Oh, this is rich

I'm pretty sure this news will be worth a giggle for many Yankee fans:

Yes, Señor Cubos de Sudor will be causing heart palpitations aplenty for Red Sox fans next year.

I'm sure most Bostonians are praying that the writer spelled "Soto" wrong and was too low on the salary when he wrote the article.

Buena Suerte, amigos.

It's pitching, pitching, pitching, Brian. And you suck at it.

Dave Salamone on Pinstripe Alley wrote a post about Holmes becoming a starter, which had been floated on The Athletic, I think. I'd like to keep Clay because he's proven to be a solid setup man. But the starter idea makes some sense. Salamone thinks the Yanks need someone good in the bullpen and don't have to worry about the rotation. I think a) we do, and b) we do. 

Our rotation is Cole, Gil, and Schmidt. Rodent is incredibly unreliable. Stroman was and is a waste of time. Cashman was actually right when he said Stroman is not a difference maker. Well, half right. He makes a difference, but it's a bad one.

Beeter, Warren, Poteet? Puh-leeze. Of course, you can't predict baseball. But as AA points out, sometimes you can.

We have a tattered rotation with two hugely overpaid acquisitions. It's so Cashman. 

Maybe we can get King back in '26, but that looks unlikely. The Brain should get both Burnes and Fried, but both will cost at least as much as Snell got: five years for $182 million. Probably more. If Hal looks at Cashman's record with free agent pitchers, he'd be justified in saying no. Which is too bad. Those two actually are difference makers. On the other hand, that's why Cashman won't even try to get them. Maybe a lame bid, but nothing to take seriously by either. 

(Too bad. Can you imagine having a rotation of Cole, Burnes, Fried, Gil and Schmidt? Holy shitballs, Batman. Soto who?)

But, as I said, Cashman won't be going after either. And he won't be going after Soto beyond the inadequate bid already place.

The way I see it, if we do get Soto, we're doomed, plugging holes with old guys and not-talented-enough kids, with the usual shaky pitching. 

If we don't get Soto, Cashman will trade for and/or sign mediocrity to try and bullshit us into thinking it's just as good.

But neither option looks good to me.

An Above Average Haiku Tuesday ~ 28 Days More in 2024 ~ Edition!

 SHINY HAPPY PEOPLE HOLDING HANDS

The more we hear about fallback moves, the more the Yankees must sign Juan Soto

Today's Atlantic Athletic pictures the '25 Yankees if Juan Soto leaves. It's a Dorian Gray portrait, homelier with each glance. Last week, they foresaw Anthony Santander and Willy Adames as possible replacements. Now, it's - gulp - Cody Bellinger - obtained in a trade no less, batting 2nd and, get this, entering his contract year. Yep, another walk-year wobbly. (See it on the right.) 

If Bellinger - son of Clay - somehow returns to glory, we'll spend all of 2025 wondering if he'll head for the exit. He'd be Soto II, if we're lucky. 

Honestly, I dunno know where to start. If we're imagining a lineup with Bellinger hitting second, do we begin by asking what prospects we'll trade for him, from an already depleted farm system? Probably not much, considering that he is...

a) in his walk year
b) way overpriced ($27.5 million per season)
c) coming off meh year (.266, 18 HR)
d) about to turn 30. 

Does that mean we trade a top 20 prospect? Or some 17-year-old lottery tickets? Dunno. But lemme say it, once again, just to hear myself: You can't live forever by trading nobodies without eventually getting Fred McGriffed. The road to insignificance is paved with trades that were immediately hailed by the YES courtiers, hooraying that the Yankees gave up little or nothing. Just sayin... 

But let's get back to Bellinger, a rumored future Yankee now for four winters, ever since his numbers crashed in 2020. Back in 2019, at age 23, Bellinger was - well - Juan fuckin' Soto! - a generational star, a future Hall of Famer and lifetime Dodger. Guy came off a 47 HR, 115 RBI, .305 BA season. He's never since come close. 

But but BUT... he hasn't been shitty, either. In 2023, with the Cubs, he hit .307 with 26 HRs, a comeback. Ever since, Chicago has been dangling him, before the music stops and there are no chairs.

Here's a concern: Last year, Bellinger's On Base Percentage was a paltry .325 - nearly 100 points below Soto's. Would it help him to hit in front of Aaron Judge? Probably. He bats LH and plays a solid CF. But would the Yankees lineup scare anybody with him batting 2nd (and Austin Wells at cleanup? Are we really going there?) And what if Soto is hitting in front of Rafael Devers or behind Francisco Lindor? 

The Athletic notes that the last time the Yankees were too cheap to keep a generational star - Joginson Cano, in 2013 - they responded by signing Jacoby Ellsbury, Brian McCann and Carlos Beltran. They won 84 games that year, finishing second in the AL East. (In shorthand, it was the season of Yangervis Solarte.) 

So here's the nut of it: If Soto walks, expect a rage-filled hissy fit of signings and trades, and a flurry of gushes from the YES cheerleaders. But we won't replace Soto. Nope. We'll simply mask the massive vacancy with smiley-face crapola, which is the organization's greatest talent. 

Frankie "the Yankee, Briefly, Frankly" signs with the Mets; should we retaliate?

Let's not sugarcoat this. The Money Mountain Mets just signed Frankie "the Yankee, briefly, frankly" Montas. Ouch. They'll pay him $34 million over the next two seasons, though if he pitches halfway decently, he can opt-out next winter and hold some other sad, pitching-depleted team for ransom. 

The price of pitching these days, damn... 

But but BUT... Montas the Met is not terrible news. I'm not sure it's even "news," as we know it. Frankly, I believe I speak for the Yankiverse in saying, "Go forth, and prosper. Just don't come back." 

Montas was part of Brian Cashman's epic 2021-22 caravan of horrible deals, one after another - Joey Gallo, Jordan Montgomery, Scott Effross, etc. - that backfired disastrously. Late in 2022, we traded four prospects - including JP Sears and Ken Waldichuk - to Oakland for Montas, who quickly shat the bed and hung around through September like a bad Weekend at Bernie's remake. He soon needed arm surgery. We got nothing. 

And now, he's a Met. So be it. Montas is off the board, though it's likely he was never part of the Yankee plan. 

But here's a thought: If the Mets wanna keep signing ex-Yanks - Bader, Ottavino, Juan Soto? - shouldn't we strike back? 

I never liked Luis Severino as a Met. It just seemed wrong. The Yankees invested 12 years into the guy, counting his time on the farm. He never became the pitcher we wanted. But last year, age 30, he threw 182 innings, went 11-7 with a ERA of 3.91. Best year since 2010, when he looked like The Next Big Thing. 

I say, bring Sevy home. He won't be cheap. And yeah, he might revert back to "Setback Sevy," forever recovering from tweaked twats and twiddles. 

But let's face it: We'll either sign Sevy now, or wait until he's 35, on his last tour. They all return, eventually. Let's bring back Sevy. He needs to come home.

Mercy. The bidding war for Juan Soto must end soon. This week? Please. END THIS THING.

Uncle. I've seen enough. I am officially done in, fed up, washed over, played out, worn out, tuckered out, maxed out, gassed out, hornswaggled, exhaustipated, kippered, dumfungled - whatever - I AM IT.

Since last Dec. 5 - damn, almost an exact year from today, when the Death Barge drained its farm system in The Trade, Yank fans have obsessed over Juan Soto's long term future. Would he stay or would he go? The lady or the tiger? The question loomed over us. It rattled us. It altered us.  

If we behaved nicely, if we always cheered him, if we gave unconditional love, Soto - a generational talent - might stay a Yankee for life - which, by the way, used to be every child's dream. 

And you know what? We held up our end. We never waivered. When Soto had a big game, the Gammonites spent the next day opining over his future. We just cheered. When Soto homered in the playoffs, the Fox Sports flunky bleated, "The price just went up!" We just cheered. And when Soto went 0-for-4, or botched a fly, we said nothing. Not one boo, all season, not one. Never. 

We held up our end.

On that note, please understand: I'm not complaining. God forbid. Nobody wants to be the hell-bound critic whose bile provoked the great man to leave. Nope. Not me. 

But this auction, this bidding war, this grand farce of fake capitalism, it needs to end - like - now. 

One year is long enough.

Rest assured, if Soto stays, we'll love him as a son. He will forever be cheered in Yankee Stadium.

If he goes to a small market, far away, we'll thank him for his service and wish him well. We won't like it, but we'll understand. 

If he signs with the Mets or Redsocks - a sharp poke directly into our eyes - we'll hate him forever with the heat of a billion suns. 

Listen: He's got a decision to make. Since last December 5, or since the day he signed with Scott Boras, Soto made it clear his future would hinge upon the bottom line: Whomever paid the most money, that team would carry his allegiance. 

So be it. I don't blame him. Money is money. He loves only gold. Only gold. 

But Soto has never experienced the anger of a Yankiverse scorned. He seems to be oblivious to the negativity that would come from signing with a rival. Does he believe that a speech thanking Yankee fans will quell the rage? I hope Boras has talked to him about that. 

But, hey, sometimes, there's only one way to learn what cannot be bought with money.  Maybe Soto has to discover this on his own, the hard way. That would be sad - really sad - when he walks to the plate in Yankee Stadium, wearing a Boston jersey.  I wonder if he's ever, in his life, experienced that kind of booing? 

As for me, All I want is for this to end. Color me dumfungled.