Rip Van Cole

There's a lot of consternation about what the Yankees will look like by the time Gerrit Cole returns to the Yankees in Late August of 2026.  El Duque gave some fine examples but the truth is, the way we're going, by the time Rip Van Cole comes back the entire baseball landscape will have changed.  

* Yes Paul Goldschmidt will no longer be a Yankee but he will be the fifth round selection of  MLB's newest expansion team, the Nuuk Green Sox. 

(Expansion became necessary when the players from the Houston Astros and the Texas Rangers died from the measles.)

* The Dodgers will still be the World Series Champions but the unofficial real champions will be a team comprised of the best Latin players, all deported, and playing for Los Gigantes de Guantanamo as the phrase, "After the ballgame he was iced down." takes on a whole new meaning. 

*African American ball players will have to form their own league after being exposed as  DEI hires and summarily released. 

One positive, the nickname, "Whitey" will be back in vogue. 

*As a reward for the Steinbrenner family's extensive contributions to the Republican Party the "BooneCoin" will be added to the Strategic Crypto Currency Reserve instantly crashing what remains of the economy.  

* Because of this, attendance at Yankee games will drop to under five hundred thousand as families are now faced with the difficult decision, "Medicine or a ball park frank and fries?". 

and last...

* Despite all of the above, the Yankees will still have a shot at the Wild Card as the Greater Buffalo Blue Jays will again finish fourth.