Nice try! You brought excellent excrement, I mean, a golden, top-shelf Yankee fiasco, and we've seen doozies. That was a YES Anti-Classic, straight from the reverse universe where the Yankees have 27 last place finishes, the worst losing dynasty in U.S. sports, aside from the Washington Generals.
But if you think you just hawked-up the worst Yankee loss of 2024, I'm sorry:
You still can't touch the Baltimore Belly-Flop.
Nope. THAT loss - two weeks ago? - required performance art Hall of Fame fuck-ups from Clay Holmes, from Anthony Volpe, from Alex Verdugo and the entire batting order, which stranded runners on base like cat-ladies at a Hillbilly Elegy book club. Nope. THAT loss remains the gold standard, though it better not get comfortable, because - when it comes to dizzying, soul-crushing defeats, this plucky '24 team is just warming up.
Nope. THAT loss was for the ages. Last night was simply another Christmas Eve visit from Santa Clay... Holmes, that is. I don't mean to harp on him; we got him in a trade, and he's given us more than we expected. But I suspect thousands - maybe millions - of Yank fans snapped off their TVs in that dreadful moment of recognition - when Aaron "Boonie" Boone motioned to the pen, calling upon his long-lost closer to attempt a five-out save. For two months now, Holmes has been a walking cadaver, a turnstile on the bases, so - of course! why not? - a five-out save!
Nope. Sorry, Last Night. But you came up short. As soon as Holmes arrived, everyone knew what would happen. To top Doogie's Belly Flop, you needed a muffed pop fly or three runners winding up on third.
What's amazing today is how voices across the Yankiverse are calling for Cooperstown Cashman to fix things. That's like calling the Boston Strangler for a neck massage. They want Cash to "bolster" our bullpen before the 6 p.m. Tuesday MLB trade deadline. To "bolster" something means that you already need something in place. What the Yankees have is a massive, system-wide pitching drought, which was hastened, if not created, by a series of Cashman deals last winter that sent 11 young pitchers out the door, to be replaced by scrap heap signings and roster clearance trades.
The Yankees believed their own crapola - that they had a secret outpost called "the Gas Station" - where fancy cameras and spin rates could build pitchers out of French fries. Today, they have a bullpen full of castoffs - they spent the recent draft desperately trying to replenish their staff - and they wonder what happened? (And they - gulp - now expect Cashman to save? Yikes.)
Still though, nice try, Last Night. Like the 2024 Yankees, you'll receive a participation trophy in October. You were a truly stunning Yankee defeat, a marvel of incontinence. Keep it up, and someday, maybe there will be a place for you - next to Scott Proctor and Zolio Almonte - in the Anti-Monument Park. Dreams do come true.
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29 comments:
~> That's like calling the Boston Strangler for a neck massage. <~
Very few brains could come up with this.
Get this man an autographed picture of Tony Curtis!
That's All-Star Clay Holmes...let's rearrange that...
Hey Holmes, that All-Star is soft as Clay...
I agree, AA. But was that a metaphor or a simile? I can never remember.
The innings are catching up to Weaver. Too bad. He looked great for a good while, but having no effective starters any more will kill even the best relievers. Which, by the way, we don't have, but Weaver has been a welcome surprise.
We have no closer, Ranger. Just a guy who plays one on TV.
They brought Holmes in for a 5 out save, with the go ahead run on. Just awful.
"a marvel of incontinence"
I bow in your direction, Maestro Duque
I must go ride my bike around the island of Manhattan and meditate.
Perchance I'll make it up to the site of the old Dyckman Oval, pointed out to me by my Washington Heights-raised dad many decades ago. If I do the take eastern side up, I'll also pass by the Polo Grounds. On the way down, I'll pass by the field where the Highlanders used to play.
And I'll meditate on glory, greatness, and the fall from grace.
Cynical, bitter, and on point.
Any Yankee fan with half a brain ( a distinct minority ) knew it was over when Holmes took the mound. It begs the question, if we knew, months ago actually, that Holmes was not a viable closer, how could cashman and his band of idiots not? 🤔
I still believe all we will get at the deadline is this year’s Kenyan Middleton. The front office is as lackadaisical and useless as the manager and product on the field. Is it better that way? Perhaps.
There was a Caleb Durbin sighting! Unfortunately, after missing 2 months from a HBP, he was abruptly demoted to AA. Of course, let’s set him back to wither on the vine like so many others.
If the Sox sweep us, which is very possible, this will have become a full blown collapse and accountability must be demanded. Not requested, DEMANDED!
🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬
Holmes has shot his load, and unlike the OG, he’s not able to come back quickly.
Love the Boston Strangler line, Duque!
Bitty, that sounds like a great ride. Wish I could join you. And maybe, somehow, we would actually move back through time, and into those old parks.
This is most hateful Yankees team I have ever seen, in my 58 years of following them. They have no character—but beyond that, they have no roster. Awful to the last degree.
The Intern could not have picked up Paxton for a bag of peanuts? Instead, he goes up to Beantown?
Are the Yankees so loaded with starters that they couldn't take a flyer on him?
bitty, swing by Grant's Tomb, and reflect on how great achievement can be not undone but disgraced by the next generation's corruption.
The Intern has got some strange ideas about putting together a roster.
Could've had Hader closing but passed.
Could've had the Japanese outfielder who just killed us yesterday but passed.
So Boston brings in a better player and we pick up their dregs and jettison (Vertigo).
Hoss, you're right. These guys make those bad, lousy teams under Stump Merrill seem like world class athletes. Hey, do you remember that game against the Oakland A's where Matt Nokes got a big double and they kicked Dennis Eckersley around? They beat Oakland that night for the first time in eons, killed a big-ass demon. Good times!
This current squad could never do anything like that. Kenley Jansson, freaking Kenley Jansson, puts 'em to sleep. I get down on my knees and thank the Good Lord that the Yankees didn't get to the World Series in 2020. They would've lost to the Artful Dodgers, would've been another awful chapter to the recent Yankee woes.
One of many to choose from. But as the "Bs" Manager has to say "It is all in front of us." The collapse to five hundred or worse, certainly is.
When a team so completely underperforms their own individual historic records, the problem has to be more than just their individual performances. That the only two guys who consistently hit are the guys who have their own hitting coaches who-are-not-on-the-Yankee-payroll makes the problem ever more obvious. That this collapse happens with annual regularity, regardless of who's on the team makes it clear that the players themselves are not the heart of the problem.
This is a failure of leadership and management philosophy: Boone. The coaches. The development staff. The medical staff. The analytical staff. The front office. Cashman. Levine. Trost. And - most of all - Hal, the Nepo-Baby, Steinbrenner.
All of them proving that insular privilege begets stupidity and guarantees failure.
Torres now has a guy who's been helping with hitting who isn't on the payroll, but at a facility he owns with Gio... his best friend, btw. Gleyber is hitting much better since spending time there.
At this point, I’m rooting for the sweep. I want the tear it down, start over, bottom of the barrel kind of second half out of this entire collection of dreck. If I have to watch Trent Grisham take one more at bat, I may burn my John Ryan Murphy jersey.
I'd love to see a teardown, too, but the teardown is only as good as the owner and GM. Because I'm such a fair and reasonable guy, I'd also accept a Dolan-ization of the team, in which Hal signs the checks and keeps out of it otherwise and enlists the help of competent management. Neither scenario is likely.
A ton of chatter online, team is close to getting Cody Bellinger, will move him to 1B
Jeff Pasan claims
The New York Yankees are finalizing a deal to acquire outfielder Jazz Chisholm from the Miami Marlins.
Figures. We're not getting the best out there. Arozarena went to Seattle, and he hasn't had a great year. Baltimore got a very good pitcher, Boston has become stronger, we get second tier or worse.
Jizz Jism
Augustin Ramirez will be the Marlins starting catcher this week and bat .275 and allow no SBs.
3 prospects as yet unnamed going to Miami
acrilly, hoping Gus Ramirez isn’t one…
He gone
Per Kuty & Andy Martino the deal is done.
As Acrilly said it’s Ramirez, and 2=other as yet unnamed prospects to MIA
@BTR999 - “Jizz Jism”.
I laughed so hard at that I squirted Rum Old Fashioned right through my nose.
There goes a future catcher
Don’t waste it, Stratman!
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