Wednesday, April 3, 2024

We see you, Mr. Cashman.

 

Among Brian Cashman's many delusions is the idea that he is invisible when he wants to be. 

Hence the hilarious paean to the man that Cashie spoon fed to Bob Klapisch and Paul Solotaroff, in 2019's Inside the Empire: The True Power Behind the New York Yankees.

The last book—incredibly, there is another of these self-generated odes to the Yankees GM out this spring—was centered around Cashman's supposed "whisper-quiet...heist of the century," in stealing Giancarlo Stanton away from that big dummy, Derek Jeter.

"Cashman, like the three or four masters of his craft, is one part diplomat to two parts pickpocket. He can politely boost your watch and wallet and leave you thinking the heist was your idea."

Uh-huh.

Well, Ol' Whisper-Quiet seems to have lost a step over the years. Here was a report yesterday from Randy Miller in NJ.com:

Early industry speculation has Soto being a Yankees one-and-done because of price and management envisioning its best prospects sharing the outfield with Judge in the next year or two, Jasson Dominguez and Spencer Jones.

Oops. 

Seems like the master diplomat-pickpocket needs to broaden his circle of sportswriters to bribe with access and book contracts. 

Mr. Miller has said the quiet part out loud, something that so many of us mere peons who have been forced to follow The Brain's career for so long suspected from the get-go: Soto ain't staying—and the chances are good that he ends up in Flushing. 

Once again: a proven commodity, a superstar just 25 years old, who will be passed up for what could just as likely be fool's gold. 

Sorry, but the New York Yankees don't do "one-and-dones." Not the Yankees I used to know, anyway. 

What we have here is, yet again, Hal Steinbrenner acting as though the Yanks are a small-market franchise for the sake of his own bank account—and Craven Brian giving him the imprimatur of some deep baseball knowledge. No doubt, we'll soon start to hear about how Cashman wants to save the dough that would go to Soto for some looming free agent, or more pitching.

Don't believe the tripe.

Hey, Spencer and The Martian could easily be big stars. I hope they are. But like so many can't-miss prospects—particularly in the Cashman Years Eons—they could just as easily wash out.  Or be washed out, by the platoon of incompetent coaches and trainers Cashie insists on employing despite their endless, manifest destruction of promising young ballplayers. 

And even if they do become what they promise to be, it's most likely that this won't occur before Judge's window closes (if it has not already). The "big plan" for The Heister and his boss is to keep the Yankees percolating along with maybe a single superstar, hoping to stay in wild-card contention, without ever building a championship team.

Your New York Yankees: the ever-tepid coffee of baseball.

Our one hope is that Mr. Soto continues to play such thrilling, awesome baseball—that he so continues to spark his teammates and awe the fans—that not even Hal and The Brain will let him go. 

Hey, it happened with Judge. It could happen again...couldn't it?



 



61 comments:

edb said...

The Genius has lost his way. He is totally full of himself. His tirade against reporters during Spring Training was unprofessional. Verdugo and Soto were good moves. Cashman many times brings in relievers who prove to be assets. HOWEVER, The Yankees starting rotation presntly is nothing special. Even if Cole returns and does well, the Yankess could use a few starters. Holmes is not a closer to count on. The Genius will continue to go dumpster diving and his pickups will play to the back of their Baseball cards.

The Hammer of God said...

Amen, Hoss!

And, you've got to pick a pocket or two!

"What we have here is, yet again, Hal Steinbrenner acting as though the Yanks are a small-market franchise for the sake of his own bank account—and Craven Brian giving him the imprimatur of some deep baseball knowledge."

Absolutely, they now resemble the Kansas City Royals, even more so than ... the Kansas City Royals!

And, one more thing: What we have here ... is ... a failure to com-mu-ni-cate. You see, some men just ... can't be reached .... (Sorry Hoss, just couldn't resist!!!!)

AboveAverage said...

Your New York Yankees: the ever-tepid coffee of baseball.

“This coffee tastes like dirt!”

“What do you expect. It was ground this morning”

(from one of the most underrated movie sequels of all time)

13bit said...

That quote about the heist thing and boosting your watch, it reminded me of the old adage: "An alcoholic will steal your watch, a junkie will steal it and then help you look for it."

Except that the Brain is neither - he's the moron crackhead who tries to steal your grandmother's TV, but takes the broken one from the wrong room and then has to convince the guy at the pawnshop that it works.

He's an idiot AND he has shown credible evidence of his baseball stupidity for at least 20 years now. Evidence backed up by many millions of wasted dollars. He owns this organization - every shlep who works for the team is there at Brian's leave.

AND he is allowed to do this because Hal lets him.

We are doomed.

Publius said...

Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, this man (points at defendant) traded Jordan Montgomery for an injured Harrison Bader.

The Prosecution rests.

HoraceClarke66 said...

Very funny, guys! AA, what's the movie? And Hammer, love Cool-Hand Luke!

And bitty, I love the alcoholic/junkie/crackhead comparison. But I don't know if he's so much any of the above now as, say, the longtime butler in the decrepit mansion of a very wealthy but very old billionaire. Hiring and firing the staff to please the senile old master, skimming money off the food budget, schtupping the young maid in the long unused guest wing.

Some day, it's all going to come crashing down. But by that time our butler will be living in Florida in his own, cheesy mansion, writing a self-justifying, tell-all memoir about his years in service.

The Hammer of God said...

"schtupping the young maid in the long unused guest wing.... Some day, it's all going to come crashing down. But by that time our butler will be living in Florida in his own, cheesy mansion, writing a self-justifying, tell-all memoir about his years in service."

That sounds so good, Hoss. Is there someplace that we could line up for that momentous destiny? I especially like "schtupping the young maid in the long unused guest wing". Some guys have all the luck.... some guys get all the breaks.... woo-ooh-ooh-ooooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh....

AboveAverage said...

Are you sitting down, Hoss?

Men In Black 3

Rufus T. Firefly said...

AA,

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sPqLx2O0_pc

Rufus T. Firefly said...

Hoss,

Once again you are spot on.

Although I much prefer my vision of Ca$hole's retirement being something along the lines of what happened to Ricardo Montalban in the ending to The Naked Gun.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JnI30mIKW2k&t=66s

AboveAverage said...

Thank you, Roofus.


TheWinWarblist said...

Will Austin "Porn 'Stache" Wells ever get a hit?

AboveAverage said...

judge just did

TheWinWarblist said...

All Rise.

AboveAverage said...

It's 2-1 - RELAX everybody . . . . . our pitchers (and their pitches) will surely hold the lead.

13bit said...

That's a dark scenario, Hoss...

AboveAverage said...

Vertigo Novaks a two run shot deep into the seats

Ken of Brooklyn said...

We also got an IIHIIFIIC by The MASTER!!!!! WHOOOHOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ken of Brooklyn said...

If this holds, a perfect night

Hinkey Haines said...

Clay Holmes is a frigging disaster.

Doug K. said...

glad you said if... man they can be really annoying.

TheWinWarblist said...

This Holmes guy is a goat blowing pustule.

Ken of Brooklyn said...

Urrrgggg, I jinxed it,,,, IF indeed

AboveAverage said...

Holmes is just bloody awful

13bit said...

I like goats. Pustules, not so much...

We are dog good.

TEAM OF THE CENTURY!!!

13bit said...

DOG FOOD, DAMN IT....

AboveAverage said...

Maybe Cole will close the game out left handed, dressed as Nestor

BTR999 said...

Fucking Holmes!
We need a closer, he ain’t it

AboveAverage said...

Balking Shame

JM said...

Holmes is not a closer.

JM said...

Should've been over already.

Judge!!!!!!

JM said...

If they're bringing Holmes back in, they better score five or more here.

AboveAverage said...

Let Holmes go back out if it’s a four run lead…..let him tweak something

TheWinWarblist said...

Boone gonna let Holmes throw another frame?

AboveAverage said...

Hah - he hits the batter.

Who’s up in the pen?

JM said...

Holmes implosion number two, in progress.

Doug K. said...

Why is Holmes in there? WTF?

JM said...

Nobody's up, AA, because Boone wants to show his faith in the non-closer.

AboveAverage said...

Listening not watching

TheWinWarblist said...

I WAS FUCKING BEING FUCKING SARCASTIC!!! WHY WOULD YOU SEND HOLMES BACK OUT THERE!!!! WHO IS THE GOAT BLOWING ASSHOLE NOW BOONE??? CAN YOU FIGURE IT OUT BOONE!!?? CAN YOU, YOU PEA-BRAINED TROGLODYTE!!!!

JM said...

Another game given away by Boone because it's a long season. Asshole.

JM said...

And there he goes. I'm surprised.

JM said...

Sure could've used King.

mik said...

Oh boy!

JM said...

I'm remembering when they kept Chapman and let Miller go.

mik said...

Crime Dog McGough is up

JM said...

Ump tired of this, bad call but good.

JM said...

Big Yankees win, such as it was.

Doug K. said...

That pitch was outside but I'll take it.

mik said...

Ump had dinner reservations! Good for us

TheWinWarblist said...

Exhausting, this stupidity. Exhausting.

TheWinWarblist said...

Be that as it may: Thu-uhuhuhuhuh-AAAAAAHH-ahahah-uh UH UH UH YANKEES WIN!!!

Copelius said...

Forced to listen because of the blackout. Sterling going on about the brilliance of the Yankeees strategy. It seems to me that would be a no brainer to IBB a hitter to get to a pitcher, especially with the universal DH now. I was surprised they had a helmet for the pitcher. Not so much brilliance by the mouthpiece as failure to keep at least one viable hitter after giving up the DH by AZ.

BTR999 said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
BTR999 said...

there was such a thing as a lucky win, this was it.
We’ll take it.
But as someone posted yesterday, the storm clouds are there on the horizon for anyone who cares to look. 👀

Rufus T. Firefly said...

Sorry for the late noticing, but isn't the chiron pulled from Hoss's book?

Which reminds me, if you haven't purchased Hoss's book yet, don't wait. Buy two!

TheWinWarblist said...

Rufus T! I have already purchased my first copy - of an expected many - of Hoss's book. My home is littered with copies of El Duque's tomes. I look forward to tripping over Hoss's esteemed work in the dark many times in the future.


Fuck Boone. Seriously. Fuck Boone into a long term care facility.

AboveAverage said...

Winny - Do you mean in a DumbASSisted living facility?

AboveAverage said...

Once again it seems that sleep has gotten in the way of communication

Rufus T. Firefly said...

Travis Bickle: You talkin' to me?!?

Kevin said...

A few more pounds and he will look like Marlon Brando, in "Apocalypse Now".