The Death Barge prevailed behind the bottom of its lineup, something we have not said often in 2023. Thanks to the HR duo of Ruth & Gehrig, Mantle & Maris, Jackson & Nettles, Judge & Stanton, Bauers & Calhoun, we won a home series against the disappointing (sub-.500) Guardians of the Galaxy Lake Erie.
Shoulda been a sweep. If Aaron Boone had not ditched Domingo German Tuesday night, we could be riding joyous headwinds on this weekend's trip to Tampa. Last night seemed a replay of the German fiasco, when Boone once again replaced a competent pitcher with the struggling Clay "Shylock" Holmes, leaving fans to ask, Where have you gone Marinaccio, our bullpen turns its lonely eyes to you...?
This time, we won. But if Boone had simply left Marinaccio in...
1. Harrison Bader might be fine today. Last night, in the ninth, he was nearly clotheslined by Isiah Kiner-Falefa. Holmes gave up two bloopers, the second one bringing the near three-way collision in left-center. (Adding to it: Boone's decision to play IKF in LF for the first time in his MLB career, working next to a balls-to-the-wall centerfielder who channels Lawrence Taylor on every fly. Wouldn't it have made sense for IKF to try LF in spring training?)
We don't yet know the extent of Bader's injury. If he must go back on the IL, it will be a virtuoso performance by the Jacoby Ellsburian wing of the juju gods, a meanspirited cult of lowlife immortal deities that exists only to torture the Yankees. I mean, seriously: The guy misses six weeks, returns for two games, and gets hurt? That's lazy script-writing. If you're going to waterboard us, at least create a believable character arc. If Bader misses the rest of May, by the time he returns, he will be a certifiable Yankee punch line, a Kei Pavano.
2. Oswald Peraza might be fine today. Last night, he rolled his ankle by not-sliding into second on a steal. He replaced Rizzo in the ninth, immediately broke for 2B and went as rigid as a Kardashian nipple in a photo op. Down by a run, Boone had no choice but to send Peraza. If he tweaked something, there goes one of the few youngsters on this team - due to another Boone decision that backfired.
Ironically, Cooperstown Cashman last night broke radio silence and said that if anyone should be blamed for the Yankees holding last place in the AL East, it should be... him.
Wow. Such gravitas. Churchill, am I right?
I mean, did Cashman think there are Yank fans out there who aren't blaming him? Is it a stunning assertion to think that a GM should be held accountable for the folly of a $280 million payroll? Shoot me.
We play seven of the next 10 against Tampa, where the Sound Effects Echo Chamber Dome looms like a giant Venus Fly Trap. Donno how Boone decides his bullpen Circle of Trust, but he oughta give Holmes some easy innings, because right now, the guy is cursed and we can't take any more crap from the juju gods. Lose a few more, and they can stuff this whole fucking season onto Amazon Prime. Or - wait - maybe Shudder?
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18 comments:
Boone said not to worry about Severino, Cortes , Bader, Peraza.
To quote, " I think______ is in a good place."
Which I want to put on his managerial tombstone.
The sooner the better.
Boone is merely the visible daily actor in the Yankees theater of incompetence. We'll never see a ring again as long as he is there, or as long as Cashman is there, or as long as Hal is there.
It's gonna be a long rest of my life.
King is our closer. Boone is an idiot.
Go go Little Tony!!!
Fuck fuck Cashman Hal.
When everybody plays everywhere, you gotta think that exponentially increases the chance of injury to everybody. So I'm not surprised.
HAL's minions who toil in Yankee Wonderland will cry: "how could anyone have predicted this?" Yankee Wonderland, where far is near and near is far, and tall is small and small is tall, and the white knight is talking backwards, and the red queen is off with her head. What can you do, except laugh?
The Montefiore Einstein injury report is going to take two innings to read...
Buffoone's tombstone should read: " I'm on my knees again Brian, I'm ready."
“He replaced Rizzo in the ninth, immediately broke for 2B and went as rigid as a Kardashian nipple in a photo op”
“ I mean, seriously: The guy misses six weeks, returns for two games, and gets hurt? That's lazy script-writing. If you're going to waterboard us, at least create a believable character arc”
Wonderful stuff there E.D.
I smiled
The magic of IIHIIFII...caught at the wall. Bringing a smile to a face near you!
Carl - Tombstones can be made in the shape of an ass - so one in that shape would be perfect for your proposal.
very astute El D, except, how do you know the K nipples aren't photoshopped?
Archangel, it matters not. A nipple's a nipple's a nipple.
Fuck fuck Cashman Hal.
Boone Foon follows the analytics, supported by Genius Cashman, as a good puppet and he will continue to do so. You asky why. Because the Yankees know better than us. It will all work out and a World Series is on the way. Cashman must be on pyychedelic mushrooms. He is hallucinating.
What if they had used IKF money to help sign Carpenter, had fired Hicks, and added Bauers from the very beginning? Pretty obvious moves. Yanks have a lot of smart people doing a lot of very dumb things
The next ten days with - dare I say it - the season on the line is going to be epic.
Tampa destroys us. Result: Pitchforks and torches finally, FINALLY takes Boone and Brain out.
We split the games = A plane landing safely despite blowing 3 of 4 engines and having its drunk pilot pass out.
We actually gain ground = A 10 day period worthy of a Jack Curry book.
Epic
Come to think of it- this could be a new branding opportunity for the Kardashians.
Giant, ass-shaped tombstones!
Cha-Ching!
Add another billion to their overblown valuation
The Kardashian nipple line is indeed genius.
Doug K., I saw that movie. Which was bizarre. Pilot makes an epic landing, saving almost everyone on board...and gets sent to jail for being a drunk???
How come all Hollywood movies that are not comic books are about addiction or not spending enough time with your kids? Hmm, could they be the two main concerns of Hollywood?
HoraceC66 - you’ve stumbled upon one of the secret, back door, negotiating pieces of the writer’s strike.
Oh…..and May the Fourth be width youze.
Now there's an idea: an ass-shaped tombstone.
Better get the extra-large tube of KY Jelly.
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