"Mr. Weiss, sir: Tom Greenwade is on line one."
"What? I hope he's not bothering me about wanting to sign some Negro League star again. I keep telling him: integrated baseball is a passing fad!"
"No, sir. It's about this prospect he found in Commerce, Oklahoma—some 17-year-old kid, saw him play with the Baxter Springs Whiz Kids? He says he needs authorization for an $1,100 signing bonus."
"Oh, I bet he does."
"Sir, he says the kid's father is threatening to sign him with the St. Louis Browns if we don't come across."
"Well, then he oughta go sign with the Browns."
"Sir?"
"Like I don't have better things to do than sign some slag-heap kid shortstop with a scattershot arm! On top of that $1,100, we'll have to pay him $400 for what's left of the Class D season. I didn't get where I am, o unnamed nabob, by just throwing away the Yankees' money."
"Sir, Mr. Greenwade seems to think this kid is pretty special. He says we could always move him to the outfield—"
"Mapes, sir?"
"Sure! Guy hit .308 with power in Kansas City last year, before we brought him up. Strong arm, you can put him in right field or center. And you see how he's built? Six-three, 205—now there's a ballplayer who looks like a Yankee!"
"But Mr. Greenwade says—"
"Look, kid, you know what really makes this whiz kid special? He's got a rare bone disease. Osteomyelitis. Don't ask me to spell it, but I checked it out with the team doc. Got it playing high school football—and thanks to God knows what other poisons they got lurking around out there in mining country."
"I had no idea, sir!"
"That's why they pay me the big bucks, son: to know things like that. You get back on the blower and tell Tom Greenwade his Commerce gimp can sign with the St. Louis Browns or the St. Louis Cardinals or the St. Louis Hucklebucks, far as I'm concerned."
"Yes, sir."
"When it comes to some unknown kid with a bone disease or a man like Cliff Mapes, well, make mine Mapes, every time!"
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3 comments:
Yanks have traded Florial to CLE for a bad reliever nobody gas ever heard of.
Good luck to Estevan.
And the shitshow gets rolling!
Cody Morris is 27, and has appeared in 13 major-league games. Last year, his ERA was 6.75, as he allowed 10 hits—including 3 home runs—and 6 walks in 8 inning.
Mmmmm...SUPERCHARGED!
This is not bad judgement. This is enemy action.
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