni up and pinch hit next inning
Is Gleyber about to go into some sort of Steve Sax/Chuck Knoblauch meltdown, where he can't make even the simplest throws to first? That ball was barely gloved by Rizzo.
I hope Trevino enjoyed being an All-Star last year. Never happening again.
Here comes the biggest moment of Hick's career
So who gets the hat? Cole right? Even though it is always Boone but it has to be a player.
Une thing is clear - Cole is not an ACE. He's a terrific pitcher, definitely a number-one starter but clearly not dominant. Thinking Seaver, Maddox, Martinez, Guidry...
I know that is a high bar but Cole has left the NYY out to dry once too often in big spots.
Agree, mik.
They gave the explanation for why King isn't the closer, and as usual with the Yankees, it makes no sense. They're being super cautious about his elbow...by pitching him multiple innings with time off in between? What? That's easier on him than having him close two days in a row?
Makes no sense. What management.
I’ve never seen a wheelchair on the field…
Always something fucked up with Hicks. Was he hurt?
One can only hope btr999…
Hicks is okay. Tampa pitcher, not.
And there's strike three on the Riz.
Abreu is in. Here comes the loss…
And there it goes
Once again, ALMOST. We will see this over and over. We will never get off the island.
C'mon Little Tony! We know you did your best! Keep your chin up; you'll get them tomorrow!
I thought they decided to use King for multiple innings to be careful? They can't even do the wrong thing right.
Ouch. Tampa Bay has to be laughing at us. "Don't count us out" Cashman should start jawing about our injured reserved squad having a good day with MRIs and a few laughs at the massage table.
Boone will be working on his stupid bubble gum and making god-awful noises, looking like a hostage during this upcoming post-game press conference.
Kay will be at his insufferable best tomorrow being upset with the Yankees but absolutely not blaming Cashman and Boone because they are such terrific guys!
But don't worry - Star Wars night is coming up in the Bronx so come and give the billionaire Steinbrenner's some more of your hard-earned money.
Making me sick.
Been a while since the last “worst loss of the season.” Like, a whole week.
Glad I missed this monstrosity.
Looks like Dick is getting his wish. Now all we need is that yachting accident to take out HAL>
Ten years in the desert. No way around it with all these oppressive, thirty-something-sunset-years contracts. It's presposterous to whine that the Yankees don't spend enough. They spend wildly and STUPIDLY, in the grand tradition of George M. The Yankees' successes in the George M. years were not due to his profligate check-writing, which was often merely a finishing touch or a destructive folly--the successes were due to solid foundation building by savvy baseball minds: first Gabe Paul and then Showalter/Michael. There is no such mind to be found in the current mass of mediocrity and incompetence anomalously called The New York Yankees.
Well said, EBD. Well said.
Yes, Cole deserves the hat. But also ridiculous of Boone not to pull him there. Why do we have all these relievers, if we don't use them when most needed?
it is so funny how all the comments end at a certain point hehehe - sleep well my little droogies
We also know what will be happening soon.
Bader will keep playing very well, if not great.
The crack GM and the press minions will say that he is an indispensable part of a championship quality team, and he will be signed to a seven year contract at 15M a year which will carry him through his age 36 season cuz, you know, our crack medical staff will assure us that he will age well with his new conditioning program and 36 isn't actually old for a CF.
October ,November and December will be full of articles about the daily update of contract negotiations.[With a dash of what should we do with Torres and Rodon's acupuncture back therapy.]
Cashman will try to slap the franchise tag on him, until he realizes the this is not the NFL.
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